My enormous gratitude to the one and only arrowsandangels for betareading and helping me get through difficult moments of lack of inspiration or motivation to write anything at all. It's been tough, especially since all these talks of Daryl's possible death began. But even if Daryl dies or Beth never comes back (or both, God), I want to keep writing about Bethyl. These characters will be alive as long as we remember them.

Having said that, let's trust the show and wait for Beth to return.

I have also set up a tumblr account - it's lovewhomyouwill - and I hope to see you guys there!

Rick wasn't lying when he said he had to work. Even in a small and peaceful town like Senoia, sheriffs don't get enough time with their family. Or just time off work for that matter.

So, true to her word, Beth starts organizing Carl's thirteenth birthday party. With Daryl's help because he's the only person Carl doesn't refuse to talk to and actually opens his bedroom door to let him in. They make a list of all guests, first adults and then kids whose parents they will need to call to let them know. They choose the date and time, making sure it suits as many people as possible and also leaves Beth enough time to bake the birthday cake with Lori's recipe.

Beth also notices how much Daryl loves Carl and Judy, even if he never openly states it. He cares about them, always careful and gentle with baby Judith, listening to Beth's advice on how to hold her or what to do when she won't stop crying. He seems to understand Carl's refusal to discuss his feelings with either Beth or Rick (and Beth has a pretty good idea why - Daryl lost his mother too) and never complains about his messenger role, just appears to be glad to help. He also doesn't judge, and that's what Beth likes about him the most. It's like he is one of the few people (if not the only one) who will never make her feel like she is stupid for feeling down. She can tell him things and be sure he won't make her regret trusting him.

As much as she loved Jimmy back when they were together, she never had that with him. Or anyone, for that matter. She always feels like she has to try and fit in. But not with Daryl.

Beth also realizes she's actually excited about Carl's party. She wants to see that boy happy, make him smile. Planning it and spending time with Daryl makes her smile too. Which Maggie seems to notice and frowns in confusion every time Beth starts singing when doing chores around the house, like she always used to, before… everything. She used to do a lot of things, actually, that she starts finding herself doing again. Waking up with her alarm, not an hour before it. Falling asleep feeling calm and ready for the next day as opposed to being afraid of what it might bring. Smiling at daddy a lot more. Experimenting with her cooking, and at the same time, returning to her mother's recipes - something she couldn't bring herself to do for two long years. She doesn't feel good or even fine, but for once in what feels like forever, it seems like she will one day.

"You seem… different," Maggie states one morning when she walks in on Beth singing while doing her makeup.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I like it," she smiles and walks off, leaving Beth startled. Mainly because, for once, Maggie seems to mind her own business. And that feels very unusual.

Beth goes back to applying concealer over a few pimples on her chin, and starts humming the same song again. Carl's party is in two days, and she needs to take a trip downtown to get him a present. Maybe she'll see Daryl there. She doesn't want to initiate anything in fear of annoying him, but the truth is she would love to see him. Even though they just spoke yesterday. That reminds her of his leather jacket that she is still keeping hidden in her wardrobe. The weather has been ridiculously hot lately, and Daryl must not really need it because he never mentions it and keeps wearing his favorite (at least it seems like it) vest with angel wings on it. Beth thinks she should still return it. Later.

She flies down the stairs and into the kitchen. Her daddy is there, eating his breakfast.

"Morning," Beth smiles at him and opens the fridge to get some milk.

"Mornin', Bethy. Are you still babysitting Judith on Sunday?"

"Yes, daddy. But only in the afternoon, for Carl's birthday party. I'll still be attending the service in the morning."

"How is that baby anyway?"

"She's great. The sweetest baby in the world," Beth smiles.

"Well I'm glad you are enjoying it. Maybe you'll get to be a pediatrician one day," her daddy says and returns to his food. Beth stands there, holding her bowl of cereal, unable to move. This is a perfect moment to tell him she doesn't want to do that anymore. She's practiced her arguments and explanations hundreds of times (even though it really comes down to one reason - she doesn't want to do it), but right now she is terrified. What if her words disappoint him? What if he gives her one look that will make her hate herself? As she thinks of saying the words out loud, she feels a knot of panic appearing in her stomach. She is afraid.

