Chapter 8 – My so called best friend.
Finally, the day came to an end. Brian called the loft to tell Daphne that he would be coming home, probably late, because he wanted to go to Woody's, and that she could stay there and make herself comfortable. He finished most of the background work for the various new accounts, and if everything worked like planned, they should be finished by the end of next week.
So, at almost 10pm, he stopped at Woody's. The last time he was there was two months earlier, maybe longer, he didn't remember. He stepped up to the bar and asked for a beer. He didn't want to get wasted, he had a meeting the next day and he didn't plan to fuck it up. And even if he was angry and frustrated at the situation, he had more or less accepted the fact that the reunion with his blond lover was once more delayed.
He was sure, after today's conversation, that Justin was fine and that despite his own work, he could help Kinnetik with some boards. A little smile came to his lips; that little persistent kid was always on his mind. He turned around. He saw the whole gang at a table and decided to join them.
"Hello boys."
"Hey sweetie, long time no see," said Emmett giving him a kiss on the cheek.
"Busy, busy," Brian answered, not bothering to acknowledge that Emmett had just kissed him hello.
Michael huffed, looking at a handsome tall brunette who was more than interested in hitting on Brian. Brian followed his gaze; the guy was really hot.
"I'm not interested!"
Michael looked at Brian like he was seeing him for the first time and Ted choked on his glass of juice.
"No, not again. Are you too at war again?" The situation reminded him of Michael's 30th birthday, where Brian and Michael had fought.
"Huh?" they both replied.
"Yes, you two," he said, pointing his finger from one to the other. "Are you two fighting?"
"No, I don't think so, are we fighting Michael?" Brian asked casually.
"No, last time was before the … well you know." Michael answered with a shrug.
"Yeah," turning to Ted. "No we're fine. Why?"
"You just told that guy you weren't interested." Ted pointed out.
"Yeah and …" Brian smiled lightly at Ted's stunned face.
"Well, you're always interested in tall brunettes," replied Michael, with a knowing look.
Nursing his beer, Brian answered just low enough to be heard by everybody, "Yeah, well maybe the only dick I'm interested in is in New York. Is that a problem for anyone?"
"Yeah, like I believe that." Rolling his eyes Michael turned his head toward Ben who was looking at Brian and tried to warn his husband
"Michael, I don't think …"
Brian looked past Michael, into Ben eyes "You should listen to the professor, Mikey."
But as usual, Michael never listened to anyone when it came to Brian. "And why should I listen to Ben, when I have a perfect stranger before my eyes?" he gestured toward Brian.
"A perfect stranger?" repeated Brian, to make sure he had heard right.
"Yeah, that's not you. Turning down a trick, that's really not you." Michael paused and suddenly his face lit up because he had just had an idea. "Maybe you should go with us to Babylon and take a tour in the backroom? To get laid, to enjoy your liberty. When was the last time you got laid?"
"Why should I go to the backroom? Why should I enjoy my liberty?" Brian asked back.
"To be yourself, again."
"Michael!" Another warning from Ben
"Please come with us to Babylon, enjoy the music, the backroom, the men …" whined Michael, ignoring all the looks and Ben's hand on his back.
"Yeah, the men… I'm not in the mood," Brian answered.
Michael slammed his beer against the table yelling, "Not in the mood, that's a first! Why don't you come partying with us? Take a break from your job, find a trick, and fuck him in the backroom? Or get laid at the baths?"
Brian looked at him, trying to ignore Michael's obvious stubbornness. "The baths are closed, remember, it's now an advertising agency called Kinnetik, does that ring a bell?"
Everyone smiled at that.
"Yeah well, you know what I mean, the new bathhouse on the end of Milgate Street," insisted Michael.
"Why should I go there?" Brian pinched his nose; a headache was coming.
"To be yourself again, what else?" huffed his "Best Friend."
"You told me that twice, why should I be myself again?" Brian was getting angrier from question to question.
"You know, your old self, before Justin came into the picture." Michael tried to be convincing, "He's not here anymore, you can do what you want, and you don't have to be home before three, you don't have to hide who you are anymore."
At that moment, Brian's head snapped up, and he looked in Michael's eyes, trying to find what Michael could have taken before coming to Woody's. But Brian only saw clear eyes. "Hide who I am anymore? What does that mean Mikey, could you explain that to me?"
"Michael, I don't think it's a good idea to continue," Ted tried hopefully.
"Why not?"
"You're on a slippery slope," added Ted.
But before Michael could answer Ted, Brian asked him, "I'm going to ask you a question and I want an answer."
"Brian, I don't think …," tried Ben, but looking in Brian's eyes, he saw it was useless. Brian wanted this discussion, and he wanted it NOW.
"Michael, I'm waiting… what did you say?" Brian scratched his forehead trying to remember, "Ah yes, I don't need to hide who I am anymore? What does that mean Michael, could you explain that to me?" he added in a falsetto voice, like he was a five-year-old kid who needed an explanation.
"Well, getting drunk, fucking around, getting high, the things you haven't done lately. It's like you lost your true self."
