*Trigger Warning* Self-harm and suicidal thoughts
~x~x~x~
Mick watched the kids leave and the door slide shut before turning back to Len. He wasn't sure what he could say to make this right, just that he had to try.
"I'm sorry." Len looked at him like he was crazy.
"What?" he asked. Mick sighed before repeating himself.
"I'm sorry."
"Didn't think you did apologies, Mick." Len drawled. Mick rolled his eyes in frustration.
"Yeah, well, things change." he said. Len was about to speak again, but Mick held up a hand. "I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. I was just scared." This was hard for Mick. He had never been good at expressing his feelings, but he had to make an exception this time, no matter how awkward it felt. Len's eyes widened.
"You, scared?"
"I don't get scared often, but you terrify me." Len moved over in invitation for Mick to sit beside him. Mick walked over and took a seat.
"Now, pray tell, how do I terrify you?" Len asked. He was still using snark as a barrier between them. Hopefully, that wouldn't be the case in a moment. This was going to be the hard part of the conversation.
"You make me feel things." he Mick mumbled, not looking at Len. Len's brows rose in surprise.
"Things?" he asked. This conversation could still go one of two ways. Len couldn't help hoping it went the way he wanted.
"Yeah. Good things. Things I've never felt for anybody before. You make me want to be a better person." Mick finally looked at Len to find the man turning slightly red. To say Len was shocked was an understatement. This entire time, their intimate relationship had been solely physical. Len had wanted nothing more than to start a real relationship with Mick, but that wasn't something that the other man seemed to want. Not to mention, Mick had been bitching this entire time about Len wanting to become a better person, or hero, whatever he had been on about, and now, he was saying he wanted the same thing.
"What the hell?" Len asked.
"Look, we both know I have anger issues-"
"That's an understatement." Len grumbled. Mick huffed.
"What I'm trying to say is that I care about you. I was wrong to go off on you. I was just worried about you and the...baby." Len was taken aback by Mick's honesty. He scooted a little closer to the man, causing Mick to look at him.
"Why?" Len asked quietly.
"Gideon told us how risky a male pregnancy can be. Also told us about the, uh..." Mick trailed off, but Len knew what he had been about to say.
"Rape?" he whispered. Mick nodded. Len shifted uncomfortably and Mick looked over at him. The shifting had caused one of his sleeves to ride up and Mick saw a thin, red line on Len's arm. Immediately knowing what he was looking at, Mick grabbed Len's arm. Len hissed in pain and Mick pushed the sleeve up to his elbow. There was a myriad of red lines, cuts, up Len's lower arm. The younger man looked down, cheeks reddening in shame.
"What the hell, Len? Is this what you've been in here doing?" Mick asked, trying his hardest to keep the anger from his voice. Len jerked his arm away and shoved the sleeve down. He stood and walked to the opposite side of the room and crossed his arms across his chest in a defensive manner.
"Why?" Mick asked, simply. He knew this wasn't the first time Len had done this. He had seen the scars himself. It was one of the reasons the man only wore long-sleeve shirts. Len never explained and Mick never asked. It was a part of his past and, if Len wanted it to stay there, Mick would let it. This, however, was different. Len had hurt himself over the past couple of days and Mick's head had been too far up his own ass to help. Len just shrugged, back to Mick. The larger man stood and walked up to Len, putting his hands on Len's shoulders.
"C'mon, Lenny. Why did you do this to yourself?"
"I just...couldn't deal." Len whispered. "You, the rape, the baby, it's just too much. I didn't want to feel it anymore." That took Mick by surprise. A bolt of fear went through him.
"Did you want to kill yourself?" he asked, praying that the answer was no.
"Yes." Mick swore. "But I couldn't. That's why I did it. To stay." Len finally turned around. There were tears in his eyes and on his face. Mick raised a hand and set it on Len's cheek, using a thumb to wipe the tears away. He then pulled Len into a warm embrace. Len tucked his head into Mick's neck and let the tears fall. This time, they were tears of healing instead of sadness.
~x~x~x~
When Len and Mick finally left the room, they made their way onto the bridge. Everyone was there, well, except Ray. They all looked deep in thought about something.
"Where's haircut?" Mick asked, announcing their presence. Everyone looked over at them. Rip looked pleased to see them and Sara shot Len a bright smile. He sent her a small smile of his own in return. If anyone noticed his red, puffy eyes, they didn't ask about it. Thankfully. Finally, it was Kendra who answered Mick's question.
"He's in med bay. The Pilgrim almost got him." The large man's brows furrowed.
"But, we got to him in time?"
"Just barely." Rip answered. "The Time Masters have helped her travel without us being able to track her. We have no idea where she is now and nearly lost Mr. Palmer. Gideon, prepare for multiple time jumps. Plot points here, here, and here." Rip said, pointing out three separate dates on the console in the middle of the room. Jax looked down at one of the dates, looking back up at Rip.
"My birthday? Why are we-" he asked.
"The only way to ensure you're not harmed in your past-" Rip was cut off by Stein.
"Is to abduct ourselves as newborns, thus removing ourselves from our future timelines. It's brilliant."
"It's morally questionable." Len remarked, the first words he'd said since coming onto the bridge. Mick decided to give his two cents too.
"It's suicidal. If we take too long getting them home-" Mick was cut off. Len looked up at the man, in awe of this new intellect he had. Mick had never been stupid, far from it. But, he was more educated on all things time travel-y now.
"Then history is altered. There won't be a home to go back to. You'll disappear from the minds of anyone who's ever known you." Everyone's expression was grave at this information. To think that they could be plucked out of everyone's lives so easily was unsettling.
"You mean my own mom wouldn't even know me?" Jax asked.
"My wife." Stein said.
"Yeah, and my...oh, yeah, I don't have anyone." Len stomped on Mick's foot for that remark. He grunted in pain and glared at Len, who glared back. Len sighed then.
"Sure as hell beats dying." he said.
~x~x~x~
You have NO idea how hard it was to not use the term "timey wimey" in this. lol
