Intentions (Part Two)

A/N: This was initially broken into two separate stories because point of view shifts around a bit, but I thought it might be easier to keep all of the chapters together. It's all about consolidation. Thanks for reading!


CHAPTER EIGHT

Sara toyed with the spaghetti on her plate absent mindedly. She had been quiet all night, mulling over her situation with Grissom. She wondered what he was doing and kind of hoped he would call her. She wouldn't call him. No way.

"Sara, you okay?" John finally asked her. She looked up and faked a smile.

"I'm fine," she said sweetly, taking a sip of wine.

Liar.

"Really? You look… distracted. Usually you're so talkative," he said uneasily, "I mean, I don't want to sound paranoid, but it would kill me if I were boring you." He laughed and leaned back in his chair, trying to relax.

Sara shook her head a bit and waved her hand at him, swallowing the food in her mouth. She didn't want John to think she was bored. But he had gotten it right. She was distracted. Very distracted.

Damn, Grissom. Why did you have to throw that curveball at me?

"I'm not bored. I was just thinking. I'm sorry."

A moment passed and John looked her over. Nodding, he asked, "What are thinking about?"

Sara opened her mouth to answer. She wondered how he would react if she told him the truth.

How nice of you to ask John. I'm thinking about Grissom, you know, our boss, and how much I love him. Oh and the fact that he asked me to ditch you so he could take me out. I said no, of course. Did I mention I love him?

She decided against that and quickly skimmed her brain for a more appropriate answer.

Yeah, a lie.

"I lost something. I was just thinking about where I could have put it." She inwardly rolled her eyes at herself.

That was lame. God, I hope he drops it so I can start acting normal. "Acting" being the key word here.

Sara smiled at him and waved her hand again. Hoping he would get the message about dropping it, she continued talking, "I'm back now. So, how was your day off? What'd you do?"

John seemed to accept her answer and he loosened up.

"You mean my night off?" he chuckled, "No, it was… it was okay. I read and watched TV. I mean, what can you do during those hours, you know? Nothing's open."

Sara nodded and tried to formulate a response so she didn't look distracted again.

"What do you do? You know, on your nights off?" he asked her.

Sara smiled, mostly to herself.

Nights off. Funny.

"I don't take time off and if I happen to get time off I usually go in anyway," she said with a shrug.

"Ah, workaholic."

"Pretty much."

"Well, I like taking time to relax, but I'm having a hard time getting used to this schedule."

Sara took a moment to think about this because she had forgotten he didn't actually live in Vegas and he wouldn't be here forever. From the moment she met John, they had shared an undeniable attraction. It was strong compared to the other men sprinkled throughout her life over the past few years. Well, other than Grissom. Obviously, other than Grissom. She loved Grissom. Not only was she physically attracted to Grissom, but she was attracted to him in every way a person could be attracted to another person. It was both disconcerting and invigorating.

Until very, very recently she had just accepted that she would be attracted to Grissom forever and she'd just have to live with it. She didn't like dating other men knowing she would rather be with Grissom, but it was how it had to be because Grissom just wasn't interested in trying to make it work. And she was exhausted of hoping he would change his mind.

So, she would date other men in hopes of forgetting about Grissom. It never really worked, but with John, it worked a little. Except tonight.

"It takes a while to get used to. When I first got here, I hated it. But I guess you'll be heading back to Atlanta in a few weeks anyway, so…"

He grinned at her, but didn't answer.

"What?" she laughed, "What are you smiling at?"

"You."

Smiling, Sara rolled her eyes and blushed. She really didn't want him to go, but then again, wouldn't make things easier with Grissom?

Yeah, like anything will ever be easy with Grissom.

"What about me?"

"Nothing," he smiled paused. "But… I might not be heading back to Atlanta after all."

Uh, come again?

"What do you mean?" she asked, confusion stamped on her face. John chuckled and swallowed his wine.

"Well, Conrad has offered me a position here in the Vegas lab. A permanent position. I haven't accepted yet, but I'm thinking about it."

It was at this very moment, Sara realized that she did indeed want him to go back to Atlanta. And she felt absolutely awful about it. She could stop seeing him. They had only been dating for a few weeks. But it wasn't about that. Once again, her thoughts drifted back to her interactions with Grissom earlier that day. He had asked her to go out with him instead of John and she had said that she didn't think it would be a good idea. She had a reason. She wanted to explain it to Grissom, maybe give him a chance to deny it. But he wasn't having it.

Instead, he acted like a petulant child.

