I do not own Supernatural.


Forgive Me

I fall so terribly, deeply in love with Dean that is scares me. The next few months are pure bliss.

Dean and I are very creative in ways to meet each other in secret. I spend the night at the apartment and when Sam falls asleep I go into Dean's room and let him have me.

Dean picks me up from school when Sam gets a ride to Kevin's house.

We meet in the college between classes, sneaking into empty class rooms and letting Dean lay me down over a desk.

I should be happy, because Dean cares for me. Not as much as my sister, surely. But in his own way he does.

But the guilt. It's a little poisonous blister beneath our relationship. The jealousy burns away at me until I feel like a scorched vessel of a man.

I walk out of my latin class and see Dean waiting at the end of the hall. His green eyes filled with expectation. Any self consciousness Dean may have had in the beginning of our relationship has vanished. He expects me to follow him, he expects me to love him without him returning my feelings. It makes my chest hurt, but it is the truth.

I love Dean completely, and he lusts for me.

It's a sad truth, I try not to dwell on it too much. Even the slightest form of connection between me and Dean is enough ... For now.

Dean gives a quick jerk of his head and starts down the hall. I step forward to follow him.

"Hey, Castiel." A crisp British voice addresses me. I look up and nod the the man.

Crowley is only two years older than me. He is handsome in a sort of roguish way. He has a sort of self confidence that I admire, and he is incredibly intelligent if not a bit cocky.

"Where're you running off too, so quickly?" He asks, standing close to me. I meet his eyes levelly.

"I'm tutoring a friend." I lie, if anything it's Dean teaching me aspects of my sexuality I've never even thought to explore. Dean was very thoroughly, and I felt my cheeks flushing at the thought.

"Yeah? Think you could schedule me in for a date?" Crowley asks, we're nearly the same height. But Crowley has a sturdier build. He dresses in nice, expensive clothes. He is incredibly wealthy, inheriting his fathers business and building it up rapidly.

"I'm afraid I'm booked." I swallow thickly. I can feel Dean watching us, can feel the eyes burning into my back. I chew nervously on my lip. Crowley's eyes slide knowingly to Dean, a small frown on his features.

"Well ... Let me know when you're free." He says, bending down to whisper lowly in my ear. I blink at him confusion, but nod all the same. I had heard him fine when he had been standing in front of me, I don't see why he had to get so close to my ear.

I turn and follow Dean down the hall, he walks briskly ahead staying a few steps ahead of me.

We find and empty classroom and Dean locks the door.

"Who was that?" He asks, voice tight. I look up at him, he's looming over me, green eyes dark with jealousy.

"Crowley, he's a friend." I clarify.

"You got a lot of friends getting up in your face like that?" Dean demands, eyes narrowing as he inspects me. Like he can find signs of infidelity on my skin.

Red hot anger washes through me.

"Drop it, Dean." I scowl, gripping the front of his shirt and pulling him down into an brutal kiss. Our tongues and teeth clash together, hot breaths sliding over each others cheeks. Dean lifts me up and sets me on the desk.

We don't make love, we fuck.


'come over' Dean's text comes at midnight on a tuesday. I stumble out of bed and put on a pair of soft worn jeans. I struggle putting a sweater over my head before heading out the door.

I'm met on the stairs by my brother.

"Where the fuck are you going?" Gabriel slurs, drunk from one of his late night parties.

"Sam's house, he's not feeling well." I lie, again. It's another layer of guilt to add to the pile wading me down.

"Help me." Gabriel stumbles. I grip his shoulder and we ascend the stairs. I help him out of his clothes and shoes, leaving a bucket by the bed as well as some water and pills for when he wakes up.

"Love you, Cassie." Gabriel grins in the darkness of our shared room.

"I love you too, brother." I say, sliding a palm against his tequila hot forehead.

"Be safe, okay?" He says. Me and my brothers aren't as close as Sam and Dean, but there is an unspoken love we hold for each other.

I stare at him for a long time, until he falls asleep.

The drive across town is less then seven minutes, but it feels like hours in the silence of night.

I try and make a list of all the people I've lied to over the past few months. All of my brothers at least once. Anna, Kevin, Sam ... Even Dean.

Dean thought I was fine with being his mistress.

I knew Dean was still sleeping with Anna, and it made me want to claw my eyes out. But I had yet to say anything to Dean, and he hadn't brought it up either.

We were dancing around the truth.

I didn't have Dean completely, and in return Dean felt like he didn't have me completely which made him jealous beyond belief.

Everything was so messed up.

I unlocked the apartment with my spare key. Sam's room was empty and I let out a breath of relief.

Dean sometimes dragged me into the room once Sam had fallen asleep, and we'd have sex all while I tried staying quiet. I liked when Dean had his hand covering my mouth, when he told me to keep quiet so his little brother didn't hear.

His little brother and my best friend. I clenched my fist around the keys and went into Dean's room.

