A/N: Thank you everyone who read, favorited, followed, and reviewed! A bit more angst because I adore writing it and Lucifer experiences personal growth (giggity). I'm putting this up early because I'm anxious to get next chapters up, they're- well you'll have to wait and see.


On an overcast morning, Lucifer's fourth day in the hospital, he was finally able to be released. Not by a doctor's orders of course but AMA because he couldn't stand being here much longer, not to mention he was healing a little too quickly and his doctor kept trying to figure out why. His bones had already begun to knit back together and to the doctor's amazement didn't need casts any longer and while his legs couldn't fully support him yet he could at least use crutches to move around. Most of his stitches were out and the cuts had mostly been healed, as were his fingers and skull. The only real damage still present were the stitches and wound in his stomach and back, his braced arm which still wouldn't work, and a rather colorful array of bruises covering almost his entire body and some of his bones. Even his organs had mostly recovered except for his liver, which was really going to piss him off when he realized he couldn't drink.

Chloe held open the door to her home and waited for Lucifer to limp inside; she wanted to help but knew it wouldn't be appreciated. This was a fiercely independent man who would rather face plant than request assistance. He had wanted to go home but Maze wasn't exactly known for being nurturing and Chloe needed to be home with Trixie so despite his glares and grievances he really couldn't argue. Especially since he still didn't have his voice back.

Lucifer hobbled in and headed straight for the couch, gingerly dropping down on his still bruised hip and finally melting into it with a sigh of relief. It felt so good to be out of the hospital, to be in a familiar place that wasn't sterile and cold and smelt like the bad type of alcohol. His ebony eyes watched her wander around, opening windows and flipping through her mail and more than anything he wished he could speak to her. Not being able to talk was slowly driving him mad. Answering to only yes and no questions was boring and it was hard for people to carry on a one-sided conversation so most of the time they just didn't. Briefly he had considered writing things out but his right arm was making his hand movements near impossible and even though the Devil was many things ambidextrous outside the bedroom was not one of them.

Chloe filled up a glass and walked to the living room, sitting on the opposite end of the couch and handing it to him. When he just stared into it before looking at her with large pitiful eyes she almost laughed. "It's water. Your livers still damaged so no alcohol yet."

He sighed heavily, this would not do. Not at all. No drinking, no smoking in the house, no sex, no talking. Perhaps dying would have been the better option.

Chloe switched on the tv for background noise and scooted a little closer. "I didn't tell Trixie anything about what happened, I didn't want to scare her. Dan finally told her last night that you got hurt but that was all." She lifted her feet and tucked them underneath herself. "I didn't tell Trix anything about what happened before either, just said that we were taking a break and left it at that."

She stopped speaking for a few minutes and watched the tv, lightly biting her fingernails. "I know you can't talk and so it isn't fair to bring it up right now but I thought I could trust you and then it was like everything you said had been a lie. I still would like an explanation when you can talk because I deserve it. I just can't believe you would-" With a sigh she broke off.

He just sat silently since that was all he could really do.

"I wish you could tell me what happened to you but I guess that'll have to wait too. I've seen dead bodies that looked better than you." When he shot her an unimpressed glare she finally laughed. "Ok done with all that stuff. Trixie's birthday party is coming up soon, she really wanted you and Maze to come but that was before everything. I'll leave it up to you, I mean you'll probably be pretty healed but I know it might be overwhelming and I know between us is still- I don't know." She grinned, "Maybe Maze can beat the kids off with a stick to keep you safe. I'm kidding! Don't let her do that. Please."

Lucifer finally smiled, a real smile, the first one in fact since she had found him. He lifted his hand and made a talking motion with it, his eyebrows raised.

She giggled. "I'm talking too much huh? It's hard trying to talk with no one to talk to!"

It was comfortable between them mostly but there was an underlying issue that neither knew exactly how to deal with. They had essentially broken up, or at the very least temporarily separated and since Lucifer couldn't really talk the pair wasn't sure where they stood. Friends? Friends with benefits? Could they just pick up where they left off? At least they were still partners.

The sound of the doorknob a short time later made Lucifer tense and helplessly watch Chloe stand and move towards it. He couldn't do anything to protect anyone from any threat right now, human or otherwise. Chloe was by no means a weakling and could defend herself easily but it wasn't her job to protect him and angels didn't exactly stop when riddled with bullets.

