A/N: Well this is it... She's finally going to talk to Edward ;) Thanks for reviewing again, twilight4evr84, CourtneyCS, Shirley, aaks94, titanterror12, RyanPCullen, lost-girl666, Emma-MasenCullen, , cicas33, xXcaiteeXx, Nikie Bleeker, Biddy429, -KiwiCullen-, Rubies, nougat81, JENNIFER, Tortall101, Dawl, Lauren James, Goddess of the night shadows, Amy-Kay381 you're all so sweet :)

Now, for the customary Q):
1. What's Jake going to think about Bella and Edward? Well at this point Bella isn't even sure what she thinks about her and Edward ;) I haven't written the part with Jake in it yet so can't really answer that question right now ;)
2. Is there going to be another chapter in EPOV? I wasn't planning on making anything EPOV at this point, what I've written so far is all in BPOV and it fits together that way so I don't think I'll write anything from EPOV this time.
3. Is Tanya going to be in this story? I'd be giving away too much if I told you that right? Stay tuned and find out for yourself ;)

To twilight4evr84: I don't mind your questions :) I'm happy you like my story! :)
To Shirley: You're very modest indeed :D But I don't mind ;) Your review cracked me up :D
To RyanPCullen: I agree with you that the previous chapter doesn't really add much, it was more building up towards this chapter, if I would have put it into one chapter it would've been too long, so the last chapter was more of a filler really ;) I hope you like this chapter better :)
To Biddy429: I'm glad you caught up with the story again :) Thanks for your review! Because you went through the trouble of catching up a couple of chapters and everything you can have some Haagen Das Creme De Leche Ice Cream (I've never had that :P) Enjoy! ;)
To Rubies: I loved your review! Cracked me up! :D thanks for the pot of Cookie Dough :D I love it :D and thanks for the Lemon Merengue Pie :D I've never tasted it before but if you say it's awesome I'll give it a try ;)
To Tortall101: I'm glad you liked my explanation of why Bella and Jake will always just be friends ;) I thought it would only be fair for them to have tried and failed, rather than getting the same mess as in Eclipse and the beginning of Breaking Dawn :P And surely there will be more of Jake and the Cullens in the story ;)
To Drawl: Wow, some review! :D Thanks! :) Lot of insight :D I'm not going to focus on EPOV in this story so I won't really go into it all, especially since Edward tries to hide everything from Bella and she never quite figures out what he's thinking ;)

Well that was it for the LONG (!!!) Author's Note since you've all been dying to know what happens now :P I had some trouble writing this chapter because it had to be right so I hope you like where I take it, if not, please don't kill me ;) It'll all be fine eventually (A) So on to chapter 8: Confusion. Enjoy and review :)


Confusion

I didn't want to be the first one to speak so I sat in the meadow, waiting for Edward to start. It took him some time before he noticed I wasn't going to say anything but when he looked at me he nodded, indicating that he would go first.

"Bella, let me begin by saying how truly sorry I am for what I've put you through, when we were… well… you know, and when I left and the time after that, it was unforgivable." The moment he started speaking the pain became evident in his eyes far more than it had before and I wanted to comfort him so badly, I just didn't know how. So I just sat there, looking at him and waiting for him to continue. "But you have to understand, I did it for you, I wanted you to have a normal life Bella, I was putting you in constant danger by being around you and I didn't want that for you. So I thought moving away was the only option I had. It killed me to do it but I saw no other way out." I didn't understand what he was telling me but I didn't want to interrupt. "I knew I couldn't give you a normal life Bella, a human life, and I realized that after your birthday." I saw him flinch slightly, "Even my family was a danger to you and I couldn't risk your life any longer by being around you. So I left you. And I've been miserable ever since."

"I don't want you to be miserable," I muttered weakly.

He looked at me and a tiny smile formed on his lips but it didn't reach his eyes, they still seemed dead. "From the moment I saw you for the first time in our Biology class I knew it would be a bad idea for us to become close, I was right and I'm truly sorry for not being able to stay away then, it could have saved us both a lot of pain," he said sadly. This was it, he was telling me he was sorry he ever met me and that he didn't want to have to worry about me ever again, he was going to leave again and this time he would make sure he was never coming back. I braced myself for impact and waited for his words. They didn't come.

