Chapter 8

Izzie didn't know how she managed it, but the next morning she'd taken her first opportunity to abandon the ER and now was on a search for Dr. Shepherd, with copies of Sally's medical records in her hands.

In her mind, she was going over and over possible ways of approaching him, thinking of each scenario for a minute or two, before discarding it and moving onto the next. Which was the best way to get the desired results? The first thought that entered her mind was to somehow use his relationship with Meredith but she couldn't quite see a way that would work. It then occurred to her to wait until the following morning when she would no doubt see him in their kitchen in a scruffy old T-shirt and boxers, stealing the last of the cereal, but she had the notes in her hands right now. Izzie didn't think she could stand to wait that long.

Could she bribe him with baked goods? No, that was far too juvenile. Eventually she decided that the best option was to be honest. Well, maybe not completely honest. She knew Derek, and they way he worked, well enough to know that she had to find some way to appeal to him both professionally and personally.

Talk up Sally's case like it was an exciting challenge that he could solve. She'd read the notes. Hell, she'd barely done anything but read the notes sinse she convinced some junior nurse to get them for her; she knew it was a challenge. The solving part? She had her doubts. But she had to try.

Tell the whole story, Izzie knew, would appeal to Shepherd's caring side, but she just couldn't; not yet. She'd go with 'friend'. She doubted Derek would push her for precise details but it didn't stop her feeling sick at the thought of having to let slip.

Telling Addison had been different, somehow. There wasn't so much on the line then. And she hadn't had the time to work herself up into a state thinking about it, telling her just kind of happened.

Izzie was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't notice someone beside her calling her name.

"Izzie, Izzie?"

She blinked herself out of her daze and focused on Alex's unusually concerned face looking at her. When she managed a slight smile and a feeble "hi" his expression only grew even more confused.

"Are you alright?"

"Um yeah, have you seen Dr. Shepherd?"

Alex shrugged. "No." He paused. "How was your day off yesterday? I could use a holiday."

"It wasn't a holiday" Izzie admitted, before she could stop herself. She didn't mean to say that, she didn't intend to give anything away to make people suspicious, but she feared a few of her friends already were.

Alex seemed to detect her anxiety and didn't press for more information. "Ok" He said simply, and then after thinking for a moment, said "If you want to get a drink after work and talk about anything…" He trailed off.

Izzie smiled again, more genuine this time "Thanks."

"Stevens."

Their conversation was cut off by an all too familiar voice barking at them from down the corridor. They both looked up to see Bailey standing there, hands on hips.

"Is there any danger of you doing some work any time soon? Or are you just going to stand around gossiping."

"I er…" Izzie replied urgently, but didn't have an excuse. "Sorry, I'll get right on it."

Bailey appeared to soften. "Make sure you do." She turned her attention to Alex. "Karev, the x-rays are back for Mr. Phillips, can you make sure you get them to Dr. Sloane?"

Alex took this in and nodded in compliance. Bailey looked at them bother for a fraction longer and satisfied that they'd both heard her and were going to pay attention, continued her walk down the hallway. Alex turned to walk the opposite way, throwing another meaningful glance towards Izzie.

She stood there for a minute in thought, before snapping back to her mission and focusing around her, trying to locate Derek.

Izzie had located Derek staring at the surgical board about an hour after her run in with Bailey. She'd completed about 50 minutes of obligatory ER suturing, all the while thinking about nothing other than what she would say when she finally found him.

But when she did finally find him, she'd chickened out, and now was sat in the downstairs lobby on her lunch break cursing herself for missing her chance. He had now been in the OR for a good 2 hours and by all accounts it was going to be a long surgery. She sat in one of the uncomfortable waiting room chairs, scuffing her feet on the ground like a kid. She let our a frustrated sigh, and nibbled at a prawn cocktail chip.

She looked up to see Cristina walking towards her. It took her mildly by surprised, Cristina was the last person she expected to find her, but she was secretly pleased at the possibility of having someone to talk to.

"Izzie" she said with conviction as she got closer. "There you are. You'll never guess the case Burke has upstairs."

Izzie's ears pricked up at the possibility of something more interesting that suturing to distract herself. "Oh?"

"Thoracopagus conjoined twins" Cristina announced with excitement. "Can you believe it? 2 people, 1 heart. And it needs repairing."

Izzie swallowed another chip, and gave Cristina a look. "And you're scrubbing in right?"

"Yep" she said, not even trying to hide her smugness. "But, you know, I thought you might want to come take a look."

