Chapter eight:
Cracks in the Concreate
The eyes that looked back at me through the mirror wasn't mine. Bloodshot, yellowing and heavily bagged eyes wasn't the man I had used to be. I leaned forward looking at myself, my dirty brown hair had thinned a little at the top, my skin had taken on a waxen complexion from not enough eating. My body had begun to break down from the inside out. My days of alcohol abuse caught up to me finally. Little did my 'loving' wife know I had a completely different side of me, that had been coming out more recently. Giving our children heavy discipline like my mother did to me. After all, it was her who raised me from a bastard to the man I am now. Constantly looking for another fix, trying to find the next bit of cash to grab more whisky. At first, I didn't want her to know about that tidbit of me. I ran my own dojo, taught people how to defend themselves from people like me.
I'm the biggest hypocrite of them all.
I love prowling the streets at night, I love watching the women enter and leave the bars. My wife would never understand who I am, and what I do for a hobby. I love cashing them down, catching them when they least expect it. And watch as they beg for mercy. It's possibly the most tasteful part of it. What I love the most about hunting? Is when they come willingly to me, watch as I betray them and force them to bleed out at my hand. I watch as the realization comes across they're face's knowing they're staring death in the face.
I've been doing this for twenty years, here I am now. Nice, big beautiful mansion with a CEO of a company on my arm. She helped start my dojo, and she helped promote me. Myu, was a beautiful woman who immigrated from South Korea to here with her family. I ran into her at a bar, funny enough. She was looking through the American selection of cognac, which surprised me honestly. Being a woman, as small as her I believed she wouldn't have been able to keep up. However, she surprised me one last time by drinking me under the table. She handled her liquor and I ended up spewing in the men's bathroom. Picked up my glass, and went at it again with her. When she looked at me all I saw was her caramel colored eyes sparkle. I loved her the moment I saw her. I just didn't know who exactly Myu was at the time.
Myu ran the biggest plus size fashion industry in South Korea. She moved over here to get another one started. It took off without a hitch. She was making ten times more money than I was working as a typical journalist. I wrote about homicide, suicide and the works. I worked the obituaries as well, only when my boss was feeling generous. That's where my interest in murder started. Where I had wanted to learn more, on how to get away with it. Well…I had gotten what I wanted. First look at a serial killer stationed in a prison…apparently, he went after little children. His name was John Wayne Gacy. He loved dressing up as a clown, going to children's parties and kidnaping one, raped said child, and killed him. Stuffing their bodies into rooms underneath his home.
I had become obsessed. Following his case extremely carefully and very closely. The only reason Gacy, had gotten caught was he got sloppy.
I never got sloppy.
The first murder was rather…tantalizing. Like losing your virginity all over again. I killed them fast, at first. The high wore off just as quick. It disappointed me, and I grew bored rather quickly. So, going back to the prison, I visited him, sat down and we spoke. Hushed whispers, passing notes. Security at the time was horrible. So, sneaking notes to him were easy.
I simply asked this: How do you make it last?
He replied: Take it slow, ride the high by mutilating them. Make the death slow. Painful…be sure they feel every little thing. The fear in their eyes will make it that much better.
That's what I did. I took his advice to heart, taking my time, I hunted them down. One. By. One. One. By One. Figuring out what I had liked, what I wanted. My mood depends on how fast or how slow I kill them. If I rape them or not. The only thing that came to mind when doing this was her. Myu. I didn't want her to know about my hobby. I loved her and it made me sick. But, I had to play the devoting boyfriend by day, predator at night or when I'm not seeing her.
It didn't take long for the body count to grow, and I had to find different ways to dispose of them. So, I went back to my mentor. I slipped another note.
I said: How do you hide them all?
He replied: Dump them in the bayou, alligators and crocks will do the rest.
I followed through, and I rode that high for as long as I could before I started to grow board and restless once more. So, what I did was move to different targets. Targets that would give me more of a challenge. Men.
I started to go to the gym, hit on a few good-looking men or asking them to have a drink. Sometimes even working my way into a personal trainer. After a few weeks, they fell easily into my hands. I molded them like they were clay. And god, I enjoyed every bit. I even tried cooking up a few pieces of long pig. The issue for me: children were too lean, and adults were too fatty. The muscular ones didn't taste right. So, I just didn't follow through on that one. There are times I get a craving for long pig, I just make me some pork chops. They taste the same any way.
So, how did I get where I am? Huge mansion with five now six beautiful children, house run by maids and people who gave a shit? The answer: I'm not too sure.
Shortly after Gacy's execution I felt empty and hollow. Depressed. Myu tried making me feel better by working her magic. Buying me anything I wanted…never the less, it had done nothing to ease that hollow emptiness I felt deep within my chest. I had lost a mentor, a friend. I stopped eating, I quit my journalism class and I told Myu, that I wanted to start my own professional martial arts studio. She was only too quick to jump and allow it. Telling me that there have been too many deaths in our little town. That there was a copycat serial killer around. I wanted to laugh at her and shake my head.
I didn't.
I knew better.
I moved into her mansion shortly after our one year anniversary, dojo already built for me. I couldn't have been 'happier'. At least, I was on the outside. Shortly before I could blink, we were getting married. Time, had started to fly by me. I couldn't grasp it, I couldn't hold it close to me anymore. Every morning I would get up, look at myself in the mirror and see someone who wasn't me. The person underneath that clothing, within that skin…wasn't me. Those eyes staring back at me through the mirror…was someone else. It wasn't Stu Nicolas Hemmingway.
That person was a shell of him. Eyes empty, soulless and hungry.
The more Myu left the more time I had on my own. I took it upon myself to bring my victims to my home. I would beat them mercilessly then burry them out in the forest beyond our house, or tie cinderblocks around their ankles and drop them in the lake. My favorite was a young man named Treyvon, he was a young tough guy who thought he could scare people away by learning some moves.
I showed him quite a few with my blade collection.
His blood was beautiful I might add…slicing right through his heel. I took my razor blade and went to work. Cutting every inch of his body. He wouldn't stop screaming till I took his tongue, and cut it clean off. That was a mistake. He drowned in his own blood. It truly was a pity, it killed my high. So, I did what I normally would, took him out to the back. Buried him in a nice deep hole.
Nobody missed the little punk. But, Myu and I had a nice dinner. Long pig chops tasted good with curry.
Not too long after the disappearing of Treyvon, Myu come home with this pretty little thing. She had some extra weight on her bones. She was shivering, her red hair short clinging to her face. She looked pale, waxen as if she had suffered some sort of trauma. Myu was going on and on about a little kid running out in front of her Cadillac at this old house. The girl's iridescent eyes looked up at me, I saw the fear cross them. I intimidated the girl. I knew I did. I'm tall, bulky but lean muscled, and she was small, fat and frail. I couldn't help the grin cross my lips.
She sure looked good to me.
She had full lips, eyes that any wolf would want; enough meat on her to feed me for a while. When she looked at me I could see the haunting look of someone, who had been rode hard and put up wet. She clung to my wife as if she was the last real thing on this earth.
