Hey guys! Sorry this update is coming in so late. I have been so busy with work and tomorrow I leave for a little family trip. It's been crazy. anyways! This is not a terribly long chapter. We say goodbye to a friend of Sam's. The next few chapters there is going to be a lot more of Patrick, Alice and Mary Elizabeth so get ready! :) comment and review!

I will hopefully post soon:)

~Wallflower95


8

To Be or Not To Be

"To be or not be."

No one ever pays attention in English class. They all sort of zone out. But not me. Today my focus is on Bill. He's reading us a piece by William Shakespeare. It's the opening phrase soliloquy in the Nunnery scene in Hamlet. It's interesting because I can somehow relate to it. In the scene Hamlet is contemplating death and suicide. He talks about how life is unfair and unjust but then he also acknowledges that any alternative is worse. The way I see it... everyone has a story. The might have everything they want, money, family and friends. Or they might have a story like mine. Abusive dad. No home of my own. No friends. What I have now is better than what I was. To be who I am now or not be. That's what I see.


Jacey has been doing better lately. She has kept her promise. Staying out of trouble and taking care of herself. We always stay together at school. The baby bump was a little more prominent than it was two weeks ago when she told me the news. I was starting to trust her again. But every good thing comes to an end, right? Nothing lasts forever. You think you can trust your friends, but will they ever truly be there for you someday?

The answer is no.

The next day at school I went searching for Jacey. We're supposed to bus to her doctor's appointment downtown. I could't wait to turn sixteen. Then I could finally drive and not bus everywhere anymore. I was supposed to meet Jacey outside of school twenty minutes ago but she never showed. She probably just got held up at class. I turned around the corner. Jacey was pinned against some lockers by a 12th grader. Her eyes were closed and her arms were wrapped around his neck. I shoved him away.

"What the hell?" Jacey giggled. Her breath smelled like vodka.

"Just a sec, Sammy. Ricky here was giving me a tongue bath." Ricky was laughing along. He tried to move towards Jacey. I put my hand up.

"Stay away from her." I looked back at Jacey.

"Why the fuck are you drinking? That's not good for the baby." I muttered. Jacey laughed out loud and rubbed her stomach.

"Or right. Forgot I had a bun in the oven." Jacey giggled. I grab her arm and drag her down the hallway. I shove my way through the school crowd and make my way towards the exit.

"Seriously Sammy. I was just trying to have some fun."

"You told me you were going to change."

"Really? I said that. I suck at keeping promises." I threw open the doors.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Her mascara was smudged under her eyes. Her shirt was slipping off her shoulders and she still smelled strongly of vodka. She laughed and shook her tangled hair.

"I was just having fun." I laughed and rubbed my head.

"I can't believe you. I can't believe I trusted you." Jacey rolled her eyes and stumbled to the side. I felt bad for her. She has nothing and no one. I would have been her last hope. But I can't stand by and watch her ruin her life.

"Give me a break, Sammy." Jacey snapped.

"No! I will not give you a break. I was giving you a second chance. I was trying to be your friend. I believed you would change your ways and take care of yourself." I said angrily. Jacey's expression didn't change. She was to drunk to care.

"You know what? I'm done with this." I turned around and walked away. Jacey tried to follow but she kept stumbling.

"Sam! You can't ditch me like this!" She screamed.

"What the hell do you expect me to do?!" Jacey was crying now.

"I tried to help you Jacey. You just don't want to be helped. I don't want any part of this. I will not go back to that life." Jacey broke down.

"Fine. You were a shitty friend anyway." She turned and ran towards her. I turned and headed back towards the school. Did I feel remorse. Maybe. But I refuse to help a hopeless case. I heard tires screech against the road and there was a terrible, gut wrenching smash. The same sound you hear in movies. And then there was silence. Everything happened in slow motion. I turned and saw the two cars. I saw the destruction. And then I saw Jacey. Unconscious.

I ran. I screamed for helped. I called out to her but there was no answer.


Nothing is worse than waiting. You don't know if you're waiting for good news or bad news. I had called Jacey's brother but there had been now answer. My mom was on her way with my Aunt. I was sitting in the waiting room. Waiting... waiting... waiting...

I was nodding off when the doctor approached me. Doctors always have this look that says it all. That what they are going to say is bad... really really bad.

"You are Jacey's friend?" I nodded. The thing about doctors is they get right to the point. They don't sugarcoat things. But right now I would be fine with soe sugarcoating.

"Jacey has suffered some mild head trauma, but after some rest she will recover." I breathed a sigh of relief."

"But..." I closed my eyes.

"She lost the child." I nodded.

"You may see her." I thanked him and walked into her room. She's awake and looking out the window. She's got a bandage around her head. I sat by her bedside. I could see tears falling from her eyes.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"You know what's funny?" She whispered. "I actually wanted to have it. I wanted to have the baby." She cried.

"Just go." It was so quiet.

"Go away Sam."

Could I have done more for her? Yes. I could have stayed. I could of held her hand and told her everything was going to be okay. She didn't need to be alone. I could have been there for her like a best friend would have done. But I didn't. I left. I never saw her again. She never returned to school. She no longer lived with her brother. She disappeared.

I wasn't there for Jacey and I will regret that for the rest of my life.