A/N: ^^; Ok, I don't claim to be an expert on how 'The Fade' works, bute hopefully this is passable. X_X Warning for some low-level creepiness.
Hawke slid her hand over the fine carvings on the walls, she did it so often there was probably a groove being worked into the pine, but she loved it. It reminded her that this was real, this beautiful home, her mother's childhood home, was theirs. She kept thinking that at any second she would wake up and be back in the hovel with Gamlen and his stinking cheese.
"Good morning, messere, no new messages today." Bodahn called from his usual post by the main door, as Sandal sat happily playing with piles of blank stones, by evening they would doubtless have become runes.
"Thank you Bodahn." Hawke replied, "Perhaps I'll take today off, Kirkwall won't burn to the ground if I do, will it?"
Bodahn chuckled nervously, "Oh, of course not, messere… probably not."
Hawke winked cheekily at the dwarf and continued into her library. A new book for Fenris was what she was after; her day off could be spent productively curled up in front of his fireplace with the elf of her dreams, sounding out words in that beautiful voice of his until he was more literate than even she was.
Again she raised her hand to skim the trappings of her home, this time the leather-bound books, letting out a happy sigh at the feel, some so old their etched titles had worn away, others new and slippery to the touch. Heaven.
"Oh, good morning mistress!"
Hawke looked up with a smile to see Orana on the high ladder to the top of the shelves, a duster in one hand. "Good morning, Orana… maker, do the shelves really need so much work? I saw you up there only the other day, I'm sure."
Orana shook her head meekly, then lowered it with shame at having disagreed, "Beg your pardon mistress, but the shelf has not been done for months."
Hawke frowned, a little puzzled by this, surely it had only been yesterday or the day before? Still, this was weak, pointless talk, her man would be waiting and he'd want a new book. She selected a couple of compilations of fairytales from Fereldan, He'd like those and they were about his level, more to the point, she would love to hear her childhood stories again.
Carrying an armful of the books she almost skipped from the library, stopping only to check the pile of notepaper at the desk.
I'm proud of you, love mother.
Hawke's heart melted. "Oh, mother…" she whispered. The woman was so thoughtful at times, now if only she could get her to agree to stop pushing her eldest child towards a 'suitable husband' and convince Fenris to come live in the mansion, life would be complete.
She hurried out into the main hall, placing the books down on a side-table while she considered what to wear for a visit to Fenris, usually her armour sufficed but if today was to be a rest day perhaps her house-robe would be sufficient? He was, after all, such a close neighbour, and-
"Ah, there you are, Marian."
Hawke turned, blinking at the sight of her mother coming down the stairs, in that lovely purple gown again, Hawke noticed. "Hello mother." She replied happily, "I was about to head out, is there something?"
Lady Amell rolled her long-suffering eyes, "Ah, you buy this beautiful home then you spend next to no time in it. I don't understand you, Marian…"
Marian shrugged, "That's me, I'm an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, surrounded by a mystery."
"You're a cheeky young madam is what you are!" Lady Amell chuckled, swatting her daughter's arm, "Now dear, there was something I wanted to talk to you about-oh!" the woman was cut off by the sound of the front door.
Bethany huffed and shuffled across the floor, her robe sweeping the tiles as she went. "Hello Mother… oh, I see lazybones finally decided to get up." She winked at her sister, nodding to the basket over her arm "I've been to market, got us some gorgeous fruit for after dinner. I made sure to get loads of apples." She giggled, then scurried off towards the kitchen.
Hawke was struck again by a feeling of unease, it didn't feel right that Bethany was here… and what was that about apples?
She dismissed it quickly, Bethany was an odd girl at times, perhaps the fancy new home was going to her head a bit.
Leandra shook her head, "Your sister is such a hard worker, you know she refuses to have the servants shop for our food? Still, I'm glad of that, you and her must never forget what it was like to have nothing, it will make you appreciate having this place all the more."
Marian sighed in content. "I know… I do appreciate it mother, I love it here. I hope I never leave."
"Good, but on to what I wanted to discuss," Leandra repeated, looking a little nervous as she approached the subject, "What do you think of me possibly marrying again?"
Hawke tilted her head. Now this really was setting off alarm bells for some reason, she chewed her lip, wondering how to tell her mother she didn't want a stepfather, that she should spurn all suitors, without sounding a petulant child?