When I leaned against the door frame, she just clung closer to Myu. I couldn't help but see the bandages wrapped up to her elbows. I raised my brows, all Myu did was give me that 'We will talk later' look. I knew we would.
This young thing jumped at every sound the house made, she was even warier around me. As if she knew what I was, who I was. Her gaze made me feel as if I was being scrutinized, and or judged. It wasn't till later that night when I was sitting on the bed staring at myself in the mirror, like I am now. When my wife told me her name.
Faylen Ann-Lee Snow, she had tried to commit suicide when all her friends, and family abandoned her after finding out she was pregnant.
To me, she still looked scrumptious.
After she gave birth, she was still coming into work to clean the home. And I couldn't help myself. She wore her uniform that clung to every nook and cranny of her body. Her breasts were large, filled with milk. She still had some baby fat on her, but it looked good on her, surprising me. Face round, hips large with a small waist, pale skin covered in freckles. Those big, round bright green eyes…I wanted to take them out, and make a suit from her skin. Such soft peach fuzz all over her. Only I noticed these things.
Before Myu gave Faylen her own place, she slept in the guest room upstairs that was now the nursery. At night, there were times I would sneak into her room and watch her sleep. She would always toss and turn, and or cry out for someone named 'Jack'. I believed it to be the guy who ran once she said she was pregnant. There have been times where I would sneak into her room, steal a used pair of panties and take a good long whiff. God, she smelt too good not to be used. I took it into my own hands to corner her. She was still on the bigger side, just turned seventeen…supple with swollen breasts still. Her begging cries made me tremble. She kept smacking me, pushing me away. Telling me no.
I've never been told no before. Not by any women. After a few smacks to her mouth, she relaxed and began to cry. When she looked over my shoulder, I was about to shoot some excuse to one of the other maids…what I happened next was something else entirely. I collapsed. Just right there, blacked out. I had no memory of anything that had happened. I never had fainting spells my entire life. The only thing that stood out, was the sickly-sweet smell of cotton candy. It made me feel so sick to my stomach. I think that might've been it. Or she hit me with something, I wasn't sure.
I've tried several more times, and failed. Either she would move away too fast or I'd have another fainting spell. I couldn't tell what it was about that girl Faylen, there was something protecting her. I knew it.
And I had been confirmed the other day, when her bastard of a brat came out of the boy's room. Carrying his backpack with that annoying Jack in the Box. I've wanted to steal that damn thing and break it. He was too old to be carrying around a stupid toy. The box was black and white, the strangest thing I had ever seen. When I went up to him that damned smell of cotton candy came back, and BOOM there was this clown staring right into my eyes.
They were the brightest blue I had ever seen. He had red highlights in his hair, but his clothing was all black and white with feathers on top of his shirt. He had sharp razor teeth and these things on his hands. I was frozen in my tracks, he told me not to mess with his 'son' anymore. As if this crazy fucking clown was Calen's father. I couldn't believe it, and I didn't.
That's when I saw her again, downstairs at the front door calling out for the bastard child. She had on a beautiful green dress that matched her complexion. I saw the scars running up her arms, over her legs. They were all self-inflected. I could see how beautiful of a woman she had become. She had full curves, legs for days, and her hair was up tight. Her bangs fell over her face. She looked…so…ethereal. I wanted to open her ribcage and crawl inside her and stay there for the rest of my life. And boy…did I love to watch her walk away. It was when Calen ran right up into her arms that my moment of fantasy spilled away. Their love made me sick. I've never seen a child be so immature and incestual to their mother before. There was something about their relationship that sickened me to the core. I was never close to my mother; most head shrinks would tell me it's the reason I am who I am today.
Someone who goes around and tortures long pigs for the sport. I love it. Yet…I'm standing here, staring at my reflection. Breathing heavily. I wanted to end this horrid life of mine, and I wanted her. I wanted Faylen…and I wanted to devour her very skin that she's in. First…
First, I must destroy my seeds…
Turning away from the mirror, I looked through my own little bedroom. Covered in Japanese memorabilia and a few different paintings that Myu made throughout the years. My heart was racing in my chest thanks to the heroin I shot up my arm. I was numbed from everything, even the pains in my chest. The alcohol did little to nothing to quench my thirst.
…
I looked at my mom laying out in the tub, her ankle was swollen and sore. I knew it was. I broke my arm by falling out of a tree. She was laying there staring at me, I was angry at Jack for hurting her. Whether he did it on purpose or not, I didn't care.
"Mom, Jack hurt you! I don't want him around anymore." I was getting up from my post. Her eyes shown fear and anger, with just a touch of understanding.
"Calen sweetie he didn't mean to hurt mommy." She was moving in the tub. She sat up evenly, bubbles covered her, the tips of her long hair were wet.
"I don't care!" I shouted.
"He promised me he wouldn't hurt you!" I stomped my foot.
"Someone who loves someone shouldn't hurt them!" I emphasized on the word hurt. Her eyes clouded over for a moment.
"Calen, he wouldn't hurt me. And…well…" I watched her bite her bottom lip, something my mom does a lot when it means I wouldn't get my way.
"I kind of like him." Her cheeks flushed a high rose color. I huffed.
"Do you love him?" I asked her, again that rose color grew brighter. Her eyes closed and she leaned back as if thinking.
"Calen, you're too young to understand what love between two adults mean." The anger that came within me was shocking even to me. I was shaking, my mother made me so…so infuriated.
"No Faylen you don't understand! I told you I would protect you from anything that ever hurts you!" I felt the scream coming up my throat. The absolute shock on my mom's face didn't register. I was so angry I felt tears fill my eyes.
"I only get one mom! I can't lose you!" I stomped my foot again.
"And he hurt you!" The scream came out, mom started getting out of the tub when she fell back in. Cursing at her ankle. I made fists, wanting to punch something.
"Look!" I pointed to her ankle.
"You can't even get up mom!" The tears dripped down my cheeks, she tried opening her mouth to say something, but I wouldn't let her.
"NO!" I screeched, my voice cracking. I turned my back to my mother, slamming the bathroom door shut. I went right to my bookbag, taking out the black and white Jack in the box, I spun it till the music died. A moment later within a puff of black mist, Jack's smiling face came out of nowhere. It took me a second to recognize him. His hair had red highlights, while his eyes were a stunning shade of blue. It took me off guard, but it didn't staunch my anger.
"Jack!" I screamed walking to him, the smile faded face.
"Yes, gummy bear?" He sounded happy. When I walked to him, what came next…I wasn't expecting. I brought my fist down as hard as I could, right into his stomach. Jack, didn't even flinch. Just the confusion within his eyes and the sheer anger that spilt from his lips surprised me.
"What are you doing Calen?" He caught my fists that were slamming into his stomach. I couldn't see through the blinding tears.
"You hurt my mom!" I screamed up at him through the cloud of fresh tears. His brows knitted together.
"What are you talking about lollipop?" He asked.
Bringing my head forward, I headbutted him right in the gut. Jack gasped for a moment, I looked up at him screaming at the top of my lungs.
"Hasn't my mom been through enough?! You promised me Jack! You promised me you wouldn't hurt my mom! Now look at her! She can hardly walk thanks you breaking her ankle! You…you monster!" I didn't stop there, the words kept flying.