"Took you long enough." Dean grumbled, half asleep. He rolled onto his back, wearing nothing but black boxerbriefs. I locked the door and shrugged off my clothes, climbing on the bed.

"Gabriel came home inebriated." I informed, and Dean snorted a laugh. He rolled on top of me, pressing a warm chaste kiss to my mouth.

"You help him?" Dean asks, voice low.

"Of course." I blinked up at him in confusion and he chuckled, laying his face into my neck. We were laying flush together, Dean's warm body felt heavy and comfortable on top of me.

"You're so good, Cas." He sighed into my ear, broad hands spanning my hips. But Dean didn't ask me over to talk. He pulls down my pants and I lay willing under him.


Sam arrives late to class. His face haggard, with dark circles under his eyes and his hair messy.

"What's wrong?" I demand, thoughts of Dean injured or ill already filling my mind with anxiety.

"Kevin got into a college in California." Sam's throat sounds raw, and his eyes are rimmed red. He's obviously been crying.

"He's sixteen." I say, brow furrowed.

"He's a genius." Sam snaps, almost bitterly. Sam had always boasted proudly about Kevin's intellect, but now it was the cause of their separation.

"When is he going?" I ask, throat tight. I don't want Kevin to move. I wasn't as close to him as I was to Sam, but he was still a dear friend. I clenched my hands into my jeans.

"A few months." Sam's voice cracks. I reach around the desk and pull him into a hug. He let's out a broken sob into my shoulder, and I have to ask the teacher to excuse us for a moment.


Dean snickered as I approached him in the library.

"What're you wearing?" He laughed, tugging at the hem of my sweater vest.

"Clothes." I scowl sarcastically, pushing his hand away. My cheeks color with embarrassment and he grins as he continues pawing at me. Dean and Sam both have that in common, being overly touchy.

"Looks good." He grins, green eyes half lidded. We're in a little cove of the library that's mostly secluded, but I can hear people whispering not to far away.

"Then why are you laughing at me." I frown, knocking his wandering hands away as he reaches to hold my hips, calloused fingers digging into the soft fabric.

"Cause' your so fucking cute." Dean's smile is lazy and content. He leans forward and his kiss is warm and familiar. I stand on my tip toes to shove closer to him, curling my hand around the back of his neck. My face burns with embarrassment, but I try and ignore it because Dean's here and that's all that matters.

"You wanna' get out of here?" Dean asks, voice gone breathless. We were supposed to study, but I suppose it can wait. I hesitantly lick my lips, tasting Dean there. It makes me shutter, and Dean's eyes darken.

"Sam's at the apartment." I remind, he had texted me earlier to come and join him and Kevin for a movie. I had declined in favor of spending my free time with Dean.

"The impala." He shrugs, already tugging me out of the library. When other people come into view, he drops my hand. It makes my chest sting.

"Dean, not in daylight." I flush at the idea. I wouldn't mind if it was later but it's only noon and the chances of getting caught rutting in the backseat of his car are very likely.

Dean throws up his hands, reaching for me before remembering himself. His hands fall uselessly to his sides.

"You want me to rent a motel room?" He asks, eyebrow raised. I wince at the idea. Even though we're having an affair, resorting to using a motel would just be such a cliche. Besides they were filthy.

"I think no ones at my house." Lucifer was visiting Micheal in New York. Gabriel had school until three, and Anna was working, and Samandriel was at a school event. The house should be empty for a few hours. The thought of Dean having me in the same spot where we started this entire messed up relationship makes my stomach clench.

"Let me text Anna, just to make sure." Dean says, and he jots out a quick text asking my sister of her location before we get into the car. The ride across town is electric. I'm pressed close to Dean, hand rubbing over his thin tee shirt. His fingers curl possessively around my hip.

Dean's phone bings. Dean reaches down and reads it quickly before looking back at the road.

"She's working late tonight." Dean murmurs, his fingers dip under my shirt and the feel of him touching my skin makes me shiver all over. I nod and move closer.

Dean parks his car around the block, just in case.

As soon as we get inside we stumble up the stairs, unable to keep our hands to ourselves. I dig the heels of my feet into Dean's lower back as he grinds down against me on the bed.

"Dean-" I moan, shuttering as his rough jeans slide over my trousers.

"Gonna cum in your pants again? Such a good boy, Cas." Dean grins, cupping my face and tilting my head back so he can leave hickies all over my chest. Both Anna and Gabriel had inquired about them. I had lied and said I was taking Judo lessons with Kevin.

"Dean, please. We have to hurry." I whisper, even though the house is empty. A sick thrill runs up my spine at the thought of one of my siblings catching us. Something mean and ugly loves the idea of Anna walking in and seeing Dean wrapped around me. I shake the thoughts away guiltily. Dean doesn't belong to me, no matter how much I wish he did.

"Gonna take my time, go nice and slow." Dean drawls, unbuttoning my pants and rolling me onto my stomach. My breath goes rapid as the memory of Dean's heavy body pushing into me the first time rises. I groan, pushing my ass back to meet the thick swell of his erection, hidden by his jeans.