He was silent for a long time, as if he was waiting for something. I had been staring at the floor so when he didn't speak for a while I tentatively lifted my head a little so I could see his face, to see what he was waiting for. He seemed to have been waiting for any sign of life from me or maybe a sign that I was even listening, that I would really, truly hear what he wanted to tell me so desperately.

"Thank you," he said softly, "I don't like it when you hide your face, it makes it hard for me to see what you're thinking," he stated simply. I didn't respond. "Anyways," he continued and I braced myself again, "That doesn't mean that I'm not grateful that I got to know you better, you are an amazing creature Bella and you've changed so many things about me for the better. But I wished I hadn't caused you so much pain."

I was just sitting there, staring at him, I didn't understand what he was trying to tell me but a part of me was screaming at me that he didn't want me to go away. I tried to push the voice down with as much power as I had. I didn't want to think anything but I certainly didn't want to think hopeful thoughts. That would only end up causing me more pain at the end of the day.

For a while Edward seemed unsure what to tell me next or how to tell me what he wanted because he was mindlessly playing with the grass in front of him, picking up daisies and throwing them into the soft breeze, and he kept staring at his hands. His behavior was odd and it was unnerving to me. It wasn't for the first time that I wished I could read his mind.

"I'm both happy and sad that Alice brought me to New York," he said after a long break, "this might sound odd to you, maybe all of it does, but let me try to explain. I'm happy and sad that I got to see you here again. Happy because I see you've moved on with your life and that you've found a new man like I wanted you to, and sad because I know I will never find anyone else and I guess seeing you makes me realize what I gave up so long ago and I wished I could have been a little more selfish back then, like you asked me to." My mind went blank in shock for a moment. What had he just said? A new man? Me? Huh?

"Wait… what?" I said when I was able to move again.

"What don't you understand?" He must have thought his words had made perfect sense because the look on his face told me he was very confused.

"Something about a new man?" I exclaimed incredulously.

"Yes, I've seen the two of you together, hugging and talking happily and everything." Had he seen me and Jake together? That was just the way we were, it wasn't like that made us a couple or anything. Did that mean that he had come to Forks? Because we hadn't really been out of my room when he had visited. "I wanted to give you all the privacy you deserve so I haven't been reading his mind but I truly wanted to, I wanted to know if he loved you the way you deserve to be loved and if he was good enough for you. But you seemed so happy together and you've been smiling a lot during lunch in that group of yours and I'm happy for you, I truly am. I'm relieved that you moved on, it worried me, I thought you weren't going to let go of us and it would ruin your life. You have no idea how glad I am that that is not the case," he exclaimed in a rush. It was hard for me to follow what he was saying and I just stared at him in disbelief for a while. "Will you say something please? Your silence is killing me," he pleaded.

"Uhm… I still don't quite understand," I admitted, "What are you talking about?"

"That guy of yours, what's his name, Max I believe, in your group of friends. I overheard part of your conversation not long ago and I saw him hug you when you walked over to the table they were all sitting at, so I assumed he was your boyfriend. Was I wrong?"

"Max?!" I exclaimed shocked before I broke down in nervous giggles. Edward just stared at me, hurt, and I realized he must have thought I was laughing at him so I quickly composed myself before I began my explanation. "Oh no, we're just friends! He hugged me because he was happy to see me after I'd been sick. He's not interested in me that way at all, he likes my roommate, Shirley!" I explained.

"I just assumed, I didn't want to ask Alice about it and I didn't want to listen to his thoughts because I thought it would be invading your privacy, but the way you were together," he trailed off.

"He's just a friend," I assured him,

"So there's no one else then?" he asked a little uncertain.

"No, not anymore," I admitted, although after I had said the words I saw a new flash of pain and curiosity crossing over his face.

"What do you mean 'not anymore'?" he asked tentatively.

"It's nothing really, Jake had been so kind to me and he was my best friend and I knew he had feelings for me that were more than just friendship and after a year or so we gave it a try, it didn't work out though, we're like family, it wasn't right," I told him in a rush.

"Jake? Alice told me about him earlier, he's a werewolf right?" he asked incredulously.

"Mostly he's my best friend," I told him defensively, "but yes, he's a werewolf," I answered simply.

