CHAPTER 7

Bella POV:

After many hours on three different planes, we finally arrived at our honeymoon destination: Island Esme. Yes, Carlisle owned an island, and he named it after his wife. I really shouldn't have been surprised, but I was, just the same.

"It's so beautiful here," I gushed as we climbed out of the boat that had brought us here. It really was. The sky and the water were the same color of blue, and the sand so white it hurt your eyes to look at it. And it was so warm . . . I had forgotten what that felt like! It had to be at least 90. We made our way across the sand from the boat dock to the huge, sprawling white island house, which was gorgeous, of course. As we walked inside, I could see Esme's decorating touches everywhere. The man that drove the boat helped Edward with our luggage then he went back to the boat and sped away.

"So we are here, on this island, all alone?" I asked Edward.

"Yes. Do you like it?" he answered with an anxious smile.

I could hardly contain the smile that broke out on my face. "I love it! It's beautiful. Thank you for bringing me here."

Happiness was bubbling over inside me as he took me in his arms and kissed me softly on the lips. "I'm glad you like it. See surprises aren't all that bad." I rolled my eyes and smiled as he added, "Let me show you around." He took my hand and gave me the grand tour of the inside of the house. Then, we walked outside onto the veranda and he gave me a small tour of the outside. "Even the water is warm here, so if you want to swim, feel free."

"I hate to say anything, but I'm really hungry," I told him shyly.

"It's alright. I had them stock the kitchen. Why don't you have something to eat while I unpack?"

I made my way to the gourmet kitchen and took a look inside the gigantic stainless steel refrigerator where I found lots of individual meals, in containers, marked on top what each held. I took out one that said, "Fettuccine Alfredo" and popped it into the microwave. There was also a container that said simply, "Salad," so I opened the top and added some French dressing I found on the door of the fridge, and started eating it while my meal cooked. I wandered over to the window and looked out while I shoveled the salad into my mouth. Never in my wildest imagination did I ever picture myself somewhere like this.

The microwave dinged, so I set my salad down on the counter and went to get my meal. I took both out onto the veranda and sat at the table there to eat while I looked out at the ocean. We had arrived late, and now the sun was setting over the water and it was the most amazing sunset I had ever seen . . . color so vibrant, filling the sky with oranges, reds, pinks and purples. It was truly beautiful.

Once I finished eating, I set my containers in the sink and went to find Edward. The jet lag was catching up with me and I suddenly felt so tired. I finally found my way to the sparkling all-white master bedroom, and called out, "Edward?"

Not getting a response, I looked around and then hearing water running, I noticed the adjoining bathroom door was open and realized he must be in the shower.

Stepping into the bathroom, I was taken aback for a moment when I saw his body outlined through the shower door. I was amazed to think that Edward was on the other side of that door, completely naked. I had never seen Edward naked. I smiled wickedly and decided to join him, but as I unbuttoned my shirt, I suddenly realized how nervous I was. But this is our honeymoon. Isn't this what people do on their honeymoon? Then I saw the bandage on my shoulder that still covered Jacob's bite and I quickly tried to shove the guilt away. This was my honeymoon with Edward. Things were going to change tonight.

Once I was completely undressed, I moved quietly over to the shower, my hand shaking as I reached out for the door. Breathe, Bella, breathe. I opened the door, boldly stepped inside and closed the door behind me. At the click, Edward turned toward me. "Bella?"

"Who else would it be?" I said with what I hoped was a sexy smile.

His body was so perfect . . . like a Greek marble statue. I rested my hands on his chiseled chest and nervously waited for him to make the first move. Then he noticed the bandage. Shit. Why wouldn't this thing heal already? "Bella? What happened?"

I gave him the same lie I gave Alice about the curling iron, and was happy when I saw his face relax into a smile. "Keeping you safe is a full-time job," he said softly.

"Are you up to it?" I asked.

"Yes."

He just stood there for a moment, and I could see he was contemplating what to do. "Don't think, Edward. Just feel, please?"

Finally, his head bent toward me and he captured my lips with his own. I felt his cold hands rest on my hips as he gently kissed me. I broke away to say, "I won't break. Don't be so gentle with me."

"Bella, we've been over this. I will try, but I don't think you understand the control it takes for me to be able to do this."

"Just try. That's all I'm asking." I kissed him, a little more aggressively, and he groaned as he pulled me closer. The hot water pouring over us helped me from feeling the cold of his skin. He wouldn't open his mouth to me, being too afraid of the venom that pooled there, but he allowed his hands to run up and down my body and I leaned into him to get closer. His mouth left my lips and traveled down my throat and then he growled as he lifted me into his arms.

