Sheesh, I'm too caught up in this story...
I hope this chapter got better than it was before.
The next morning wasn't really better. Kakashi had had a strange dream he couldn't forget. Usually his dreams were gone about five minutes after he woke up, but this one was still as present and clear. He had been hanging out with Sakura at their favorite place; he lay under the tree and was reading, while Sakura was leaning against him, her head resting on his chest while she looked up through the branches at the sky. A usual scene for the two of them, though always hidden from the view of prying eyes. Kakashi still didn't want to lose his reputation as the anti-social guy. And out of the blue he felt fear creeping up his spine. He couldn't explain why; Sakura seemed to be the same as always. The feeling grew stronger, now he could nearly grab it and as it had grown intense enough that he feared it would suffocate him Sasuke came out of the trees a few meters away from them.
Sakura froze, the happy and light chatter died away immediately. The cold onyx eyes were fixed on her, shortly wandering towards Kakashi, emanating pure waves of hate and disgust, before they went to Sakura again. He felt a sting in his heart, he wanted to warn her, wanted to tell her that these eyes didn't hold a glimpse of emotion. He couldn't, his mouth was so dry that he was unable to make any sound. He felt as torn and horribly helpless as he did when Obito lay crushed under that stones. And then, Sakura was gone. Quickly he looked around and realized that the scene had changed. Now he was in a big white room, there were no windows and no doors, the light seemed to radiate out of the walls. And then he saw someone in the corner of the room and walked towards him. The person walked as well, but didn't come closer, like he walked on the spot. As he had been near enough he recognized that it was a mirror he was staring at, and the reflection of him made him pause and stare. His visible eye had the same dead and heartless expression than Sasuke's had had just mere seconds before.
He gasped for air as the realization crushed down on him. He turned away from the mirror, and while doing it the scene changed again and he was back in his apartment. It was like always but nonetheless somehow different. It didn't feel like it used to, it felt dangerous. The very moment he set foot in the corridor he had the alert feeling he usually had on missions when he infiltrated enemy buildings. It really was no home; he knew that Sakura was right; it felt like something was going to jump at him when he wasn't careful enough. Kakashi had planned to turn around, but he heard something, something that sounded like sobbing and so he decided against his first impulse and went on. Slowly, and step by step; all his nerves were shouting at him to turn around. As he reached the living room he felt like someone hit him with a sledge hammer. He saw himself, not as the grown man he was now, no, but as the little kid he had been as his father had committed suicide. He sat on the sofa, crying. But he wasn't alone; Sakura was sitting next to him, an arm around his shoulder, pulling him close to herself to soothe him.
Kakashi felt a lump in his throat and as he saw that Sakura had started swaying back and forth, rocking his younger self, he felt tears burning in his eyes. Suddenly the strange aura of his apartment disappeared and he felt home. He had the feeling that his heart would simply explode and reacted on the urge to clap his hand over it like a bleeding wound. The very moment he did that Sakura looked up at him, focusing her wonderful green eyes on him, he could only see her eyes, the light they held and he woke with a start. It took him a while to calm himself and as he felt that he actually had been crying he felt weak, weaker than any time before. Sakura had been able to reach the part of his soul he carefully had hidden all the years with the conversation they had had yesterday. She had been able to see it – see him – in a way he never thought would be possible. The sting he felt as Sasuke had looked at her made him uneasy, he knew how jealousy felt, and it was wrong. He shouldn't feel that way; Sakura was so many years younger than him. He froze as he felt something cool touching his forehead.
He had been so absorbed in his thoughts that he hadn't realized that Sakura had entered the room; he hadn't even noticed that she had sat down on the corner of the bed. Her eyes were focused on him, and he honestly had to fight a blush. Damn it! What was going on with him?
"You look troubled," she sad softly and focused on his eye with her gaze.
"It's nothing... just a... bad dream," Kakashi mumbled back, feeling strangely caught.