"She's had enough from Stu, and now you're doing it?! Why are all you adults such monsters to my mom! She's done nothing to you!" I kept screaming, Jack's eyes grew cold.
The bathroom door opened, mom was dressed up in a robe. Having one foot up she hopped into the bedroom.
"I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I wish you never came back into my mom's life!" My throat had gone raw from screaming. I tasted salt and my own snot from my running nose.
"You're a monster!" My voice finally cracked out, and I collapsed in front of him.
"Calen Isaac Snow! You take that back right this instant!" My mom screamed from behind me, I turned to look over my shoulder. She stood there wide eyed in shock. I turned to look back at Jack, his frown set in place. He let my wrists go, his eyes showed agony over my words. I couldn't believe what I just said to him. I loved Jack. I loved him dearly.
"Mom…I…Jack…" When I tried to say anymore, he just took a step back. His eyes went from me to mom. He slowly shook his head, tears stained his white face leaving deep rivulets. Jack's breathing became rapid as if trying to process what I had said.
"Jack…" Mom whispered. He raised his hand looking away from us.
"I knew it was too good to be true." The pain within his voice, stabbed my chest.
"I warned you before that I was a monster, that I couldn't be mended back together." He opened his eyes, and for the first time I truly took note of the color returning to him. He looked down at me…the pain within his eyes, within his voice made me shake.
"I'm sorry I didn't keep my promise gummy bear." He placed his hand on the top of my head. He left it there for a moment longer. Jack closed his eyes and I watched the tears fall, his chin trembled.
"Jack, please…" Mom tried again, and he was shaking his head.
"No, he's right. I hurt you, I hurt you bad…" He pulled his hand away, I wanted to reach out and take it again. But he wouldn't let me.
"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry I didn't mean anything I said!" I got to my feet, the moment I reached out to wrap him in a hug, he was gone in the same puff of smoke he materialized from. Mom stood there staring at my back. My eyes stayed glued on the spot he once stood.
"I'm sorry dad…" I whispered, when I turned to look at my mom, I saw the pain in her face. My heart fell deeper into my chest as I watched my mom cry. I was angry over the fact Jack hurt her…but now I broke my own mothers heart.
"Calen…do you realize what you've done…?" She whispered, when I looked at her the pain came crashing down on me.
I had ruined our family. I hadn't realized it till that moment…mom was in love with Jack. And I was going to have the family I had wanted for so long.
"I…" My throat grew tighter.
"Mom…" I couldn't form words. I couldn't face her…she turned away from me, hobbled back into the bathroom and slammed the door in my face.
I had never seen my mom that hurt in my life.
…
I looked at my sleeping son, lying still in his bed. His chest risen and fell with each even breath, I reached down touched his bangs gently. When he opened his eyes, he looked at me.
"Hey kiddo." I sat on the edge of his bed, and he rolled over onto his side. Leo was my right-hand man, and I loved him dearly. But I wanted to start over, go back to my old ways…his hand touched mine. He ran his fingers over the veins on the top of my hand. Something I had grown used too.
"Hey daddy, is everything okay? Is the baby home?" He asked starting to sit up, gently I placed my hand on his chest and push him back down. The confusion within his little brown eyes didn't shock me any. As he tried sitting up again, I would just lightly push him back down.
"No, the new baby isn't home. No mommy isn't home. They won't be for a few days. I just came in to see how you were doing kiddo." I watched his face scrunch up.
"Daddy, what's that nasty smell?" I cracked a grin, he must've been talking about the booze I downed before walking into his room.
"Am I in trouble? Am I going to be punished?" He asked, the fear crawling back into his eyes made my groin tight. I loved seeing the fear in my prey's eyes. It just drove me that much further.
"Oh, my sweet little boy…your sins are going to be paid for, in full." In my right hand, I held the woodcutters axe. My son's eyes darted from my left hand to the right. Underneath my palm I felt his little heart sputter.
"Daddy you're scaring me." He whispered, I turned fully to him. I leaned down into his ear.
"I've been wanting to do this, for the last six years Leo…ever since you were born. I wanted to take a pillow and snuff your little light out." His mouth opened to scream.
Before he could I was standing, and slamming the woodcutters axe down. The thump of the axe splitting his little mouth open made me groan. The release I felt was all too soon. Leo was still thrashing around, when I opened my eyes, I saw the axe didn't quite go all the way through. So, I placed my foot up on his chest, brought it back and slammed it down again. This time, through his throat.
The whistling of his windpipe brought another shudder of release. Warmth of his blood splashing against my skin brought a tremor through my body. It had felt so good against my skin again, his hands grasped and pulled against the stained sheets. With ease, I pull the axe free, allowing him to wallow in his own blood and gore. Cracking my neck, I felt as if one task was done. With grace and ease I went to the room across from Leo's. It was the second eldest child of mine, and his twin brother. They were just as easy as Leo. All I did was a quick smack right in the center of each child's skull. The rooms were sound proof, I had no worries of Faylen hearing my master piece in the making.
I opened my mouth letting the fresh warm blood flow down my throat, into my gullet. It had been too long since I've done something like this. It made me feel whole, complete…even free. The last child was going to be a bit difficult. It was Baby. Getting his name rightfully so, by looking like a baby with his childish face. He was the smartest one, wouldn't be asleep by now…
But I opened the door, and I was correct. He was sitting up reading R.L Stine's goosebumps. He just looked up over the book, and the horror that crossed his face made me bust a load in my underwear. He was trembling in his own knickers. I cracked my neck again.
"So, Baby, how does it feel to see your father, covered in your brother's blood and guts?" I asked, he looked me over.
"What did you do…?" He asked, a smile split across my lips.
"Care to find out child?"
…
I can't believe the nerve of that child! I screamed mentally. I paced back and forth in my tent. Looking over my latest meal. The child kept shivering, naked weeing himself. I growled and smacked the child right across the face. Claw's dug deep into his meaty cheek. Blood covered his face, ran all the way down to his chest. Normally this would appease me, but the screaming from Calen really stuck with me. I stared down at this child who cried. Reaching for the barbed wire baseball bat, I felt the weight of it before slamming it against the child's shins. Still, I felt nothing other than pain from Calen. I couldn't believe he would scream at me.
I saved his mother's life, I saved his life from getting his face smashed in from a car accident. And this is the thanks I get? Getting told I was hated and forced to leave?!
I screamed into the screaming face of the child, his eyes looked at me. He trembled at the sight of me.
"What did I do wrong? I treated them right, I didn't do anything harmful!" I began to pace, the child cried again.
"Enough of that blasted crying! If you don't stop I'll really give you something to cry about." Growling underneath my breath, the child looked at me. Covered in his own blood, stinking of piss. Taking a deep breath in I allowed it to slowly expel from my lungs.
"I saved their lives so many times, how could he treat me like that?!" I asked the child who shook his head.
"I…I don't know…" He whimpered.
Board with the bat, I tossed it to the side. I went to the far-left side of my tent rummaging through the trunk of misery, finding a few other things I could use. A fire poker, razor blades tied to a string. Something I could force the child to swallow…
Sulfuric acid.
