Chapter 8
[Helga]
Damn, it feels like time is going by extra slow. Where the hell are my parent's? So much has happened that I have no idea where my thoughts are. Arnold is back from San Lorenzo, I almost died due to blood loss, Sid found me in my closet, and yet I somehow managed some time to flirt with Arnold and exchange numbers? What is wrong with me?
Buzz…. Buzz… Buzz
I turn around to find my phone on the table next to my bed, I slide the lock key and find a text from Arnold.
Arnold: How are you feeling?
Should I reply back right away or wait 3 minutes? If I only knew the girl rules that seem to be somehow imprinted in all girls' brain, except mine. I guess since the rules don't apply to me, I might as well reply now.
Me: The same as 5 minutes ago when you left
Now that I'm texting, I might as well call my best friend, it's about time I talk to her about my problems.
I look through my contacts in my phone until I stop at the name I want to call, and not wanting to chicken out I hit the dial button.
Ring… Ring… Ring
My throat starts to dry as the sound of each ring, gets louder and louder.
Ring… Ring… Ring
I'm about to give up when the person on the other line picks up.
"Hello?"
"Um, hi, Phoebe." I say, voice cracking because my throat is dry.
"Helga, what's wrong?" she says worriedly
"I'm afraid, I have been keeping things away from you, and I just want to come clean about it. You deserve to know, I mean you're my best friend and I should have told you a long time ago. I'm really sorry Pheebs." I spit out my words so fast that I need to draw a deep breath when I finish.
"It's ok, just calm down. Where are you right now? Are you at your house?"
"No, I hate to say this, but I wish I was. I'm actually at the hospital," I say in a whisper, trying to hold back my tears.
"WHAT? THE HOSPITAL? Are you ok? What's going on?" Phoebe screams through the phone.
"I'm at the Hillwood Hines Hospital, can you come visit me? I really need to talk to you in person."
"Yeah, I'm borrowing my mom's car; I'll be there in 10 minutes." The call ends, leaving me in the empty room by myself again.
"Ok Bye Phoebe." I say to myself
I zoom past the channels to kill the time until the door to the room just busts open. I see my petite friend in the doorway. Scared by what I have to say next, I smiled to let her know I'm fine.
"Hi Pheebs."
She comes running from the doorway and she embraces me in a warm hug. I hug her back tightly, not wanting to let go.
"I'm here for you, hon." Phoebe grabs my hand as she sits next to me on the bed. "Now tell me everything."
"Before I tell you everything, promise me you won't be mad at me," I say.
She stays silent for a few moments.
"Fine, I promise."
I begin to tell her everything, from the very first time I started cutting until my last. I even told her how Sid found out about it and the real reason we broke up. It was hard telling her all these things because, I like to show Phoebe that no matter what happens, I can always take care of myself. After I finish was done telling her everything, we stayed silent for a bit, with neither of us saying anything, only enjoying each others' company.
"Are you mad at me?" I say, breaking the silence
"Helga, of course not, I know your life has never been easy. I know the problems that go around with your dad. I knew there was another reason for you breaking up with Sid, but I just never thought about you hurting yourself. I'm sort of hurt, that you never told me about it," she says, melancholy.
"I hate myself for keeping it all to myself for all these years, but you have to understand that I didn't want you to worry. I'm so sorry, if I had the chance to go back and do it all over again, I would have told you. I mean, I wanted to tell you for so long, I just didn't know how."
I worry that I just lost my friend forever; she doesn't want to be my friend anymore. I should have known Phoebe is too good of a friend for me. I don't deserve her friendship, and I never did. I let tears run down my face, not even bothering to wipe them off.
Too caught up with my own emotions, I don't even notice the tight, gripping hug from Phoebe.
"I know you're sorry, it's my fault too, you know. If I would have been a better friend, I would have known something was off. I was just too busy having a boyfriend that I completely neglected you. I promised myself I would never do that, but I did, and I'm really sorry, Helga."
Oh, Phoebe, always taking the blame for my mistakes, she really is the best. Phoebe apologizing was my breaking point and we both started to cry in each other's embrace.
"Phoebe, you don't need to apologize. It was my own stubborn fault for thinking I was strong to deal with my own problems; I mean I 'am a Pataki after all," I say, trying to relieve the tension.
"Let's just agree to disagree; I don't want to argue whose fault it was. I'm just glad you're ok; I don't know what I would do if anything major had happen to you."
For a while Phoebe and I just watch crappy t.v and eat gross hospital food. I'm glad we can just chill for hours without saying a word.
"Any cravings for 'ice cream?'" Phoebe says with a mischievous grin.