"You still have fever. Maybe I should change your medication."
Her cool hand wandered from his forehead to his cheek, he couldn't help but close his eye. It felt so good. The touch was light enough that you couldn't really be sure that it was there at all, her skin soft and smooth...
"I'll get you something to drink," she said calmly and then left the room again.
Kakashi watched her leaving. Damn it, was she that stealthy already or was he that blind? He still was thinking about that as Sakura returned with a glass of water.
"I was worried about you," she said as she placed the glass on the nightstand. "You were tossing and turning while you were sleeping. That bad with your nightmares?"
"No..."
"You're a bad liar you know," Sakura slightly smiled. "You know that I don't buy your flat excuses."
"Caught me, haven't you?" he tried to joke.
"What's up? Yesterday you've been... different."
"Nothing to actually worry about," Kakashi said, trying to ward off her question.
"Placing the emphasis on actually?" she asked.
"Sort of, honestly."
Sakura decided that she wouldn't push him, he had been so open yesterday, and he had talked about things he normally kept so close to himself... pushing her luck with him wasn't an option now.
She must have been looking quite curious, since he chuckled and then said:
"I can't spill all my secrets, I'd risk getting boring."
"As I already said, I highly doubt that you could ever get boring. It's exactly the opposite; you're getting even more interesting. You could show your human side more often."
"What are you trying to tell me?" Was it the fever in his head or why did he ask such stupid things?
"Oh, come on! Just look at the reputation of yours, the respect people have... that's not really normal."
"Oh yeah? Then I guess that you haven't heard what people say about you," Kakashi tried to turn the tables on her.
"Well, that I'm the same hot-tempered person like Tsunade," Sakura snorted.
"No, well... not alone... You're skilled, as a medic you're better than Tsunade already, and that's known over the borders... so don't start the reputation thing, 'cause you already built up one as well."
"But I have no secrets, or not as many as you. Until you spilled some of them yesterday you've been one big walking question mark."
He started laughing.
"What's so funny?" Sakura asked irritated.
"Just pictured that in my mind, sorry."
"I guess your fever is getting the better of you... that's borderline insanity."
"I know that I'm crazy... that's no news to me," he shortly grinned under his mask and Sakura rolled her eyes.
"I'll bring you breakfast," she just said and left.
He watched her leaving again, and it felt... wrong. He couldn't really explain why, it was right when she was there, but when she turned around it felt horrible. He wouldn't have guessed that he was that crazy already. He sighed, that was so wrong! Kakashi knew that he cared for her, it had always been important to him to see her happy, see her smile. He wanted to proof to himself that he was at least able to keep her life from the darkness. He had promised himself not to hurt her.
Sakura walked into the kitchen, feeling the strange tension radiating from him and wondered why. Her mind was so crowded with thoughts about him that she could scream because she was unable to put some sense to them. She tried to sort it out, but it was impossible. As soon as she looked at him she started analyzing. It wasn't really the medic in her that forced her to do so. It was more like her thoughts about him and around him were like nails, lying on a pile and she was trying to sort them into the right places, but as soon as he made a sound or she looked at him it was like switching on a magnet near her piles. She had seen his face so often in her mind during the last hours that she lost track of counting it. She curtly chuckled about that thought, it seemed so... obsessed. To be honest, for her and Naruto it had always been like a fever, if they sensed a chance to reveal some of their former sensei's secrets.
First she thought that she would be able to understand him better after he had told her those things yesterday, but instead it confused her even more. Kakashi would remain a secret, not the book with seven seals as he had been, but a mystery nonetheless. But right now, she was wondering what was up with him now. He seemed stressed, she could sense the unease around him but he tried very hard to be as always. She returned to him with his breakfast, a light crease between her brows, still lost in her wonderings. He noticed immediately.
"What's up, Sakura?" he asked silently.
"Nothing big... I just wonder...," she trailed off. "... are you sure you're ok?"