"So much for a normal life," he muttered more to himself than to me, "I don't like it!" he told me a little harshly.

"You don't have to, he's my friend, I love him like a brother and he was there for me when I needed him most and he and his pack saved me from Victoria, they killed her when she came back for revenge," I told him a little bitterly. He flinched at my words.

"I'm sorry Bella," he replied softly but didn't respond otherwise.

"What does it matter?" I asked him suspiciously. I knew I wanted answers from him and this might be the only time I had with him before he would leave again so I would have to make sure I got everything I needed.

"I'm glad you don't have anyone else," he replied while a genuine smile spread across his glorious face.

"I don't understand," I told him confused.

"Bella, haven't you heard what I said? Any of it? I can't be happy without you. Don't you see?"

"But you left," I stated dumbly.

"Yes, because I thought it was best for you Bella, I couldn't have left if I didn't think you would be safer that way." His golden eyes were liquid and they gazed into mine, I was breathless and my heart sped up.

I had to focus, I couldn't start with those old feelings again, it wasn't right. It was too much.

"I… don't know what to say," I said shyly.

"I love you Bella, I always have, I lied to you before because I wanted you to have a normal life, a human life, the way it's supposed to be, I didn't want to drag you out of the world where you belonged, I felt too selfish. I knew it was going to be hard to do but you seemed to swallow every lie like you had known all along. It was excruciating. Then those months past without you, two years went by and I had lost all hope of a normal existence, at least as normal as my existence would ever get. I was hopeless Bella, for two years I have been miserable and I have thought of nothing other than you. I can't live without you, it hurts too much!"

My heart was racing and it was battling with my mind for my attention. I couldn't let my heart win, not this time. Look where it got me the last time. He had lied to me to keep me safe, I believed him, but what guarantee did I have that he wouldn't do it again. I was just about to get a little better and I couldn't let him ruin everything I built just like that.

But my heart was strong, it was working with a small part of my brain, yelling at me that I loved him and that he loved me too, I should trust him and I would be happier than I had been in so long. I would love again, it would all be perfect.

It was hard to argue with the images that were forming in my mind but I tried anyway. In the end I won and my heart slowed down and the voice in my head became weaker until it disappeared.

"Please, say something," Edward begged.

"I can't Edward," I choked out, fighting the tears that were filling in my eyes.

"I understand, I'm sorry Bella, I've put you in an awkward position."

"I don't know what I want right now," I confessed, "I have missed you too Edward, and my feelings for you have never changed, but you've hurt me so badly and I have to protect myself from ever feeling like that again. I could barely manage last time, I couldn't handle it again. If it hadn't been for Jacob I wouldn't have survived. I locked myself in my room for a long time and I couldn't do anything. I was a zombie because you left Edward." I wanted to tell him everything he had done to me, I wanted to get it all of my chest, explain to him how much it had hurt but I saw his expression and the pain in his eyes was growing, I couldn't continue anymore. It wasn't fair for him either. "I'm sorry," I said in defeat.

"You have nothing to be sorry about love, I'm the one to blame for all of it and I'm truly sorry for all the pain I've caused you, if there was any way I could make it up to you I would do it in a heartbeat. I would trade the world to be able to go back in time and stop myself from ever leaving you. It has brought neither of us any good. But just tell me this one thing. I know I have no right to ask you for anything but would you please answer one question for me?" he asked insecurely.

"I guess."

"Am I too late?"

"What do you mean?" I did understand his question but I didn't know my answer.

"Have I hurt you too much and am I too late to ask for your forgiveness. It would only be fair if that's the case and I'm sure I can leave you alone if it is, just say the words."

"I… I don't know," I replied honestly, "My feelings for you never changed, but I don't… I can't… I'm…" I stuttered, I took a breath and organized my thoughts before I continued, "I guess what I'm saying is that I don't know if I can trust you anymore. You crushed me Edward and it still hurts every day. I was getting better, healing, I knew I could probably never love anyone in the same way I love you but I could be happy without you maybe in a few years," I added the last part more for his benefit than that it was the truth because I was quite sure I couldn't be truly happy with anyone but him but I had to make him see my side without hurting him too much, "It wouldn't be the same. It couldn't ever be the same. But it could be enough. I want to be with you and I want things to be the way they were but I simply can't do it. You lied to me Edward, and what makes you think you wouldn't do it all over again the next time one of your family members jump on me or if another bloodthirsty vampire comes after me?" He flinched at my words and I immediately regretted them. It wasn't really fair of me to say these things so bluntly.

