It was the sounds of a pot falling against the kitchen floor that awoke Tony from his drunken slumber. The headache that seemingly accompanied each morning as of late made little spots of black dance around the young detective's field of vision as Tony groped for the two little pills he was sure Fornell had left on the nightstand. He dried swallowed them before attempting anything else. Emily's laughter was muffled against the wooden door, but not completely blocked. The smells of bacon wafted into the room making Tony's stomach churn painfully, the contents of yesterday's alcohol binge not completely out of his system yet. Slowly, Tony pushed the covers off his legs, ignoring the spinning room as he pushed himself up to a standing position. His stomach churned once more and Tony had to physically gulp down in attempt to settle it until he made it to the bathroom.
Tony opened the door and stumbled towards the bathroom. The seat was already up and there was a glass of water placed thoughtfully on the counter besides the toilet. Tony kneeled into position and emptied the last of his stomach's content into the toilet. Bile mixed in with the taste of stomach acid making Tony dry heave a couple of times. The word alcoholic drifted to mind as he gurgled, but he waved the thought out of his head as he spit the water from his mouth and flushed the toilet. Alcoholics couldn't hold a job to save their lives. He couldn't hold a job because he was saving his life.
After taking a quick shower Tony finally made his way down the stairs. He nearly tripped over the last step when his eyes fell upon an all too familiar set of wide blue eyes.
"Da…Agent Gibbs!" Tony sputtered out dumbstruck.
"Detective DiNozzo," Gibbs said equally surprised.
"His name is Tony," Emily said turning around from the stove.
Gibbs looked over to Fornell who shrugged and turned back to the pancakes Emily was flipping. "Tony," Gibbs corrected himself.
"Pancakes, Tony?" Fornell asked Tony innocently; Tony was still standing at the bottom of the stairs, blue-green eyes as wide as his father's.
"Um…,"
"Good, you need something in your stomach anyways from what I heard earlier," Fornell stated pouring more batter onto the pan.
"You can sit down," Gibbs said offering the seat across from him. "I don't bite."
Tony nodded, dumbstruck, slowly making his way towards the table and sitting down, his entire body tense, as if ready to strike. Fornell watched as the two awkwardly sat quietly, neither one saying a word, both too engrossed in acting as if they were reading the Sunday paper while at the same time sneaking looks at each other while the other wasn't looking.
Minutes later, Diane walked down the stairs, apparently just as surprised as Tony to see Gibbs sitting in the kitchen as he was. She quickly recovered and gave Tony a warm hug and small kiss on the cheek – something that didn't go unnoticed to the federal agent sitting across the table who simply received a curt "hello" from the redhead.
After the last pancake was made and the last bacon fried, the family, plus Gibbs and Tony, sat down in the dining room. Tony took a quick peek at the food around the table, suddenly wishing someone had thought to make soup for him, unsure if his stomach would be able to handle such a big breakfast at the moment. However, Emily's beaming smile as she proudly announced that she had helped make the pancakes was enough to guilt Tony into putting some of it onto his plate.
"Now, let's say grace," Emily ordered grabbing for her parent's hands.
Both Tony and Gibbs watched with wide eyes as Fornell and Diane reached for their hands, leaving the other one free. Emily watched expectantly, a smile on her face when Tony and Gibbs awkwardly completed the circle by reaching over the table to grab the other's hand. Gibbs was surprised when a strange feeling of déjà vu washed upon him once he had Tony's hand in his.
[[[[FLASHBACK]]]]
"Ok, you think Mommy will like my Mother's Day present?" a six-year-old Tony asked, looking up at Jethro hopefully.
Jethro looked at the big meal before them, pleasantly surprised that neither of them had started a fire in the process of cooking it. Tony dragged him out of bed at five to start preparing, even though breakfast was usually served at seven. Jethro was sure that it was way too early, but the boy was determined, and it was a good thing too because it was nearly seven fifteen by the time they were done. Jethro had warned Shannon about the meal so he was sure that his wife was now waiting in bed, expectantly waiting for their wake up call.
"I'm sure she'll love it, Champ," Jethro stated. "Why don't you go wake her up, and I'll go check on Kelly."
"Daddy, don't tell Kelly because it might hurt her feelings, but she's boring! All she does is eat, poop, and sleep," Tony frowned as the duo climbed up the stairs.
Jethro laughed, "Give her a couple of years and I bet you'd give anything to keep her quiet."
