Yo, It has been a long time... Look, I will be forthcoming, this will be the most harsh critique of humanity I have ever written, it is intended to be depressing and reflects my mood at this time, really bad... If you have an easily impressionable mind, the story ends with the author in hell and the normal show time line resuming, I would ask you not to read farther than this... If you wish to continue, then God bless......

Kill um all

So what happened then? Well, I was a self-deluded hypocrite, that's what fucking happened. I don't know why the fuck I bothered to talk with a ghost, and that is all you people really are, phantoms. Nothing will ever change man, nothing can. The entire field of history is started to prevent war, great fucking job it did. You idiots kill each other in the name of a god you claim is merciful and 'good.' And the sad thing is, even he can't stop you. What kind of a god, if he could not, would not stop his 'kids' suffering?? Can't answer can you; well this is the reason that I sit writing this in an abyss of absolute nothingness.

Yet at least this void is true. Your entire life is devoted to proving your existence. Man creates cities, wages wars, and worships gods all to prove that his life had meaning. It's actually pretty fucking funny, go on laugh. You are all like little children building sand castles that are destined to be washed away, and you know this yet you cry at funerals - sick. I find it funny, when someone is murdered and there is a huge outcry about how 'wrong' it was. Why? What was the point, if he was a 'good' person, he is in heaven, if not well he got what he deserved. Why should it matter when a person dies? You'll say 'no one has the right to take a life' - bullshit - if you were raped, wouldn't you beg the judge to kill that man. If society is the sum of the will of the individuals, and killing is fine for society, why not for a person?

But I am ranting, being self-righteous again. I guess the reader and I need a moment to clarify what happened. Shinji was a weak pussy; he was given the power to destroy all illusions so that the truth, the truth which is so pre that nothing else can live within it's light could exist. I was weak too, I actually thought, just for a second, that I could change something. Here is a sick bit of humor, 100 years after 3rd impact, humans wage a war and kill of what was left of them - the 'lucky' one's who lived through 3rd impact. The sad part is the war is over the 'holy' sight of the NERV installation. I am burning in hell for you to kill yourselves??? Fuck that.....

It really doesn't matter though, weather I am in hell or heaven, they are both lies. Where is reality? At the end of dreams, when if one has no dreams? Speak to me now, Kawarou, last true humanist, where are your mighty words now? Blowing in the wind and mingling with the filth of mine. I actually believed that line of bullshit, the whole 'save the world' bit. Your planet is doomed, wait till your star blows and kills off all of the worthless life on that rock, then we will talk of 'achievement' and 'nobility', of 'truth' and 'honor'

Your great and merciful god destroyed your planet once before, in a flood. And what did it change? Nothing. The man you profess to be god hung on a cross for you. Do you realize what that means?! No, you're all spoiled fucking kids. I was given no second chance, no shot at redemption; I was damned for my 1st and only sin. And you have the audacity to call life 'hard' and to say that god is 'unfair.' I would forfeit immortality, just for a deal like yours. I am ranting again but fuck it. And what did God's death change? Nothing, it gave you sick fucks another reason to kill each other. I fought for you!!!!!!!!! You worthless scum, I am in hell for you...

Forgive me, I must get control of myself, this is still a sensitive subject. You know it is funny, I still weep when I think of you destroying each other not more than 100 years after your salvation and I don't know why. Maybe that was my reason for writing these papers, to see why I still weep at that thought, at the thought of Shinji's death, at the thought of your stupidity....

The author would proceed for several more chapters, each getting more bleak and hopeless and each making less and less sense. It was after ch. 57 that the author, a mental patient in Gladdale institute for the unstable, took his own life, ending on the phrase, 'fuck it all.' I am showing his rants because he would have wanted them read. Good day.....

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I gave you fair warning, didn't I? Really not too upbeat... I don't believe this, though at one point I did.... The trick to my salvation from this dark pit was a phrase a monk told me, "You can't dissect reality...." I guess the reader and I need to have a truth talk 1st I admit I had no right to write this, I am not nearly well versed enough in the show, sorry. 2nd this whole thing was basically an internalized debate, I got out of the hole, he didn't, however.... 3rd, this is for all those to scared to write their own fic, look, everyone has the right to think and to express what they think, this story, like all others, is me. This is my soul and body and mind on a peace of digital paper, anyone who scoffs at that needs to take a chill pill... To judge another based on their thoughts is never right; to judge period is not right. But here I have broken my own rule, haven't I? Well, I will leave you now, admitting that I am a self-righteous hypocrite. Good day and God Bless