~Deacon~

Deacon stood at the dresser in his room and opened the top drawer. He fished under the shirts until his fingers touched the small box. He pulled it out. He looked over at the door and listened. It was quiet in the house, which meant he had some time before things could go crazy. He sighed. He felt so conflicted. He'd wanted out of Natchez for as long as he could remember. He'd been counting down the days until he graduated. But Jed's drinking – and his temper – seemed to have ratcheted up in the past few months. Beverly was frantic to leave, worried that he could explode, and their chance would be lost.

But there was Rayna now. And that had changed everything. It had made him hesitate, wonder if there was another way. It was why he had bought the ring that was in the box he held in his hand. It wasn't an engagement ring – he and Rayna were both too young for that – but it was a promise. That he'd come back for her, if she waited. They had avoided talking about what was next, but he wanted her to know he meant to be with her.

Christmas was just a few weeks away and he was going to give it to her as a gift. They'd talked about whether to give each other something and decided, as long as it was small, they would. He looked back down at the box and wrapped his fingers around it. It wasn't fancy. Girls like her deserved more, but it was the best he could do, so he hoped she didn't mind.

He slid the box back under his shirts and closed the drawer. He stood with his hands flat on top of the dresser. I'm damn lucky. Damn lucky to have her. She was so different from anyone he'd ever been with. She was sweet, but she could also be feisty when someone crossed her. He was still amazed that she snuck out of her house to meet him. He hated that it was like that, but she seemed to enjoy the danger. Even though her father knew they were still seeing each other, they'd never tested his willingness to turn a blind eye. He smiled. It just made him love her more.

~Rayna~

Rayna went into her closet and knelt down on the floor in front of her shoe racks. She reached over them for the box that was hidden behind them. She pulled it out and put it on the floor next to her, moving to sit cross-legged in front of it. Tandy had taken her to the mall in Jackson before she returned to Rice after Thanksgiving. She had wanted to get Deacon something nice for Christmas. She had been scratching her head trying to think of just the right thing. He didn't have many interests beyond music – and her – and she couldn't decide what the appropriate gift might be.

One day at school, though, he'd dropped his writing notebook and had cursed when some of the single pages spread all over the hallway floor. She had wondered then if there weren't something she could find that would keep all of his music in one place. Luckily she had found it at the mall – a messenger bag. It looked masculine enough and it was just the right size for him to carry notebooks and pencils and anything else he might want to carry. She smiled to herself. She was looking forward to giving it to him.

She took the top off the box and then ran her hands over the bag. She breathed in. She thought about the fact that she might only have six more months with him. She knew Beverly was really set on them leaving Natchez. She was still pressuring Deacon to leave earlier and he mostly avoided any conversation about it. But Rayna could feel it getting ever closer. Sometimes she felt an overwhelming urge to cry when she thought about him leaving. Even in the short amount of time she'd known him, she had felt their souls connecting more and more, like tiny threads winding around each other, forming stronger and stronger bonds. She knew her heart would be broken when he did leave and she was already wondering how she would ever get over it.

She also thought a lot about what he'd told her about his family. They hadn't talked about it since the night he'd opened up to her and she hadn't pressed. Even though her own situation had not been traditional, she couldn't imagine what it would be like to live in fear. As much as she didn't want him to leave, she didn't want him feeling compelled to live in a dangerous situation. She sighed as she considered that it might be something that happened with his father that would be the catalyst for him leaving Natchez.

She reached for the top of the box and slid it back over the messenger bag. Deacon was a complicated soul, that was for sure. There was a darkness inside him, made up of hurt and pain and fear, that kept him on edge. She often felt afraid – not of him, but for him – and wished there was more she could do.

~Deacon~

He felt nervous as he drove down the main road. Since Lamar was out of town, he was picking Rayna up. He wasn't nervous about seeing her, of course. He found himself wanting to be with her every minute of every day. He loved feeling the softness of her skin, smelling the light floral scent of her, hearing her laugh, seeing her eyes twinkle merrily at him, listening to her silken voice. His eyes flicked over to the box sitting on the dashboard. The box with the promise ring.

They didn't talk much about his plans to leave Natchez. Every time she went with him to one of his and Beverly's performances, the weight of that knowledge hung over them. Rayna always seemed a little more pensive those nights, held his hand a little tighter, watched him carefully with her eyes as he talked to her. He'd told her he'd come back for her, but this ring would be a tangible reminder of his promise.

Every time he thought about leaving, his heart felt like it was being torn in two. When he wasn't with her, he felt as though he wasn't good enough for her, that she'd be better off without him. But when they were together, he knew she was where he was meant to be. The feelings he had for her were unlike any he'd ever had and, in many ways, felt overwhelming. When he was with her, he often had the sensation that nothing else existed. It was as though the world around them faded to black.

