Ch 8- Waves

I was still unable to move or open my eyes. More people were coming in and out. Lula was currently beside me. " I need you to wake up. I have no one to eat donuts and chicken with. No one understands me like you." she sighed as she patted my shoulder. "I love you girl." she kissed my cheek and I heard her breath catch. I was sure she was crying and I was too. I just couldn't show it. I had no tears. So I continued to stay there listening but fell asleep.

I woke up again and heard Joe's voice. He wasn't talking to me and seemed to be on the phone because I heard no other voices. "I don't know what to tell you. I didn't want it to go down like this." he said. I listened but heard nothing else. He took my hand in his and squeezed it. "Steph" he spoke quietly. It was as if he knew I had woken up even thought I had no way to show him. I could hear the pain in his voice and wanted so badly to squeeze his hand, to open my eyes, just to do anything to let him know I was here and I heard him.

"Please wake up. Let's move on together with our lives. I am so sick of worrying about you. I have worried about you getting shot, getting blown up, getting stabbed but never like this. How am I supposed to handle this? You leave me with no choice because you refuse to give up your job or Ranger. I know once we get married everything will get better. We would make our families so happy. Imagine the big Burg wedding with all of the bells and whistles. Bob can carry the ring down the isle and hopefully he won't eat the wedding cake or anything else." Joe gave out a laugh.

"I can see it now. Your Grandmother would probably bring a gun and my Grandma Bella would find someone to put the eye on. We are meant to be together, why can't you see it? Do you want me to go kick Dickie's ass for turning you off to marriage?" he gave a snicker and then got serious again.

"I can be your hero, Ranger let you down this time. You should have known he can't always be there for you. This is all his fault and he didn't make it in time. Damn him! If you wake up it will be because of the doctors and nurses and not him. He can't fix this with a damn car!"

Joe gave out a big sigh "Shit, I didn't mean to say all of that. I know the doc said only positive things. So how about this? I am positive you belong with me, in my arms, in my bed and in my home where you belong." he squeezed my hand and then I felt his breath on my ear. "I am also positive Ranger is not the man for you and he never will be."

He laid his head against my hand and stroked my arm. He let out a big sigh and then let go. I could hear his steps and it seemed like he was pacing. I heard his text message alert go off. "damn it" he said and then I heard his steps walking away from me. Then I heard nothing and I felt alone.

"Boss, he just left." I heard Tanks' voice in he distance, maybe by the door "Understood."

Suddenly, I felt Tank take my hand in his. I knew it was him because his hand was so much bigger than mine. "Don't worry Stephanie you are not alone Ranger is on his way." he gently rubbed the back of my hand. "You know if Morelli supported you and helped you out more maybe he wouldn't have such stomach issues." He gave a lite laugh. "I am trying to think of things to say. Ranger said keep talking to you so you would know you aren't alone. I am not exactly a man of many words.

He sat still with me and kept a hold on my hand. I heard him take a deep breath "It was one of the worst things I have ever seen in my whole life. Watching him go in the water and coming up without you, and then pulling you out, He worked so hard to get you breathing. Hal tried to pull him away because we all felt like it was over. I've never seen him allow himself to lose so much control. I should have known better than to give up on you, we all thought it was a lost cause but not Ranger."

He was quiet now, maybe lost in his thoughts. "His face was wet but it wasn't from the water. He was shouting for you to come back to him and not to leave him. In all of the time I've known him I have never seen him so attached and so protective of anyone." he leaned closer to my ear. "I have never seen him care so much for a woman ever" Tank whispered. "I have known him for a long time. You really don't understand what you mean to him. He has let you into his life for years. Most women don't make it through one night. No woman has ever been in his apartment except Ella."

"I should shut up right now. If you hear me and tell him what I said I will have to find a new job and maybe a casket." He sat there humming and taking deep breaths. "Hmm what to say? Do you remember..."

"What the hell?" Ranger said angrily as I heard his feet running into the room.

"I'm sorry boss, he just left and didn't say anything. I don't know why..."

"It's not your fault. I told him I didn't want her alone. He is supposed to stay until I come like I l wait to leave until he can come." Ranger said as I felt him take my hand.