But then, Beth remembers her mother's words. Be afraid. And then do it anyway.

She sits down across from her daddy. She takes a deep breath and sets the bowl on the table.

"I don't want to, daddy," she blurts out. Quietly, but with confidence.

Daddy's fork freezes an inch from his mouth. "What?"

"I don't want to be a doctor. Never wanted to," Beth takes a napkin and folds it nervously.

Hershel's face twists in confusion and he puts his fork down. "Bethy-"

"No, daddy. I know you think you know what's best for me, but I spent so much time trying to imagine myself doing medicine and I can't. Right now, just the thought of it makes me feel miserable." Beth looks at her nails.

"Bethy," Hershel repeats, and she glances at him. "I was just going to ask why you haven't told me earlier. I would never force you to spend your whole life doing something you know you won't enjoy," he gives her the kindest smile in the world and takes her hand. "You can be whatever you want to be, Doodlebug. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

"What if I don't know what I want to be yet?" she shakes her head.

"You're just eighteen. You have plenty of time to find out," her daddy says and, after giving her another smile, returns to his food. And with that, Beth feels like the weight of the world has come off her shoulders. She feels free again.


Usually, baking is something Beth feels confident about. (Unlike many other things in her life.)

But not when it comes to Carl's birthday cake.

When the day comes and she delivers the cake to Grimes' house, she looks at a few picture from Carl's previous birthdays hanging on the wall. Compares her cake to those Lori holds, smiling brightly in a photo. And she wishes her attempts and efforts to help Carl feel better about his loss will work. At least a little bit.

As she sets the cake on the kitchen island, Daryl comes in, and Beth lets out a sigh of relief. He promised to be there early to help her set everything up, since Rick was working and would only be able to show up on time for the party (if they're lucky). As Daryl sees Beth, he gives her a small encouraging smile. That helps. A lot, actually. As Beth watches him come up to the island to stand next to her, she feels the tight knot in her stomach ease up a little. She has no idea why his presence helps, but she'll take it.

"You alright?" he asks and stares at her with his intense gaze. The one that makes her cheeks heat up.

"Yes. Just nervous."

"Don't be," Daryl shrugs nonchalantly. "The kid loves you. And he's going to love the party too."

"I just want him to enjoy it, you know? He deserves to have some fun," she mumbles, looking down at the cake, but when she lifts her gaze, she sees him looking at her again. Giving her that look she doesn't know what to call. He usually looks at her like that when she's holding Judith, so Beth always thought it was his affection for the baby. But right now, Judith is sleeping in her crib in the nursery, it's just the two of them, and he's got that look. And she's never seen him look like that at anyone else.

She still has no idea what it means, but the fact that it's something just the two of them share makes her heart hammer against her ribcage with such force it suddenly becomes hard to breathe. And she can't stop looking at him. His eyes are like magnets she can't resist.

Beth suddenly wonders whether he likes what she looks like today. She chose one of her favorite dresses to wear - it's a white short sundress with small polka dots sprinkled everywhere. She also straightened her usually curly hair, which made it appear even longer. It almost reaches the small of her back. Does Daryl like her hair? She hopes he does.

Daryl is wearing his usual black jeans and that same leather vest on top of the shirt with the sleeves ripped off. It's very hot today, and she can see his impressively big and toned arms – God, those arms… – shine with a light layer of sweat. She has been noticing a lot about his appearance lately. How his hair is too long and in a desperate need of a cut, but somehow suits him so well. How he always has a pack of cigarettes in the right pocket of his jeans. She's never seen him smoke so either he doesn't smoke around her or… he doesn't smoke at all. No, that's just weird. He probably just doesn't smoke around her. But why?

He also has a habit of biting his thumbnail when he's nervous or thinking hard. It's something Beth has seen him do a few times by now and she is not sure how she feels about it. She doesn't want him to be nervous around her, she wants him to be comfortable.

She realizes they are just full on staring at each other now, and somehow, she is completely fine with it.

There is a sudden slam of the door – Carl comes into the kitchen from the backyard – and they both jump, startled as if Carl's arrival interrupted something. Ridiculous, right? Daryl immediately turns to look, and Beth tucks away a strand of hair in embarrassment. Daryl clears his throat.

