Darren was so antsy the entire day of filming that once finished he basically sprinted out to his car, fumbling with his keys and nearly dropping them in his anticipation of getting to Chris' house as soon as possible.

Darren had received a single text message from Chris that contained his exact address with a flirtatious little wink face, and Darren was nearly hard in his pants already knowing what was to come.

Darren and Chris were going to have sex. Finally.

After so many years of being apart. After being boyfriends in high school, but never quite taking that next step because of various blockades. After they were both walked in on by people who were basically their significant others, yet nothing bad came from it. Darren was finally going to be able to share a part of himself with Chris, and also ultimately figure out how he really feels about Chris, or men in general, and the ever-looming question about his sexuality.

Darren was positively springing with each step, his entire body thrumming with excitement. He climbed the steps to Chris' apartment three at a time, and once he reached the landing his heart was hammering in his chest and his stomach twisted with nerves.

Darren knocked on the door to the apartment loudly, bouncing on the balls of his feet. He just couldn't stop moving. He wanted to jump in the air, kick off the walls or fist pump, but just incase Chris was looking through the peephole, Darren didn't do any of those things. He just had so much pent up energy and sexual frustration begging for release.

The second the door opened, Darren was on Chris in a heartbeat, grabbing his face and attacking his lips. Chris responded with much enthusiasm, making a surprised little humming noise in his throat, reaching wildly behind him so he and Darren wouldn't go crashing to the floor.

Darren shoved Chris into the side of the nearest flat surface, which was a countertop, and Chris pushed all items out of the way while Darren lifted Chris up onto the table, kissing him hungrily. Chris wrapped his legs around Darren, pressing their rapidly hardening cocks together, causing both men to groan.

Darren nipped his way down Chris' neck before sucking on his pulse point, making with Chris' zipper and button. But Chris grabbed his wrist to cease his actions.

"Tut-tut," Chris scolded, pressing a finger to Darren's lips when he pulled away, looking questioningly at Chris, a triangular eyebrow raised. "Let's take this to the bedroom, it will make this much easier."

Chris hopped off the table and grabbed Darren's hand, leading him to his bedroom. It was then Darren found himself having a difficult time breathing as the gravity of the situation dawned on him. He was going to have sex with Chris. Gay sex. And Darren was going to bottom, because Chris said he was exclusively a top. Oh boy.

Darren sat on the edge of Chris' bed, fidgeting nervously and twisting his sweaty fingers together as Chris rummaged through his bedside drawer. They were actually going to do this. Darren closed his eyes and took deep breaths in his nose and out his mouth to calm himself down. After a few minutes or so, Darren felt Chris' weight on the bed next to him.

"Okay, so I need to know a few things before we start," Chris began, his voice gentle.

Darren nodded, still with his eyes closed. He was sure if he looked at Chris in that moment, he would just maul him, no questions asked. But they really need to hammer out a few details. It was necessary.

"This is your first time being with a man," Chris stated, sounding really formal, and not really like a question.

Darren nodded again, but then bit his lip. "Sort of."

Darren felt Chris' penetrating gaze, so he opened his eyes so he could keep a proper conversation going. "I've kissed guys, and I gave a guy a hand job once when I was really drunk in college."

"Okay," Chris confirmed, the corner of his mouth quirking up with amusement. "This is going to be a lot different though, you sure you're ready?"

Darren reached out to caress Chris' cheek. Chris looked away, looking slightly uncomfortable with the intimacy. "I want you, Chris. So much."

Chris laughed nervously. "Well at least that's settled then." He paused for a moment looking conflicted. "How do you feel about using a condom?"

Darren tapped his chin. "Well, Mia and I don't use them since she's on birth control, so I guess it's really up to you, depending if you're clean or not."

"I am," Chris assured, looking a little sheepish. "I was just asking because I just realized Max and I used the last one, so I wanted to run the idea by you first."

Darren gulped. "Barebacking."

Chris nodded. "Yes, barebacking. Nothing between my cock and inside your asshole."