Kerosene…
What am I in the mood for? I dug deeper, finally hitting the bottom of the trunk. Realizing I went through the entire thing without finding what I wanted.
"Son of a biscuit…" I swore, hands on my hips I lean slightly against my left hip…I looked down right at my feet.
A car battery and connecters. I raised my brows and smiled. I hefted them over to the child who cried out.
"No! Please no…" He whimpered shaking his head. Placing it in front of him, I pulled out the connecters. I forced his mouth open, placing one on his lower jaw, the other to the battery. I flipped the on switch, watching the kid dance in the seat. I felt a sick grin spread across my lips.
Smoke began to rise from his ears, out of his mouth, and nose. Finally, he stopped moving. Liquid poured out from his crevices. Crossing my arms, I grew bored.
You could always go out and get another plaything. I mean, come on. You've got nothing but time. Sighing I kicked the battery. It wasn't fun anymore. And sure, the torture gave me a high, but nothing like kissing Faylen, or having Calen hold my hand as he runs through the carnival. Groaning I rubbed my face.
Stop thinking about them, Calen hates you. Sliding my hand off my face, I stare at my reflection within the child's dead eyes. Nearly screaming, I saw blue in my eyes. My hair had faded into a soft red. I reached up and gently pulled at the end of my hair. I rubbed my eyes as hard as I could, but the color still stayed. My heart ran wild within my chest. I couldn't breathe.
What…what's going on?! I kept pulling, rubbing, scratching, and prying. Opening my mouth, my teeth had become dull. Returning almost normal. I shook my head hard, trying to rattle my brain back into place. This couldn't be happening.
No, no way. I kept shaking my head to the point my temples throbbed. I gave a quick once over on my clothing. They were still monochromatic, just fading a bit.
This doesn't make sense…I gave my shirt a good smell, the fabric had the stench of death and cotton candy. That was at least still the same…
But…my teeth, hair and eyes…they're almost normal again…I swallowed back the vile taste of vomit. The words Calen said hurt and I couldn't understand why; why they hurt me so much. My brain was just confused as I was. And the look on Faylen's face? That made the pain that much worse. Because I couldn't stand seeing her cry like that. It broke my heart.
Broke…my…heart? What?! Next, was fear. The absolute terror I felt stinging in my chest made me breath heavily. I couldn't catch any breath whatsoever. Nothing stayed in my lungs longer then a second before I was gasping again. Like a fish out of water.
My vision became cloudy just like when he shouted at me, I touched my face to feel that it was wet once again, with tears. Tears soaked my face and the dirty ground. I forced myself to sit down on the dirt, to stare at the ground. I was afraid. Truly afraid of losing my family. The family I never knew I had.
Looking around the tent, the souls of the damned surrounded the entertainment, and I felt that pang within my chest. The sudden lurch of loneliness. A feeling I had forgotten about since finding Faylen again. It took me a long moment of realization, to see what I had been longing for. And that moment struck out to me as odd. I've never had it before, never truly understood it.
I'm in love with her…
A sudden knot within my stomach warned me, something was going to happen, something I couldn't stop.
…
After mom slammed the door on my face, I went out of Mrs. Myu's bedroom to let mom have some time to cool off.
I just couldn't help it…it made me so mad to see someone hurt my mom…I closed my eyes shaking my head slowly. Wondering down the hallway, I looked down at the hardwood floors. Red spots were splashed all over the wood. Knitting my brows together in confusion, I knelt running my fingers over the spot, just like the guys on the television had done I brought it up to my nose and took a whiff. It smelt…like copper. Almost like how Jack smells every night, just without the cotton candy mixed with it. It was a smell I didn't like.
My stomach knotted up just as the hairs stood on the back of my neck. Someone was staring at me, and I knew it wasn't Dad…dad's stare never gave me the chills. This, this was something much different, much more sinister. I stood slowly, rising my hands up.
"That's it bastard turn around." I was doing what I was told.
"Slowly." He snapped. I followed his order. When I turned around, my stomach dropped. Stu was covered head to toe in absolute gore. The smell alone made me gag, there was something about him that just unnerved me. It wasn't the blood and guts over him…it was the look within his eyes. The look of absolute craziness. Even dad had his crazy moments, but not like that.
"My, my…the little bird flew away from the nest." He was naked, walking up to me. I took a step back, my bare feet touching cool drops of blood. Stu's smile was wide showing all his white teeth, stained red. His entire face reminded me of that actor who played in American Psycho…just the way he moved, the way his smile set his entire face off.
"Where's my little song bird bastard?" He snapped at me, I shook my head.
"Is she still bathing?" Each step I made back, he stepped closer.
"Mom's not in the bath anymore." I gave a look over my shoulder.
What I wouldn't give for Dad to be here…I took another step back, he stepped forward.
"Now, now there's no need to lie to me little bird." He was walking closer.
"You try anything I'll scream." I snapped. He started to laugh a full laugh.
"And who's going to hear you little brat? I've soundproofed this entire mansion." He came closer.
Gotta get him away from mom…! The woodcutters axe he held, was covered in gore. Mentally I memorized this entire mansion.
"You're going to fly away little birdie?" He sang song it. Making a sharp turn on my heel I bolted down the rest of the hall, making a sharp left turn to the final door. He was hot on my tail.
Gotta find it…gotta find it…I kept running through the routes in my head, I slammed the door shut locking the dead bolt on the door. Taking a deep breath in and slowly letting it out, I ran to the furthest part of the study. Within the old redwood desk, I remember seeing it. I remember Leo showing it to me a long time ago…
I pulled the chair out from the desk, opening the top drawer tossing papers out and rummaging.
Damn it! Not this one!
I jumped to the bottom drawer. Forcing it open. Tossing folders out, I tapped the wood panel at the bottom. It was hollow.
"Ooooooooh Caaaaaallllleeeeeeennnnn." Stu sang out, the knob was being turned. A sigh.
"A wood door and an axe…? Okay."
Bang.
I jump.
Crunch.
I shiver.
Warmth ran down my pant legs. I looked down at the warm wet spot showing up on my jeans. I went back to the drawer, knocking around till I found the loose part. I pulled with all my might. Underneath was a case. A case that held the Glock handgun. I laid the grey case down on the hardwood, trying with shaky hands to open it.
Bang.
Wood splinters shot from the door. I couldn't scream...
Don't scream, don't scream Calen…don't scream…I kept telling myself, over and over.
Be mommy's superhero. I took a deep breath as another bang. More splinters. I turned the case over, numbers. I needed a number code to get in.
"Fuck!" The curse came out of my mouth, I had to close my eyes and push real hard on my temples.
Remember the day my mommy met your mommy? Leo asked, when my eyes opened I ran my fingers over the numbers. It flashed green and popped open.
"Oh Calen, I know you're in here little birdie."
Crawling underneath the desk I pulled the gun out of the box, my eyes filling with tears. My hands shaking at the heaviness of the gun. He brought the axe down one more time, his foot smacked right into the wood. The door collapsed in a heap of worthless kindling. Stu walked through the threshold, I held the gun close to my chest.