"Thanks" Izzie said, genuinely grateful that Cristina had bothered to come and find her. But she feared her general anxiety disguised her true intentions and came across as sarcasm. However, Cristina didn't notice, and after assuring her she would be up in a moment, Yang turned and walked across the lobby to the elevator.

Yet another reason to avoid Shepherd, she thought, then felt immediately guilty. She'd promised herself the second she'd seen Hannah return to Sally's bedside, that she would do all she could, in her professional capacity as well as her personal one, to help the two of them out.


Izzie watched groundbreaking surgery below and for the first time in her career, didn't really care. Maybe 'watching' was too strong a word. She starred in the general direction of Cristina, Dr. Burke and the rest of the team below, but it was as if she was counting the floor tiles or something, she wasn't paying attention.

Everyone else around her in the packed viewing gallery was leaning forward in their seats, mesmerised by what they were seeing, but Izzie slouched against the back wall, playing with the end of her stethoscope without noticing.

Even when somebody rested a hand on her shoulder, Izzie's mind was so far away that it took her a while for it to return to her body, and register that someone was trying to get here attention.

It was Addison.

"Is everything ok?" the red head asked in a hushed voice as she sat down on the bench next to Izzie. She didn't want to draw attention to them, and Izzie was grateful.

"Yeah" was the reply Izzie offered, but she knew even before the words left her lips that she wasn't going to sound very convincing. Before Addison could even says he didn't believe her, Izzie surrendered to the fact that she would have to tell the truth. She needed to confide in someone, bottling everything up was not going to do her any good.

Izzie took a breath like she was going to say what was on her mind, but then faltered. "I'd rather not talk about it here…"

Addison nodded and stood up. "Let's go…"

"Don't you want to watch the operation?"

Addison shook her head. "It's ok. Come and talk to me."

"I've been trying to pluck up the courage to talk to Dr. Shepherd" Izzie confided, when they were down the corridor from the viewing gallery, out of earshot from everyone.

"Derek? Why?"

"I persuaded a nurse to give me a copy Sally's medical file." She stopped, waiting for Addison to voice her disapproval. When all the older doctor did was sigh, Izzie kept talking. She didn't take the time to read Addison's expression, but in her mind she felt like she needed to defend herself. "I have to do something" she said, her voice becoming a little strained, despite the hushed tones they still spoke in. "I have to try at least."

"Izzie, if the doctors say there's nothing to be done for her…"

"I have to try." Izzie repeated this with determination. "There's no harm in asking Shepherd to take a look right? I mean, he's the best…"

Addison nodded. She understood, she just didn't want false hope to be raised. "Don't make any promises" Addison warned, but she didn't sound threatening, only concerned. "I don't just mean to Hannah and Sally, I mean to yourself."

Izzie smiled a kind of grateful, melancholic smile. "I know" she said.

Addison smiled back. "I think Derek will be out of surgery soon. You should talk to him."

Izzie took a deep breath when she saw Dr. Shepherd enter the doctors lounge on the surgical floor. It was ridiculous how nervous she was, Izzie was having flash-backs to the time she had to stand outside the principle's office right before being suspended from school for 2 days for cutting class. You don't go to school, so they punish you by not letting you go to school? There was a flaw in the system there…

'Oh, shut up.' Izzie scalded herself. Focus. With the brown cardboard file clutched to her chest, she strode towards the door that was falling shut, building herself up with every step.

Her fragile confidence was shattered however, by the shrill beeping of her pager penetrating her thoughts. She let her shoulders slump and her posture fall, instantly reverting back to being terrified again, yet she still couldn't put her finger on why she was so nervous.

She reached down to her belt, tilting the beeper upwards so she could glance at the screen. She frowned. She didn't recognise the number. Then she made her way to the desk.


Hannah's whole body convulsed with emotion, and thick salty tears streamed down her face. She'd dialled Izzie's pager, fearing she wouldn't be able to speak, but when the receptions phone rang and the nurse handed it back to her with a concerned expression, she knew she'd have to.

She took the receiver, her hand shaking violently. Time must have stood still, Hannah had no concept of how long she'd been standing there staring down at the off-white phone handset, but when she finally lifted it to her ear, the person on the other end of the line was asking if anyone was there.

She made an effort to control her sobs, but in doing so began to hiccup. When she did speak, as she feared, she could barely get her words out.

"Izzie… Her heart stopped. She's getting sicker. Please help, please help…" On that last work, her sobs returned at full force. She gripped the phone so tightly that her knuckles turned white. She didn't move; she wasn't able to. If she tried, she was scared her legs would give way.

Hannah still had the phone to her ear, but she wasn't listening to the voice on the other end of the line, she couldn't comprehend the words.