Was it possible to drown oneself in a glass of water? The idea looked more tempting with every passing moment.

The worry was for nigh because only Trixie walked in after being dropped off from school by Mandy's mother and when her eyes fell upon the man on the couch her entire face lit up.

"Lucifer!" she shouted excitedly and threw down her purple and pale green backpack to run over. When she approached she didn't launch herself at him, she paused and looked him up and down worriedly, eyes halting momentarily on every single mark and bruise.

The Devil watched the child vibrating with nervous energy, wanting to hug him as per her usual greeting but refraining because of his very obvious injuries. He had missed the hell spawn more than he would ever admit and jerked his head to let her know she could come closer. After dealing with darker thoughts this past week and his brother he needed something pure and honest. When those little arms wrapped around his unbroken arm and hugged him close he couldn't help but smile down at her. She was nothing like the children in Hell, those creepy little monsters that scurried around in the darkness and tried to bite at your legs. He had kicked those evil things in the face more times than he could count and they still came back around.

"Mommy always says kisses make everything better," Trixie said innocently and began to move towards his cheek.

Lucifer's eyes widened in panic as he tried to retreat but he was already on the end of the couch. The child was inching ever closer, lips puckered and covered in who knew what germs, food, chap stick, or other items. The hug had been enjoyable but this was an attack on his personal space, on him. He couldn't scream, couldn't yell, just had to take it. Goodbye cruel world.

"Ok Trixie bug," Chloe laughed, grabbing her daughter and pulling her over the back of the couch away from the panic-stricken man just before contact. "Kisses do make everything better but I think Lucifer's ok for right now."

"Did you give him kisses?"

As Chloe floundered Lucifer just about lunged for the water glass, maybe if he sucked it up his nose it would work. Spawn situation avoided he sagged and yawned, sleep of course was the best way to recover but he was about to enter hibernation soon if he kept this up. His lids began to fall once again and with the hushed voices of the girls behind him he rested.

There was someone whispering and it was getting on his nerves, a back and forth that didn't seem to be letting up. Blinking to clear his vision he startled when he saw Trixie sitting on the couch next to him dressed in pajamas with tiny aquatic mammals on them, her mother on the opposite side in navy sweatpants and a loose tank top.

"He's awake," Trixie whispered loudly.

Chloe pulled her attention from the tv to check on their house guest and felt her stomach drop at how terrible he looked. He still didn't have any color, his eyes had dark circles under them and bruises in varying degrees covered his face and especially his neck. His permanent five o'clock shadow was approaching almost beard status and his hair was starting to curl from the humidity in the air and lack of product. If he didn't look like hell warmed over it might be kind of adorable. All together it wouldn't be so bad but this was Lucifer, the man that always looked perfect and to see him looking exhausted, unhealthy, and unkept was distressing. Come to think of it, had he even really eaten in the last four days?

"Are you hungry?" she asked, sitting up more to give him her full attention. "And no, scotch is not a food group."

He smiled faintly at her attempt at humor but shook his head.

She didn't want to push him while he was down but it was needed. "You really should eat, I can make some rice or soup. We have ice cream."

Unsurprisingly he shook his head again and Chloe sighed. "Time for bed Trix."

The little girl deflated but before doing as told climbed up onto her knees and looked at the man next to her. "Goodnight Lucifer," she said quietly before asking the single most heartbreaking thing that had ever come out of her mouth. "If I say I love you are you going to leave again?"

Lucifer slumped even further into the couch and shook his head, choosing not to chance a glance at Chloe.

Trixie smiled brightly and hugged his arm. "Good. I love you."

Chloe stomach had plummeted at her daughter's innocent question. She must have told Lucifer she loved him the day before everything blew up, and felt it was her fault. Her daughter had told the Devil himself she loved him and because of stupid choices that had been taken away. The disgust she felt at the entire situation was overwhelming so she stood stiffly to go tuck in her daughter.

Lucifer stared blankly at the tv and wished he was home. Maze might be the worst caretaker ever but at least he wouldn't have to deal with all this. He'd put up with a rough demon over drama island any day. Not wanting to deal with any of this, too beyond tired to even attempt, he closed his eyes when he heard footsteps and before he knew it had fallen asleep again.