He flipped off the water and kicked open the shower door to carry me to the huge bed, dressed all in white, where he laid me down and hovered over me. "You are so beautiful, Bella. I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't. I trust you."

I pulled his head down to mine to kiss him some more while my hands moved over his shoulders. They were cold and so smooth . . . not huge and hot like . . . don't go there, Bella. I tried hard to stay in the moment as his hands gripped my arms and his teeth grazed my neck. One of his hands left my arm to slide down to my breast and I gasped as he cupped it. He instantly froze and looked up at me.

"Good gasp, not bad," I assured him quickly with a kiss. His hand moved to explore my breast lightly, brushing the tip every now and then, causing me to moan. He was trying too hard to be gentle, and it was killing me! I wanted him to be rough, to go with the passion that we had held back so long. To be like . . . don't do that, Bella. Don't compare him to Jacob. I moved under him, trying to spur him on.

"Am I too heavy?" he asked quickly, moving to the side.

"No! Keep going." I could see the frustration on his face as I kissed his cheek, his nose then his lips. "Please," I whispered. I reached between us, surprising him by taking him in hand and was pleased to hear his groan. At least I knew I could excite him. I was rather worried about that. I stroked up and down and explored until finally, he crushed his icy lips on mine and ground them against my teeth. His hand fell onto my hip and he gripped it hard as he pushed against me. I let him ravage me with his mouth as I wound my fingers into his hair and pulled hard. As his hands worked my breasts, I tried hard not to flinch. I wanted him like this . . . feeling the passion he felt for me. He was finally getting carried away, and I was sure I could handle it, even if I got a few bruises to show for it. He rolled me onto my back and settled between my legs and I heard a low growl escape from his chest.

He hesitated for a second, to look at me, and I was taken aback at what I saw there. His eyes were very dark, completely black and it was almost as if . . . as if Edward was gone and someone, or something else had taken over. He buried his hand into my hair and pulled, his head falling to my neck as he plunged into me and I tried hard to swallow my scream. It was like being rammed with an ice cold steel rod. He stopped for just a moment then proceeded to pump me over and over until I thought I would rip apart. The headboard of the bed hit the wall so hard every time, I was sure there would be a hole there. I had wanted him to go with the passion, but now, I could see that this was not my Edward. He was being driven by something . . . was this what he was trying to tell me about in the car the other night?

I tried to bite into his shoulder to keep from crying out when finally he stopped and I felt him shudder with his release. He rolled off of me and when I opened my eyes, I saw there were little white feathers floating through the air, landing all over me. Where did they come from?

I turned my head and realized he had to bite the pillow to avoid biting me. Oh my God . . . it was like Jasper said. The bloodlust. I squeezed my eyes shut as my chest was heaving, and I tried hard to gulp air and calm down. I naively thought I could handle it . . . I thought he was making too much of it, being too cautious. Why didn't I listen to him? Why did I have to push him so hard? I know why . . . to erase the memory of that night with Jacob from my mind. I wanted so badly for this night to be perfect . . . more perfect than that one . . . to prove to myself that I had made the right choice . . .

I eased my eyes open and turned my head to look at Edward. He was lying there, very still, eyes closed, and not needing air, he wasn't panting like I was. I tried to push the panic and pain away as I rolled to my side and propped up on my elbow. "Edward?" I whispered.

He opened his eyes to look at me and I could see it there . . . the disappointment, the frustration . . . the shame. I bent down to kiss him lightly on the lips and then I laid my head on his shoulder. He somewhat reluctantly put his arm around me and held me as I drifted off to sleep, using all the strength I had not to cry.

When I woke, I knew it was morning, as the sun was shining so brightly, I could barely open my eyes. I blinked a few times and tried to stretch, and that's when the pain hit. My arms, my breasts, my hips, and . . . between my legs. I felt like I had been run over by a truck or something. I opened my eyes, blinking against the sun a few times, to find Edward was nowhere to be seen.

I finally moved gently to the side of the bed, looking back to see the blood there, on the sheets. Well, at least he'll think I'm still a virgin, I thought guiltily. I sat there for a moment then pushed myself off of the bed to head to the bathroom. Once I saw myself in the mirror, I almost fainted! There were bruises all over my body, some darker than others. I could barely walk from the pain between my legs and I hoped there wasn't permanent damage done there. I finally managed to pee then I got into the shower.

As I showered, I let out all of the emotion I had been holding and sobbed quietly, not wanting Edward to hear me. I had waited so long to have sex with him, to be able to show him how much I loved him, and he was right all along. He had hurt me, and I had hated every minute of it. It hadn't been loving and passionate and perfect like . . . it was with Jacob. That thought made me sob even harder. Damnit! Had I made a mistake by marrying Edward?