"She wasn't alone. I kept her company" Tank assured him

"Thank you. Let's make sure we keep a Rangeman guy at the door 24/7 in case he pulls this again. She can never be left alone." Ranger spoke with a strain in his voice. He sounded scared but I couldn't be right about that.

"No problem. One of us will come in whenever needed, no problem." Tank explained.

"I have arranged a room for myself right down the hall. I am not leaving again until she does, until she can go home. I need you to call Lester and have him bring me a bag with essentials. I have also cleared the visiting hours issue. We can come in at anytime and there will be problems." Ranger told Tank

"Looks like you have everything covered. I know how much she means to you even though you don't say it, but I am worried about you boss. I have to admit it was kind of nice to sit and talk with her for a few minutes. I do believe she hears us and I do believe she will wake up." Tanks voice was nearly a whisper and then I heard him walk away

"Thank you" Ranger whispered

I would give anything to comfort him right now. Anything to let him know how much I appreciate him. I didn't want to be alone even for one second. For some reason I was petrified of being alone. I am sure it has something to do with what happened to me but I still don't know what really happened. Ranger kept my hand in his and slowly stroked my cheek as I felt his lips kiss my temple. I felt his head rest on mine and I assumed if I was able to open my eyes right now I would be staring into his. I felt at peace.

Joe was back of course when I was awake and explained about being called to work. His mother and Grandma Bella both came to visit also.

"We are praying for you Stephanie, I know you will recover. Joseph loves you so much." Mrs. Morelli said as she patted my hand.

"I want to talk to her alone." Grandma Bella demanded. "go wait outside of the door.

"You had better not say anything negative or talk about the eye." Mrs. Morelli warned her

"Yes, yes, fine" said the old woman "Listen to me, I need you to make your decisions, be clear and stay true to this decision. My favorite grandson needs a future. Right now it's living in sin but he is happy or big mess because you are gone." she was whispering near my ear. "Just wake up and marry him or I will convince him to settle for the blonde one." she finished before walking away

The blonde one? Terri? Did that mean Joe was cheating? Was he seeing her when we were off? Whatever, I am not going to think about the words of a crazy old lady. I need to focus on waking up and telling my friends and family how much I love them. It was so frustrating to be the center of attention like this. I hated having no control of who I had to listen to and not being able to respond was making me insane.

It seemed like I was in and out of it more than ever and had less time awake with all of the activity. Connie had come and told me she needed me to get back to the job so she could keep living vicariously through me. Of course Valerie, mom and dad kept checking in every day. From what I could hear when I was awake it seemed nothing had changed yet and everybody was worried.

"It appears from our last round of tests, her lungs are doing okay." a voice spoke

"So, can we take her off of the ventilator?" Joe asked

"Not quite yet. Her brain swelling is down. I think the visitors are helping her, but of course that's not my medical opinion. " this voice I had determined was the doctor. "We are approaching the fourth day, typically we don't want this to last more than a couple of weeks. I still don't feel it's safe to try to wake her, I would rather she woke on her own. If I see more progress than we will try to induce her into waking up with some medications."

"Thank you Dr. Gomez, we appreciate you keeping us all up to date." Joe said ad I hear the foot steps and the door.

I could feel each hand being held by someone different. "I can't do this anymore." Joe proclaimed

"We shouldn't discuss anything that may upset her." Ranger cautioned

"I can't share her with you! That's what I am trying to tell you" Joe released my hand. I could picture is Italian hands punctuating his words.

"Let's go and discuss this in the hallway." Ranger spoke calmly.

I wanted them to stay in the room. I wanted to hear everything. I wanted someone out there to make sure they didn't kill each other and then I relaxed knowing Tank wouldn't let that happen. Suddenly my hand was being held. " Stephanie, you are not alone. Ranger is outside talking but I came in to remind you that someone will always be here at your side."

I knew immediately the voice belonged to Hal. "Ranger has been living at this hospital. We keep a man outside of his room so he can be notified immediately if you are left alone. He looks like shit." Hal gave a laugh

"Seriously, he is a mess. I was outside his door and I heard him talking, so I went in to check. I realized he was still sleeping but having a nightmare. He was tossing and turning and he kept yelling out 'Breathe Babe' " Hal's voice was quiet and he stopped for a few seconds. "I'm sorry I am supposed to keep things positive and he would kill me if he knew what I am telling you. I hope it makes you want to wake up. I hope it makes you realize how much you mean to him"

I was crying but again no tears fell. I needed to wake up. I wanted to hold Ranger and tell him everything is ok. I don't want him blaming himself. I willed my hands to move, my eyes to open but nothing happened. I couldn't stand to think he was walking around with this guilt every day. He was still my hero, he still saved me. I need to wake up and prove that to him. He needs to know I am alive in here and my brain works just fine.