Darren flinched at Chris' forwardness, but his dick twitched in his jeans in interest. Well clearly it wasn't an objectionable idea. Actually, the more Darren thought about it, the more he felt desperate for it. His being positively itched for Chris' touch.

"Well let's get to it then," Darren whispered, starting to lean into Chris, his voice breathy and wavering.

Chris surged forward, catching Darren's bottom lip between his teeth and nibbled, pushing him onto his back and climbing in between Darren's legs. Chris lay flush on top of him, tangling his fingers in Darren's curly locks, while Darren's hands roamed the expanse of Chris back, like he couldn't get enough.

Chris thrust his tongue into Darren's mouth, and Darren sucked on it, moaning like a whore and thrusting up into Chris, seeking out any kind of friction for his aching cock. Chris gripped onto Darren's shoulders as they rutted frantically together, too caught up in the moment to start removing clothing just yet.

"You're all mine right know," Chris growled. "Mine, and nobody else's."

"Yes," Darren whimpered as Chris licked a long stripe with his tongue down Darren's throat. "Yours."

Chris' eyes darkened with ravenous lust as he looked piercingly into Darren's eyes. "I'm going to fuck you now," he informed, his voice gravelly and wrecked.

"Please," Darren whimpered, thrusting up into Chris' palm as he pressed down on Darren's erection and undid his jeans at the same time.

As Chris dragged Darren's pants and underwear down and off his legs, Darren leaned up and pulled his shirt swiftly over his head, desperate to be naked as soon as possible. When Chris noticed this, his eyes roamed Darren's form, eyes positively shining with lust, his pink tongue peeking out to moisten his dry lips.

"Wow," Chris sounded amazed."You've.. filled out."

Darren blushed deeply, feeling exposed since Chris was still fully dressed. "I'd like to say the same thing about you, but-"

Chris silenced him with a quick, dirty open-mouthed kiss, as Darren made with Chris' pants, who sighed with the relief of less pressure on his straining cock. Chris stood up to shimmy his undergarments all the way off, and when he gripped the hem of his t-shirt Darren's hand shot forward, stilling him.

"Allow me," he murmured warmly, slipping Chris' thin t-shirt over his head. Darren spread his legs apart as Chris kneeled between them. Darren didn't even notice Chris fumbling with the lube because Darren couldn't stop staring. Chris was built gorgeously, modestly so, his lean muscle moving lightly under his pale, beautiful skin.

"You're gorgeous," Darren breathed, splaying his palm over Chris' heart and stroking smoothly across the muscular planes. "Wow."

A faint blush creeped up Chris' neck, and Darren thought it complimented him well. Darren grabbed his neck, curling his fingers in Chris' locks and kissing him deeply, breath hitching with the heads of their cocks brushed together from the closeness.

"If you keep sweet talking me, it'll prolong me being inside you," Chris pointed out with a wink, his chest heaving slightly as Darren's calloused fingertips brushed over his perfect pink nipple and into his fine chest hair.

Chris shivered, his mouth falling open slightly, his hand running tantalizingly up Darren's inner thigh and his other clutching the open bottle of lube. Darren shuddered in return, leaning back on his elbows and presenting himself openly for Chris to prepare.

Chris stared. Not even in his wildest dreams he imagined his high school love spread out like this and ready for him. If Chris really thought about it, he probably would have been in the opposite position if him and Darren ever gotten that far back in those days. But since Darren left, Chris never wanted to give up control like that. He felt so uncomfortable at the idea of being so exposed and vulnerable with somebody else, so he just kept his sex life carefree, and he was always doing the fucking. It was easier that way.

"I'm going to make this good for you, I promise," Chris whispered in a rare moment of tenderness, slathering his fingers with a hearty amount of lubricant and circling Darren's hole lightly.

"I trust you," Darren whispered back, possibly more affectionate than Chris expected or intended, which made him inwardly cringe. God, why did he have to talk like that?

Chris pushed a finger in, and Darren found himself holding his breath, getting used to the unique intrusion. Even when he did it to himself that one time, he was never inside, so this was an entirely new experience. But the fact that it was Chris' long, nimble finger doing it, Darren found himself impossibly aroused by it.