As he pulled up to the entrance to the driveway, he noted that the gates were decorated with large wreaths and twinkling lights. If it weren't for Rayna, he probably wouldn't have even thought about it being Christmas. Certainly there were no decorations or Christmas trees at the Claybourne house. He drove slowly up the drive. The outdoor lights were on, illuminating the wreaths on every window and the tall lit tree in the large window on the right of the front door. He got out of his truck and had just gotten to the top of the steps when Rayna opened the front door.

"Hey," she said, with a smile. She had a festively wrapped box under one arm and she danced across the porch and put her other hand on his arm, tipping her head back for him to kiss her. He touched his lips to hers and then sucked a little on her lower lip, his arm around her. "Merry Christmas," she said, when he let her go.

"Merry Christmas, Ray," he said. He kissed her again. She looked so cute in her jeans and boots, along with the suede jacket and checked blouse she wore. Her hair lay in soft waves on her shoulders, just the way he liked it. "You hungry?" he asked.

She nodded. "Yes!" she cried. He was taking her to the cheap little Italian place they liked, right on the edge of town. He would have a plate of spaghetti and she would have ravioli, most of which she'd leave on the plate for him to eat. Then they would go to their favorite parking spot along the river.

He took her hand and started towards the steps. "Let's go, then," he said.

~Rayna~

Her father was traveling more these days and this was yet another weekend when he was out of town. Rayna never thought much about what her father did or why he traveled. All she knew was that it meant she and Deacon didn't have to sneak around to see each other, something she was grateful for. Not that Deacon wasn't worth it, because he was, but it was so much easier for him to just pick her up and bring her home.

Her gift for him was sitting on her bed as she got dressed. She smiled as she glanced over at the box wrapped in shiny red paper with a candy cane patterned ribbon and bow. She had spent a lot of time picking out the paper and ribbon and then wrapping it and it made her happy to look at it. As she sat on her bed to put on her boots, she thought about her conversation with Tandy after she'd bought the bag.

Tandy had linked her arm through her sister's as they walked to the mall exit. "So tell me again about this guy," she said. "How did you meet him?"

Rayna smiled. "At school. I saw him in the cafeteria the first day and then he was in my math class."

"What do you know about him? And his family?"

Rayna frowned then. "You sound like Daddy," she said. "Have you been talking to him?"

"Rayna, he cares about you," Tandy said soothingly. "He knows it's hard to start all over in a new place."

Rayna rolled her eyes. "He doesn't know anything about that. He doesn't even know Deacon. If he wasn't so snobby and took the chance to get to know him, he wouldn't be so mean."

"It's just that you're only sixteen, Rayna. That's pretty young to get so serious with a boy."

Rayna pulled her arm away and stopped walking, pulling Tandy up short. She glared at her sister. "Stop it!" she cried. "You don't know him either and you're taking Daddy's side. Why don't you think I know what I'm doing?"

Tandy took a deep breath and then breathed out. "I'm sorry, sweetie," she said then, looking contrite. "I guess I worry about you too and Daddy seemed worried." She tried a smile. "Why don't you tell me about him? I'm sorry I didn't let you do that."

Rayna looked away, still feeling hurt. But she really did want to tell her sister about Deacon. She really had no one else. And so she finally looked back at Tandy. "He's really very sweet to me, Tandy," she said finally. "He opens doors for me and helps me out of his truck. He makes sure that I'm comfortable." She smiled a little. "He's very talented. He and his sister perform together and he's a fantastic guitar player and, even though he does mostly background singing, he's very good. He also is writing songs, so that they can do original stuff." She sighed. "I know his family life is tough, but really, Tandy, it's not so different from what we had, in some ways. And he doesn't let it get him down." She tucked her arm back in her sister's. "I think you'd like him. He loves me. That should count for something." She looked hopefully at Tandy.

Tandy looked at Rayna a moment and then finally smiled. "It does. If he loves you, that does count for something."

Rayna sighed. It disappointed her how people were so quick to judge Deacon by superficial things. She knew her own life didn't have the anxiety and fear his did, but they both had suffered from having parents who abandoned them in one form or another. And although she could see the pain and sadness in his eyes, she also saw something else. The desire to do better, to be better, to be a good man. He was determined to overcome his circumstances and she believed he would succeed.

What she knew more than anything was that there had been something powerful at work that had brought the two of them to this place at the same time. She knew that, in all likelihood, he would leave her, not because he'd want to, but to find that better life. But she also believed that whatever it was between them, it wouldn't die. It would always be there and that it was their destiny to be together, that eventually he would come back for her. She couldn't have explained why she felt that way or how she was so certain, but she knew it to her core.