I loved Edward, I needed him. Just because our wedding night wasn't what I dreamed it would be didn't make the marriage a mistake. Our relationship was never about sex in the first place . . . it was about . . . what was it about? We weren't really friends . . . I mean, we never started out that way. I had been caught up in the whirlwind romance of Edward since day one . . . and then it was all about protecting me from James then Victoria. I almost died when he left me all those months, but why? What was it about him that . . . I had to stop this and get a grip on my emotions. They were running wild right now, and driving me to analyze this situation way too much.

I needed to find Edward, to talk to him. Now.

Once my shower was finished, I dried off, brushed my teeth then slowly made my way to the bedroom to find some clothes. I opened a couple of drawers until I found clean underwear and a bra then I went to the closet to see a bunch of strange clothes hanging there. Alice. She had provided a whole summery wardrobe for me, of course, none of it anything that I would pick out.

I pulled a light yellow sundress off of a hanger and drew it over my head. I'm sure this color would look so good against my pale, ghost-like complexion. I wished I had something long-sleeved to cover the bruises. I knew once Edward saw me, he would hate himself. If he didn't already.

I made my way to the kitchen to find that he had made coffee for me. I gratefully poured a cup and made my way outside to the veranda and that's when I saw him, sitting on the sand near the water, his knees drawn up. I took a few sips of my coffee then sat the cup on the table and made my way through the sand to Edward. He was barefoot, wearing a pair of white pants and a light blue button up shirt, but I could still see the sun sparkle off of his face and chest. I knew he heard me coming, but he didn't move. I sat down beside him then lightly elbowed him. "Hey, husband."

"Are you alright?" he asked, his jaw tense, his eyes never moving from the water.

"I'm fine, Edward. Don't worry so much."

His head whipped around to face me. "Don't worry? Did you look at yourself at all? You are covered in bruises, and I could tell by your gait that it pains you to walk. My God, I could have done permanent damage. I knew it would be hard to control my strength, but I did not realize the bloodlust that came along with it. If I hadn't bit into that pillow at the last moment . . . I could have killed you, Bella."

I put my hand on his shoulder and said, "Stop it. I'm fine."

"You're not fine, you're in pain. Stop trying to trivialize this!"

"OK, Edward, you were right! There, are you happy?" I shouted angrily. "I finally admitted you were right. I pushed you too hard to do something you knew you didn't want to do. I'm sorry that I put you through that. Once you change me we won't have to worry . . . "

"What? You want me to change you, here, right now, just so we can have sex? Is that all that is important to you?" he asked in disgust.

"No, that's not all that's important. But sex is an important part of a relationship, Edward. In order for this marriage to work, I don't want anything between us. Don't you get that?"

He calmed down to answer, "Yes, I understand. But I am not going to change you here. I need Carlisle to be with me, to insure that everything goes well."

"I know that and you know I didn't mean I wanted to be changed now. But I want you to understand that I want it to be soon." He just sat there, silently staring out at the water, so I went on to say, "Look, let's please just enjoy our time here. This place is beautiful, and I don't want you moping around and feeling like you're some kind of monster. I pushed you too hard, and I'm really, really sorry."

He finally gave me a small smile. "You are the one with all the bruises, and you are apologizing and comforting me? I'll never understand you, Bella."

"Well, you have a very long time to figure me out," I told him with a smirk.

He leaned forward and put a very gentle kiss on my lips. "Have you ever been snorkeling?"

"Underwater? Where there's no air and sharks and stuff? Uh, no."

He chuckled as he said, "It's not all that scary. I think you'll enjoy it."

So, that afternoon, we went snorkeling. It was scary as hell, and I didn't really like it at all, but I went along with it because Edward seemed to really enjoy it. Afterward, he pulled out books and told me all about the fish we had seen while I ate my dinner.

"And there were no sharks. I told you," he added with a sly smile.

"There could have been . . . you don't know."

"Bella, they can sense what I am. They won't come near while I'm in the water."

"Oh, I didn't think of that. But what about the other fish?"

"I guess they are just not as smart as the sharks." I laughed at his smirk and shook my head. We could do this. Everything would be OK.

The next few weeks went by quickly. Things were strained for the first couple of days, but finally my bruises healed, and with the evidence gone, Edward finally relaxed and did his best to keep me busy. We swam, snorkeled again, spent time walking the beach, watching movies, reading. We even took a few trips to the main land to shop the markets and I cooked some meals using some of the freshest seafood I ever had. And in the evening, we played board games. I wondered how many other couples actually played board games on their honeymoon. Not many, I'll bet. At night, he held me just like he always did, and I tried to pretend that it was enough.

