Author Notes
WARNINGS: Strong language, violence, angst and scenes some may find offensive.
CROSSOVER: Far Cry 3, Tomb Raider (2013)
PAIRING: Vaas Montenegro, Lara Croft
REFERENCES: State of Flux is a song by Bloc Party.
Also majorly inspired by The Great Dictator in this chapter.
RATING: M
NOTES: Thanks to Sisterhood of the Bazinga, XEri-chanX and ita-chan01 for reviewing on FF . net. They're very encouraging words. Obviously, thanks to those on Tumblr who like, reblog, send me asks etc. You're all very wonderful.
This week has had to be one of the longest weeks ever. Seriously, nothing seemed to go right. A bus I ride to get home almost crashed two days in a row. I got locked out of my house one day because I forgot to put my key in my bag, so I had to stand out in the snow until someone came home with a key. The snow was horrible too, I swear it was snowing horizontally and I got completely covered – I looked like the fucking abominable snowman. Someone I knew who went to my school killed himself. And I'm just constantly tired, everything's exhausting. So glad I've got a week off now, I need it. Sorry to be a complete drag. I hardly ever post whiny posts about my life, but I just wanted to get it out.
Gimme some love for this chapter, it'll make me feel better! Nyeah, nyeah, nyeah. Seems like death by dialogue in this chapter, though.
Chapter 8: State of Flux
I'm not sure if it was because of the traumatic experience or the bumpy car ride, but something inside me would not settle well. Something was pricking at the bottom of my stomach, that hideous sensation you suffer when you know you're about to vomit. The stomach acid was already burning my throat, the contents of my stomach just threatening to spew.
The Rakyat drove for miles, until we had lost every single pirate that attempted to tail us. I was exhausted by the time we reached Amanaki; I thought I could pass out.
As soon as I stepped out of the vehicle, I clutched my stomach as I lurched forward to empty my stomach. I choked and coughed at the vile taste and sensation. I held onto the car to steady my crouched position. After shooting that pirate, I hadn't been able to stop myself from shaking. I had a constant feeling of guilt, as if I was no better than them for having done it. It wasn't wrong to have done what I did, was it? Surely I shouldn't feel as guilty as I do – it was out of self defence, after all. I knew this, so why did my own conscience want to torture me?
A hand was placed on my upper back in a comforting manner. Slowly, I looked up. Dennis had greeted my return to Amanaki. He looked down at me sympathetically as he patted my back, either trying to soothe me or attempting to ease this vomiting.
When I had finished, Dennis stroked my back before saying quietly, "Come on, Lara."
I obliged as he started to escort me into the settlement. Amanaki at night was a beautiful sight to witness and admittedly, it did shake me from my hallucinatory condition slightly. The natives were all socialising with one another, just getting on with their lives as if outside of here there was nothing that could harm them. I felt sorry for Amanaki. It was innocent, sane and civilised, but it was difficult to determine how long that would all last. I saw this pirate invasion as a sort of infectious disease, constantly spreading throughout the island, like an epidemic. These islands would surely be destroyed if this disease was to spread further. Vaas was a cancer and the only way to get rid of cancer is to kill the tumour before it kills you.
I was urged to sit down upon a log around the campfire. The air was warm, especially around the fire, but I shivered still. I rubbed my upper arms in a dire attempt to stop the shakes. I stared intently at the beautiful dance of the flames, trying to distract myself from the tormenting thoughts. It crackled and hissed amongst the murmurs of voices around me and for a moment I had completely forgotten everything.
"Eat this," Dennis ordered as he handed me a bowl of some alien – and apparently edible – food.
"What is it?" I asked as I stared at what looked like soggy leaves.
"It's breeze wakanabe," he replied. "It may not taste nice, but it is very healthy. You need to eat it, Lara. You're not well; you look like you might have seen a ghost. It's not good to have such an empty stomach."
Hesitantly, I brought a spoonful to my mouth. The food made me heave, not because of the taste. It wasn't foul tasting, it was simply flavourless. However, the texture was what made it vile. It was slimy and difficult to chew, but I continued to eat it anyway.
It was silent as I ate, until I felt the pressure of Dennis' gaze. I knew he wanted me to explain what had happened, or at least talk about it for my sake, rather than his. "I suppose you get to say, 'I told you so'."
"Even if that's correct, I am not going to gloat in your misfortune, Lara," Dennis spoke softly. "That is not my way. I'm sorry for what happened."
"It wasn't your fault, you needn't be sorry," I hushed back. "How did you know? How did you know where I was, that I was in danger?"