"Don't think I haven't noticed the way you and that elf look at one another. I'm sure you two could live without me hovering around the place." Leandra added, eyes glittering with a mirth Hawke adored. "When am I going to get my first beautiful grandchild, eh?"
Hawke blinked. That didn't sound right, her mother liked Fenris, sure, he was very respectful whenever he happened to come over, but surely the sight of the heir to the Amell fortune and her Elf lover would cause a scandal Leandra would want nothing to do with? Surely grandchildren out of wedlock would put the woman into a hissing fury?
"Please, Matrona, we've barely been wed a month."
Hawke spun on the spot, twisting her head up to where the huge balcony overlooked the main hall. That voice-!
Fenris was standing up there, leaning over the railings with a casual smile on his lips… where was his armour? He was clad in some sort of green tunic and leggings ensemble that Hawke couldn't recall seeing at his mansion. What was he even doing here? He always refused to come stay with her, he liked his own space.
Wed!?
Her eyes flickered onto the elf's hands. Yes, there was a golden band around one finger. Her head wrenched down to inspect her own hand.
Yes, there it was, a golden wedding band, reflecting emerald eyes. Her emerald eyes.
Of course… her wedding band, they'd been married last week, in a beautiful ceremony at the Chantry… yes, all their friends attended, and most of Kirkwall's nobility, and they'd cheered and thrown flowers, one wedding doing more for the cause of equal rights for elves than any law ever could.
Of course he was here, he lived here, he was, after all, now Lord Fenris, and she Lady Hawke. He hadn't even objected to having to take her last name, having none of his own to provide. That was what Bethany's apple reference was about, Fenris liked apples better than any other fruit. He particularly liked Orana's apple pie, it was amazing he kept that trim figure, the way he ate the stuff.
Leandra was laughing, "Ah, my prodigal son in law awakes, the amount of time you two are spending locked up in that bedroom, young man, I expect seven darling grandchildren to spoil by the end of the year!"
Fenris chuckled, bowing slightly, "Matrona, your daughter locks me in our room in order to teach me to read, but if you are so eager for children to dance at your feet and run you ragged, I am only too happy to oblige." His olive-green eyes flickered towards Hawke in a worryingly seductive way.
Hawke blushed furiously. Maker, these two got on far too well, and clearly they were plotting against her, seven babies? She wanted a child, not a litter!
"Oh, go to your room, you beast!" She called up to her husband, "I'll be up in a moment with some books!"
The elf tilted his head, smirking warmly and waving one hand tenderly towards his wife, before disappearing from sight. Hawke heard the sound of their bedroom door opening and closing.
She turned once more to her mother, there was worry in her mind but she couldn't work out what she should be worrying about. "Mother… you do like Fenris, don't you?"
"Of course I do darling." Leandra replied, "I couldn't ask for a pleasanter son-in-law, and he so obviously worships you."
Hawke chewed her lip. "Mmh." She replied, then an idea struck, perhaps she was worried about her friends? "Mother, any news from the others?"
Leandra looked slightly puzzled, "Well, nothing new, dear, no. Aveline and Donnic are still coming over to dinner, they're bringing little Festus." Leandra laughed, "Maker, that child is a terror! Aveline told me the other days he caught him lifting cows over his head in the yard!"
Hawke nodded, that sounded about right… Aveline and Donnic and their little red-headed son who was stronger than most Qunari…
"What about Isabela, and Varric?" Hawke questioned, still feeling urgent and fearful without reason.
"Varric? Oh he came back from his trip to Orlais today, it seems he and Bartrand have struck a very good deal with the publishers, I believe he said he'd drop by later on with your share." Leandra shook her head, "It's very odd to think people want to read all about my little Marian. And Isabela… well, Sister Isabela, I suppose it is now? She's fine as far as I know, seems happy in the Chantry."
Hawke's eyebrows wrinkled. That was… odd… not the thing about Varric and Bartrand, after settling their differences and smashing that stupid idol they'd gone into writing and publishing tales of her adventures. Sister Isabela… really? She'd heard of whores being converted but-
"Merrill sends her love too, I think she's a little lonely at the Arlathvhen, but she is the city elves official representative."
Yes, yes, that made sense, Merrill had flourished in the city, and after a long time of petitioning, had become the 'Keeper' of the Alienage. They badly needed one, after all.
So… why was she still worried? Marian reached up to touch her forehead, her eyes drifted to the floor as the world swam around her.