"I guess you're right, maybe in time…" he trailed off.

"Maybe," I agreed.

"I will make you trust me again Bella, you can be sure of that. I love you and if you say you need time I will give you that. I will give you anything. If you think I'm too late tell me now but if there is even the smallest chance you could ever forgive me I will fight for you, harder than I ever fought for anything in my life," he told me sternly.

"Like I said, I don't know what I am feeling right now and I haven't really been able to deal with the situation fully yet, so I won't shut you out right now either because I might regret that later, but we will have to take it slow. We can try to be friends," I offered.

"I'll take anything! Friends it is," he declared surely. I knew he was trying to convince me that he was alright with the situation, but I could see the pain in his eyes and the crease between his eyebrows, they told me that he was hurting more than he wanted me to see. I wanted to comfort him but I had to protect myself. Friends was all I could give him right now, maybe someday it could be more, like it used to be, again, but for now, this was it.

"Thank you, for understanding," I muttered shyly.

"Anytime," he said sincerely.

I looked up at the sky and noticed it was completely dark already. We had been talking for a while and I had no idea what time it was but I guessed that it would be late. I had class early in the morning and I would surely be dreaming weird dreams again tonight so it probably wasn't a bad idea to get back now. This was all that was going to be said tonight anyways. I would have to wait until tomorrow and the rest of the days to figure out where this was all going.

Edward must have thought the same thing because he suddenly rose, offering me his hand to help me up I looked at it questioningly.

"Friends don't let friends fall," he stated simply, I realized the words could mean more things but I decided to ignore that.

I reluctantly took his hand and the moment I was standing I released it again. The feeling of our brief touch was already too much. The currents were flowing through me in the same way they used to and the little voice in my head wasn't so little anymore all of a sudden, it was screaming at me to stop being an idiot and kiss him already. I couldn't, I wouldn't. I fought the voice off and by the time I was done convincing myself that this really was for the best the burning in my hand started to subdue a little. Enough for me to fully focus on the treacherous path I was walking on at the moment.

I was certain Edward would've liked to run back to the car with me on his back, just like we had the first time. And quite frankly I would like that too, but that wasn't going to happen. Not now. I had to be strong, so it wouldn't be like the last two years ever again.

We arrived at the car not long after and when I looked at the clock I noticed it was already one in the morning. We had been out here even longer than I thought. It was incredible how quickly time seemed to pass. There was practically nobody else on the road at this hour so we were back on campus before long and Edward was walking me to my room.

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow," Edward stated a little unsurely, "is it okay if I talk to you during lunch?"

"That's what friends do," I replied with as much enthusiasm as I could manage, Edward wasn't fooled of course so I quickly stated, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Thank you Bella, for giving me the chance to talk to you," he said sincerely while his eyes looked straight into my soul, I could already notice my thoughts falling apart and I worked very hard on staying coherent.

"Sure," I replied brilliantly, Edward flashed a quick smile and I lost my breath, I hated how easily my body responded to him, it made rational thinking very hard.

"Sweet dreams Bella," Edward said softly in goodbye. I doubted I would have sweet dreams. Weird dreams would be more like it.

"Goodnight," I replied a little uncomfortably.

Then he turned around and walked away. I was alone in front of my room door, staring into nothingness, dazed by the evening I had just had. Then my phone buzzed.

I told you it would be fine. Sleep tight! I'll talk to you tomorrow. Love, Alice

I smiled at the message but I didn't reply. I quietly opened the door, I knew Shirley would already be sleeping and I felt sad that I didn't get a chance to hear about her date with Max but we would have tomorrow for that. Right now I needed to sleep, so I quickly changed into my pajamas and brushed my teeth before I crawled into bed and waited for sleep to come over me, I felt exhausted. Not long after that everything went dark and I was sound asleep.


A/N: I'm sorry!! Don't hate me! (A) I just felt this would be a more logical response from Bella after two years of crying over Edward. I'll update the next chapter tomorrow :) Lemme know what you thought of this one in the meantime :) Xxx Thari