The JUC heads to the Hidden Mist where the meeting with the Raikage will be held, due to the fact that Mei sama hasn't recovered enough to travel yet, that and Sanma is too young to cart halfway across the Elemental nations. Nagato and Konan go with them, having replaced Deidara and Sasori as the Akatsuki guard. Nagato also needs to be at the meeting, as the leader of the Peace Movement.
The group is soon joined by Kankuro and Temari, who came from the Sand to act as Gaara's guards at the coming meeting. They make it to the mist in good time, stopping for campfire-stories and more marshmallow roasting when night falls. In fact, they deliberately take a bit longer so they can. All the same, the reach the Mist before any other group.
Chojuro meets them at the gates and takes them to the Mizukage's office where a boy with a tall staff is standing beside the Mizukage desk, making sure Ao does Mei's paperwork. Mei is sitting on her couch with Iruka-nii, and holding a baby.
Naruto sneaks over and peers at the baby. "He has blue eyes," says Naruto as the baby stares at him curiously.
"Most babies have blue eyes until they are about six month old," says Iruka-nii. "Unless they stay blue, they'll change colour about then."
"Oh," says Naruto.
That is the ugliest baby I have ever seen in my life, says Kurama. And I have seen a lot of babies. Some I even saw being born. This is by far the ugliest.
Shut up Kurama! Says Naruto. What if Iruka-nii hears you!
"What did Kurama say?" asks Iruka-nii, with a raised eyebrow.
"How do you know Kurama said something?" asks Naruto, backing away in premature terror.
"By the look on your face," says Iruka. "What did he say?"
Tell him, brat! Yells Kurama. Or I'll tell Kokuo to tell Han to say it, and you know he will, and Kokuo will make it worse by the time he does!
Fine! Agrees Naruto. "Well, um," he twists his hands together nervously. "Kurama said that Sanma is the ugliest baby he's ever seen, and that includes the ones he saw being born."
Iruka-nii starts radiating killing intent. "Naruto," he says, ice cold. "Let me in your mindscape."
"Kokuo says Kurama is so ####ing dead," reports Han.
S###, s###! Hide me, Naruto! Panics Kurama.
I can't! Wines Naruto. It was nice knowing you, Kurama. And then Naruto lets Iruka-nii in his mindscape.
"This place is a dump," comments Iruka-nii, looking around with his hands on his hips. "You really need to clean up around here."
"I know, but it takes so much effort!" says Naruto.
"Now, where is Kurama?" demands Iruka-nii, cracking his knuckles.
"He's hiding in his seal," says Naruto. "It's that way."
"TRAITOR!" roars Kurama. "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DISTRACT HIM WHILE I HID!"
"In case you haven't noticed," says Iruka, marching straight into the seal and glaring at Kurama. "There is nowhere for you to hide." he crosses his arm, still radiating killing intent. "What's this I hear about you calling my son ugly?"
"He is!" roars Kurama. "Surely even you can see that through your parents' bias!"
Roughly five seconds later, Kurama is suspended above a lake of lava.
"How did you do that?" demands Naruto. "There are no pools of lava in my mindscape!"
"There are now," says Mei-sama, appearing beside Iruka with Sanma still in her arms. "Nobody calls our baby ugly!"
"But he is!" insists Kurama. "You know I'm right!"
"He is cute, though," says Naruto, making a cutting gesture across his throat to tell Kurama to stop insisting on calling Sanma ugly.
"Cute, ugly; who cares!" says Kurama. "He'll probably just grow up to be another good looking human boy who all the girls follow everywhere! I mean, Sasuke looked like a girl when he was a baby, now look at him!"
The pool of lava vanishes. "What?" says Mei-sama. "YOU reckon he'll grow up to be good looking?"
"Yeah, who cares if he's ugly now: like Naruto said, it's a cute-ugly."
"Gaah!" says Sanma, waving his hands at Kurama. Kurama bends down and peers at Sanma. Sanma puts his hand on the giant fox and coos, blowing a bubble out of his mouth.
"Okay, enough of this," says Iruka, making a handsign. They all end up back in the Mizukage's office.
That could've gone worse, sighs Kurama in relief.
"Why is one of your new members tied up?" Iruka-nii asks, gazing curiously at Roshi.
"Oh, he doesn't want to join," says Naruto. "So who's the new member you found?"
"That would be me," says the boy with the staff. "I am Yagura, the former Fourth Mizukage. I am Isobu's jinchuuriki."
He's telling the truth, confirms Kurama and curls up to go back to sleep.
"Can Fu hold the baby?" asks Fu, eyes wide with excitement. "Fu has never held a baby."
"Come sit," says Mei, patting the spot beside her. Fu sits and Mei hands her Sanma.
Sanma stares curiously up at Fu for a few seconds then screams, "GAA!" Fu gets such a fright she almost drops him.
Naruto takes Sanma and cuddles him, Sanma blows a snot bubble on Naruto's face.
Utakata takes Sanma while Naruto gets all grossed out and says, "You are a genious baby, making bubbles like that." Sanma pulls Utakata's hair. Utakata yelps in pain.
Han takes the baby and tickles his tummy. Sanma blows spit at Han and starts hiccuping.
Han hands Sanma to Roshi. Sanma immediately starts crying.
Gaara takes Sanma and rocks him. Sanma instantly quiets and snuggles into Gaara's shirt. Then he yawns and falls asleep.
"How did you do that?" whispers Naruto in awe.
"I don't know," says Gaara.
"Who knew Gaara would be good with babies?" says Temari. "But then, no one ever handed him one before, so..."
Omake
Called It!
'Five Jinchuuriki go on a Road Trip. Shenanigans Ensue' already has over twenty followers! Wow.
(Nobody has guessed who won the card game yet.)
(Also, Saiyan Hatake, you didn't need to apologize: I just thought everyone would like to know that we dedicate the first omake to the first commenter as a tradition.)
Sanma is sitting cross-legged in the middle of Naruto and Hinata's living room floor flicking through an old photo album. Naruto sits down beside Sanma and asks, "Where did you find that?"
"In a drawer," answers Sanma.
"Why were you going through my drawers?" asks Naruto, concerned.
"To see if you have anything I can use for a prank," answers Sanma, flipping over to the next page. He pulls a face. "What ugly baby if that?" he asks. "Ew, gross."
"That's you," Naruto tells the disgusted eight year old.
"Wow," says Sanma. "I never thought I would say this, but the baby pictures my parents have of me are actually really flattering."
"They were taken through the lens of parental bias," says Naruto. "It is a very powerful lens."
"I was such an ugly baby," says Sanma, pulling an 'ugh' face.
"You grew out of it pretty quickly," says Naruto. "I mean, look at you now! You have more fangirls than Sasuke did at your age!"
"Wow," says Sanma. "How did that cinnamon roll get a huge fan club?"
"He was a dark and broody emo with hair like a duck's butt," explains Naruto.
"Wow." Sanma looks surprised.
"Kurama always did think you would grow up to be handsome," continues Naruto. "He was right, even though he mostly said it to stop your parents from trying to kill him."
"You know," says Sanma. "I'm glad I was an ugly baby."
"Why?" asks Naruto, curious.
"No one will ever coo over what a cute baby I was!" laughs Sanma. "They'll all be too busy going 'ew!' and turning the page!"