"What makes you say that? I haven't stalked him, or made shrines or poems. I'm done with that, I have a life, if anything, I try to ignore him. For the longest time, everything I did revolved around 'ice cream' and I don't want that." I look at my phone and see a text from Arnold. "But ever since he came back, it has been difficult to not crave' ice cream'."
"So you're not texting 'ice cream' then?"
"Me, text 'ice cream'? That is crazy talk Phoebe! Besides, what makes you think I have his number?"
"Besides the fact that you're smiling like an idiot after looking at your phone, I don't know, just a guess."
"I'm not smiling like an idiot." I bite my lip from smiling so much. "Ok, ok, you caught me. So what if I'm texting him, besides, HE is the one that asked for MY phone number."
"Stop biting your lip before you start to bleed, I know you're trying to hide that love struck smile. Why don't you tell him how you feel? I think he may start to have some feeling for you."
"Oh get real, Phoebe, I'm his old bully. Even if he did like me, he could never love me the way I love him. He might freak out and run off with Lila," I say Lila's name in disgust as I remember how much Arnold liked her before.
"Oh stop it; I see the way he looks at you, because I know he has a thing for you, he gets jealous when he sees you talking with Sid," Phoebe says
"What! No way, he knows me and Sid are friends. Why would he be jealous?" I say, shocked
"And you say Arnold is dense."
"Well, he is," I say defensively
Phoebe sticks her tongue at me as I start to throw my pillows at her. The pillow hits her face and knocks off her glasses; we both start to laugh hysterically. The door opens abruptly as Phoebe and I look to see who's at the door.
Who is he? I ask myself. Phoebe and I look at each other not, knowing who that is.
"Umm, who are you?" I ask
"Have I really changed that much?" the guy says
"Should I know you?" I stare at the tall and lean figure. He looks vaguely familiar but I'm not sure who he is. His shaggy blonde hair is in the way of his eyes, so I can't really see them. Looking at the way his face is framed, I can't really recall anyone who has such angular characteristics in such a perfect formation.
"Let's just say, you broke a few glasses of mine?" he says with great confidence
I think of a few kids with glasses that I would punch, but the only one that ever followed me around was…
"Brainy!" I say in realization
"What?" Phoebe finally manages to say "Brainy, you moved 5 years ago, what are you doing here?"
"It's a long story, do you mind if I talk to Helga for a minute?" Brainy says
Phoebe looks at me and I nod in approval.
"Sure, Brainy. Helga, I'll be in the cafeteria."
"Ok, thanks, Phoebe."
Phoebe closes the door and Brainy slowly walks across the room and sits in the chair where Phoebe sat.
"Hi Helga," Brainy says with a brilliant smile that brightens the room.
I try to speak, but no words come out. I take a deep breath, not believing all the crazy events that took place in such a short amount of time.
"Brainy, you moved out of state, what are you doing here? How did you even know where I was?" I rushed the words out of my mouth, unsure if he caught all that.
"As you know, I moved out of state because of my dad's job, but we recently came back because they moved him back home. So, for the last five years, I have been in living in Chicago, and now know we moved back here again."
"I can see that, but what are you doing here, here?" I say, utterly confused
"I went to your house to see you; I knocked a few times, but there was no answer, so I went around asking people who might know where you are. I was scared because for a second I thought you moved away. That was when I stopped by the park and saw Sid. We were talking and catching up when he told me where you were. So here I am. He doesn't know I'm here, though."
"Wow, Brainy, I'm flattered that you would go through all this trouble just to find me. But I just have one question, why?"
"You seem so shocked, it kind of hurts," Brainy says teasingly. "Well to answer your question, I never forgot about you. You were always on my mind. Distance never made me forget, and now that I'm back and have the confidence I never thought I would have, I'll tell you why; I would like to be your friend."
I'm shocked at what he just said. I knew Brainy had a crush on me, but I never knew it was the same kind of love I feel towards Arnold.
"I don't know what to say."
"Then don't say anything and just let me be your friend."
I sort of nod like an idiot because I'm speechless; everything seems sort of funny in a not funny way, if that makes any sense.
Brainy and I exchange numbers, and with that, he left. He gave only a wave of goodbye and out he went.
Just when my life has been turned upside down, we add my confusing love life into the equation. I love Arnold, and while Brainy and Sid are in love with me, but I don't love the guys that love me. To make things worse, I just have to love that one person that I can't have. Love sinks; I wish things weren't so complicated.
As if on perfect timing all three guys deicide to text me simultaneously.
Arnold: Hope you feel better, I'll see you tomorrow. Good night Helga.
