I do not own Divergent. Credit goes to Veronica Roth.
"So," I nudged Eric as we were walking through the trees. "You really want to?"
"I do," Eric smiled at me.
"You still don't even know what I want to do," I teased.
"It's your birthday," Eric reminded. "If that is what you want, then that is what you'll get."
"But I want you to be okay with it," I said hooking my arm around his.
Today I turned fifteen years old. My parents held the ceremonial dinner for me last night with Jack and his fiancé. I had gotten a special breakfast not just yesterday morning but also this morning. I told my father that I wanted to spend the afternoon with a friend and he understood. Therefore, almost every celebration was held yesterday. Although tonight, my mother said she still wanted to give me something and I didn't object. Father told me not to. It was something that most daughters, Amity daughters that is, got around this age.
"I'm okay with it," Eric chuckled. "Really," he spun me in front so that we were facing each other. "I'd do anything for you."
Eric smiled just the way that I liked. Something about it just made me come alive. I don't know how else to explain it. Eric reached his hand out, barely caressing my cheek with his fingertips. Either way it made me lose my mind.
"After what you did for me, I want to make you happy."
His voice was so low and it literally made the afternoon air seem colder. It sent shivers through my body.
"To quote you," we both laughed. "It was your birthday," I reminded him taking a step back so I could retrieve some clarity. "You should feel special," I looked down.
I remembered that day so clearly. It was almost two months ago, a week after I felt him kiss my hair when we watched the sunset. Eric was in a mood and not just any mood, the type where even I was wary of being around him. He didn't pass me any notes that day, he didn't glance my way during class when something unusual happened, nor did he come to the library.
Eric still waited for me after school and walked towards the Amity forest line. I decided to shrug it off and started talking about the things that happened, hoping that he would return to his usual talkative self with me.
"It's my birthday," he suddenly said when we had found our way towards the open meadow.
"What," I turned around slowly.
"It's my birthday today. I am fifteen years old," he looked down.
In that moment, I was nothing but ecstatic. Birthdays in Amity were such a huge affair. The whole day was practically dedicated to that person. I mean everyone in the family basically catered to you.
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
"It's not a big deal," he replied.
"Not a big deal," I questioned. It's a huge deal.
"Birthdays aren't that big in Erudite," Eric commented. That didn't sound right. I looked at him confused as I remembered something my brother said.
"Are you sure about that? I think they do celebrate it because my brother Jordan asked for a pie from my mother for Nicole's birthday. He wanted her to taste a bit of Amity. From what I..."
"Fine," he huffed. I took a step back on instinct. This was getting scary. "Birthdays aren't big to my mother," Eric interrupted. "It is an accomplishment for many parents that their child has reached another year. However, my birthday," Eric shook his head. "It just happens to be the day that she bought me into this world and that's it." I could not only hear but feel the irritation in the way he spoke. How could his own mother not even wish him a 'happy birthday'?
"You got no buttery pancakes with strawberries on top this morning for breakfast?" Eric titled his head to the side as if he were confused. "No fresh squeezed orange juice or fresh mango slices served to you in bed?" He still looked at me like that was strange. "Please tell me that you got a cake? With candles and wishes? Presents," I offered as I went down the line. "What about singing songs and those..."
I trailed off when I realized that Eric got none of those things. Well if his mom wasn't going to do that, then I most certainly was.
"I got an idea," I said and took hold of his Erudite jacket.
"JoyAnna," he protested.
"Come on," I pulled him towards Amity.
"Where are we going? Are we actually going in Amity?"
"Yes," I said excitedly. "I'm going to treat you to a real birthday!"
Of course he voiced concern about being in Amity during broad daylight. He started stating the rules about being caught inside another faction. He listed all the reasons why we shouldn't be doing this and all the consequences about such an action. We ran through the trees and finally broke through where I could see the Amity cottages awaiting our arrival. I was running through things I could get in my head as Eric continued to explain why this was a bad idea.
"Typical Erudite," I waved him off as we ran behind a barn. I stopped us so we could catch our breath. "You're overthinking it too much!"
"No, I'm not," Eric panted as he was hunched over. I walked up towards him.