He really had been acting strange over the past few weeks. Asking her to breakfast, showing up at her house unannounced. It was so unlike him. His behavior hadn't been lost on Sara, but for the most part she chopped it up to jealousy. But jealousy didn't mean he wanted a relationship. Jealousy just meant he was possessive over her, a fact that didn't settle well with her. She had never found jealousy endearing in the least bit.

And not to mention the whole situation with Nick. He was probably mulling over his immortality, consequentially going through some sort of mid-life crisis. Everyone was dealing with it differently. He was probably just feeling lonely and Sara couldn't shake the feeling that she was just… a convenient way to alleviate those feelings. She didn't want to think of Grissom as someone who would do that, but he was only human after all. He might not even realize he was doing it.

In which case she would become invested and he would realize he didn't really want it and break her heart…

No, she wouldn't begin something with him under terms like that. Not because he was jealous or because he was going through a mid-life crisis. Not because she was convenient.

So if John was out of the picture and Grissom still felt the same, she could rule out jealousy. That would be good. But if he stayed, she would never know if Grissom's actions stemmed from love. Love. She didn't know if Grissom loved her. She knew he was attracted to her. But love is hard to gauge in a man like Grissom. He's so closed off. And damn good at hiding his feelings.

Sara rubbed her forehead. God, I'm getting a headache thinking about this

"Sara?" John said waving a hand in front of Sara's face, "You spaced out again."

She shook her head and looked at him seriously.

Damn it. I'm going to kill Grissom for dropping that bomb on me and climbing back into his shell. Typical. Typical Grissom!

"Sorry. So, you're still thinking about it?" she tried to bring the conversation back to where it was and hoped John wasn't getting paranoid again. Though, he really had reason to be.

John exhaled and continued, "Yeah. Day shift has a spot open."

"Wow. That's great," she tried to sound enthusiastic but was disappointed at the end result. He probably was too because he gave her a crooked smile and looked down at his plate.

"Maybe, we'll see. It's a pretty big life change."

Before she could stop herself, Sara scoffed and replied slowly, "Boy, don't I know."

John looked up from his plate, eyebrows raised.

"Yeah?" he asked with a grin, clearly wanting to hear her story.

Sara sighed and wished she hadn't said that. She just couldn't keep it in.

"I came here from San Francisco. I worked the day shift there, so I know how hard it is to get used to working grave."

"Why'd you come here?"

Oh, so many reasons…

"A rookie CSI was shot on the job and Grissom needed an objective investigator. He trusted me, so he called me."

She didn't want to linger on her past with Grissom and hoped he wouldn't inquire more about it. Mainly because she didn't want to think about Grissom anymore, let alone talk about him. But also because he witnessed the tension in the parking lot earlier that day and probably already suspected something was going on between them. She didn't want ideas in his head. However true they may be.

"Oh. So you've known Grissom a long time?"

Shit. Curious people drive me up the wall sometimes.

"Yeah…"

Well, no, not really. I don't really know Grissom.

This made her think about the conversation in the car.

"I've missed my chance, haven't I?"

"My chance to, uh…my chance to… to know you, Sara."

John snapped her out of her reverie. "So what happened?"

"With what?"

"The rookie."

"Oh, yeah. She, um… she died shortly after being shot."

A silence ensued and John nodded sadly.

"But why did you stay?"

Because I had a gigantic crush on Grissom and hung on his every word. Yeah, I probably shouldn't say that.

"Uh, well… they needed a CSI to fill the position," she answered vaguely.

He raised his eyebrows at her and picked up his glass to take a sip.

"Yeah, but you said you hated it here in Vegas. Why stay? They could have found someone else."

She was aware that he was fishing now. Maybe she was just being paranoid, but it was starting to irritate her. She wondered if she just offered up what he obviously wanted to hear, he would drop it. Then again, what did he want to hear?

How can I make it sound like my motivation was strictly professional…

"Grissom personally asked me to stay, so I did. I liked working with him. I've learned a lot from him," she paused, "I still do," she answered reluctantly looking down at her plate.

Not bad, not bad.

John nodded and pursed his lips. Leaning back in his chair, he laughed quietly. Sara looked up curiously.

"What?" she said, copying his grin.

John stared at her affectionately and leaned back in to her, closer than he had been before.

"It's just… I've only known you for a few weeks but I think that if…," he chuckled and looked away for a moment then back at her, "I think that if youme to stay, I think I would." asked

He winked and leaned back again. Sara was lost for words.

What do you say to something like that? Shit. I'm in trouble.