He was coming for me…
…
Come on Fay, you can't be mad at your little super hero. He was just trying to protect you, I'm sure if you go back to the dark carnival and speak to Jack, he would understand and come back. Calen was just doing what he could…I took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. Hobbling over to the bathroom door, holding the robe closed around my body, I pushed the door open.
"Calen I'm sorry, why don't we get Jack back and- "He wasn't there. Calen wasn't in the room waiting for me. My blood became ice, my heart turned numb. An eerie silence casted over the mansion. The rooms were sound proof, but I had left all the kids doors cracked so I could at least hear them snore. But…nothing. I heard nothing but my own rapid breathing, and thundering heart beat within the darkness of the mansion. Limping to the bedroom door, I pulled it open. The smell hit me first, it was sudden taking my breath away. I covered my mouth and nose with the arm of the robe. The smell reminded me of when I was sixteen and trying to kill myself. I gagged. I went to Baby's room, it was the first door to the left. The room was covered in shadows, the smell was horrid. Running my hand over the wall to find the light switch, my fingers felt wet and cold.
I flipped the light on, the blue wall was covered in red droplets of something and the smell was stronger in here. Looking at my hand and fingers, they were covered in red. I looked over to the desk where Baby normally sat to read. The sheer horror filled my heart, a scream in my chest. I couldn't breathe and I couldn't speak. Baby laid over the chair, his head decapitated, sitting on top of his closed laptop. I couldn't breathe…I couldn't breathe…
Calen! The others!
I turned to the other door, where the twins were sleeping. I flipped the light on. The bunk beds were saturated in blood. The scene flashed before my eyes, and I screamed. I screamed so loud my voice cracked. The children had pillows covering their face. Blankets strewn everywhere, the blood reached the ceiling. The tears choked me, but I couldn't do anything but let out small croaks and moans.
"Oh…oh god…" I whispered backing out.
"Calen, I need my boy…" I went down the hall, droplets lined the floor from each room. Bloody footprints went all the way down. Too small to be a grown mans. When I took that left, the door to the main study was broken down. Blood stained a few pieces that remained intact. I tried to breathe evenly, my ankle throbbed in a warning. Standing in front of me, naked in the room was Stu. Axe at his side, his chest moving heavily. He turned slowly to look at me, the wicked grin spread across his lips exposing white teeth painted red. Eyes dilated wide enough to hide his iris. He started to laugh.
"Hello my little nightingale…" He turned around completely, wobbled and stepped forward.
"Are you going to make this a fun night? Or should I just toss this axe at that beautiful face of yours?" He took another step forward.
"Where's my son?!" I screamed, he just laughed.
"Oh? That little birdie? I'm not too sure. He came this way." He tilted his head to the side, the grin spreading wider.
"I can make this fun nightingale. I'll give you a ten second head start." My heart labored.
"Stu, put the axe down. There's no need for any of this. What do you want?" I asked raising my hands, showing I had no weapon.
"Ten." He started. I backed up.
"Nine."
Oh, dear god in heaven he's being serious.
"Eight." He continued, walking forward. I turned and headed down the closest flight of stairs, my ankle screaming in protest.
"Seven." He was following on my heels. I was going to get anywhere with a sprained ankle.
"Six." Missing a step, I fell forward onto the tiles underneath me. He was down the stairs.
"Five."
I was up, hobbling through the kitchen, through the dinning wing. Ignoring my surroundings. I saw nothing more but blurring walls. My ankle screamed louder.
"Four."
I was through the double doors and out into the main living area. I kept looking for the screen doors, my heart running faster in my chest, then ever before.
"Three."
He was following me, in the dining area I could hear his loud voice screaming.
"Two." He was through there into the kitchenette in the center of the main living area.
Get him away from Calen. I need to get him out into the woods or something. Just, away from my baby.
"One!"
I hit those double sliding glass doors, running around the large pool. I pushed the black gate open. He was right behind me…right behind me…
Please if I die tonight, please someone hear me…save Calen. Save my baby boy.
I ran through the briar bushes, pulling and yanking at my robe. Scratching at the visible skin on my shins. Stu was crunching through the leaves, breaking sticks and twigs. I ducked underneath a low branch, breathing harder than before, my bladder turning to the size of a peanut.
Get him far enough away for Calen to have a fighting chance…
I tripped over something, losing my balance. Almost tumbling face forward at a full sprint…the screaming in my ankle was easily ignored. I couldn't let him catch my son. My sweet little boy. Stu was loud enough for me to guess where he was. And he wasn't far behind. I grabbed the biggest branch I could find in the darkness of the night. My hair came loose and was covered in loose leaves, and twigs. I pushed myself completely against a large oak tree. I tried to be silent, but my breathing wouldn't allow that. I closed my eyes, I wanted to cry…but crying could be done later.
Please lord above…I want to see Calen's tenth birthday…
Silence.
There was no more breaking of twigs underfoot or crunching of leaf's. I held my breath for a moment, slowly letting it out. All I heard was the rolling of my own heart. I leaned more into the tree, feeling the rough bark against my shoulder blades within the thin robe. I leaned to the left, I saw nothing. Leaning back to the right, I saw Stu's back. Covered in blood and muck. He was facing away from me, breathing heavier than before. Slamming myself back against the large oak, my body trembled.
"Little nightingale where be you?" He called out, I felt my bladder give out. I took in a sharp breath, praying he couldn't hear me piss myself from fright.
Silence.
I opened my eyes, I was met with his large sadistic grin. He grasped my wrist as I tried to strike him. He pulled it back and twisted. I heard the snap of the bone breaking before I even felt it. He brought the blunt end of the axe up. I saw a bright light flash before my eyes, my vision throbbed and pulsated. My knees turned to water underneath me, I couldn't even hold myself up. The pain exploded in my broken wrist as he tossed me to the earth. I landed on my stomach, trying to crawl away. He brought the blunt end back down onto my lower back. Another explosion of pain shot through my spine, I screamed at the top of my lungs. He took a handful of hair forcing me to my back. As I looked at him, my vision doubled and I couldn't see properly. Everything turned watery for a moment, then to black and I was waking up again, Stu on top of me. Pulling my robe open, exposing me to the night air. I tried moving away from him, crying. He smacked me across my face. Trembling underneath him, I tasted blood on my tongue. His hand traveled down over my jaw, to my throat where he held me down. His other hand ran the head of the axe over my breasts.
"Mm…perky tits. Even after a kid. Do you know how long I've waited to see you naked nightingale?" He grumbled, leaning down he captured my mouth to his. I wanted to scream and cry. But I allowed him to assault me. His tongue raping my mouth; I could taste the blood and alcohol on him. I gagged when she shoved his tongue further down my throat, so I could taste everything. As he pulled away, I turned my head to the side and vomited.
"Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. You would've had a beautiful body if you didn't ruin it by scaring yourself up." He squeezed harder on my throat. I felt my windpipe be tediously crushed. He was hard, pushing into my stomach.
"You're such a beautiful little creature…" He ran the axe further down, to my thighs.
"It would be such a waste not to have, what your little boy toy has had." The axe ran over my pubic hairs and I whimpered. I wanted to cry out, scream.