Tony pushed the door to his parents' room open immediately heaving himself up the big bed and straddling his mother's stomach. His small hands shook his mom, voice loud and excited, completely missing the groan beneath him.
"Mommy! Mommy!," Tony called out.
"Hm?" Shannon peeked open one eye immediately greeted with her son's face, inches away from hers.
"Happy mother's day, mommy," Tony greeted plopping a big kiss on her check.
Shannon smiled wrapping her arms around her little boy and gently squeezing him. "Thank-you, Tony."
Tony gave a grin as he tugged on his mother's arm. "Come on! I have a surprise for you!"
Shannon let Tony drag her out of the room, meeting Jethro at door of Kelly's room. Jethro barely had time to give his wife a kiss as she was pulled past him towards the stairs. Kelly shrugged, laughing slightly in defeat as Jethro shook his head and followed the pair down the stairs.
Jethro watched as tears of joy welled up in Shannon's eyes. She lifted Tony into the air hugging him tightly. In return Tony wrapped his small legs around his mother, returning the tight hug and planting another kiss on her cheek.
"Do you like it, mommy?
"Yes, baby, thank you so much!" Shannon said placing the boy in his chair.
"It's edible too," Jethro whispered as she settled down in his chair.
Shannon watched as Tony wiggled out of his chair and grabbed a plate. Tears left her eyes as her little boy struggled with the plate as he placed a generous helping of everything on it before slowly walking towards her and placing the food in front of her. Afterwards, Tony did the same for his father, serving himself last. Finally, it was time for grace, and Tony reached over and took his parents much bigger hands into his smaller ones and led the family in prayer.
[[[[End of Flashback]]]]
"Amen!" Emily said proudly, her little voice cutting through Gibbs' memories.
Looking up, Gibbs was met with a smiling blue-eyed little girl, with a smile as wide as her face. Gibbs felt his heart hurt as Emily proudly told her mother how she had prepared the food especially for her.
"Tony, you should eat," Fornell suggested from the head of the table.
Gibbs glanced down at DiNozzo's plate. The pancakes were already cut into tiny pieces which were drowning in maple syrum, just the way his Tony loved it, but it was untouched. Surprisingly, it was a technique that his Tony did whenever he wasn't hungry.
"Food and I aren't really on speaking terms right now," Tony sighed, pushing around some of the pieces.
"Tony," Fornell said in a voice that Gibbs remembered he used to use on his son when he was being stubborn.
Tony sighed and reluctantly took a bite under Gibbs' curious stare and Fornell's worried on. He chewed and opened his mouth to show that it was empty earning a shake of the head from the F.B.I. agent before he went back to eating his own breakfast.
"So why's he here?" Tony asked pointing his fork over to Gibbs.
"Call it intervention," Fornell said sarcastically. "I had coffee with him this morning and I invited him over for breakfast."
[[[Flashback]]]]
Fornell was biting into his blueberry muffin when the door rang, signaling the arrival of yet another costumer. Gibbs stumbled into the coffee shop, and drunkenly made his way to Fornell, tripping over two chairs in the process. Fornell simply lifted an eyebrow up, as Gibbs finally fell into the booth, his hands immediately covering his eyes in attempt to settle the spinning world.
"Why am I here?" Gibbs murmured.
Fornell shrugged, pushing a cup of coffee towards Gibbs. "Why are you here?"
"Don't fuck with me today, Tobias," Gibbs growled out.
"Looks like Tony's not the only one having a rough night," Fornell noted.
"I'm tired of that kid. He's so cocky. Always so sure of himself; always thinks he's right. Where does he get off on that? He's just a damn detective. How can anyone work with him? How can you?" Gibbs said with a shake of the head.
"Are you describing you or the kid?" Fornell asked earning a glare from Gibbs.
"I'm different," Gibbs defended. "I'm good at my job."
Fornell gave a smirk. He took a sip of his own coffee. "So is he."
Gibbs scowled but said nothing. It was true. Tony was good at his job. The few advances they made in the case were made because of Tony. He was unconventional, but careful. Hell, sometimes Gibbs even liked Tony. But then there was something about Tony that he hated. There was something about his childlike antics, his constant need for attention, his inability to stay still for two minutes; there was something about him that reminded him all too much to Anthony Gibbs. And that's the one thing he could not stand about Tony.
"I looked his file up the other day," Gibbs started.
Fornell stiffened a little, before relaxing. Tony's true identity was so carefully hidden that no one except those involved in the cover up knew. There was no way Gibbs could have gotten into those files.