"I lost my true self?" stated Brian, furrowing his brow. He looked around him, and saw that Ted and Blake were uncomfortable, Emmett was shaking his head in defeat, and Ben had silently moved in case he needed to interfere in their fight.
"Yes, like you would please Justin," continued Michael without seeing all the warnings in Brian's demeanor, the dark eyes, the red face, the gritting teeth and the thin line that Brian's lips were forming. He didn't notice any of those signs, but everyone else was aware of them.
"Please Justin?" Brian repeated, in a sarcastic voice.
"The truth is we all knew he wanted commitment, and you, you wanted freedom, power, to be the stud of Liberty Avenue. You two … well it never would have worked." Michael finished making a point.
"How come?"
"Michael," putting a hand on his husband's arm, Ben tried again to interfere. But Michael shook his arm away and answered Brian's last question with all the venom he had in him.
"Because he was a trick, a trick you fucked more than once, ok, but he was still a trick, a one night stand. I never saw you enjoying a comfortable evening, together, like every couple does. I never saw you two going shopping, or being in the same room just enjoying each other's presence. Hell, it was always about fucking. You could barely keep your hands off of each other at the family dinners."
"Uh-huh," stated Brian, stiffening in his seat.
"You solved all your problems with fucking. Something happened, no problem, you took him in the backroom and fucked him, problem solved. It wasn't like Ben and me."
"Not like you?" asked Brian, tilting his head to the right.
"Yes, or Ted and Blake."
"Could you please leave us out the conversation? That would be nice," Blake asked.
Taking a long gulp from his beer Brian tried to compose himself. "Ok, Justin and I aren't like you… explain."
"Weren't… you're speaking as if he's here with us, but he's not anymore. Yes, Ben and I are married. We're living together, sharing things together. We fight sometimes, but we talk our problems out; we don't just fuck, and then everything is fine. Right, Ben?" A light nod from the professor made the point.
Coming from nowhere Brian suddenly asked, "Michael, are you happy?"
"Huh?"
"Happy?"
"Yes why?"
Turning toward Blake and Ted, Brian continued, "Do you think Blake and Ted are happy?"
"Yes, why would you ask me that?" a slightly pissed off Michael asked.
"Do you think I'm happy?"
Without thinking, Michael answered, "Yes."
"Why?" Brian asked in a whisper.
Ted put a hand on Brian's shoulder, "Brian, maybe we should go, we have an important meeting tomorrow."
"Fuck off." Inhaling deeply, "I'm waiting Michael."
"Because he's gone, he can't bother you anymore. You can be yourself again, the person who loves partying, who loves to trick. And by the way, you and Justin were never really together, not in a real relationship, because you don't do relationships, you don't do boyfriends either. You and Justin never had the same relationship as Ben and I, you never went to see a movie, or went shopping together. It's better this way. You finally came to your senses and called off the wedding. That was really a farce."
"Michael," again, Ben tried to warn him that he was going too far. But Michael continued, "To be you again. Just like you were before Justin"
Brian hung his head and looked at his hands, "Yeah, and you think I would be happy?"
"Yes …"
And before Michael could say anything else, Brian stated firmly, "But I'm not, Michael. I'm not happy."
Looking up, like a ton of bricks was falling on his head, Michael laughed nervously, "You're kidding, right?"
"No! I'm. not. kidding!". Brian shouted, and suddenly Woody's was calm. Everyone tried to listen to the conversation that was taking place at the gang's table.
"No, I'm not kidding," repeated Brian. "Listen Michael, I miss him, ok, and I'm not happy."
"I can't believe this, he's gone. He moved on, you must be happy!" Michael tried to convince him.
"Would you please shut the fuck up, and butt out of my life for once?" Brian barked, and he turned away walking to the bathroom, trying to regain control of his emotions.
Michael grew angrier as he saw that Brian wasn't going to listen to him. For him, Justin had once more ruined his friend's life.
Knowing Michael was disappointed, Ben tried to soothe him. "Look, he must be right. Since he walked in here, he's turned down every man who hit on him. Don't you think he misses Justin?"
"Yeah, maybe, but then he should be going in the backroom with a trick, like he always does. It's his method of pain management."
Ted tried tentatively to interfere, "He's probably over that kind of pain management."
"Yeah, but it's not the Brian I know," Michael stated firmly.
He was so self absorbed, that he didn't even notice that Brian was back at the table. He had heard that last statement and it was more than he could take.
"Yeah, and you're not the same Michael I knew 20 years ago, so what's the problem now?" Brian asked with an angry voice. Before Michael could say anything, Brian continued, "Do you remember your 30th birthday?"
Michael nodded.
"Yeah, well, do you remember how when you met the Doc, that I tried to keep you in a 14-year-old mindset? It's not that I didn't want you to find love, it's just that b I /b didn't want to grow up. So I pushed you into David's arms and we were angry at each other until Justin put two and two together and tried to make everything all right between us. Do you remember?"
Michael, surprised at Brian's outburst, could only nod.
"I never found out what he told you, because he never said anything, but I'm guessing that he tried to defend me and bring you back to your 'best friend.'"
Brian sighed heavily, and continued talking, not noticing that everyone else at the table was extremely quiet.