On a sunny afternoon two days later Lucifer stood in front of the mirror in his detective's room and looked over his appearance, not too bad for being beat to shit and dropped from above skyscraper height only a week ago. Dressed in black slacks, charcoal dress shirt, and freshly shaven he looked pretty good, aside from the colorful bruising still adorning his left eye and throat. Everything had healed and he was now left with only tenderness from his abdominal injury, slight weakness in his right arm, and a more raspy voice.

Words couldn't describe how pleasant it felt to be able to be him again, to drink what he liked and smoke and be dressed in his normal attire and best of all speak. After descending down the stairs he poured himself a large glass of bourbon and retreated to the front porch to have a smoke and think about what came next.

Michael was going to come back at some point, that was a given but the when was the unknown. He had to know by now that he hadn't been successful in his murder plot and would plan accordingly before striking again. The question was why had he attacked in the first place; it had been over five years since he abandoned his throne and came to earth so what had set him off? He couldn't be messing things up that badly or dad himself would have done something about it instead of all the winged rats pestering him and Michael had always wanted him permanently out of the picture.

Taking another drag and a sip of his drink he groaned at the pain beginning to throb in his arm. Michael had messed him up badly, much worse than he had ever gotten before and he hated that he would have another scar now to remember his brother. Angels healed too fast to scar but for some blasted reason Michael's sword always left a mark and why in dad's name did he get a sword? No one else got anything that cool, Gabe got his kazoo and Uriel got a torch. In fact they all got something except for him, why exactly hadn't his father bestowed a gift upon his supposed favorite son?

He was getting off track.

If he was going to end all the nonsense and personal attacks he would have to send a very strong message to the heavens and Michael's head on a pike seemed like a good place to start. One would think that angels killing angels would be an unforgivable sin but it actually happened all the time, they were a petty bunch. There would be retribution but if he sent the message strong enough it would be minimal. How could he beat him though when he had essentially handicapped himself by having Maze cut off his wings?

Maybe it was time to- No, not yet.

And then there were the people he cared about that could get involved, Chloe, Beatrice, and Maze. Maze was made to protect him but her death would cripple him, and Chloe and the spawn- His mind couldn't even comprehend the possibility of losing them. The best course of action would seem to be to stay away from everyone, but that's what all the idiots in films and television shows did and it always went sideways. Here with his humans was the only option and he would be extra vigilant until this was resolved. No harm would ever come to them while he was still breathing. He would always protect what was his.

Is that what Chloe and the hell spawn were, his? The spawn maybe, she seemed more attached to him than ever but Chloe was hardly speaking to him and vice versa. Yesterday had been so uncomfortably quiet and even though he finally could speak a little he had chosen not to. He wanted to explain that he hadn't broken his word, would never cheat on her but she didn't seem to want to hear anything and he wasn't in the mood to grovel.

"Brother," Amenadiel greeted cordially, interrupting his thoughts and surprising him, before being promptly and literally kicked off the porch.

Lucifer had reacted the second he heard wings but the threat wasn't Michael; it was just his other pain in the ass brother. "I'm going to tether you to a stake in the yard so you can't keep popping in and out whenever you please. I mean bloody hell."

The dark skinned angel stood and brushed himself off, walking back up the steps in mild irritation. "I came to see how you're faring. When I got word of the ambush I assumed the worst."

The Devil held out his arms mockingly, "Still here."

"Barely," Amenadiel murmured when he gently shoved Lucifer in the stomach making the man hiss in pain. He felt distressed at the fact his brother still wasn't completely healed before flippantly adding, "I've wanted someone to put you in your place since the dawn of man."

"Thanks bro," Lucifer smiled sarcastically.

"But not like this. You need to be controlled Lucifer, you're too powerful for your lack of discipline but what Michael did was cruel and unprovoked."

Smashing his cigarette butt into the ashtray Chloe had insisted on getting he immediately lit another and downed half his glass of alcohol before stepping closer to his sibling. "And who's going to control me? You?" he laughed. "I'll take anything you've got pal," he smirked smugly. "And you can take that however you want."

"Oh Luci, always with the jokes," he chuckled crisply as his brother finished his drink. "Are you so blind with rage that you can't see the concern I have for you?"