Sid: Hey, you're probably asleep right now so just text me in the morning. I'll swing by the hospital after school, night Helga.
Brainy: Hey beautiful, it was really nice seeing you after all these years. I'll come by tomorrow after settling in to our place. Get some sleep.
Someone please kill me, I throw my phone across the bed as I hear Phoebe come in.
"I'm guessing things didn't go well?" Phoebe asks
"I have no idea Pheebs, just when my life becomes chaotic, karma decides to dump shit on me," I say in frustration. Phoebe looks at me with a raised eyebrow. "I might not be as dense as Arnold, but I know Sid still loves me and now that Brainy is back, I know he stills likes me. I, however, love neither but except the one who doesn't like me back."
"Wow, so what do you think is going to happen?" Phoebe asks in curiosity
"To tell you the truth, I have no idea. All three of them are going to come by tomorrow, hopefully at different times. I think I would just die if all of them came at the same time."
I hear Phoebe giggle so I give her a sharp look; she stops and straightens her glasses.
"I'm sorry, but I think it would be hilarious if they all came here to see you, just imagine how awkward things would get."
"Thanks for your moral support Phoebe," I say, trying not to laugh.
"No problem," Phoebe says with a wink
"Whatever, anyways you should probably get going, Phoebe, it's almost 11:30 and you still have school tomorrow." Phoebe widens her eyes in surprised
"Oh, my God, you're right, it's getting late. I should be home by know." Phoebe hugs me tightly. "Bye Helga, I'll come by tomorrow after school and enjoy the awkward silence with the boys."
"Shut up," I yell as Phoebe closes the door behind her.
I let my eyes close as I realize how tired my body feels when I hear a small knock on my door
The hell, visiting hours are over, can I just get some sleep? Crimeny! "Come in," I say, half asleep
"Helga, how are you feeling?" my vision becomes clearer, allowing me to see who's at the end of my bed. It's Dad.
"Dad, what are you doing here?" I say as I rub my eyes
"I just wanted to see how you were doing?"
"I feel better, but my body just feels sore and tired."
Out of nowhere, Bob hugs me in a tight embrace, I stiffen at the sign of affection.
"I'm a monster; I never realized how much I was hurting you. I took my anger out on you without even realizing how much I was hurting you. I'm such a terrible father; I thought I was doing good by trying to get you to be like Olga. I'm so sorry, Helga, I pushed you and pushed you to be perfect, but all I did was harm you." He never let me go from the first warm embrace ever I had from my father. After all these years of being neglected, I don't know how to react to this show of affection, I'm must be going mad, because I start to cry.
Bob just hugs me tighter as I struggle to escape his arms; tears start to flow from my eyes as I curl up in a ball.
"Dad, I always though you hated me because I was never like Olga. I don't understand," I manage to say, gasping for air.
"I know I haven't been the best father, but I was so caught up with the business that I never really realized that you were in pain for all these years. I never grasped how much pressure I was putting on you; I hate myself more then you hate me right now." He starts to clear his throat. "I just wish I would have realized this earlier than now. I promise you, I will get help for my anger problems and I will be the father that you never had growing up."
We stay silent for a minute before I start speaking my mind, clearing the thoughts from my head.
"Dad, this is too much to take in right now. All my life I always felt like the unwanted child and I felt neglected and lonely all these years. I never felt like I truly belonged in the family, and now hearing everything you told me now, I don't know how to react. I think I just need a few minutes alone," I say, not wanting to look him in the eyes, for the fear that I might cry again.
"Take all the time you need, I will be outside."
I cry into my pillow because I don't want to be heard; so many things are going through my mind. I'm not sure if I was crying because I felt happy or angry. For so many years, I always wondered what it would be like to have an affectionate father, and now that he showed me that he could be the father I always needed, I feel angry that he never showed it to me before.
I have so many emotions in me that I'm not sure how to react. With all of the event's that took place in less than 8 hours my eye lids feel heavier and heavier by the second, I slowly close them and as I drift off to sleep.
A/N
So much drama has been going on; I bet you didn't see Brainy coming in. You're probably thinking, where the hell I am going with all of this? Well I have no idea. There might be some crazy love triangle going on, or is it love square? Idk, then Bob is getting all affectionate towards Helga. Some of you are probably like Bob wouldn't do that, not after the way he treats Helga. Well he is a parent and sometimes major things have to happen in order for them to get a wakeup call. Things might be looking better for Helga but her life is only going to get more complicated! Also, thank you, to my beta reader(Apocalypticism). You are the best, as always please R&R.
And I want to thank darkangel1326 for helping me come up with titles for my chapters. She practically came up with the names I just sat there looking pretty.