This honeymoon kind of felt like when my mom and I used to go on trips together. I hated that I didn't have that "romantic" feeling for Edward . . . not since our first night here. I loved him, but . . . I didn't "desire" him. I guess I was afraid to feel that for him now. It made me think more about our future and suddenly, I wasn't in such a hurry to be changed.

One night, as we were lounging on the veranda, enjoying another beautiful sunset, I looked over at Edward and asked, "What do you think about actually going to college this fall? To Dartmouth?"

A look of surprise crossed his face. "You want to go?"

"Maybe . . . I've really been thinking about it. Maybe I should try it for one year, at least. Do they offer any culinary classes?"

"I don't know. We can certainly look into that."

"How soon do we need to go to get ready? I mean, there must be things to take care of . . . "

"Everything is already taken care of," Edward answered with a smile. "I've even secured a house. All you have to do is register for the classes you want to take."

I smiled at his efficiency. "Aren't you clever? Hoping I would change my mind?"

"I wanted it to be your decision, but yes, I was hoping."

"OK. Dartmouth it is," I stated as I reached out to take his hand. I thought I was in a hurry to have him change me, especially after the fiasco of trying to have sex. But, Jacob's words kept coming back to haunt me . . . "Spend time with Charlie and visit your mom more. You love to cook . . . take some cooking classes, try new foods . . . just don't be in a hurry, OK?" Maybe he was right. Maybe I shouldn't be in such a rush to walk away from the life I had before I had even lived it. I knew he would be happy with me for making this decision. Why was that so important to me?

We were now into our fourth week and I wondered how long we could actually stay away from the real world. I was on a chaise lounge, on the beach, enjoying the heat of the sun soaking into my body when suddenly, Jacob popped into my mind. I had my eyes closed and flashes of being with him played in my mind and I wickedly gave into the temptation to relive it. His hot body, covering mine with a thin layer of sweat as he pushed into me, over and over, that sweet pressure building between us as his teeth sunk into my shoulder until finally . . . that moment of release that shook my whole body.

I opened my eyes and quickly scanned the area to see that I was still alone. I was actually breathing heavy and was too close to letting my hand trail between my legs to relieve the throbbing that was now there. I sighed and let my head flop back onto the chair. I had to stop this. It wasn't fair to Edward. I was sure that sex would be great with him if I weren't such a mere mortal.

I picked up my book and made my way back inside to shower. Edward was lounging on the huge sectional with a book and he smiled as I walked past. "I'm going to shower. Be out in a few," I informed him.

He nodded and stuck his nose back into his book.

I closed myself into the bathroom and showered away the sand, sweat and sunscreen. I was amazed at the color I was getting. My ghostly white pallor was actually turning a nice shade of healthy. As I was drying myself, I noticed how Jacob's bite mark on my shoulder had finally healed, leaving just a small hint that it had been there. If only the memory would fade, too.

Before I got dressed, I decided maybe I should put on some lotion, so I opened the cupboards looking for some when I came across a box marked "feminine products." I smiled and opened it to find it stuffed with tampons and pads. Alice had covered all her bases. I set it back in the cupboard then sat back on my heels to do some calculating.

I had my last period two weeks before the wedding, which meant I should have had another period two weeks after the wedding . . . but I didn't. I was shocked to realize that I was now almost two weeks late! I was never late! How could I not realize that I was that late? OK, Bella, don't panic. Wait a few more days, it'll come. It always does.

I pulled on my clothes, the lotion forgotten, and made my way out to the bedroom to sink down onto the bed. My eyes closed as the realization hit me that Jacob and I didn't use any birth control when we . . . Oh God, I'm not only a slut, I'm a stupid slut. What if I'm pregnant with Jacob's baby?

I wondered how long I had to wait to take a test to be sure. That's the one thing Alice didn't plan for. I'm sure there were no pregnancy tests hidden in any of the cupboards or drawers. I sighed as I went to the dresser to pick up my brush and pull the tangles out of my wet hair. I decided I would wait until the end of the week. Then if I hadn't started by then, I would suggest we go home and I would take a test as soon as I could get away from Edward.

A pregnancy would change every thing. I would have to stay human. Is that what Jacob had in mind? Is that why he climbed through my window and we . . . no, Jake wasn't like that. He would never manipulate me like that, no matter how much he might want to. Or would he?

Jacob. If I was pregnant with his baby, there was no way in hell he would let it be raised by a vampire.

I sunk back down on the bed again and dropped my head into my hands with a deep sigh. Oh Bella. What have you got yourself into this time?