"Hey, Carl."

"Hey," the boy answers, his eyes flicking between them. "I just… wanted to get some water."

"Sure, go on," Beth feels her face flush as she gestures towards the sink. It's his house, for goodness' sake. "Make sure to get ready. Your guests will be here in an hour."

"Fine," Carl shrugs, filling up a glass of water, and leaves the kitchen, leaving Beth and Daryl alone again.

Daryl clears his throat awkwardly as Beth's cheeks suddenly get hot.

"I… um… Should probably go and inflate some balloons," Daryl forces out and gestures to the door.

"Okay," Beth nods with an unnecessary enthusiasm. Awkward. "And I'll take care of all the food."

"Okay," Daryl adds and spins away to leave the kitchen.

Beth sighs and hides her face in her palms.


It seems to Beth that Carl's party is going well. The boy talks to people and closes his eyes to make a wish before blowing out the candles on the cake. The fact that he decides to make a wish at all tells Beth that he might not feel better now, but he's getting there. Kids are playing something similar to football in the backyard, adults are talking among themselves. Everything is going well.

"Hey, Beth," she hears and, turning around to look, sees Rick heading towards her across the yard.

"Hi, Rick," she gives him a smile. "Didn't know you were here already."

"Yeah, sorry for being late, had to stay behind at work," he shoves his hands into his jeans' pockets.

"That's fine," Beth shrugs and adjusts her hair. "I'm sure Carl understands. Someone needs to protect this town."

Rick smiles crookedly: "Yeah. I don't think he noticed I wasn't here." They both turn to look at Carl, who is about to pass the ball to one of his school friends. When he runs up to the table with drinks and takes a few greedy gulps of apple juice before running back to return to the game, Beth giggles. Rick looks at her again. "I can't thank you enough, Beth. I just wish you'd let me pay you."

Beth shakes her head immediately: "That's ridiculous. You don't pay Daryl when he helps you, do you? Friends help each other."

"Right," Rick nods, and something in his gaze changes. He looks at her differently. With more respect. "Friends."

"Yeah," Beth smiles.

"Rick!" someone calls out, and Beth turns her head to see Michonne – one of Rick's colleagues – waving at him.

"I'll talk to you later, Beth," Rick says, in a sudden hurry to walk off.

"Have fun," she says and smiles, watching him approach Michonne. They greet each other with a hug, and Beth's smile widens. "Thank you for coming…" she hears Rick say and stops listening. She just hopes Rick can be happy again.

Beth decides to check on Judith and leaves for the nursery. She finds the baby awake and in need of a clean diaper. She's surprised Judy has been able to sleep through all the kids' loud laughing and occasional shrieking in the backyard. The baby acts very calm, sucking her thumb and looking around curiously. Beth wonders what she sees.

She is almost done when someone touches her shoulder lightly: "Beth?"

Just that is enough to scare her. Mostly due to the fact that she was sure there was no one else in the nursery. So, she jumps in surprise, and her hand holding the bottle of baby powder flies up, sending a white wave over her shoulder.

Almost immediately, Beth turns around to see Daryl standing there, his face completely covered in white baby powder. It also crawls down his neck, and some of it is even on his shoulders. On his black leather vest. He lifts his hand to wipe some of it off his face, and Beth is about to start apologizing, when she realizes how funny he looks. Intimidating and sometimes even scary Daryl Dixon, with his face covered in baby powder. She also realizes that nothing in the world can help her hold back the hysterical laughter, threatening to escape her lips. She covers her mouth with her hand, but she can't help it. It starts as a giggle, but in a few short moments becomes a real laugh, the kind that makes your cheeks and stomach hurt.

Beth notices that Daryl is trying to hold back a smile, but it's stubborn, and soon he is giving her a huge toothy grin that she is pretty sure she sees for the first time. He's never smiled like this. At least not at her.

"That's a lesson for you," Beth states when her laughter becomes a light giggle again. "Never scare a Greene."

"Got it," Daryl says and salutes her jokingly. He makes another attempt to rub off the white substance on his face, but it doesn't work – he just smears it around.