"Marian, dear, are you all right?" Leandra cooed, all full of concern. "Bodahn, bring her a chair, I think she looks ill!"
Hawke shook her head, "I'm fine, mother, I'm just a little tired… If I still feel like this later I'll go and see Anders, I promise."
"Anders?"
Something about her mother's tone set off a warning alarm in Hawke's head.
"Dear, Anders is dead… you killed him."
She raised her gaze from her feet to the face of Leandra Hawke.
Maker's breath, her eyes!
Hawke let out a strangled scream and fell backwards, landing unceremoniously on her backside and shuffling across the floor in her haste to get away.
Cold, dead eyes stared out of her mother's face. A line of stiches crossed her neck. She walked, but it was uneven, as if trying to stumble along on legs not her own.
"You put a dagger in his back, Marian, just like you let me be taken… blood is your trail, Marian…" the voice was… the voice was wrong too… this was all wrong!
Marian wished her daggers were on her back. She shuffled backwards faster until her back met the wall. The… the mother-shaped thing kept coming though, slowly, stumbling…
"It was your fault… all your fault, why didn't you protect Carver? You'll kill them all, Marian, all those people you love so much… your love is a death sentence."
Marian struggled to find her voice, "Fen-!" she yelped, before terror took her voice.
Her mother was kneeling before her now, still talking in that horrible monotone. "He will not come, Marian… even if he did, what would it mean? The ones you love die, they fall around you like plague victims… how many bodies, my little Marian? How long until they're all gone? Even your beloved Fenris?"
Hawke twisted and tried to burrow into the brickwork. The… the thing's hands landed on her shoulders, icy and with a grip like death.
The eyes… they weren't just milky with decay… as the thing leant closer and closer to her she saw, within those horrible pupils, a thousand maggots, wriggling and writhing as they ate her mother from the inside out.
Hawke screamed.
She sat bolt upright, covered in a sheen of ice-cold sweat, eyes wide open and screamed, loud enough to wake the dead, loud enough for all of Thedas to hear, loud enough to make the world stop turning. She had to scream, she had to because if she didn't she'd go mad, only now she wasn't sure she could stop screaming and maybe that would send her mad instead, maybe-
A hand struck her hard across her cheek and she fell sideways against a warm body.
"You have three seconds to explain before I send you to the Fade!"
"She was hysterical, Fenris, I can't heal hysterics! Maker, that woman has a jaw like solid stone…"
"What the bloody sword was she screaming about?"
"She is all right, isn't she? Hawke?"
Hawke lifted her head, somewhat dizzily. Things began to focus, she found herself staring at several extremely concerned-looking faces. She was in her and Fenris' tent… in her bedroll, Fenris next to her, still in tunic he slept in. Anders was knelt at her other side, waving one hand slightly, she surmised he'd been the one who slapped her.
Bethany was there too, kneeling at her feet holding a cup of water, offering it to her, her shaking hands betraying just how terrified she'd been.
Hawke took it, sipping quickly at the liquid as her eyes fluttered around, surveying.
At the entrance of the tent (pulled open in some hurry, it looked like) others were peering in, more fearful faces. Varric, Isabela, Aveline, Merrill, Donnic and Zevran, all in dressed in their various sleepwear (in the case of Isabela, this seemed to be a blanket wrapped hastily around her torso), all staring at her.
"Hawke, amica, please, say something." Fenris bade her gently, touching her arm with his fingertips. "Fasta Vaas, you're freezing!" he growled, seizing the blankets from his bedroll and placing them around her quivering shoulders. "Marian, please, speak."
She let out a shuddering breath. Anders appeared to hit on an idea and lifted one blue-glowing hand to her neck. She sighed as a feeling of warmth and honey flooded her sore throat.
"A… a bad dream…" she managed, "I… I'm sorry to… have scared you all… I had a bad dream."
Isabela and Varric let out twinned sighs of relief; Bela herself remarked, "Andraste's flaming tits, we thought you were being murdered!"
Anders didn't look convinced, nor did Fenris, come to that.
"Must have been one hell of a nightmare." The Healer muttered, placing a hand on her forehead. Fenris was right, it was like touching a sheet of ice, he knew terror when he saw it. Terror like that… it reminded him far too much of what he saw in young mages, entering the fade in their dreams to be tempted by demons for the first time.
Hawke tried to crack one of her usual smiles. "It was a bit… unnerving, that's all."