"Yeah, I am. No need to worry, really," he said again, trying not to sound too eager. Sakura turned and went to the door to leave him privacy to eat his breakfast without her bothering him.
"I'm just worried, that's all," she said, flashing him a short smile. She caught his mumbled reply before the door closed completely. Surely he hadn't wanted for her to hear.
"You shouldn't... eventually I'll hurt you... again."
Now she was completely confused. When ever before he had hurt her? She plopped down on the couch again and stared at the collage above it. So many faces, but only a few of them were sticking out of the blur of the others around. First there was Ino, her best friend, second was Naruto, her brother-like friend and third there was Kakashi. Remembering the years that had passed he had always been a constant part, like she always told Ino when she was bugging her with that topic. The two of them had discussed that quite often, picking the missions to pieces to analyze every detail. And always it had been Kakashi or Naruto who tried to save her, she knew that already. But when has it started that she bothered herself with worries about him? Two years ago? Or was it already three years ago? She couldn't decide. She felt a trust towards him she never felt to anyone else before, not even to Ino. She would never tell her friend, not even under torture, but that simply was the truth.
Kakashi had proven so safe, so trustworthy that she felt ashamed of using him, of needing him so much. He had too many problems he carried around with himself, she feared that she had already put too much extra weight onto him that he might break.
After all, he simply was a human too, right? She sighed and closed her eyes. She couldn't hurt him; she couldn't bear it; that was a fact. So why the heck would he think that he would hurt her?
"I'm finished. No medics today?" his soft voice surprised her and she quickly sat up, opening her eyes. He stood in the corridor, smiling at her. This time the smile really reached his visible eye, but she had the strange feeling that there was a hint of sadness in it. Automatically she returned his smile, acting on impulse and her heart ached. She couldn't stand it anymore to see him sad, not after what she had seen in his apartment and what he had told her. Why was he that complicated?
"Sorry," she replied. "I forgot."
A sheepish grin rushed over her face and she stood up. She walked over to the shelf and took out a little box.
"Here, I'm sorry. I really should pay more attention...," she handed him the pills and brushed past him, wanting to take the dishes to the kitchen, but they were gone. For a second she stood there, rooted to the spot.
"I put them into the sink."
"Why haven't you told me that you were finished? I would've..."
"You looked a little troubled and I decided that I didn't want to bother you," he explained.
"You can always bother me," she stated and looked at him. "And now go back to bed, I bet you still have fever."
"I'm feeling fine, really."
"Kakashi... I have my orders," she sighed. "Please don't make it hard for me."
"But laying in bed all the day sucks," he complained, sounding more like Naruto.
"You know what? For complaining I'll remove four years of your age! That's so childish!" she argued.
"Oh yeah? Well then, I could add at least four years to yours for acting the way you do right now and another two for treating me like I'm still a kid," Kakashi argued right back.
"Fine! Then you're just two years older! So do as I said and go to bed, unless you want me to remove three more years for being a drag."
He looked stunned for a moment and then started to laugh; Sakura joined in shortly after.
"If you insist...," he started.
"Yes, I insist. Go to bed before I make you go," she shot back, trying to sound angry but failed miserably.
"You know that sounds strange... forcing me to go to bed..." he started and grinned, winking at her. "If you're trying to seduce me, you still have to work on your skills."
Now it was her part to look stunned.
"You... you're such a perv, you know," she replied, chuckling lightly. "Why do you always have to be like that?"
"Because it's fun," he simply replied.
"You're sometimes really weird Kakashi," Sakura stated, whilst walking behind him to make sure that he lay down again.
"Could you at least be company?" he asked, grinning again.
"On a chair," She clarified and snickered as he shortly looked... unfocused.
"Is there nothing we can do?" he asked slightly bored.
"Playing cards?" she suggested.
"Nothing else?" he grinned again.
"No, nothing else. That would exhaust you too much."
