8th chapter

Jane wanted to let Maura know how much she missed her, how much she – and all the BPD – searched her and above how she felt about the idea of them dating together. But somehow Maura managed to avoid this theme every time – during the session with Dr. Moss and also in the evening, when Jane came just to sit in her room and watch Maura falling asleep. These last days Jane was not even able to sleep at home, she wanted to be near Maura, assured Maura sleeps quietly.

Jane was present at Maura`s therapy with Dr. Moss, firstly because all information was important for the investigation and secondly because Jane`s role in Maura`s life seemed to be really fundamental.

"Maybe it`s not really comfortable for you, Maura, but let`s open this theme. You have romantic feelings for Jane and you thought she is the one who had invited you to that unfortunate date. Can we now speak about it together?" Dr. Moss went directly to it.

Maura took a deep breath, avoiding eye contact with Jane. "I think I can handle my personal mess all by myself, without psychiatric help I mean. Can we focus on the bigger issue – my PTSD?" she looked at the doctor with a determined face.

"Maura, you are a clever person, you know that everything is related. I want to eliminate every stress in your life. And, unfortunately, your unspoken feelings are one of it."

Maura was just able to give a sigh, this will be a long day. Then she cleared her voice, avoiding Jane`s glance: "In this case could I please know if this is still an investigation or it`s a private therapy session?"

Exactly in this moment Jane`s phone rang. "Excuse me, I really have to take this." Jane left quickly the room and Maura kept contemplating her own knees. This situation would be awkward even without third person.

The detective came after few moments, the call wasn't clearly a good message. "I think I can answer your question now. The investigation is over – Bill James was killed, brutally killed, in the prison shower. I think we all know who had requested such a murder." Maura knew. Paddy Doyle, her biological father.

"Doctor, I need to go, I am sorry. I know it`s not the best moment, but if you will need my presence, could we reschedule the session? Please?" Jane was aware the timing is pretty bad.

Before Dr. Moss could reply, Maura nodded: "Of course, Jane, you need to do your job, this can wait. Have a nice day!"

Jane smiled at her: "Thank you, I`ll try to come ASAP, promised!" And with these words she left.

"So," Dr. Moss started slowly "may I ask who had requested this kill?"

Maura felt relieved, a new theme that did not include Jane was nice, even if it meant speaking about her adoption and Arthur`s death.


This evening Jane came really late. She sat next to Maura`s bed and took her hand into hers: "Paddy Doyle pleaded guilty of paying for Bill James brutal murder. He refused to reveal the killer and to be honest he doesn't risk anything as he`s already imprisoned for life. You know I cannot tell you more details, but you would learn this from tomorrow newspaper anyway." She caressed her hand and smiled nervously: "I don't know how you feel about this. Uh, do you wanna speak about it?"

Maura slowly shook her head: "I don't really care about Paddy, uh, and his way of protecting me. Arthur, or Bill, whatever, should be brought to justice and not killed as animal. He was ill. And we both know he could do me whatever he wanted, but he was nice to me."

Jane raised an eyebrow: "Maur, really?"

"What? It`s true!"

"Honey, we both know that he would watch you die there in that dirty cellar if we did not find you!"

Maura did not reply, she just bit her lower lip, Jane cannot understand, nobody can understand.

Jane saw this is not the best theme and she wasn't maybe the best person to speak about it with her. She can contact Dr. Moss in the morning, but now she needs to be here for Maura.

"OK, honey, I didn't want to upset you, I`m sorry. Uh, so, how was your day? Were you able to go out?" She hoped that a change of the theme could save the situation. And Maura was grateful for it. "Yes, Constance came in the afternoon, so we went for a walk to the hospital garden. And yes, she had arranged a hairstylist visit for me for tomorrow. It`s very nice from her, right?"

Their conversation seemed weird, forced and it made Jane uncomfortable. They are friends, best friends, Maura is traumatized, Jane should be the strong one, and she should be here for Maura and make her life better. Yes, she was afraid too, she did not know how to handle all this situation. But she cannot think that Maura will be the one who will solve this.

So, she took a deep breathe: "Maura?"

"Yes?" The fear and insecurity were evident in her hazelnut eyes.

It`s now or never. Jane needed to focus not to say this too fast, but she needed to say it already: "I have feelings for you too. I know you don't want to speak about it, at least not now, but you need to know that I`m here for you, OK?"

Maura swallowed slowly and nodded, not really certain what all this meant. She bit her lip and exhaled slowly. "Thank you." She wasn`t able to come with better reaction. But she needed to admit that she felt somehow released. Maybe it means that Jane is not disgusted by her, at least not too much. If she can stay in her life, it`s good.

The rest of the evening went rather peacefully, Arthur`s death stopped the investigation with all the unpleasant questions and Jane`s reassurance dispelled Maura`s fears of losing her. Thus Maura could fall asleep safely…