"Before I explain, I want you to understand that everything I did, I did for your safety," he started. "When you left here, I had some men follow you. I only wanted to guarantee your safety, forgive me. When you were confronted by Vaas and his pirates, my men would have protected you if they weren't so greatly outnumbered. Instead they stayed stealthy to see where they would take you. Once they were certain, they returned here to inform me. That's when I gathered more of the Warriors to aid you."
"I owe you my life," I confessed, astounded that anyone would risk so much for me. "I don't understand. What have I done to deserve your help? Especially the help that puts other lives in danger. I should have just listened to you in the first place."
"Lara, excuse my forwardness, but I see something admirable in you, something that gives me hope. You have a natural desire for adventure. You left your home looking for adventure, did you not? Instead, adventure found you. It may have caught you off guard, but you are prepared for this. You are getting exactly what you want out of this adventure; the adrenalin, the experience, the challenge. Though you may not see it that way, right now, you will soon. As you improve, as you become stronger, the easier the obstacles will be to overcome in this adventure. A famous explorer once said that the extraordinary is in what we do, not who we are. You survived all of this – whatever this adventure has thrown at you; you have survived it so far. Now, make your survival mean something, or you and your friends are doomed."
I feared that Dennis expected too much of me, as motivational and profound as his words were.
"I don't know what to say," I admitted sounding almost bashful.
"You don't have to say anything," retorted Dennis. There was a moments silence as I finished the last of the wakanabe, allowing the words to sink in. Dennis broke the silence, speaking up again. "I forgot to mention, when the Rakyat came to rescue you, I would have been with them."
"What changed your mind?"
"I was with them, but when we were on our way, we saw some foreigners heading towards the same shore of your shipwreck." Suddenly, the conversation had perked my interest. Having remembered telling the survivors to come find me at the shipwreck, I was eager to find out who these foreigners were. "These people were your friends, Lara. They were looking for you."
I was too immersed in disbelief to find the right words to say. All I wanted was to see them, here and now. Finally, I wanted to see for myself that they were alright. "Where are they now? What happened?" I questioned hurriedly.
"I led them back here, in hopes that you'd escape the pirate camp safely to return to them."
"They're here?!" I exclaimed as I shot up with newfound vigour.
"Yes. I wanted to speak to you first before I told you. Follow me," he instructed.
Dennis led me to the same shack that I had slept in during the first night in Amanaki. When I entered it looked smaller than usual due to it being overcrowded with too many people. Once I had laid eyes upon the five survivors, my heart leapt with joy. I could almost feel the weight being lifted off my chest that had been dragging me down since I found out about their existence on this island. Knowing that they had survived the wreckage, but being unaware of their safety on this island was a constant burden to me which I was now free of.
"Lara," Roth sighed as he marched over to me. He engulfed me in a hug and refused to let me go. The other four, Natasha, Chris, Seb and Patrick all gathered around me, too, each attempting to comfort me.
I didn't say anything. For the second time today, I allowed myself to cry. They weren't necessarily tears of sadness, nor of joy. I was simply relieved.
It wasn't until Roth had released me from his hug when I realised Dennis wasn't in the room. I figured he wanted to give us space.
"They took her," I began. "They took Sam."
"Who did?" Patrick asked.
"Some men, some pirates – like the ones who took Steph," I replied slowly, being painfully reminded of Steph's demise.
"Were they at the same camp that you were taken to? Dennis filled us in briefly on the details," Roth stated.
"Sam was, now I'm not sure where they've taken her."
"And what about Steph?"
However I worded my reply was inevitably going to hurt all of them, but I still took my time deciding on the best approach. It's never easy breaking difficult news to someone important to you. "Steph...Steph's dead. Sam told me that they killed her." It must have been an emotional day since tears once again threatened to fall.
A hideous silence filled the room. My words seemed to knock everyone into lethargy. They seemed so distant, their stares so empty, as if I had somehow managed to hypnotise them inexplicably. I wanted to disturb them, to at least hear one syllable utter through their lips, but I wasn't sure if that was the best decision.
"Did you not see Steph at all?" Natasha asked with her voice breaking.
"No, I didn't. I took Sam's word for it. She wouldn't lie about something like that. I saw what those pirates were doing to assumedly innocent people; I don't want to repeat it, but I figure you have an idea."
"I can't believe this is happening," she sighed.
It went silent again. No-one looked at each other or spoke to anyone, but I could tell everyone was contemplating the exact same thing. Everyone bowed their heads in unison as if they were paying their respects to the fallen, a small and poor excuse for a memorial, if you will.
Dennis returned, forcing everyone out of their pensiveness. Looking more so at me rather than the others in the building, he announced, "I trust you and your friends are ready and able to leave Amanaki soon."
"Can we not stay here?" I asked.
"Of course not. This is as far as my hospitality will stretch; I can't afford to overstep my boundaries anymore. It's not safe for you all to stay here, not now that Vaas is probably aware of your association with the Rakyat. He's probably planning attacks against the Rakyat villages as we speak, to find you. I'm sorry, Lara."