Lucifer set down his empty glass and took a long drag, blowing the smoke into his brother's face, his eyes glowing red. "Is concern what you had when you wanted to send me to Hell?" he whispered darkly, moving until their noses were almost touching.

Chloe pulled into the driveway and felt her heart stop at Lucifer standing uncomfortably close to his brother, eyes blazing red. Why couldn't they leave him alone, hadn't he suffered enough lately? Both were taut with tension, eyes never leaving each other as they looked to be heatedly conversing and she knew it would turn into a brawl at any moment. "Dammit," Chloe huffed under her breath.

She had asked about Amenadiel one evening, post-coitus much to Lucifer's horror, wondering if he was an angel as well. Anyone he spoke to now Chloe wondered if they were human or not but it seemed that other than Maze and Amenadiel there really weren't many more biblical beings walking around. The one thing Lucifer had tried to instill was never, under any circumstances interject between angels because while they couldn't kill humans they could definitely maim. It was frightening really, these titans living amongst the humans unnoticed, no one the wiser that the person next to them could destroy an entire city in the blink of an eye.

"No!" she cried in frustration before wincing when Lucifer reeled back and sucker punched his brother, instantly cradling his arm and cursing in pain. "Not that arm you idiot," she mumbled.

Figuring she should try to stop this from a safe distance she placed her hands on the horn and began to beep excessively. It took both men a few moments to notice the noise and once they did both turned in confusion, Amenadiel at least looking chastised until Lucifer used the distraction to place his foot on his brother's back and shove him off the porch. Watching them she could easily see that Lucifer was a dirty fighter; pull your hair, poke your eyes, whatever it took to come out on top brawler. It made sense, he wasn't exactly known for his honor.

The angels watched Chloe exit the vehicle and head towards them; both knowing their conversation was essentially over. Unwilling to let it go Lucifer snapped his fingers, time stopping and walked up to his brother, switching to his true form.

Amenadiel spread his wings in anticipation for what was to come and stared at his brother's hellish face, looked at his tattered soul and burning eyes. It was easy to look at the Devil for what he was; the deceiver, the creator of sin, an abomination and mockery of everything holy and divine but he remembered the before. He could recall his first look at the archangels, the awe he had felt at their purity and strength but the brightest and the most beautiful, was Samael. Two ends of the spectrum, two sides of the same coin, Devil and angel, and if he looked deep enough he could still see the archangel buried deep inside his brother. Samael died the moment he fell, and Lucifer was born; the glory of God and the birth of evil all wrapped in one.

Right now was the shining example of both. Pride and wrath was burning in his brother, betrayal and hate marring his face but deep in his eyes, past the fires of Hell, you could see the shame, the hurt, the fear.

Michael was coming for him and it was pointless to try to offer help because no one would survive between the two. There was a good chance Lucifer wouldn't survive if their last meeting was any indication. So when his brother stepped up to him, with charred skin and burning eyes to threaten and most likely make an attempt on his life, he didn't react in anger. He didn't lash out. His wings retracted and he let go of the history, the arguments, the fights and suddenly it was eons ago, with a fledging angel looking at the beauty and strength of the Morningstar. A single tear cascaded down his cheek and with a watery smile he softly exclaimed, "It's not your fault."

Lucifer froze, his head cocking and eyes narrowing.

"It's not your fault for everything that's come to pass brother, and for everything that will come to pass I forgive you."

Lucifer's appearance flickered back to human, his expression filled with consternation and his eyes faded to black, unease creeping in around the edges. "No," he whispered, his voice tight and strangled. "No!" he cried in anger and pain before shouting it again shakily. "No! You don't get to do that!" he screamed before tears gathered in his eyes, falling one by one. "Fight me!" Unable to process what just happened his mind released its hold on time and he fell to his knees, a soft caress of the breeze blowing across his face.

Chloe blinked when suddenly Amenadiel was gone and Lucifer was falling to the earth. Expecting the worst she ran over, heart pounding, but faltered when she saw he wasn't wounded. He was crying. His lids were pressed shut, teeth clenched as painful cries wracked his kneeling body. She had never seen Lucifer cry, ever, even after Hell but something had just happened, something she did not get to witness but none the less had a massive effect on him. Moving closer her steps clacked on the walkway and Lucifer whipped around with wide fearful eyes but before she could reach him he shot to his feet and backed away, wiping angrily at his face to remove the proof of his weakness. "Don't," he hissed sharply and before Chloe could say a word he was walking away, eyes daring her to follow.