"How come you didn't tell me he was a foster kid?" Gibbs asked.
"I told you his father did a number on him," Fornell sighed.
"I messed up earlier," Gibbs whispered so softly that Fornell didn't think he heard correctly.
"How so?"
"I got mad earlier after he told me I didn't know him at al. I confronted the kid about his past. Threw everything I read in the file in his face while his partner and mine were watching."
"What?" Fornell spat out, his eyes widening, suddenly realizing why Tony had appeared at his doorsteps in the condition he was in. "How could you do that? He doesn't talk about his life to anyone. He's this private person and you tell everyone about it?" Fornell's voice rose with each word he spoke.
"The funny thing is that he told me I was wrong. And when he said it he just…he looked like…his eyes were…but it can't be right? I'm seeing things. He looked like him," Gibbs' voice broke, his eyes meeting Fornell's for the first time that morning.
Fornell sighed, the anger within him dissipating at the sound of Gibbs' voice. "Jethro…"
"You've never had your family die on you so you don't know!" Gibbs shouted suddenly.
The coffee shop grew silently momentarily, eyes all on their table. Fornell narrowed his eyes and Gibbs continued, quieter this time. "Every time I close my eyes I see Kelly and Shannon. Every single god damn time I see Tony in that damn hospital bed. Every time I dream Kelly's asking me why I didn't save her. Shannon will come out of nowhere asking me why I didn't save Tony. I could have saved him. Maybe I couldn't have saved Shannon and Kelly, but I could have saved Tony. But I didn't. And now…I've been living with the guilt of knowing for the past fifteen years Tony's been dead and it's my fault. And God damn it Fornell, every time I see Tony DiNozzo I can't help but see Tony Gibbs. They have a similiar sense of humor. Similar mannerisms, likes and dislikes, music taste. God damn…and I get pissed because this kid doesn't know how damn lucky he is to be alive. This kid is throwing his damn life away coming to work drunk off his ass, practically going on suicide missions just to crack the damn case," Gibbs slammed his hand on the table in frustration, spilling some of both their coffees from their cups. "He doesn't know how damn lucky he is to be alive; that I'd give anything to have my boy be breathing like he is. My boy would be his age, you know?" Gibbs stopped and Fornell nodded sadly, his heart going out to his friend. "He just doesn't know."
"You're worried about him," Fornell concluded, his eyes widening in surprise.
"I look at him and I don't see my co-worker throwing away his life; I see my son. And it's getting harder and harder to remind myself that Tony DiNozzo is not Tony…no matter how much I want him to be."
[[[End of Flashback]]]]
"So what's the plan, Fornell?" Tony asked taking a sip of his water. "We talk about our feelings and suddenly everything is better?"
"DiNozzo!" Gibbs growled.
"Save yourself the trouble, Fornell. I quit Baltimore."
"What?" Both Fornell and Gibbs questioned at the same time.
"Turned in my two weeks notice yesterday," Tony stated, his eyes traveling to Fornell who was looking at him lividly. "Would have left sooner, but didn't want to look suspicious."
"Tony, where will you go?" Fornell questioned.
Tony had not mentioned leaving to Fornell at any point before yesterday. He had no safe house ready for Tony; nothing set up to guarantee Tony safety. The fact that Tony threw down a resignation letter without his knowledge never happened in the past. The fact he threw it down in the middle of an investigation was completely not Tony-like behavior. When Tony said he quit Fornell thought it was just the alcohol talking. He thought he had time to make things at least civil with the father and son.
"I never took you for a quitter," Gibbs scoffed.
"Shut up, Gibbs," Fornel l ordered standing from the table and walking over to Tony.
"Kid, let me talk to your Chief. C'mon you can't just leave," Fornell reasoned placing a hand on Tony's shoulder.
Tony sighed. "I remember coming by to tell you but I forgot exactly what happened yesterday…we should not do this here," Tony said after his eyes drifted over to Emily and Diane.
Fornell nodded and excused both Gibbs and himself from the table. He led father and son up the stairs to the room Tony had been occupying.
"Talk," Fornell ordered.
"After everyone left I came back to do more work and I found this on top of my desk," Tony fished out a wrinkled napkin from his discarded jacket in the corner and handed it over to Fornell.
Fornell read the words and for a second his heart stopped: I know your secret.
A/N - Long time no update. Please review they keep the muse close.