She hoped someday that her sister would get to meet Deacon and understand how much she loved him. And why. She stood up then, breathing out the melancholy she felt, and checked herself in the mirror. She smiled at her reflection. Even though it was December, it was still warm out, but she picked up a sweater and wrapped it around her shoulders, just in case. Then she picked up the gift and headed out of her room and down the hall to wait for Deacon.

~Deacon~

They decided to go to their regular parking place, but he had brought his guitar so he could play the song he'd written for her. It was the same song Beverly had rejected, but he'd actually been okay with that. It was for Rayna and he felt protective of it in that way. They sat on the edge of the tailgate as he ran his fingers over the strings of his guitar. He was suddenly a little nervous about singing it for her, worried she might not like it or think it was silly.

"Um, this song is for you, Ray," he said and she smiled. "I mean, I actually wrote it for you. About you."

Her eyes widened. "Really?" He nodded and she hugged her arms around herself. "I can't wait to hear it," she said. He kept running his fingers over the strings, not starting the song, not looking at her. "Deacon?" He stopped the strumming and looked up at her. "I'm sure it's beautiful," she said softly.

He bit his lip. "Maybe it's too, I don't know, silly," he said, a little sadness tinging his eyes.

She reached out and put her hand on his arm. "Sing it," she said.

He took a deep breath and finally started into the song. As he sang, he'd periodically look at her and then look away. As she listened, she felt her heart melt and it felt like she couldn't breathe. She was so touched by what he'd written. As he finished, she could feel the tears in her eyes and she thought there was no way she could love him more.

Two arms around me, heaven to ground me / And a family that always calls me home / Four wheels to get there, enough love to share / And a sweet, sweet, sweet song

At the end of the day, Lord I pray / I have a life that's good

He laid his hand over the strings and looked at her, his heart in his eyes. Her hand flew to her mouth and she caught her breath. "Oh," was all she could say at first. She saw an expression cross his face, as though he thought he'd disappointed her. "Deacon, that was beautiful," she whispered. And it was. His whole face changed then and he broke into a smile.

"You really liked it?"

She nodded. "Oh, yes!" she cried. "That was so amazing. When did you write it?"

He looked a little sheepish then. "I started it that first day I met you."

She crossed her hands above her heart and breathed in. "Really?"

He shrugged and smiled. "I was inspired just by looking at you," he said.

She couldn't stop the tears and she couldn't stop smiling either. "That's the best thing anyone's ever done for me," she said. She leaned forward and kissed him. "I can't wait to hear you up on stage, singing that song. To me."

He put aside his guitar and pulled her into his arms. "I love you, baby," he said.

She laid her head on his chest. "I love you too. And I'll remember this night for the rest of my life."


It was a warm night, with just a hint of chill in the air. Under the blanket, in the bed of the truck, Deacon unbuttoned Rayna's blouse and she shrugged out of it. He reached behind her and unfastened her bra. As he pulled it off, she shivered just a bit. He looked at her and frowned slightly. "You cold, baby?" he asked.

She shook her head and smiled. "No," she said, a playful look on her face. He smiled back and then moved his hand over her skin. She felt the jolt of electricity she always did when he touched her bare skin. He leaned over and kissed her, gently at first, then more insistently. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed against his bare chest. After a bit, she felt him slide his hand down over her hip. She felt herself relax and she rolled onto her back.

His hand was flat on her upper thigh, but his lips hadn't moved from hers. She made a little noise as if to let him know she was fine. He pulled his lips from hers and looked down at her. The moon was almost full that night and was shining brightly. She looked into his eyes, dark and heavy-lidded. She breathed out and moved her leg just slightly. He moved his hand over her abdomen and then down between her legs. Even though she had jeans on, she felt a powerful surge of something she couldn't describe. All the tingly feelings she had with him seemed to zero in on that place and she felt an incredible heady warmth focused there.

"Oh," she whispered and bit her lip.

"Is that okay?" he asked, his voice quiet. She nodded and he bent down again to kiss her, lightly brushing his thumb over her. But then he moved his hand, sliding it up to her waist. His kisses grew more intense and her momentary confusion over what had happened faded away with the pleasurable sensations of his mouth on hers.

~Rayna~

When they got back in the truck, Deacon turned it on so that he could turn on the heat. It had gotten a little cool as they'd lay under the blanket and Rayna was shivering just a little. When he looked back at her, he smirked. "You're crooked," he said.

Her eyes widened. "What?" she asked.

He nodded towards her chest. "Your buttons," he said. "They're crooked."

She looked down and then laughed as she saw that she'd missed a button on her blouse. She fixed it and then she smiled at him. "Thanks," she said. She held his gaze for a moment and then she looked down at the floor of the truck. "I've got your Christmas present," she said, reaching for it, even though he'd seen it, of course, when he'd picked her up.

