I couldn't face him; I couldn't face the fact that I was the one who feared of all, I was the one wrong. But this is how is suppose to be, it was too much, that incident …that…heaven that transformed to hell.
"Please…don't cry."
Yesterday… the picture of the two of us, me crying, he holding me, it was like time stopped for us, and then he kissed me, I don't know who seen it but for the first time, I didn't cared how I was seen, I was with him, so it didn't mattered.
Even if I heard voices around us, some were speaking, some were laughing, some were swearing, and others were running.
I didn't want to move an inch, his embrace was so warm, his kiss didn't let anger or the humiliation to enter in my head, or in my heart.
All that I wanted to hear were his moans, all I wanted to fell, were his arms around me and his lips. I didn't care…and then I get scared.
Chapter8: I will go to Heaven, unlucky me
After that, I end up at his place. He was living alone or no one was there that night. Either way, I didn't want to ask anything that may not seem right in that moment but I was kind of released that I didn't had to face anybody that seemed more normal than me and him.
If someone asks: "Why am I in his house?"
It was supposed to be a date but not me going at his house. Now I am standing on a couch and I am searching in the dark to see a trace of him coming back because he just let me alone for him to go to the kitchen to get some drinks.
He comes back and he sits beside me, giving me something, some kind of juice, but it doesn't matters anyway.
"I want to know why."
"Why? What?"
"Why did you start crying?"
That was bad. It was the only subject in the world that I didn't want to discus in that moment and with him the most. I couldn't find an answer myself, so what should I tell him?
"Well… it was nothing, it just happened…"
"People don't cry because they don't have what to do and say: Hey, let's start crying. Tell me why."
"Why do you want to know?"
" Because I want to know."
That wasn't good or bad, I don't know how but I got pissed off by the fact that he cared too much, people didn't cared about my feelings but I wasn't that dump to don't think that he just wants to know if the reason was him, and I won't get him another gold victory like I did before. No way!
"Well, you don't need to know."
"Ah!"
He rose from the couch, put his drink on the table, walks through the big almost no light room and looked at the window, after a couple of seconds, he sits beside me again.
"It was my fault?"
He closed his eyes at those words like he was admitting it to himself and it hurt. I thought he was proud of my crying for him but he wasn't…he felt guilty.
"No...It..."
I couldn't finish the sentence; I couldn't find my words…
"It doesn't matters, it just happened, is not your fault."
This subjects is getting on my nerves and on my heart, his face looks hurt, his heart looks hurt…and if I think a little…it wasn't his entire fault, I thought he wasn't going to come, but it was the fault of all those happy families too, and lovers, I didn't have none, no family, no lover.
He looks away a moment, and then looks back at me who was looking at him, waiting for a word, an expression, something to say, like: it's alright, I believe you.
Even if I know that he would lie but I couldn't see his face, my eyes suddenly closed without my will, he was kissing me, putting the drink that was in my hands on the little table beside the couch, and then he get closer to me, pulling me down, setting himself on top of me.
"What are you…?"
I wanted to finish the sentence, even if he wouldn't listen, or stop, it was okay outside, and I don't know why because there were people watching us and here is just the two of us and still…I am afraid.
He started biting my neck, pulling me more down on the couch, he was already on top of me, kissing, licking and biting all the flesh he could see, my neck was attacked.
"Sasu…"
Now it was my mouth, I couldn't say or move a thing; my face was burning like the sun in the middle of summer.
I don't know what to do. But then I get it. Why he was doing so much…
He started getting my gray T-shirt off, rising it a little at a time, my face was burning at all of his action, and when he completely succeed, me- unable to move, face burning, he got my T-shirt off, and started to kiss and bite my neck again.
Then he started to do it again but this time…with my nipples. I wanted him to stop just because I felt so embarrassed by all. To kiss started to feel fine but now he goes to my belly and I started to think, getting the red burning from my face and remain a little black and white, thinking just a little: Not now, this is wrong…no…please…stop.
I didn't say a thing because I thought that he would stop and he did it, kissing my lips again, so his lips stopped but not his hands, trying to pull off my pant's zipper, touching with the other hand. I felt so many things that I didn't know what to fell anymore but it had to stop…
"No, please don't…"
He stopped, I was breathing hard but so he was, then I realized that he was topless too; did I get it off or him?
"Why?"
He was breathing on my lips again, didn't let me think too much because he seen the uncertainty that was trembling in my voice.
Starting again…kissing and biting my neck and his hands on my…
"Sasuke, please let's stop...Please…"
It hurt to know it hurt him, because he was doing all this just after I cried, and now I felt like he was comforting me, and that was a little wrong because Sasuke isn't like that but why is he…looking…so…sad?
He looked at me, stopped it all, and then got up off me. And go to another room, I was left there wandering in the dark room. I know I said to stop but why did he leaved…I can't, I just don't know what to do.
"Come here."
When I wasn't looking at the door, and I given up after some good minutes, he was at the frame door looking at me, still topless and still…not smiling, his voice didn't seem warm, and the words were cold, freezing, like his heart had just closed for me with a locket, and he just leaved to throw the key away.
I followed him and entered to his bedroom. I didn't know what was happening but when he sits on his bed and looked at me, understanding what I was thinking, he started explaining.
"It's late, you can't sleep on the couch because you will freeze to death, believe me I tried, and I won't do anything to you so sleep."
It felt bad just because his words were so cold. I reached the bed, and let my head rest on the pillow, even if the bed was warm, the air felt heavy and my heart feels abandoned.
"Sasuke…I am sorry."
He was beside me, sitting on his but on the bed, with his eyes looking at the ceiling.
"For what?"
"Because I didn't …I couldn't…"
"Are you kidding me?"
Now… he looked at me, a little furious, a little serious, a little…entertained.
"You want to say that it is your first time and you didn't want to do it with me or because I am a guy or that you want to wait until you will get married?"
"I …"
"You are 19 or 20?
"Why are you…?"
"I am sorry, I forget that you aren't gay and you don't like me that you hate me or it is your first time with a guy that may be. No?"
He didn't say it ironically, he was more speaking with himself, but I felt hurt, why did we must do it now? Why couldn't he just say that he will wait for me?
"Why do you want to do it so much? Why now?"
He was looking at me with some eyes I never seen before, and it hurt me, but it were the most innocent and hopeless eyes I ever seen before. Just eternal black.
"Because…"
He looked at the ceiling again, didn't looked at me one bit, and I just sit there waiting patiently for his words but didn't came out until I specked again.
"Because?"
" I am leaving."
Thanks for the only review I finally get. Thank youuuuuuuuuu…. You don't know how much I wanted to get a review. I am so pissed off because people read this thing! But don't review so thank you. And I am sorry if it get a little more drama than you expected( I even surprised myself) Hope I didn't or won't disappoint you and I hope you still read it. And thank you again for review.
So other people (the people who didn't review and I am mad of… please come on, have mercy, say a word! (No bad I wish) but just say…hy! Okay?: D