"Hold on," Beth quickly and easily finishes changing Judy's diaper and puts the baby in the crib. She then takes some baby wipes from the table and turns to face Daryl. "These help a lot."

She lifts her hand and gently starts wiping everything off his face. Daryl doesn't protest or move away, just freezes to his spot. It's only when Beth feels his breathing on her forehead that she realizes how close to each other they actually are. And for the second time today, Beth suddenly forgets how to breathe. How to do anything, but just stand there, looking him in the eyes, and feeling her heart bump with such force it might actually escape her chest. And realizing how much heat his body is radiating.

Her mouth suddenly feels very dry, and Beth doesn't even notice it when she quickly licks her lips – she just does it automatically. But she does notice when his gaze slides to her lips, and it becomes apparent to her that she's been looking at his lips for a few long moments already.

Just the thought of kissing him makes her feel terrified. Doing that would mean accepting that things have changed, that she is ready to change. And she is not ready to accept that. She has no idea where any of it can lead, nothing about Daryl is safe or predictable or anything she is used to. But she wants to kiss him. So bad. And he wants to kiss her too, she knows. She feels it. It's not just her.

She suddenly remembers that anyone could come in any second, and that makes her feel brave enough to clear her throat and pull away.

"Done," she says, her voice breaking a little, and turns around to throw the tissue in the bin.

Judith is awake, and she is laying in her crib, watching them both with such openness and curiosity, that Beth gives her a big smile.

"Thank you," Daryl answers a few moments later.

"That's fine. It was my fault anyway," Beth giggles nervously, but not because she is worried about what Daryl will think. Mainly because of how strange the whole situation feels. Just two months ago she had no idea how much her life would change. And although letting Daryl into her heart completely can be reckless and just stupid, it promises so many new things, wonderful and not, but new and fresh and different. She wants to know what it would feel like to have his lips on hers. To touch him in ways that are much more than friendly. To know him like no one else does. To open up to him completely.

Beth wants all of that. She is just afraid.


When Beth drives down the dirt road leading to the farm, she is so tired she can't wait to be in bed. But of course, things don't always happen the way she wants them to.

When she sees a figure, sitting on the porch steps, she isn't surprised. But not excited either.

After all, she knew that one day Lexi-Marie would get tired of calling and texting (being ignored completely) and try to talk to her like this. And it's Lexi. Of course she would show up at her house unannounced.

Beth gets out of the car and shuts the door. As she approaches the porch, Lexi-Marie stands up, looking at Beth nervously, but Beth doesn't say a word and just takes a seat on the same step. So Lexi silently lowers herself down next to Beth.

"Are you okay?" Lexi asks.

Beth thinks about it for a moment. She wants to lie, like she always does when it comes to answering this particular question, but now she realizes she doesn't need to. "Yeah. I'm fine. Just tired," and it's true.

Lexi-Marie sighs quietly. "Look, Beth, I'm sorry. I have no idea what happened to me and why I acted like a middle school bitch, but I am really sorry. I understand that drama is the last thing you need in your life."

Beth looks at her, and Lexi-Marie's face is twisted in worry. She is sorry, she understands what she did was stupid. And that's all Beth needs. "Okay," she says, and when Lexi-Marie gives her a surprised look, as if she's expected to be forced to apologize further, Beth just shrugs.

"You seem different," she observes. "What happened to you last week?"

"A lot," in all honesty answers Beth.

"Has it got something to do with that leather-jacket-guy?"

"Oh my God, you're just impossible," Beth giggles and shakes her head. "Yes? Maybe. I don't know, if I'm honest."

"You like him, a lot. You know that much," Lexi-Marie shrugs. "What's stopping you?"

"I don't know…" Beth trails. "It's just… frightening."

"Well, do you remember when you were teaching me to swim, and I was scared to jump into the river? And you kept swimming around and saying that it's not about not being afraid, it's about being afraid and doing it anyway. Or some philosophical shit like that. It's been more than twelve years, but I still remember. So, listen to your own advice. What have you got to lose?"

And no matter how convincing her own arguments felt a few hours ago, right now, Beth can't help but think that maybe Lexi-Marie is right. Just maybe.

Hope you enjoyed and please review!