"Stand up straighter," I pushed back his shoulders so his back was straight against the side of the barn. "That way air can flow through better," I ran my hand over his neck as I saw a quick intake of breath. A moment of just silence passed as we just stared at one another. My hand was still on Eric's neck. A noise in the barn made us pull away and I rubbed my hand nervously on the side of my skirt.
"What was that," Eric nodded to the barn.
"That was probably Giselle," I said and started walking.
"Giselle?"
"Mm hm," I mumbled my answer. "She's a deer, a fawn to be precise," I said.
"Amity has a deer?"
I turned around when I realized he had stopped. "It was caught outside the wall. The mother was shot down by one of the Dauntless guards. She was eating some of our fruit that we grow in the fields," I turned away. "She was just trying to feed her young."
"Were people present during the shooting?"
"It happened right before we entered the fields for the morning harvest. There was a trail of blood where the mother deer had ran through our field," I shook my head. That was the first time a lot of us children ever saw such a sight. "Johanna spoke with the captain of the Dauntless guards to make sure that they didn't kill another innocent life."
I looked up and Eric was right there. Immediately he pulled me into a hug. I don't know why I was grieving about the animal now. Earlier when I had saw the blood and dead mother dear with her fawn next to her, scared and defenseless, I had marched up to the Dauntless guards and started yelling at them. I was angry. Right now my emotions seem to have looked at the sadness of a young animal without a parent to care for it. Tears did not come and I feel like that had something to do with the young man who was holding me. It was a nice moment that we shared.
I had brought Eric inside to look at the baby deer. Across the way were horses. They were older mares. Eric was skittish around them at first, stating that this was the first time he had come so close to an animal. I pulled out one of the mares that happened to be the most docile out of them all. Eric wanted to see one up close. Together, we brushed her mane for a bit. I could see the awe and wonder as he looked at the magnificent animal.
"The young colt we saw a while back," I reminded him. "That was her last foal."
We both turned our heads when the front of the barn was opening. I ushered the mare back in and hurried with Eric out the back. He insisted that we should leave now but I told him that there was still so much more to show him.
"They're going to know that I'm not from here, JoyAnna," Eric said stopping us again from our running.
I looked him over and started to laugh. Once again teasing him that he was too Erudite. I insisted that we continue and if he had an issue with clothing, then we could take care of that. When he questioned how that was possible, I quickly rectified the situation and went to get a pair of pants along with a shirt that belonged to Jordan.
"This is your home," Eric asked as he stood awkwardly in the back doorway looking around. I could tell he was curious about it.
"You never been in an Amity home," I stated more than asked a question. Eric shook his head. "You want to explore it?" Eric turned to me and I smiled widely. I pulled him along and showed him the different rooms in the house, except my parents. His eyes were curious about everything he saw. I led him upstairs, saving my room for last. "Go and change," I pushed him inside.
I was not prepared for when he came back out. "Do I look okay," he asked.
I forgot how taller he was than me. Even though I wasn't that short now, I knew that in time he would grow even more. Boys usually had their spurt later on. Eric cleared his throat when I didn't answer.
"Erudite blue doesn't really do you justice," I said giving him a shy smile. "You're really handsome," I looked away, mentally kicking myself for being so stupid. Eric obviously didn't think so. His hand was placed under my chin to lift my head to him. He leaned in barely pressing his lips to my cheek causing a ragged breath to escape me.
"Thank you," he mumbled. We had stayed like that for a moment until I shook my head and led him back down. I put his clothing in my bag so he could have it after.
I went to the kitchen and no one seemed to care about the identity of the young man next to me. They all took him for another Amity dependent or probably a recent initiate who had become an Amity member. We visited all the fields and tasted all the different fruit that were in season. Almost every field we passed, he wanted to know more about it, the process of everything. I didn't think I had enjoyed Amity as much as I did today, showing it off to Eric.
I was also able to get him some really good baked goods. We climbed up into one of the trees and I put a candle on the slices of pie that we had. "Make a wish," I smiled at him.
Eric smiled and thought about it for a moment. He paused and looked over at me. "I wish..."
I quickly covered his mouth. "If you say it out loud it doesn't come true," I smiled. Eric pulled back and nodded.
He was quiet for another minute, before looking to me and smiled. He blew out the candle and we both laughed.
"Here," I said handing him his present.