Late that same night Lucifer walked down the street away from Lux, cigarette stuck between his lips and a scowl on his handsome face. Why couldn't he seem to grasp any semblance of control? Everything seemed to be a mess as of late, everything a disaster. He had pretty much lost the only thing that mattered, gotten pulverized by his brother, emotionally destroyed by the other, he wasn't even punishing people anymore. He had no way to let out his frustrations or emotions and it was grinding him down. Sex could always work but after being at Chloe's he just couldn't stomach it, they weren't her. Everyone was too tall, or too thin, too blonde, too boring, too something because they just weren't her. Being in such close proximity to her again brought every single feeling that he had tried to bury back and it just cut so deeply.

Weaving in and out of people he walked past the entrance to a bar and snorted, who named a taproom Benny's? The humans were laughing inside the establishment and out on the sidewalk, inhibitions low after consuming copious amounts of alcohol but one laugh in particular rang out that was soul crushingly familiar. His head craned over the shorter bodies surrounding him, his eyes flickering from face to face and he finally spotted the woman he had just been thinking about.

Chloe. She was just as gorgeous as always, dressed in a teal top and snug black pants with heels and her wavy hair loose and flowing over her exposed shoulders. It was strange to see her out on the town, especially not at Lux but it was then he realized she was with someone. She was on a bloody date. What the actual fuck? The bloke next to her was much shorter than he, handsome in the most basic way, and had his grotesquely small hands all over her. Then they started making out and he was stuck between immense pain and blinding wrath. Rooted to the sidewalk he could only watch in ghastly revulsion as this man's hand slid under her blouse to sloppily rub silky skin, fingers teasing the black waistband snug against the flesh below her navel. There was no way she could be enjoying this, enjoying those too thick fingers completely missing the ticklish spots that made her squirm located exactly three finger widths towards her hip bones.

Bloody hell mate, he thought to himself, she isn't a banjo wanting to be plucked by some backwoods clodhopper she was a piano that needed to be ever so softly caressed with just the right amount of finesse and pressure. And then she released a tiny pleased sigh and he realized by some unimaginable phenomenon she was getting off to this. This was impossible and unacceptable. Never mind they weren't together any longer, that he had been fighting her at every turn and vice versa and still hadn't attempted to clear anything up because of whatever reason. Beginning to move towards her he cursed when they slid into a cab together and he helplessly watched them ride away. They were probably going to have sex tonight, he knew the look and those two had it written all over their intoxicated faces. Had she really moved on to someone new or was this just a one night stand?

Did it matter?

It made him furious and sick to his stomach that someone else was going to touch her and then it clicked. That's what she felt. When she had taken in the scene before her almost two weeks ago she had felt the same anger, the helplessness, the hurt that he did and regardless that he hadn't done it he now understood why it was so important to humans. It wasn't just about the act it was all the bloody feelings attached to it, the respect. The day everything had gone to hell, not literally thank goodness, he had been ranting to Linda about it and all he had done last week is show none to the only person in all of space and time that he actually did hold in high regard. How did humans do this? There was so much to keep track of, didn't they come with some sort of manual? They should.

He never wanted to feel like this again, and he knew he never wanted Chloe to feel like this. His word was his bond and he would never break it but finding the reason it was so important to Chloe was humbling to say the least. She had every right to be with someone else, just as he had and did, but it was a terrible feeling knowing someone else took your place if only for a night. Would this man touch her like he did? Know exactly what to do to make her make all those delicious little noises? Would she scream his name?

A woman was sauntering over to him, a lustful grin on her red lips but he couldn't even manage a smirk in her direction. Twisting he moved through the crowd and up an alleyway to return to Lux with less people in his path. Damn this hurt.

Sleeping with everyone last week had been an almost automatic reaction and he didn't feel remotely guilty about it since she had proclaimed their relationship over but then why did it sting so badly, ache so deeply inside, that she was doing the same thing? Perhaps he should have put forth even more effort, shouldn't have tried to forget her in the comfort of human flesh, hadn't acted unattached just because of her words. Linda said actions speak louder than words, was he the reason they weren't together right now?

Blowing out a frustrated breath with a pit in his stomach he returned home and went to sleep, alone.