No one can hear me out here…at least Calen is safe…
I closed my eyes, ready for the invasion. He dropped the axe, and started to rub me. I shivered and I let out a cry.
A loud noise made me scream, Stu screeched in pain. The warmth of something hitting my face brought me back to reality. Stu had turned around to look over his shoulder, he growled.
"You fucking brat!" He screamed, lifting my head I saw Calen. Taking proper gunman stance, aiming the gun right at Stu.
"Get off my mom!" Calen screeched. Stu was standing his left arm hanging limply at his side.
"Calen…" My voice barely came as a whisper, I couldn't see through the blood over my left eye. He never once broke eye contact with Stu. He took a few steps forward while Stu took a few steps back. Calen pulled the trigger, Stu was on the move. Running passed me. Within the darkness of night, Stu disappeared into the forest. Calen lowered the gun, putting he safety back on. He placed it to the ground by the tree. He was at my side in a second.
"Mommy!" He cried.
I couldn't hear him out of my left ear, I couldn't see him properly.
"I called the cops mommy! Please stay awake." He begged me, his little hands were on my face, but I couldn't move. I felt cold from the neck down. My eyes grew heavy, and I welcomed the coming darkness.
…
My tune was being played, slowly. Not as eager as I thought it would be. When I popped out of my box, I wasn't in the same place as I normally am. I was in a white room, with a nasty sterile smell.
What the hell is this place?
My box clanged to the floor and I was greeted by arms wrapping around my waist. Tighter than ever before. I looked down to see bright red curls, and I could smell the stench of blood on him.
"Calen?" I whispered, when he looked up at me. His eyes were covered in bags, his face splattered with blood and his clothing torn to tatters. Kneeling to his level I touched his face.
"My god gummy bear what happened to you?"It hit me suddenly, Faylen wasn't near him.
"Where's mommy?" I asked, trying to keep the fear and worry from my voice. The moment his eyes watered up, I knew something was wrong. His small Adams apple bobbed as he tried to swallow back the tears.
"Calen…talk to me…" I touched his face gently, wiping away his falling tears.
"I need you Daddy…" He choked out, my own throat grew tight.
"Calen…" His whole chin trembled, his lip stuck out like a child.
"Mommy might not make it." He whispered.
My stomach turned into ice, my body grew numb. Staring into Calen's eyes my heart stuttered, and I couldn't breathe. He was trembling like a leaf. As I tried to speak, only a small squeak of fear came out.
"What do you mean…mommy might not make it…?" Calen's eyes turned glossy as he screamed in pain. His head went into my chest, he screamed as he cried, and cried as he screamed. I looked up to stare at the chair he had been sitting in, trying to hide my own tears from this child.
"I was too late daddy…I was too late…" He whimpered, I stroked the back of his head.
"Stu killed everyone in the house…the other maids, my friends…and now mommy might not make it! I was too late to shoot!" He trembled in my arms, I buried my face into his red curls. My tears fell on his hair, my own chest heaved.
It's all my fault…if I hadn't been a child and ran off. Things could've ended differently. If I was there, Stu wouldn't have had a chance to touch her.
"Calen…oh sweet, sweet Calen." Sitting down on the floor, he climbed into my lap. He laid his head on my chest, slowly crying himself to sleep. I watched my tears land on his face, leaving soft crystal flakes against him.
"I'm so sorry my sweet gummy bear…" The emotions were overwhelming me. I couldn't hold them back. Calen still whimpered within his sleep. I rocked him gently, back and forth. I closed my eyes listening to his heart beat. It grew slower, and slower till finally he was hitting R.E.M. I cradled him in my arms for a moment longer before I gently laid him on the lounge chair in the waiting room. A wave of my hand a small throw blanket with candies all over it appeared. I laid it out over him. With the clap of my hands, I brought a teddy bear to life. I laid it next to him. I took a step back before feeling my mentality start to slip. My sanity leaked away at every thought that came up.
This is all your fault Jack, if you would've stayed none of this would've happened…I looked to the nurses' station. The woman had her head deep within a book, not caring of the sorrow that was around her. I turned to the door Calen was sitting outside of. I reached out pulling the handle down, and I entered. The smell that hit me first was of blood. Thick, congealed blood.
I walked further in the plain white room, a curtain was pulled around the bed. I knew it was her, even before I saw her face. I felt it. Within my heart I felt that it was her. I walked closer, touching the white curtain I pulled it back. I let out a cry of pain at what I saw. Her head was bandaged, covering her left eye and ear. She had on a hospital gown, and I saw her arm wrapped up in a cast, as was her ankle. I bit down hard enough on my lip I drew blood.
Her red hair was matted with tangles, leaves and twists. Blood and dirt covered her beautiful swollen face. I felt sick looking at her. Her entire left side of her face was swollen black and blue. A tube was shoved down her throat, helping her breathe. Another down her nose, a machine was attached to her chest monitoring her heart. I.V bags hung on her right side. My stomach heaved as if there were a ton of bricks laying there. I attempted to open my mouth to say something, but nothing came out.
I went to her side, touching her cold hand. I squeezed gently, no response. I tried again, this time softly calling out her name. Nothing. Not even eye movement. When I reached out to touch her face, her skin was frigid to the touch.
"Hey Kit Kat…" Cracking. The emotions I had tried so hard to keep in fell down my face. She made no signs of recognizing me. The machine helped her breathe. In. Out. In. Out.
Beep
Beep
Beep
"I…I…" The words were there, but I couldn't say them. I wanted too, but my tears stopped me. The swelling of my throat made me realize…I was a coward. I ran when I should've stayed. When they needed me the most I ran away; now she was lying in that hospital bed broken and alone. There was nothing I could do, I couldn't reach in and pull her out of that darkness. That was different than the one I was used to working with. I worked with nightmares, not whatever that was.
"I'm a coward…I know. I acted out of emotions. I should've stayed and listened to you Faylen. I'm sorry. I'm not a guardian angel. I'm a monster who kills out of spite. But now, even that was getting boring and dull. Then you came back into my life, sparked something deep inside me I thought I had lost." I brought her hand up, gently I rubbed my cheek against her cool skin, just to feel her touch once more.
"I should've listened…I'm sorry…I'm…I'm so, so sorry…" I kissed her hand, laying it back down on the bed gently. I could just barely hear her heart and that was thanks to the machine.
I can't live without you…I wanted to say it out loud, I wanted too…
Then do it.
"I…I can't live without you…immortality would not be the same without you in it…" I leaned in kissing her forehead gently.
With the clap of my hands, I brought a single stuffed cat into the room. Placing it underneath her hand, I turned away my eyes closed slowly.
"I love you…so much…" I whispered.
Two steps and I was out of the room, roaming the halls. The hustle and bustle of the hospital warped around me. I wouldn't allow them to see me, I looked at the nurse's stations, realizing they truly didn't care about the emotions around them. They had just let a child sit in the chair next to his mother's room and cry himself to sleep. I looked at an older man walking through the halls, his head bowed as he carried the IV stick with him. The world begun to feel cold again, I was feeling numb once more. I continued to maneuver around people, as I watched them my vision grew clouded and I swallowed back the pain. My heart was breaking all over again, I had failed to see from the start that I was in love with her. From the very beginning. I closed my eyes.
