December 10th.
Skillet- Open Wounds
In the dark with the music on
Wishing I was somewhere else
Taking all your anger out on me, beyond my help
I would rather rot alone
Then spend a minute with you
I'm gone, I'm gone
Downstairs the enemy sleeps
Leaving the TV on
Watching all the dreams we had turn into static
Doesn't matter what I do
Nothing's gonna change
I'm never good enough
Tell me why- you broke me down, and betrayed my trust in you
I'm not giving up, giving in, when will this war end?
When will it end?
And you can't stop me from falling apart
'Cause my self-destruction is all your fault
How could you, how could you, how could you hate me?
When all I ever wanted to be was you?
How could you, how could you, how could you love me?
When all you ever gave me were open wounds?
In the next month, Severus tried to distance himself from Aly, something she tried to ignore, only to burst into tears the second she got back to her rooms from their after-class lessons in potions and transfiguration.
The day of the dancing lesson, Aly stood in her bathroom, staring at herself in the mirror. What was it about her that made Severus push her away so hurtfully?
She decided to blame her stupid, annoying personality. He had always called her insufferable, after all.
If she changed, would things get better?
They had to.
Aly tried to imagine what he would like. She already dressed exactly like him. But the facial expressions... they had to go. Smiling at herself sadly one last time, Aly tried to form a formidable scowl.
Once she had the scowl down perfectly, she tried the frown. Better already.
Manner of speech... that would take some work.
A loud knock at her door made her jump. Severus. Shit.
She was positive that her heart could be heard as, after taking a deep breath, Aly opened the door and scowled up at him. He was doing the exact same thing. The old Aly would have cracked up and gone on for the better part of an hour about it. The new one just stayed quiet.
"We should get going. Are you ready?" he asked, eyebrow raised.
"Yes."
As they walked down the hall, Aly tried to ignore the urge to talk, talk, talk. Details, facts, news, embellishments and bold statements would not be coming out of her mouth. Not with him there. This was the first time in more than a week that they had been together, without the Porfessor rushing off to attend to some half-made-up business. Aly scowled. The expression felt unfamiliar on her face.
Severus walked briskly, wondering what was wrong with her. They hadn't talked about anything other than lessons since he had decided to stay away from her at that last dance session. Was someone bothering her? His mind flashed back to the sad scene of Draco and his friends torturing her in her own room.
Maybe it was Vlad. His throat clenched in distaste at the thought of the boy. He had seen Vlad and Aly together on numerous occasions, sometimes with other students from all three schools.
Whoever it is, I'll find out. And I'll make sure they never hurt her again.
As crackly music filled the room, Severus took Aly's hand and led her out to the centre of the floor. Aly thought she would cry right then and there- it was the first time they had touched since that last dance, and she hadn't realized how much she missed it. Their bodies instantly got caught up in the waltz and, as the Hogwarts students watched, Severus led her through the familiar steps. Aly clutched his hand with all her strength as a tiny tear squeezed its way out of the corner of one eye.
Severus looked at her, wondering why she seemed determined to break every bone in his hand, and felt his heart skip a beat. She was crying.
His Aly. He wasn't sure when he had come to think of her as his, but at some point it had happened. As another tear traced a track down her cheek, he pulled her closer, so that only an inch or two was between them.
The music was loud enough to hide his voice from the students. "Aly?"
For a second, black eyes met brown, but then Aly looked away.
The song ended. They reluctantly pulled apart, although he refused to let go of her hand.
"Thank you, Professor Snape, Miss Parton. See, students? That is how you will have to dance..." Minerva continued to talk as Severus gently pulled Aly out of the room. Ducking into an alcove, he looked down at her, concerned.
"Aly. Aly, what's wrong?"
She just shook her head, pressing back against the wall, as if to get away from him.
He moved closer, just a few inches. "Tell me. Who is the cause of this?"
Aly looked like she might not answer, but then looked him in the eye and said the two words he was not, by any means, expecting to hear.
"You are."
Severus stared at her, dumbfounded. Him?
"Yes, you. Do you know what I did every night these last few days? I cried. For hours. Why? Because you, the one person that I think of as mine, ignored me completely. Remember that time I spilled boiling water all over myself and had to spend the night in the infirmary? You didn't even blink. Just told me to go take care of it and went back to grading your stupid papers. That hurt."
He wanted to tell her to stop. That it had hurt him, too. More than he would have thought reasonable.
"Or that time Draco tripped me three times in class. You pretended not to notice. That hurt too. It was embarrassing."
Stop.
"Or that time I slipped on the stairs. You just stepped out of the way as I fell. I trusted you. I expected you to catch me." Aly stared him right in the eyes, tears now flowing freely down her face. Her beautiful face. "You didn't catch me, Severus."
There. She had finally come clean to him. Now, a new fear made itself apparent as he just looked down his nose at her, face blank. If he ignored her now, she was sure that her heart would shatter.
She didn't know what he was to her- a father? No, never. Friend? Not quite. The way that he stood now, almost touching her, was much too personal.
"Aly." his voice sounded rough, unlike his usual velvety, slightly nasal tone. He lifted a hand, hesitant, and wiped away any traces of tears that still remained.
She just looked at him as he cupped her face, lips parted slightly. A hand made it's way slowly around her waist, pulling her away from the wall and closer to him. "I'm so sorry." he whispered as he leaned down and brushed his lips gently against hers.
-Val
P.S. STILL waiting for reviews!