"Dean, fuck me." I press, twitching and squirming under him. Dean seats himself on my bottom, bowed legs curving around my hips. He pins me down by the wrists and I can feel him smirk as he starts to grind roughly against my ass. His thick cock settling into the grove between my cheeks, and rubbing at my hole steadily.

"Dean, Dean!" I snap bucking back. Dean uses his weight to hold me firmly on the mattress. He releases me for a moment and suddenly my pants are ripped off my body. I try sitting up, but Dean tosses me back onto the bed. I feel over sensitized and exposed, Dean parts my cheeks and I can hear the smile in his voice as he talks behind me.

"Look at that pretty little hole. Really want it, Cas? Want me to fuck your little boy hole." I gag on his filthy words, nodding shamefully into my pillow. The memory of Dean's thick dry cock, forcing it's way into me. His liquor smelling breath against the shell of my ear as he wetly mouthed at the bolt of my jaw makes every thing go hazy with lust.

Dean's cock is wet and warm when it slides against my hole, his precum and lube make me twitch needily.

"I need you." I croak, blindly groping behind me for his hand. Our fingers lace as he pins my hand behind my back, in some mock romantic gesture. I whimper, and he grunts.

"Really riled up today, huh?" He sounds too breathless to be as mocking as he intends. We've been doing this for months now, and the 'honeymoon phase' should have long ended. But every time we meet it's just as all consuming as the first time. Every time Dean takes me, I fall even deeper in love.

"Please." Is my only answer. Dean's stubborn though. Instead of filling me up with his girth, his cock settles between my thighs, bumping the tip of his erection into the back of my small scarcely haired balls. I whine low in my throat, canting my hips as he pushes between my balls and settles his cock right up along mine.

I cry out as he starts a heady, slow rhythm with his hips. Short, strong thrusts that force me to rock forward. The bed scratching at the wood flooring. My chin rubs against the sheets, making it burn.

Dean's longer and thicker than me, his cock juts out from his hips in a hard thick spear. Mine is small and pink, and curls up slightly. Dean calls it 'cute', which shouldn't set me on edge and make me even hornier, but it does.

Dean fucks against me, forcing my thighs together as he grunts into my shoulder. Our cocks slide together wetly, my precum leaking in a puddle under us that makes my thighs and belly wet.

With ever rough snap of his hips, I can feel the base of his cock slide over my hole teasingly. I whine, clutching at the comforter.

"In me-put it in." I pant into the mattress, feeling sweat starting to gather on my brow. Dean makes a animalistic noise, and hikes up my leg on the bed, spreading me wide. I hump slutty against my bed, I can feel my hole stretch with how wide Dean has my legs.

Dean's breath ghosts over my lower back and I gasp, eyes going wide as his stubble brushes briefly over the top of my ass. He bypasses my hole, and I let out a soft groan of neglect. Dean bites into the tender meat of my thigh and I buck forward, on the brink of orgasm.

"Dean, Dean!" I cry out needily. This is it, Dean's always been a tease but this time I'm going to die. My chest feels too tight, and my leg burns from the bite he left on my pale thigh that will surely leave a large ugly bruise. My hole clenches greedily at air, because Dean doesn't even have the courtesy to put his fingers in me.

"Alright baby, okay. I got you, sweetheart." Dean croons, finally he's up against my hole. I don't give him the few minutes he likes to take circling my hole and dipping in until I've lost my mind. I jerk my hips back and he splits me open, cock sitting thick and hot in my ass.

We groan simultaneously.

Dean fucks me hard, grinding down until I'm a puddle of lust lying pliantly under him. Moaning sluttily with every motion of his hips. Dean loves it, his fingers biting into my hips, digging into the flesh. He sucks at my neck, turning my head so he can lick messily into my mouth and suck on my thick bottom lip.

Dean's close when he reaches between my thighs and tugs at my cock. I rear up, and moan, I'm so close. But I try and hold out longer, not wanting it to end. I bite my lip until it bleeds. Dean's having none of my resistance, he pushes under my shirt and twists one of my nipples between his thumb and forefinger. I scream into the mattress, bucking back like a animal.

He follows a second after, cock swelling a bit before a rush of heat fills me up. I feel hot cum drip out of my ass when he pulls out, laying on top of me. He kisses apologetically at the bite mark he left on my shoulder. It stings, but I like it.

"Shit, Cas." Dean pants, nuzzling into my neck. My sweater vest had gotten ripped sometime during out passionate encounter. It falls down my shoulder, revealing all the dark marks Dean has left on my skin. My nipples where swollen, and my thighs ached.

I sighed happily. Everything was perfect.

"Dean, I-" Before I can say whatever it was that felt right for the moment the door down stairs slams open.

"Anyone home?!" Anna cries out. Me and Dean look at each other in horror.