…
Sitting in the darkest corner of the box, I watched as children ran passed me. Ignoring the good old Laughing Jack in the box. Hoping someone would give me a chance, take me out and let me play. I wanted to show them games, games no one else would ever see. I sighed, I laid my chin against my knees. Watching as the years passed by.
Finally, bright green eyes stared at me. A woman hollering at a little girl to be careful. Warm hands wrapped around the sides of my box. I watched as a little girl lifted me up and hugged me tight to her chest. My head picked up slightly.
I've been so alone…could she be…?
She was running to the front counter, the man told the older woman it was okay. The woman gave a nod. The little girl squealed with joy.
"Now, now Faylen, are you sure you want that old antique?" The older woman asked.
Yes. Yes, please keep me… My eyes lit up as I watched. The little girl gave a big smile, her front teeth missing. My heart warmed.
"Yes, I want this mommy." She had replied in the sweetest voice I had ever heard.
"Alright hon. But remember, antiques take a lot of care, and love." The woman spoke softly, but…she sounded so tired. I nearly jumped with joy as the little girl carried me for a long time. The woman had knelt next to her speaking in such whispered tones, I couldn't hear her. Then the little girl was running, running as fast as she could to catch up. She placed me down for a moment.
"I'll be back okay? I love you!" She squealed.
She loves me? An old Laughing-Jack-In-The-Box? I thought, I tilted my head in wonderment. After a few minutes, I heard her little feet run to the front door. Slamming it open, she grabbed me wrapping me in her little arms; hugging me to her chest she started crying.
What's wrong new friend? I wanted to speak but I couldn't she hadn't set me free from my prison yet. She was screaming for help, that her mommy had an accident. She kept running as fast and far as her little legs can take her. I was confused as to what was going on.
Oh, my new friend is sad…A few more people were screaming, talking and crying. I was once again set back down somewhere.
"No! I want my Jack in the Box!" The little girl screeched. Hands lifted me up, and I felt myself be thrashed around.
"Stop! You're going to hurt him!" She screamed. Once more I was in her soft warm arms. More muffled voices then silence. I was sitting in silence for I don't know how long, I started to believe I was left behind once more.
But those little warm hands moved my handle, she played my song. And I popped out.
"Come one, come all whether big or small! To see the best clown of them all! The one the only Laughing-Jack-In-The-Box!" The girls frown slowly turned into a small smile. She giggled at the sight of me, I handed her a piece of her favorite candy, orange cream. Her bright green eyes lit up and it made my heart warm.
"What's your name kit Kat?" I asked, her lips curled into a smile at the sweet taste of the candy.
"My name's Faylen. Yours is Jack?" She asked, her eyelashes were still wet from tears, her chubby face red and her eyes swollen. I knelt and gave a big bright smile. She reached out and wrapped her arms around my neck. She hugged me tightly.
"I needed a friend…" He buried her face in the crook of my neck.
I was going to kill her…I wrapped my arms around her and held her close to my body.
…
Opening my eyes, I pushed the third floor on the elevator. I looked up watching the numbers count down. The doors cracked open, I was greeted with the bright white light.
…
She held my hand as we walked through the carnival, she was oohing and awing at the lions. She was turning thirteen at the end of the week, and she still held my hand tighter than before. As if she feared I would disappear.
I would never do such a thing to you…I thought. I interlocked fingers with her as she walked with me. She stopped at her favorite place, the fried pickle on a stick. She had blossomed into a beautiful young teenager. She bit down on the pickle, grease covered her face and chin. I started to laugh, gently wiping it away.
"You know your hair is growing back out to red." Chomp, another bite.
"What?" I chuckled.
"Yeah, and your eyes have a hint of blue in them." Chomp. Chew. Chew. Swallow. I chuckled at her silliness. Before shaking my head lightly.
"No seriously, it suits you." Her green eyes turned to me. Her thumb rubbed the back of my hand. I looked back down at her, her bright green eyes glimmered. My heart pitter pattered. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
I'm getting too attached. I thought. She leaned in lightly.
"Jack, do you think someone will ever love me?" She asked, I turned to look at her giving a sharp look.
"What are you talking about? Aren't you too young to think about things like that?" I asked, the sharpness in my tone made her look at me. She looked at the pickle half eaten she tossed it to the side as if she didn't want any more to deal with it.
"I get teased that I'm ugly all the time…" She made a face, not letting my hand go.
Assholes…I thought, I normally never curse but…
"I was just wondering is all." I watched her cheeks get rosy, I turned away from her.
No. No. Bad. Bad. I kept looking away from her.
"You think I'm, pretty right?" She asked me, taken off guard by how blunt her question was, I looked back at her.
"Toots!" I gasped out. She gave a shrug.
"Not like anyone would fall in love with an orphan like me." She blew a raspberry. Walking over to the roller coaster. I was stunned by her questions.
"Where are these questions coming from Toots?" I asked, she looked at me with the saddest eyes I've ever seen in my life. It made my heart hurt.
"Well, I was just reading again." She had let go of my hand to flop down on the bench. She swung her legs. She wore a skirt today with a cute black jacket. She looked me over tilting her head to the side.
"I just…can't believe someone would love me…" She started to hang her head.
"Faylen, you're twelve." I spoke up, her eyes lifted from her shoes to me. Something within her eyes told me she was hiding something from me.
"No actually I'm not…" She spoke up, she sighed softly.
"I'm turning sixteen. I've lied about my age for years, so I can get adopted." Her eyes looked back down, my heart running wild in my chest.
"But…" I started. She gave a shrug.
"It's stupid I know…I just…wanted to stay here for as long as I can. I know this place is for children only." She played with her fingers slightly. Something I've noticed she does a lot of.
"Faylen…" My voice was firm.
"I'm sorry Jack…please don't kick me out!" Her eyes swelled up with tears. I walked over to sit next to her. Her hand reached out and took mine.
"What if I told you another secret?" She looked at me, her head slightly tilted.
Oh boy…this isn't good…
"What kind of secret?" I continued.
"What if I told you deep down, I've never believed in love, till I met someone?" She gave that sly smile I was so used to seeing.
"Oh…you met someone that you like?" Her eyes perked up as she heard the slight disappointment within my voice.
"Yeah!" Carnival music played in the background slowly fading out. I made a face that made her giggle.
"Someone I've known for, forever…someone who's never left me out in the cold." She was scooting closer. My heart leapt in my throat, the way her eyes laid on me made me melt.
"And who is that?" I asked, she leaned forward. She started closing her eyes, and I froze in my spot. Her soft full lips pressed against mine, and I fell into it. Her lips were warm, soft and tasted like warm cotton candy. I felt her smile against my lips, she giggled and I followed with a giggle back.
"What is this feeling?" I asked her, she gave me a huge smile her face bright red. Within her eyes I saw how happy she was, truly happy.