"I've got this now." I heard Morelli's voice as Hal let go of my hand. My other hand was being gripped by a warm hand "I'm here cupcake." Joe assured me.

"I am so tired of you always being in danger. You are breaking my heart. When you marry me there will be no stalkers, no bombs, no apartment to blow up, no kidnappings. Just me and you and Bob and then of course kids when you are ready. I can close my eyes and see our whole future together." Joe squeezed my hand and I felt his breath on my ear. "I know you can hear me and I know you are dreaming like me of our happy future together." and I fell asleep

I was up and down again. Mooner visited and asked me to wake up so we could go and hang out. Mary Lou visited and asked me to wake up so she could whine to me about her kids and go on crazy escapades with me. Vinnie even came in but he only complained about skips. I wasn't working and Ranger refused to help out. He was left with Joyce and she wasn't bringing in many FTA's.

"Hey" I heard during one of my awake moments. I felt a weight on the bed and someone holding my foot. "Are you going to wake up? This is getting pretty annoying." It was Randy Briggs. He must be sitting on the bed. "You are one of the best friends I ever had. I know that's not saying much because I don't really have any friends. But, you were always nice to me and you let me stay at your place."

Oh man, even Briggs made me want to cry. So many people were suffering because of me. "Officer Hottie is losing his mind. When I came in to visit you he was sitting by the window crying. I know he loves you, everyone can see it. He would give you the perfect life if you would just take the leap and choose the one who has been there for you all along."

I wish I could sigh, reach out..something. "Ok, I have to get going. I can't wait all day for you to wake up." he patted my leg and then sounded like he was climbing down from the bed.. I barely heard the door shut before there were footsteps.

"Hello honey!" It was Sally Sweet "You need to wake up and see these new heels. I look so amazing. You on the other hand are not looking so good. You have had enough beauty rest, now you need to wake up and get your hair done." I am going to tell one of those big body guards they need to bring someone in to beautify you. When you wake up and see yourself you might just die of shock." he laughed and then I felt a kiss on my cheek. "I miss you, please wake up." He said seriously.

I heard shoes cross the floor again and heard Joe's voice. "Don't worry the nurse is coming in to give you a sponge bath. Ranger insisted someone be in here so I agreed to stay." I heard someone else come in to the room. Soon I felt warm water on my body.

I woke up again to Joe's voice. " It's been almost a week cupcake. You need to try, you need to push yourself. We all need you here. Your mom is ironing and drinking like crazy. Grandma Mazur is even skipping viewings. She either comes to visit you or sits home." He laid his head on my arm. "My family is always asking about you, they care about you. Well of course then there's Grandma Bella she thinks someone put the eye on you or that you are faking this to avoid marrying me. I think she is worried I will end up alone forever."

All of my friends and family kept coming in and out and I was always surprised to wake up and hear a new voice or feel a new hand holding mine. I woke up feeling my bed slightly raised. Someone was holding me forward against something hard and then I felt a brush going through my hair. Someone was brushing my hair. I wanted to laugh, good luck getting through all of the tangles that must have formed from sleeping. It was relaxing though and it felt nice. Like someone was holding me and paying attention to all of me rather than just holding my hand or rubbing my arm. I felt warm for the first time since the heavy weight was removed in the hospital. I guessed now it had probably been a warming blanket.

"I hope this makes you feel better Babe" Ranger spoke quietly pulling the brush through my hair. I realized the hard thing I was leaning against was his chest. I wanted to nuzzled my face against his neck and kiss him. I was seeing a whole new gentle side of him. I knew it was always there but he rarely showed it. I felt bad thinking about Hal's words and how miserable I was making Ranger's life. How long would they all be able to keep this up. From what I have overheard it sounds like it's been a week now.