She handed him the package she'd carefully wrapped for him. He carefully unwrapped it and then opened the box. He sat and looked at the messenger bag for a moment, then looked up at her. "Wow, Ray, this is awesome," he said. He ran his hand gently over the front of it, then he frowned. "But it looks expensive. You shouldn't have spent a lot of money."

She shook her head. "I didn't," she said. "I mean, the money isn't important. I wanted to get you something to keep your notebooks and pencils in. It's not real leather, so you don't have to worry that it's too expensive." She bit her lip. "I wish I could have gotten you leather, though. One day I will."

He leaned forward and kissed her. "Thank you, baby. This is great." He set the box on the dashboard and then reached under his seat, pulling out a small box. He handed it to her. "This is for you. I hope you like it."

She took the box and smiled at him. "I know I'll love it," she said. He could see a softness cross her face. She opened it carefully and caught her breath. It was a beautiful silver band, with three little sparkly stones on it. She looked up at him. "Oh, Deacon," she whispered.

He took the box from her and pulled out the ring. "It's a promise ring," he said. He looked at her, his eyes filled with love and maybe a touch of anxiousness. "It means I promise I'll come back for you." He worked his lip. "Somehow, some way, I will come back for you. If you still want me."

Tears sprang to her eyes. "Of course I'll still want you," she said. She looked down at it again. "I love it." He reached for her right hand and slid the ring on her ring finger. It was a perfect fit. She held her hand out and admired the ring. "It's so beautiful, Deacon." She looked back at him. "I love it and I love you."

A smile broke across his face. "I wish I coulda got something better," he said. "Those are real diamond chips though, but 'cause they're chips, they ain't so expensive." He breathed in. "You deserve so much more, baby, but I wanted you to know I love you."

She smiled and reached up to put her hands on his face. "It's amazing." She slid towards him and then turned so she could lean against him, while he put his arms around her. She closed her eyes and leaned back on his shoulder. "This is the best Christmas ever," she murmured.

It felt good to hold her in his arms, breathing in the scent of her shampoo on her hair, feeling her curves and edges, matching his breathing to hers. But then she surprised him when she pulled away, then turned to face him, as she sat with her knees folded underneath her. She reached out and grabbed his shirt in her hands. "Make love to me," she whispered.

He hadn't expected that. God knew he wanted to. He felt like he'd gone too far with her earlier. Even though she'd said it was okay, he didn't want to put any pressure on her. He breathed in, wanting to say yes, but he had to shake his head. "I ain't ready, baby," he said.

~Rayna~

Rayna was surprised at Deacon's response. She hadn't decided that's what she wanted until just then. It had been such a special night, with the song and the ring, and she just knew she was ready and it was right. "What do you mean, you're not ready?" she asked, a puzzled look on her face.

He rested his hands on her waist and looked searchingly into her eyes. "I want to, Ray, I do," he said. "But I ain't got, you know, nothing."

She was confused for a moment and tears came to her eyes. Then she realized what he was saying. She was oddly touched that he wasn't one of those boys with a condom in his pocket, always at the ready. That's what Tandy had told her. "Oh," she said. "I want to though. I'm ready now." The tears kept coming and she wasn't sure why. "I really do want this."

~Deacon~

Deacon reached up and brushed the tears off her cheeks, then kissed her softly. "Baby, I want you to really think about this," he said. "I mean, I want you. All of you. I love you so much. But once we do this, we can't go back. So you need to be sure."

Rayna's face got screwed up. "I am sure," she wailed.

"Ray, I'll love you no matter what. Whether we do this or not. I'll still be there."

She nodded. "I do want this, Deacon. I wanna go all the way with you."

He smiled a little at how innocent she was about things. He knew she probably didn't fully understand what it would mean for them to take this step. He knew he wanted to make love to her more than almost anything else in his life. He loved her and wanted to show her. But it was a bigger deal for her, he knew. He just wanted her to be sure. He took her in his arms and kissed her deeply. "I love you, Ray," he whispered against her lips.

"I'm ready, Deacon," she whispered back. "I really am."

~Rayna~

Rayna slowly undressed and got into her nightgown. She looked at herself in the mirror, thinking about how close they had come that night to making love. She wanted it, she had decided, and not just because he had touched her between her legs and made her feel things she didn't understand. Somehow she felt like this one act would irrevocably tie them together forever. It felt inevitable, her and Deacon. Not just being intimate, but just being together. She needed that and she thought he did too.

She looked at the ring he'd given her. It was his promise to come back for her one day. It was how she knew he felt that same inevitability too. Taking this last step meant they would make that final commitment to each other. She meant what she'd said to him. I'm ready, Deacon. I really am.