"Let's dance Jack. I'll sing." She stood up, handing me her hand. I took it without hesitation. She came right up to my chest, I've never danced before…but it was something I wouldn't have minded trying out. She was against me, and I could smell her. She had the lightest scent of lavender and honeysuckle. It made me feel weak.
She's so young…and I'm too attached. I laid my cheek against the top of her head. Listening to her beautiful soulful voice.
…
"I didn't deserve her…" I whispered closing my eyes, hitting the delivery floor. I could still hear her laughter within my mind. Holding her in my arms, dancing barefooted in the grassy part of my carnival.
"She was too young to know what that feeling was…and I was too stupid to realize what it was…" I spoke to my reflection in the doors. They clicked open and I walked down the halls, turning to look at the children laying in little beds. I kept moving further down the hall, looking for a specific room. The pain in my chest grew with each step. I knew she wouldn't have had a normal life. She knew it too…and she took the chance…she took the chance…
…
"What do you mean we can't be together?!" She screamed at me, I turned around screaming back at her.
"You're a human! I'm a homicidal child eating, butchering clown!" Tossing my hands in the air I scoffed.
"I'm getting too close to you Faylen! This isn't right, this isn't normal!" I watched her wince in pain.
"You were the only one there for me when no one else was Jack!" She stepped up, her hands reached out to touch me and I took a step back.
"No toot's this isn't happening. It's not going to happen. I just can't." I kept shaking my head, she made her eyes wide again and poked out her lip.
"Don't give me that!" I snapped at her, trying to stay mad.
"No! You're not going to throw me away like I'm trash!" She stomped her foot.
"I'm not throwing you away Faylen! We don't belong together, you deserve a human man, who can give you a marriage and babies and all that good stuff!" I was pacing, and she crossed her arms. She had her hair braided, random curls fell over her freckled face. She wore a green sundress that complimented her skin tone. It showed off her blossoming body, and I had to look away from her.
"You don't love me Faylen. You don't." I turned to look at her. The pain in her eyes hurt me.
"What are you talking about? I do love you!" She stepped up to me.
"I love you more than life itself Jack." Her voice grew soft, her eyes casted to the ground.
"I've loved you since I was a child. I just didn't know it then." I turned around to her.
"That's because you were a child. A child Faylen. Someone who wouldn't understand that kind of stuff." I sighed rubbing my temple.
"You don't love me Faylen. That's that. You're infatuated with me." I tried from a different approach. Her face went dead, her eyes empty.
"You're telling me, you didn't feel what I felt when you kissed me?" She asked, I shook my head slowly.
Lies. You're lying to her.
"No Faylen, I didn't I felt nothing in that kiss we shared." I took a deep breath, hoping she fell for it. Her eyes swelled.
"You're lying to me, I can tell you are." Her fists were clenched.
"Are you trying to make me hate you…? Why…?" She walked to me, her eyes round and staring right through my soul. I tried making words.
"Faylen I…you…this…we…" I shook my head.
"We can't. I can't get attached to you. I kill children, I torture them for fun." I emphasized the word. And she shook her head slowly.
"Don't make me…" I didn't want too…
"Don't make you do what?" She was challenging me…something I loved the most about her.
"Hurt you…" I whispered, she walked up to me.
"You wouldn't dare." She snapped. I took a deep breath looking down at her, emptying all sense of the word 'emotion' from my eyes and face.
"For your protection, yes I would." I breathed out, leaning down I captured the back of her head with my hand. I pulled her in, I left a feathered kiss on her lips.
"I love you, but we can't be together…I'd suggest you run little darling…and run as fast as you can."
…
I reached forward pushing Mrs. Myu's door open. She was sitting up holding the baby against her breast. The little girl was suckling, and her own eyes were wide open and blood shot. Swollen from crying, and the face of a broken-hearted mother. I couldn't sympathize considering. When she heard me enter she turned to look at me. Her brows knitted together in confusion, then fear entered them. She was about to scream when I opened my mouth.
"My name is Jack. Are you Mrs. Myu?" I asked, her body went cold. Her eyes lost all light.
"Oh god…is Fay alright?" She asked, the moment she said her name, the tears came and refused to stop.
"He did a number to her. She's hooked up to a breathing machine, heart monitor, and a feeding tube." The fear within her eyes fell to sorrow.
"What are you?" She whispered to me. I stepped in further.
"What am I?" I repeated the question. I was never asked outright who I was, or what I was. I stood there by her bedside, unsure of how to answer.
"You're my Fay's boyfriend, right? The one Calen's been talking non-stop about?" She had a sad smile against her lips.
"The friend she fought with when she was younger?" It seemed she already knew a lot about me.
"I've lost my babies tonight…they can't find Stu…I just had a baby…and now Fay is…Fay might not make it…" He chins trembled, and her tears fell down her face.
"You know, if it wasn't for you I wouldn't have found her." She gave me a look.
"She was a child when she fell in love with you Jack. I saw it every time she woke up. She missed you something terrible. She wouldn't go out to find someone else. She refused too…she loved you. She wanted you to be her one." She leaned her head back, letting out a soft sob.
"God…why her? She's so innocent…" She closed her eyes, I allowed her to speak.
"Why my babies? They've done no harm…why our help? I've loved them just like family." Her red eyes turned onto me.
"What are you? I know you're not normal…" Myu didn't even wipe away her tears. I cleared my throat.
"I'm a monster ma'am. A monster that fell in love with an angel…a cowardly one at best…I…" I tried clearing my throat again, but it didn't work the lump was still there.
"If I lose her, I might as well lose my sanity all over again." When she gave me that look, I sighed?
"I'm a homicidal clown who kills children for fun." The fear didn't return she just stared at me. As if she was staring through me, and not actually looking at me.
"You find him Jack, and you make him pay…he's not done. He'll come back and get Calen. I know he would." She sat up a little.
"I've been working for the CIA for the longest time, trying to catch the modern day Gacy. Little did I know he was my own husband, living under my roof, making love to me and I having his children." She rocked baby girl a little while she ate.
"If he gets Calen…I swear to god I'll lose my shit…" She whispered, the lump back in her throat.
"Just like if I lose Fay…" She looked at me, her voice dropping.
"If he kills Calen…that'll be the end of your woman Jack…that I know…" She looked to Baby Girl.
"You know what I named her Jack?" I shook my head slowly.
"Arora Faylen. Faylen's her godmother. It's the least I could do…" She pulled the sleeping child away from her breast and covered herself. She looked to Arora and then to me.
"Go ahead, hold your godchild." She lifted her arms out holding the child. I shook my head.
"I can't- "She interrupted me.
"You can, and you will. I'm not asking you, I'm telling you." She ordered. Freezing for a moment, I reached out to take the child. I looked down into the scrunched up little face. Hands into fists balled up near her face. It was a little strange holding a newborn. The hunger pangs were light enough I could handle it. I looked back at Mrs. Myu before handing her the baby back.
"You find him, and you make him pay…but for now…go be with Calen. He needs you more than anyone right now." Myu leaned back into her bed, the baby laying on her chest. I just stood there, seeing the beautiful moment between mother and child. For the first time since becoming a hollowed-out clown. I felt a seed be planted within my chest, something that had felt like hope.