"JoyAnna," he stated as if he was upset that I was giving him a gift. "You already let me see the animals I never saw before in my life, I ate fresh Amity fruit, I got to learn about the life here, you got me some really good pastries," he sighed. "I did not need a..."
"No, I insist," I told him. Eric slowly untied the string that I put around it and folded back the cloth. His lips slowly tugged into a smile. "It's a journal. I know that Erudite have technology, video recorders like our communicating glass," I looked away uncertain if he would appreciate it now. "But in Amity we don't really have that much technology. We use journals to capture our memories. You could," I looked up at him. "You could write your own story."
"I like it," he smiled up at me. "When did you..."
"I got it when we were at my house," I shrugged.
"It's perfect," he said looking down at the journal and running his hand over it. "I'll finally have something in Erudite that was once yours."
I apologized that I couldn't give him more for his birthday but he said that I had done so much already. We stayed in the trees a bit longer, talking about anything that came up. Unlike this morning, Eric had a lot to say. He spoke about how at times like this he missed his father and the discussions they had. Sitting up in another tree, I leaned on Eric's shoulder as we watched yet another sun set on the horizon.
"Thanks, JoyAnna," he said as we stood back by the tree line. It was already dark but I didn't really care. "You didn't have to but," he looked away. "I really enjoyed it."
"Of course," I shrugged.
"Why did you go through all of that for me," Eric asked.
I looked at him like he was crazy. "Seriously?" He nodded. "We always do outrageous things for birthdays in Amity. Part of me felt bad that no one in your family did anything or that all you're getting when you go home is more work. Today should be your day, what you want. You should be happy."
"And the other part of you," he took a step forward.
"I think you should know already by now Eric," I looked at him. "I want you to be happy because you make me happy. You're my friend, my only friend," I corrected. "It's what friends do."
"Is that what we are," he asked taking my hand in his. Something about the way he held it set my body on fire.
"Yes," I smiled and then dropped it. "Unless you don't want to be."
"I want to," he said softly. "I want to be your best friend," he looked down at our hands and then reached over with his other so as to hold both.
"Then that's my final gift to you for your birthday. I will be your best friend," I smiled up at him.
Eric leaned forward just a little and rested his forehead against mine. "Always?"
"Yes," I whispered.
"I like that gift the most." Eric looked down at our hands still keeping his head close to mine. "I like this too," he ran his thumb across the back on my hand.
"Me too," I looked up at him.
And I did like it, a little too much. I liked Eric's hand in mine so much that I didn't want to let go that night. Ever since Eric's birthday we seemed to hold hands on a regular basis. It didn't feel awkward anymore. It just was natural and right to be holding hands with him. I want to say that's why I remember Eric's birthday the most. Not just because we proclaimed ourselves to be the best of friends but that was the day we had come to some silent agreement that we would hold each other's hands at every possible moment that we could. We'd fiddle our fingers, trace patterns on the other's hands, or hold onto the other tightly giving reassuring squeezes throughout the day, under the table so no one would see.
"What are we doing for your birthday," he asked pulling me back to the present.
"I wanted to go swimming," I bit my bottom lip as his eyes widened. I turned to look away. "If you don't want to..."
"No," he shook his head. "It's just that I didn't bring any swimming apparel."
I tilted my head and then burst out laughing.
"What?"
"You are so Erudite," I finished laughing and shook my head. "Swimming apparel," I jested walking towards the river. For some reason right as I was about to slip off my Amity shirt I felt nervous. I usually didn't get this way before. I glanced back at Eric to see him looking at me as if he wasn't sure what I was about to do.
I turned around, licked my lips and quickly took off my outer shirt leaving the thin light yellow material on and then shimmied out of my skirt. I didn't hear any movement behind me. It was then that I realized the inappropriateness of it all. I was there in just my underwear and a light tank. I walked into the water slowly. When it was around my waist I turned to look at Eric.
"Come on in. It's..." I paused when I saw that he was standing there with blue boxers on. Eric and I locked eyes as he continued to walk forward. I saw him gulp uncertainly as the waters reached his knee. "Do you know how to swim?"
"No," he shook his head glancing around.
"It's okay," I went and took his hand, pulling him further in. "I won't let you drown yourself."
