I knelt forgotten on the ground next to Krory (no wait, it was Crowley, right?), listening to the happy shouts sounding faintly from the hallway outside. I didn't recognize any of the voices apart from those who had found me in the Ark, but I could guess anyway.
That choked up wail would be Miranda… the wheezy, old man yelling at Lavi should be Bookman… who else was there? The General whatshisname… and shouldn't Noise Marie be there too?
My hand resting on the sofa clenched into a fist. The soft leather creaked in protest.
I really was here… wasn't I? There was no way it could be a dream…
I've had dreams before - lucid dreams, even. Dreams where I was thinking, and moving, on my own…
This wasn't one of them. I knew that much.
I was really… here…
Pain registered on my senses. I looked down to find my knuckles white and trembling. My sight was blurring, my teeth biting down on my lip.
It was impossible. There was no way it could be true.
But it was.
What about home? My mom? My dad? My brother, my friends? How could I get back? Could I get back?
Crap. I could feel the tears gathering in my eyes. I couldn't cry. I couldn't, wouldn't-!
A slight rustle of cloth jerked me out of my thoughts. My eyes snapped to my only waking companion in the room.
Cross Marian.
I stared at him, shaking. His hair was long, a dark, russet red that merely hinted at his own mysterious personality. His legs were crossed, his hand holding a (goddamn) cigarette that I could smell from across the room. His uniform stood out against the stark white walls and the whiteness of his chair. His chained coffin stood behind him like a shadow.
I didn't want to look at him in the eye. I was scared of looking at him in the eye. I was in no state to build up a proper lie, or even think of one, to explain how I had gotten here.
It didn't even cross my mind to tell the truth. Because the moment the truth came out I would be dead.
I looked anyway.
I froze.
His expression was cold and judging. The white mask on his face only served to heighten the intimidation emanating from him.
But his eye…
His eye was filled with pity. Irritation, yes… but also pity.
My heart beat in my throat.
"You know…" It came out as a croak, a loud sound in the empty space. I could no longer hear the others shouting outside. "You know why… why… why am I here? Tell me! Why am I here?!"
I didn't realize I'd stood until I was only a few feet away. It said a lot about my height when Cross didn't even need to tilt his head to look me in the eye from his seat. Up close I could see the white mask covering half of his face, and the spectacles connected to them.
He didn't answer me.
"Tell me! Why am I here? Why was I brought here? Why…why me?" The sentence ended with a sob. I tried to speak some more, but my throat had closed up. I couldn't see his expression anymore through the tears flowing down my cheeks.
"I think you know."
He spoke. He'd spoken.
I glared at him as much as I could. "Believe me, I don't." I snapped. It didn't sound very intimidating, especially after I hiccuped.
I heard an exasperated sigh. Irritation crept into his voice. "As far as I know, he wanted a trump card. An insurance, so there's an even smaller chance his plans will go wrong.
"He wanted to try for the heck of it too. To do something no one else could, and succeed. The bastard was an idiot."
There was no doubt as to who he was. And to what that something was-
"Are you saying I'm just a, a fucking experiment?! That I was b-brought here, without word or warning, all by myself, to prove a fucking experiment?! What about my family? My home? I want you to take me back, right now, because if you think I'm the kind of idiot who'd want to stay here just because it's the world of a show I used to watch, you can take that stupid gun of yours and shove it up your-!"
"Hey." It was only a single word, but it sounded as cold as ice and felt as hot as a blazing fire. My mouth clamped shut automatically, my body reacting on instinct at the danger simmering quietly under a hidden face and half-lidded brown eye. "Look, you stupid brat, don't blame me. I certainly didn't bring you here, and even if I did I would have picked someone more well-endowed than you." I stared incredulously at him. Not only was that insult so out of place, it was uncalled for! "As for going home, you can just give up that idea as early as now, because if there's one thing I know it's that there is no way back for you."
Iron fingers clamped tight on my wrist. I blinked, realizing I'd just raised my hand to slap him. He simply stared at me, his eye looking like he could see right through me and into my soul. I couldn't look away.
I couldn't look away, because there was no lie in his gaze, no mockery, no pride, just the cold, simple truth.
And pity. Pity for a child thrown into a war without choice or reason, only as something to be used as a source of information… a fucking cheat code.
My legs collapsed under me. The white floor blurred in my vision. My body heaved, and I was sobbing, crying at his feet for the home I'd lost and the people I would never see again because of stupidity and human nature and desperation and pride. His grip on my wrist loosened, until he was holding my hand instead.
"I'm sorry." he said gruffly. But it was sincere.
It only made me cry harder.
"…eneral? General!"
"General, we heard yelling, are you alr-"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"MASTER WE LEAVE YOU FOR ONE SECOND-"
I pulled my hand away to cover a hiccup that could have been a laugh. My back was to the door, so it gave me a little time to compose myself while Cross yelled at the others over my head.
That first day showed me only a hint of the loneliness and pain that would become a staple of my life with the Black Order.