How would everyone be able to keep up with the visits and putting their lives on hold for any longer? Here I was again being selfish. Keeping every one away from their lives. What would happen if this lasted months or years? I knew eventually people would not visit so often and then maybe not at all except for my parents and Grandma. Then I would spend a lot of time being alone. That thought terrified me. "Babe, I need you to hear me." he spoke as he continued to brush my hair.

"I love you and all I want is for you to be happy. If you wake and tell me you are going to marry Morelli I will smile. I will smile because you are awake. Don't think I won't fight for you with every last breath if you give me any sign that I have a chance." He moved some hair away from my face and went back to brushing the back. "I just want you happy and safe, it's really all that I have ever wanted" he spoke softly with his lips near my ear. I felt his lips on the side of my face.

"What is this Barbie time? You think she's your personal doll?" Morelli asked as I heard the door open.

"Just trying to help." Ranger said calmly as he laid my head back onto the pillow.

"I don't know how much more I can take." Joe sounded so wounded.

"You are free to leave anytime you need to." Ranger spoke quietly as he stroked my arm.

"I freaking heard that! I am so sick of watching you all over her. Every time I am away I am sure you are lying and telling her bad things about me. Trying to convince her that she should choose you." Morelli accused. "She wants me! You may have been a one night stand after a fight or something but she always chose to come back to me."

"I don't talk to her about you." Ranger said as I felt the tension in his hand. I knew the feelings that were running through his body and this wasn't going to be good. I wanted to explain to Joe that I didn't come back on my own, I typically was sent back or pushed away by Ranger.

"Bullshit! You probably come in here to peak when she is getting a sponge bath because you know she won't choose you when she wakes. You will never see her body again. Never have her in your bed. " Morelli snickered.

"If you want to talk we should go into the hallway." he was holding my hand and speaking calmly.

"Yeah so your group of thugs and goons can protect you? Let's face the facts. We both know when she wakes up and finds out that your ex-girlfriend tried to kill her you will lose her forever." Joe announced.

"She was not my ex-girlfriend." was all Ranger said. His voice was calm but I could feel his heart rate pulsing quickly through his hand. His hand was getting warmer.

"That's if she wakes up." Joe barely got the words out of his mouth and suddenly Ranger's hand was gone. I heard noises, people struggling.

I was trying to listen to what was happening as I heard more people enter the room. I could hear Lester's voice "Let's take a walk."

"Screw you." Joe told him

"Your mouth is bleeding. Let's go and get it looked at and you can come right back." Lester assured him.

"I won't be coming back tonight, I have to work. Have fun in dream land Manoso because if she wakes you will be hearing her say goodbye." I heard Joe leave the room.

"What were you thinking? What if she woke up at that exact moment and saw you two fighting?" Tank asked "Maybe you should leave the room too."

I heard two sets of feet leaving but they stopped, perhaps by the door. "Boss, you are the one who told us only positive. You punching Morelli in the face may not exactly be positive to her."

"I know! I screwed up. I asked him to step outside, I tried to remain calm. Then he said 'if she wakes up' and I lost my freaking mind!." Ranger explained as his voice came closer.

"I can understand why that would hurt you, but you can't lose it." Tank warned.

"Who said I'm hurt? Do I look hurt?" Ranger asked angrily

"You look like hell. Quit trying to be the tough guy and quit blaming yourself. She's strong and you know that. She always gets herself into trouble and she always manages to get out of it."

"We usually are able to help in some way. She told me I was her hero. Her hero let her down. I didn't get there in time and now she may be gone forever because of me." Ranger's voice almost sounded like he was choked up, like he was about to cry.

"None of that's true. Maybe you just need to let it all out." Tank suggested.

"I can't lose her Tank, I just can't. I have made nothing but bad choices when it comes to her." Ranger was now truly crying but his voice was a bit muffled.

"I should have never sent her back to Morelli. I should have tried harder to win her. I waited too long. Too long to admit what I wanted. Too long to tell her how I feel..Too long to get that damn trunk open." He sounded like he was actually sobbing now.

"Quit blaming yourself. You can't fix what's in the past. Focus on now. You love her and she knows it and when she wakes she will choose you. She WILL wake up." Tank said

I heard some patting noises. I realized they must have been hugging. Tank comforting Ranger as he broke down.