"How does it feel?" Chris asked tentatively.

"Good," Darren grunted. "More, do more."

Chris obliged by pumping his finger steadily in and out, before adding a second, scissoring slightly on the upstroke and searching for Darren's sweet spot.

When Chris brushed the tiny ball of nerves, Darren keened, his arms shaking so bad he collapsed onto the bed, gaping at the ceiling. His hair was already matted to his forehead and chest shining with sweat.

When Chris was up to three fingers, and Darren was screwing his hips down onto them, groaning needily, Chris took it as a good sign that Darren was ready. Chris splayed one hand next to Darren's head, while the gripped his lubed cock, circling Darren's entrance teasingly.

"So how do you want to do this?" Chris asked a writhing Darren Criss in the sheets, who's muscular thighs wound themselves around Chris' waist, trying to guide him inside.

"This is good," Darren let out, his eyes so dark that it gave Chris the good kind of chills. "I want to see your face."

Chris pushed the tip of his cock past the rim and watched Darren's face scrunch up in half pleasure half pain. "You know," Chris muttered, resisting the overwhelming urge to sink himself all the way into the tight heat. "If you're on top of me, you can control how deep I go in, and all that. You might like that better, since this is your first time."

Chris wasn't really sure why he was being so thoughtful to Darren's comfort considering everything that has happened and what was going to happen; but Chris was struck with this feeling of something clicking in his brain. The second he started pushing inside Darren, in the far-reaches of his mind something acknowledged the fact that they were like two missing puzzle pieces finally finding each other once again.

Chris pushed those demeaning thoughts out of his mind, and concentrated on the task at hand. Since Darren hadn't answered, Chris continued sliding himself in, slowly until he was fully sheathed.

Darren was panting, gripping Chris' forearm like a lifeline, his knuckles turning white. Chris rolled his hips in deep experimentally, and Darren's eyes rolled into the back of his head in turn, his jaw going slack. Chris thought it was one of the hottest things he had ever seen in his life.

"You okay?" Chris chanced, placing his other hand on the other side Darren's head and kissing the tip of his nose. His wrist was starting to cramp, but he barely noticed.

"Mmmhmm," Darren mumbled, nodding frantically. "Move please."

Chris pulled almost all the way out before snapping his hips forward again, slapping loudly and deliciously against Darren's ass. Chris did it again until he was slamming into Darren, who moaned loudly with each powerful thrust.

Just as Chris felt like he was getting close, Darren said brokenly, "Yeah, I think I'd like to be on top, to see what it's like."

Chris made a noise of affirmation, placing his knee strategically on the outside of one of Darren's loosened thighs and flipped them over expertly, still managing to stay inside Darren, who swayed with confusion for a moment.

"Jesus, you're like a fucking ninja of some sort," Darren chided, running his rough fingertips up Chris' gorgeous pale pallor to give himself a moment to breathe.

Chris chuckled lightly, rubbing Darren's thighs soothingly, loving the quiet burn of Darren's dark smattered hair upon his thighs. Each time Darren's heart beat, Chris could feel it on his cock, in time with his own heart. They were one.

For a moment, Chris tried to forget Darren leaving, all the empty promises, and the tragic heartbreak. As Darren experimentally impaled himself on Chris' cock, his thigh muscles clenching gloriously, his eyes fell closed, and Chris found himself struck in awe by his beauty.

Darren's eyelashes were out of this world; longer, darker and thicker on anyone Chris has ever seen. The dusted rouge upon Darren's olive skin, his bruised lips and shiny, sweaty sculpted body was a sight to see. It made Chris' heart ache.

Chris' conflicting emotions were soon drowned out by the overwhelming pleasure of seeing Darren pick up an even pace, and falling completely apart above him. The sight alone was enough to make Chris come on the spot, but he held on, wanting to drag this out as long as he could.

And it was in that exact moment right before orgasm that Darren realized that he was in the right place. The place he was supposed to be all along. With Chris, and nowhere else in the entire world. Something clicked into place inside him, and never in his life had ever felt sure sure about anything. Chris was his soulmate.