"Hawke, don't do that, don't lie to the man who put your insides back together when you fought the Arishok." Anders paused, conflicted between his not quite dormant love for the woman and his concern as a healer; and then added, "Would you rather talk alone, with Fenris?"
Hawke sipped at the water her sister had handed over, "I don't want to talk about it, it was a bad dream, nothing more."
"Hawke, I had to heal your vocal chords! Do not bullshit me!" He growled, anger and frustration taking over worry in a sudden rush. Inside him, Justice was howling.
Fenris' markings lit up, in a low, warning tone he snarled, "Bethany, take Anders away until he can calm down. I will talk to Hawke."
Bethany nodded, seizing Anders unresisting arm and dragging him from the tent, scattering the other companions as she did. Zevran followed, one dagger drawn in case Justice decided to put in an appearance.
Fenris grunted in annoyance, throwing the flap of the tent shut and wishing for a second that there was a way to slam fabric, then turned back to his still-shivering lover.
"Marian…" he whispered gently, shifting pillows and bedclothes enough to sit behind her, pulling her against his chest; trying to warm her with his body. He felt her shivers stop and her body slowly relaxing as his hands stroked up and down her arms.
"We were all back in Kirkwall." She finally mumbled. "in my house… mother was there, she was alive. And Bohdan and Sandal and Orana… maker, Fenris, I don't know if they're alive. I gave them coin and told them to run but…"
"Hush, hush…" Fenris hummed, "Bodhan and Sandal probably went back underground, you gave Orana your seal and sent her to the Dalish, they wouldn't be as stupid as to refuse her sanctuary if you asked it."
Hawke swallowed hard, trying to make herself believe this. "…Bethany was there too, like she'd never been sent to the circle. Aveline and Donnic… mother said they'd had a son, that they were happy. Varric and his brother were publishers… Merrill was the city elves keeper."
"Hrm."
"I know, you wouldn't trust her to look after a pot-plant, let alone people… but… just listen, all right?"
Fenris nodded, "All right amica, if it will make you better I'll listen for hours."
"Isabela was a sister in the Chantry."
The low laugh her lover let out at this image was enough to calm Marian a hundred times over. She let out a low sigh, nuzzling her head into his shoulder, broad, warm, safe. "We were…we were married."
She waited for the tensing of his muscles, the reaction he unwittingly had to any talk of such commitments.
None came. He merely huffed against her hair, arms sliding beneath the blankets that still covered her to clutch her waist. "I trust that's not the part that made you scream."
"Not exactly… it was… strange though. You were in my mansion, living there, I mean. You and mother were joking together, you called her…" Hawke wrinkled her brow as she tried to recall the word, "Matrona?"
Fenris' breathing faltered slightly. "That means 'Mother'."
Hawke nodded, "I thought it might… but… when I started to realise the dream wasn't… real, mother… mother changed into that thing the mage turned her into. She…" Hawke choked as the tears finally came. "She said everyone was going to die…! Everyone I love dies Fenris! I don't know why but everyone I love just drops dead and-"
Fenris sealed his lips against hers, hands on her cheeks to hold her still, silencing her in the only way he could think of. It wasn't particularly passionate, but it was warm and real and grounded her like nothing else could. She whimpered softly as he drew away, only by an inch, only enough for him to whisper; "I have no intention of dying Marian, nothing will keep me from you."
"But…"
"Nothing." He snarled.
Hawke gulped and nodded, slowly. "When… when you say it like that, I almost believe you."
"Then I shall continue to say it." Fenris replied firmly, "Until these dreams stop. I will not have you torturing yourself in your sleep. None of what happened to your family was your fault, and none of us are going to die anytime soon."
He continued to whisper these soft words and more, endearing, gentle phrases in his lilting tones until he felt her relax and fall back to sleep, nodding in his arms like an infant. He smiled gently and stroked her hair from her face, satisfied at the sight of her smiling in her dreams.
With a low sigh the elf shifted to lay down, moving slowly so he didn't wake his lover. He stared up at the ceiling of the tent.
She'd said that in her dream, they were married. And that was apparently 'lovely', It was the one good part of her dream. He glanced guiltily over to where he'd placed his armour; his belt rested on the top, within one of the pouches a ring was waiting, brought from the Dalish tribe they'd stayed with.
Just in case he happened to stop being such a coward and asked her.
Well, if she could brave everything the Fade and life threw at her, he ought to be able to man up and ask her one simple question.
