Warnings: First, this fic and the one that follow it are both part of the Pandora's Box alterverse created by UOChaos, which can be found over at the fmaalterverse livejournal comm. Secondly, they're both Ed-centric, but Pandora's isn't exactly the Ed we're used to. So be prepared for angst. That is all.
My Brother's Keeper
Then the Lord said to Cain, "Where is your brother Abel?"
He said, "I do not know; am I my brother's keeper?"
Gen. 4: 9
I am my brother's keeper. I failed at that once. I won't again. There is nothing I won't do to get him back. They try to smile and say it wasn't my fault, but I can see the lies hidden in their eyes. Not that I expect them to understand. This is my burden to carry. I thought I could do what shouldn't be done, and I was wrong. The innocent paid the passage for the sinner's soul, a passage into an enlightenment I didn't want. Sometimes I can still hear the last words I spoke to him, telling him it would be alright. He trusted me.
I will get him back, and until I do I will keep everything I have of him safe. I keep his memory. How could I not when I can't close my eyes without seeing him, can't be silent without hearing his voice? I swear I hear him sometimes, laughing at his older brother, laughing like we used to. I'm glad he can't see me now, but is it wrong… to wish he were here to see? Sometimes I think I do see him, a flash at the corner of my eye, a figure disappearing around the corner. I've stopped looking. Hope won't bring my brother back.
I keep his heart with me, too, to remind me of what a monster I've become, what kind of monster I will have to become to get him back. I lock it away from mine, so that the contamination can't spread to it. Sometimes it feels crowded, two hearts in one body… I would, will gladly give mine up when the time comes- to let his grow, to give him back what was denied because of my arrogance. With that crime stamped on my soul, what is one more unclean soul released from a useless life? I lost him to my pride… Now, I teach the world humility. This is my punishment, my atonement, my curse, and my salvation: I am my brother's keeper.