"It's okay. You've been a good friend, Dennis. I owe you a great debt that I don't think I'll ever be able to repay."
"Just swear to honour the Rakyat. The Rakyat are still here to help you, to aid you when they can, but it is far too dangerous for everyone if you were to stay here."
Roth interjected, "We've made camp in a small cave not too far from here. It's been safe for us so far, so we're going to hope that it stays that way."
The survivors all stood up straight in preparation to leave the protection of Amanaki. At least now, we were all here to protect one another, I felt more secure and safe. Before I could leave the settlement, Dennis stopped me. "Lara, can I talk to you before you go?"
I nodded and told the survivors to wait for me outside of the settlement. Once we were alone Dennis began talking again, still in a hushed tone even though there was no one around us. "I don't mean to pry, but what are your plans for when you leave Amanaki?"
"I don't know," I replied simply and honestly. I truly didn't have any idea on what to do next. My inner turmoil was still running a riot within my own psyche; I didn't know which voice in my head to listen to, which one was telling me what to do for the best, for the sake of bravery or for the sake of selfishness. I just wanted to curl up into a ball and scream, to drown out the voices. I had some serious contemplating to do once we settled in our camp.
"Are you considering rescuing your remaining friend?" Dennis asked, knowing full well that that was my priority.
"Considering, yes. But you've warned me before that there's a strong chance that she may be dead by now," I explained.
"That might not be the case this time. If there's one thing that's certain, it's that Vaas wants you. Vaas doesn't let anyone escape and he's not going to stop searching until he hunts you down. What does a hunter use? They use bait. Don't let Vaas' insanity cloud his intelligence. He's always going to be one step ahead of you and I say that in the nicest way possible. I'm not saying that you're stupid, but Vaas knows this jungle inside out and he knows how to get to people. He's going to be using your friend as bait, so if you're going to rescue her know that you are only doing exactly what Vaas wants you to do."
I nodded, staring at my boots. There was no denying that Dennis was right, but I didn't want to admit that there was no hope for Sam at all. I wanted to save Sam, I truly did, but it was difficult to imagine both of us coming out of this alive.
I turned to leave, but once again Dennis stopped me. He placed his hand around mine and turned me to face him. I stared bewildered at his hand upon mine. He soon opened up my hand and placed that same gun in it, and then he forced my fingers to wrap around its grip. The touch of it felt empowering, but that isn't necessarily a good thing. I felt burdened with power as if I shouldn't have this much. This was a device that was created solely to take away the greatest gift of all, life. Whether it's used for protection, vengeance or vicarious pleasure, this was still a lethal amount of power, too much for one person.
"You forgot this. Don't let it change you, Lara. Don't let the jungle get to you."
"Thank you, Dennis, for everything," I murmured quietly. This time, when turning to leave, I wasn't stopped. Dennis meant well, his words were inspiring, friendly and above all they hit close to home. The honest truth was that I wanted nothing more than to abide by the image that Dennis had created for me, however, he seemed to expect things that I couldn't possibly achieve. He wanted me to think in a mindset that wasn't possible for such an inexperienced human being like me.
Back in London, I was never necessarily pampered, but there was never a time where I was forced to endure such drastic conditions that ultimately required me to make life altering decisions. There was no way of knowing that death was not just around the corner, there was no safeword to stop when things got out of hand or too dangerous. Life doesn't stop and start at your own convenience and I was constantly and painfully reminded of that ever since I washed up upon that shore. You only have one shot in life, it is not something you gain or lose every day. It is given at life and then taken away at death. We, as people, have taken this for granted. Whether it'd be our own lives or the lives of others, we don't realise how fragile it can be.
I feared that Dennis' words of advice may have come too late. The jungle had changed me. Having gone through this experience, I appreciated my life more. I didn't necessarily appreciate life as a whole, but my life and my life alone I would never take for granted again. I had seen how life had become cruel and disgusting, due to years of abuse and ignorance. Life has the ability to let us be free, to live by each other's happiness, but somewhere many have lost the way. Sins of man have made us hateful, selfish and cynical. This hardness and misbegotten ways infect those who have been touched by them creating a domino effect. The savage men that inhabit this land force a barbaric nature upon the natives which they responded to in a way that paralleled theirs. It is not their fault. They want this hate of men to pass, for this abuse to end, so that the power they took from their people will return to the people. It's troubling to understand that the only way this will ever happen is if they meddle with bloodshed and war.
How could I prevent this experience from changing me? Many think that change denotes 'good', that different is 'better'. Many are also afraid of change. I like to think that change means neither bad nor good, but it definitely implies 'not the same'.