"And then instead of going to him to speak with him about Ethan, you came to me directly and told me that he was cheating on me. And the only thing I could think to do was to push him away into Ethan's arms, instead of trying to understand him."
It was not just the gang's table, but everyone at Woody's was captivated. Brian 'fucking' Kinney was expressing his feelings, and was speaking about a part of his life. That was a first. And most of all, he was speaking about his blond twink.
"And I remember your little speech about "because you are so good at dumping things." Did you think that I could just stand behind the door and listen?"
Michael tensed and blanched. He was in shock, shaking his head in denial.
"I was there, not because I wanted to listen but because I wanted to talk to him. But you," he pointed his finger with anger and pain against Michael, "you told him that because he wasn't with me any longer and that he should just disappear! Disappear! And then I learned from Debbie that he just left like that," he snapped his fingers. "Thank God he didn't disappear entirely! I was angry with me, with you, with Ethan. But I had just lost a big part of my life, and I was alone, and I pushed my anger at you away and tried to forget that I was hurting."
Everyone at Woody's was silent now. Everyone was listening to the "stud of Liberty Avenue's" story. No one had tried to hit on Brian in the last 15 minutes, not because they didn't want but because most of them just then understood that he was off the market.
"And then I showed up at the munchers anniversary party, do you remember that day?"
Michael nodded, how could he forget the munchers party. Brian had hit him that day.
"Do you remember what you said? You said you couldn't believe that the little twat had the nerve to show up with his new boyfriend after what he did. I tried to warn you, telling you that he didn't do anything, that we weren't happily married, and that he was always free to go and so was I. I tried to warn you to stop, but as usual, you never listen. You know Michael, he never used me and never took anything without giving back something, and he tried to pay me back everything. I never knew you could be so small, but today I understand what I always suspected. You were jealous of him. You were jealous because he had me in a way you never could!"
"That's not true," Michael whined.
"What was your exact phrase? "He's a selfish little shit, he used you and he took from you and he never gave back a thing. And this is the thanks you get for saving his life. If you ask me, it wasn't worth it. You should have left him on the ground. " Does that ring a bell?"
"Oh my God." Emmett was breathless, he never thought Michael would have said that to Brian. But most of all, he just understood why Brian had hit him that day.
"Did you really say that?" Ben asked Michael.
"I… I…," stammered Michael, incapable of putting his thoughts together.
"You what?" Ted asked, "You're sorry? You never thought about it? Now I know why Brian hit you."
"I think you deserved it," added Emmett.
"I never …" Michael tried to explain, only to be abruptly interrupted by Brian.
"You never what? Wanted to say that, think that or you want to take it back? Too late, Michael, I was there, he was there, we were all there. You thought I forgave you. Wrong Captain Astro, I never forgave you that comment. You were with me, at the hospital, you were there, you saw me, and you knew deep down that I had feelings for him. I was amazed that you could even say that," Brian finally said.
He sighed loudly. Ben moved from behind Michael and put his warm hand on Brian's shoulder as silent support, and Brian continued.
"Since the moment we were back together after the fiddler, I knew I wanted to change. I didn't know how but he led me all the way. And I did change. The last straw was when he went to stay with you and Ben. I thought we were happy until you threw all that shit in my face. You used the crude version; Justin always tried to be a little softer. I went back to Babylon that night, made a stupid bet, that I won, and then everything was clear in my mind."
At that moment, he raised his beer to Brandon on the other side of Woody's.
"I don't need to fuck every hot guy in town, because, first, I've had them almost all of them. And second, I had the hottest guy with me at home and I was too stupid and too blind to see it. Even more, after what happened at Babylon, I know that I had loved him since the first night, because he was there to name Gus, he was there the next morning, and I took him home with me more than once. And most of all, I know that I will marry him and that I never will have anyone else in my life. Despite all this, you still think I'm the 30 something I was, thinking only with my dick! No, I'm not that man anymore!"
He looked around him and scoffed.
"Ask them, how many times I have been here in the last few months. Ask Todd if he has seen me at Babylon, or better yet, ask Emmett as he is sort of the new owner."
Emmett leaned against him, and put his arms around his shoulder, joining his hands over Brian's chest. Instead of taking offense at the embrace, he covered Emmett's hands with his own, leaning against the taller man for support. That was extremely rare because he normally only did that with Justin, but with the day and the evening he had had he needed some comfort.
Regaining a little control, he continued.
"Michael you must have seen that I have changed - I asked someone to marry me. Not because he wanted it but because I wanted it. And you know me well enough to know that I never do something I don't want or do, something I don't believe in."
Michael was astonished and was out of words; the only thing he could do was nod.
Ted looked in his glass knowing that the best thing to do was to stay quiet. Emmett tightened his embrace, and Ben squeezed Brian's forearm to tell him, without words, that he understood and that he was on his side.
Suddenly Brian felt really tired and, without thinking, Ted asked him, "Do you want a ride home?"
Brian only nodded, telling the others, "I think I've told you enough for a whole lifetime. I'm going home." He thanked Emmett with a smile, put his beer on the table, and headed to the exit following Ted.