Tears sprung into his eyes because he was so overcome with emotion. The guilt. The pain. The love. He had left Chris in high school, and despite all the good that had come from it, Darren realized he had made the worst mistake of his 20 odd years. He was sure nothing else in the world could compare to that kind of anguish and loss. He was certain if he ever lost Chris again he would die on the inside.

As many women he's kissed and made love to, none of it compared to this. This. Right here. With Chris inside him and filling him up in more ways than one. Darren's chest expanded with this overwhelming pleasure, touched to his core as he felt like he was riding the most exquisite high of them all. Darren wanted to grab his own heart, for fear it might explode, because he was feeling all this. Too much.

It was just so perfect, and every fiber of his being relished in the utter rightness of the situation. Like all the questions Darren has ever asked the universe suddenly made sense. It was as if he never had to ask anything ever again. Because he already knew.

And the most tragically beautiful part of all, despite everything, Chris was still willing to be here with him. He thrust steadily up into Darren, panting and chest flushed. Darren blinked his tears away to stare into his lover's eyes, searching for the expected reflection of pure affection and contentedness.

But instead, a darkness crawled over Darren as he looked into those dilated pupils. Although every feature of Chris' face was expressing arousal and pleasure, his eyes told the truth. They were cold, distant and simmering with something else very sinister. The complete and utter opposite of what Darren was expecting from Chris.

Chris. His Chris. The boy he fell in love with all those years ago in high school the moment he laid eyes on him. His delicate features, his square framed glasses, his cute upturned nose, his freckles, his stunning eyes, his chestnut hair. Darren knew now that he's always loved Chris and always will. But he didn't love him back. Not anymore.

Darren's orgasm hit him then, and it was the most painful experience of his life, because when he wailed, it was with sorrow of the reality of his heart breaking, because he didn't want to believe it. To believe that Chris was just using him. That innocent, precious, caring Chris from all those years ago would do something like that. Darren prayed, hoped and wished that it wasn't true.

When he came back down from the grotesque high of his body peaking, tears of anguish fell down his cheeks when he felt Chris convulse inside him as he came too. Darren held still, clamping his lips shut before he would break down in sobs. He just wanted to go home to deal with his feelings, away from the boy he loved so dearly it hurt.

Darren grit his teeth and dared to look down again into those eyes one last time that told a story. And for that single, long moment Darren stared deep into them; he saw as they guardedly gazed back through a haze of leftover lust. Time had slowed down.

Chris had just realized Darren was crying, his eyes widened minutely, and for the briefest of moments, Darren saw a flash. It was very quick, but it was so significant; it gave Darren hope. The slightest inkling that maybe one day he could finally break through to Chris.

Because what he saw was regret. Pain. Love. Exactly what Darren was feeling only moments before, but what felt like an eternity because epiphanies really take a toll.

Darren opened his mouth to say something, anything, but Chris rolled them over, pulling Darren into his arms and held him fiercely, his softening cock still inside him.

Darren felt uncomfortable and gross with come drying on his skin and dripping out of him, but he wasn't sure why Chris was holding him this way, so he just gave into it. Because for now, he wanted the boy he loved to cuddle with him in a post-sex haze. Even if it was a lie, Darren desired to be wanted, just for a few minutes at least.

Chris held on with all his might. His throat was constricted, closed completely shut. He knew if he just looked at Darren just one more time, into those heartbreaking eyes, Chris' resolve would waver. His walls would crash down and he would openly weep. He wouldn't be able to stick to the plan, but he absolutely had to.

He had taken Darren's gay virginity. And it was amazing, better than he ever imagined, even as a teenager. But his heart wouldn't allow it to be more. Darren was the one person he relied on back then, but now he only had himself. Darren would just hurt him again.

The man he held in his arms right now was the one who made Chris question everything about himself. The man that had singlehanded made him cry more than any bully, family member or stranger. The one person who has aided Chris the most in being the most shut off, guarded and cautious person he knew himself to be today.

Chris couldn't love Darren, because it was just not possible. Not anymore.