We stayed in the water level that reached our chests. I sunk down a little until the water rose to my neck, swimming around Eric as I talked to him about school. Eventually all the talk got his mind distracted and he had been able to relax. We were in the middle of a discussion when Eric pointed to something.
"What is that?"
I turned around to look but didn't see anything suspicious. "I don't see..."
A huge splash of water engulfed me. My hair was in front of my face and through the wet strands I could see Eric laughing. We started splashing around. I swam into deeper water knowing Eric couldn't get me out there but I didn't expect his next move. Eric got out of the water and I tried to ignore the fact that he looked appealing to me. Since when did Eric look appealing?
"Don't you dare," I warned him as he took a scoop of mud nearby the river.
"I didn't bring you a cake," he said with a wicked smirk, walking slowly back in the water. I tried to swim back. "So how about a birthday mud pie," he teased.
"Eric, don't you..." It was too late. Eric threw the mud and I was able to dodge some but not all of it. Mud was splattered on my face as I got out and ran after Eric. I couldn't believe that we were running around in our state. I had finally caught him and tackled him to the ground. "Erudite don't know how to run," I said as he was on his back in the mud and I hovered above him.
"Amity don't look at their surroundings," he replied before his hand came up and dumped a handful of mud on top of my hair.
I gasped and started grabbing my own mud too. We were both covered in mud and laughing when we were finally done. When we caught our breath, I pushed Eric back down on his back and rested my head on his shoulder.
"I'm all dirty now," I told him.
"Doesn't matter," he said resting his chin on top of my head and wrapping an arm around me. I felt content just being there. "You're still as beautiful as ever." That made me tense and I quickly got into a sitting position.
"I," I looked away. For some reason the way he said it, the way we were laying down, the fact that we had little clothing on, it all felt different. "I need to get cleaned up," I said before letting my thoughts run away with me.
My heart was beating wildly, my throat was dry, and my fingers were shaky as I rinsed myself off in the river. Eric did the same and quietly we waited until we were dry enough to start putting our clothing back on.
"Thanks Eric," I said as we headed back to the edge of the trees. "I had a lot of fun today."
"I have a present for you," he turned around to face me.
"You didn't have to," I shook my head.
"Please, JoyAnna," he whispered.
Eric took a couple more steps in my direction. It felt beautiful the way he was looking at me. I took a step back, not because I was scared but because I was nervous. Like I said it was a beautiful but different look in his eyes. I wasn't sure if he was frustrated or happy.
I finally decided to stop and swallowed a breath of air placing my hands behind my back. This was Eric. I don't know why I was making a big deal about it. I stood there as he came to stand in front of me.
"I like you, JoyAnna," he stated. Eric's head lowered and pressed a kiss to my shoulders. "I like you a lot," he moved his head to press another kiss to my left shoulder. "I don't understand my feelings," Eric's lips moved up my neck as I took in another breath. "All I know is that I don't want them to stop."
I had no idea what type of emotions were running through me either. I could feel his breath on my face when his hands held my arms. I had never felt this physically good and yet I was confused. What was going on? What was happening? This felt like a dream. He rested his chin against my head for a while holding me in his arms. I finally brought my hands from behind my back and placed them in front on his chest.
There was no sense in denying it anymore. Eric was my best friend, my only friend. At the same time he was a boy, a really fun, caring, and handsome boy. I didn't want my feelings for him to stop either. Eric's heart was beating so fast and I titled my head to look up at him.
"I like you too," I whispered.
Our bodies seem to come closer than I thought was possible. Eric's arm snaked around my waist, almost picking me up, while the other grabbed onto the back of my head gently. I swear all time had stopped for this one moment. There was no sound of the river a few feet away, no feeling of the breeze whirling through the trees above, or no faction separating the two of us.
I felt just like JoyAnna and he felt just like Eric, my Eric. My eyes shuttered closed just as our lips touched. They brushed together for a moment that could have lasted an eternity. We had stayed in that position, until Eric pulled back and rubbed his thumb across my cheek. I opened my eyes to see him staring at me with all the admiration, want and devotion that I thought anyone could ever possess for another. He pulled me back into him and when our lips met this time, it was confident and sure.
There was no Amity, there was no Erudite. There was just a boy and girl who shared their first kiss together.
