The Diary of a Real Evil Prick- Friday Part 2

AUTHOR'S NOTE : CONTAINS OFFENSIVE LANGUAGE AND CONCEPTS. PLEASE PEOPLE, THIS IS ONLY MEANT TO ENTERTAIN, NOT TO MAKE FUN OF A CERTIAN GROUP OF PEOPLE. THESE ARE NOT MY PERSONAL VIEWS ON PEOPLE AND THINGS, IT IS JUST AN ENTERTAINMENT FICTION PIECE SO DON'T GET YOUR PANTIES IN A KNOT OVER SOMETHING THAT I WROTE. IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, DON'T FUCKIN' READ IT. GOT THAT? OKAY! NOW THAT HAS BEEN SETTLED WE CAN MOVE ONTO THE CONTIUNUING PIECE OF THE DIARY OF A REAL EVIL PRICK. ALSO HOME DEPOT IS AN AMERICAN HARDWARE STORE, FOR THOSE WHO MIGHT NOT KNOW. THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE STORE ITSELF, JUST SAYING THAT I DID NOT COME UP WITH IT AND IT IS A REGISTERED TRADMARK. :) ONWARD!!

Well, thanks to the good Lord, Ra, I was able to make it out of that place with my manhood still in tact. Now I know why Ryou goes in there! He likes it old and sloppy. Now I know what to get him for Easter, but since that is a ways a way, I will place that into the back of my mind. (Where it will probably be forgotten.) That piece of shit should be greatful that I risked my life to go and get him this gift certificate. If not, I can always will him and hang his intestants out on the washline. (One must always have a back up plan.) So who is next on my goodies list? Ah, Yugi!

Yugi, Miracle Grow. Where the fuck will I find this shit at the mall? I am not going to Home Depot; if I go there I will end up having my balls fondled (and not in the good way.) The only people who work there are loer jock-sniffers, dykes and men trying to prove that they are not gay. I wonder if that is why Joey works at one of these places...I guess I can ask when I see him on Sunday. I head over to the mall directory and scan it to see if there are any planting stores in the mall. Hot shit there is one! Right next to the Horney Egyptian. It looks like things are looking up for me!! I race down to the middle section of the mall, looking for a store called "Flower Power". I push over eight old ladies, steal 12 lolly pops from children and knock a bishop into the fountain on my way there. "Closed be back in 10. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?!" I kick the door down and go inside. I glance around. "Wow. Look at all the shit in here!" I wonder down the eisles laughing and snickering at some of the fuckin' goofy names of some of the plants. In the back shelf is where I spot the Miracle Grow. When I am half way at the back shelf I hear a growling and I turn around expecting to see a dog standing behind me. But when I turn around it is not a dog behind me, it is a Venus Flytrap, or one of those fuckers that eat people! (And yes, I am still talking about the plant here people.)

Just as I am ready to get the fuck out of there, the plant reaches out and grabs me by the back of my jeans! Now at this part I am thinking, "HOLY SHIT! I AM GOING TO DIE!" I struggle and try to break the evil thing;s grip, but I have no such luck. As it drags me closer, I get out a pencil and my little notebook and start to write my will.

"The will of the great theif king; you know who the fuck this is!!"

Marik: you have been the best piece of shit that I could have asked for to pal around with. My thanks goes out to you and your bullshit, even though I caught you more than once fucking one of my many girlfriends. I hope that you will be able to make our dream of "Legal Muder Once A Month" come true and you enjoy yourself.

As for the rest of you fucks, I hated you all, but I liked hanging out with you because you let me be a complete asshole and let loose and have fun. Oh yeah, Ryou; I thought that you cooking was great and your dead mother was hot.

Sincerly,

Beloved Me

I finish writing just as I feel the saliva of the plant on my back. Before I know anything else it turns me around and gives me a big sloppy kiss on my cheek. "What the fuck?" I ask the plant, not expecting a relpy back. The plant hugs me and I decide that he is okay. I ask it if it wants to come home with me and it shakes it's head in agreement. "Alright! Just letme snag this shit." I grab the Miracle Grow off the shelf and head out the door with my new friend.

"Wanna stop at the Horney Egyptian with me? Or would you rather wait outside?" The plant decides to come in with me and I hold the door open for him. (I would never impose on a new friendship. That is not poliete.) While inside I am able to pick up the pjs that I needed for Kaiba and the toy for Mokuba. It has been a rather good day, if you ask me. And I am able to pick up a great new edition of "Egyptians gone whild." So I guess that I will not be totally bored at Kaiba's place on Sunday. I just hope that he has a fuckin' VCR. My arms full of bags I hurry out to meet Ryou who said that he would be waiting for me infront of the food court.

"Ready to go?" He asks me, his arms full of bags too.

"Does it look like I am ready to get the fuck out of here?"

"Sorry I asked. Oh, who is your friend there?"

"What friend? Oh him! The one on wheels? I met him when I was shopping, his name is DuetchBag."

"Excuse me?!"

"He's German. Just forget about it! Go out and bring the fuckin' car around to pick us up!"

"You speak German?"

"Just go! Get the fuckin' car!!"

On the way home Ryou asks what we want for dinner. I lean back when Duetchy taps me on the shoulder with one of his leaves. "Yeah? Oh, you want that for dinner. Okay, I guess he could make that for you." I turn back around. "Ryou, Duetchy says that he wants fried pig intestants for dinner." He nearly hits the car in front of us.