Chapter Eight: Reckless

You've got a knife-throwing kind of love,
But your silence cuts the deepest.
And I know I've made a mess of things,
And I'm sorry for all that.
Wish we could get the time back.

-Vanessa Carlton


When Lily finally opened her eyes, there was sunlight streaming in through the curtains from the window adjacent to her bed. There were birds singing outside, chirping their music to arouse her from her slumber. Her sleep, though extremely deep, was brief; it felt to her as if she had been asleep for mere moments. Glancing at the clock beside her bed, she saw that it read 8 AM. She had slept for only a few hours. Too many nights and early mornings had passed this way, and she was starting to feel like she had forgotten what a normal night's sleep felt like.

She sat up and peered around the room, and almost jumped when she saw Fabian sitting by the bed. He was clearly asleep, and his head was tilted back. His breathing was even and slow, and Lily couldn't help but notice that in sleep, he didn't look nearly as dangerous and impetuous as he was in action.

I thought he said he was going to stay up and watch me sleep, she thought amusedly. Looks like he was tired, too.

Lily silently swung her legs out of bed and tiptoed across the room towards the closet, where Fabian had, just yesterday, hung up Molly's old clothes for Lily to wear until she could get new ones. She yanked a random set of black robes off of a hanger and slipped out of the room to the bathroom, lightly closing the door behind her so as not to disturb Fabian. Every morning for the past couple days felt so dull and repetitive to her.

She turned on the faucet as she gazed at her reflection in the mirror. The dark rings under her eyes were getting worse and worse, and as she splashed cold water on her face, the mirror crooned to her in a throaty, feminine voice, "I think a beauty potion is in order for you, love. You look like you just got run over by the Knight Bus."

"Oh, shut up," Lily muttered irritably, drying her face off on a fluffy white towel and changing into Molly's robes. "You have no idea what I'm going through."

"No, I don't suppose I do." The mirror sounded offended by Lily's retort. "If you want to go on looking as ugly as a rusty doorknob for the rest of your life, young lady, you don't have to follow my advice."

Lily just rolled her eyes and exited the bathroom. She peered back into her bedroom to check on Fabian, and saw that he was still asleep in the armchair as before. She smiled, and stepped back into the hall. The diamond chandelier scintillated in the morning light, and the silence of the mansion was punctuated by the sound of distant shouting. Lily could barely pick up the men's voices, with the tones of women chiming in periodically. She furrowed her brow and tried to make out where the voices were coming from.

They were emanating from the narrow, side hallway she had sprinted down yesterday, while hiding from Molly, she realized. Curious, she began to walk slowly in that direction, listening closely as the voices gradually grew louder. She still could not make out the words that were being said, but as she drew nearer, she could tell that it was something of an argument. The hallway sloped upwards, just as she remembered it did yesterday, and before she knew it, she had wandered into the fifth floor of the library, and the voices now were perfectly distinct and Lily could decipher every word.

"You're insane!" Molly Prewett was shrieking from the library's first floor, where last night's Order of the Phoenix meeting had been held. "I don't know what the hell you thought you were doing last night! Why didn't you stop her? WHY?!"

"Molly, darling," came the placating, albeit tense, voice of Arthur Weasley. "Calm down, please—"

"I CAN'T CALM DOWN!" she shouted. "It's his fault that my brother had to go there to save her! And he just left Fabian and Lily there! They could have gotten killed! He has no respect for their lives! NONE!"

"I wasn't trying to get anyone killed, Molly," James Potter snapped. Lily's heart skipped a beat at the sound of his deep voice. "Your brother, on the other hand, was trying to kill me—"

"Don't you dare say that," Molly's voice sounded dangerous. "He was trying to save her, because you didn't stop her when her emotions got the better of her. It's your fault for letting her go, and if Fabian really did try to kill you, I can only wish now that he managed it."

"James had no intention of letting anyone get hurt," Dumbledore said soothingly.

"That's a ton of crap. He could have hurt my family," Molly growled. Lily could only imagine how terrifying she looked at that point in time. She was quite a woman to be reckoned with. "And I won't stand for him putting my brother and Lily at risk. I want answers. I want to know why it is that my brother and Lily came stumbling back into this house in the early hours of the morning, covered in dirt and bearing the news that her house was burning to the ground."

The way the ginger-haired woman was blaming James for last night was frustrating Lily, who was still listening from the library's fifth floor, so deeply that she began to descend to marble staircase to give Molly a piece of her mind. She was stopped, however, by a hand on her shoulder and a deep voice coming from behind her.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Lily flinched and turned around. There was Fabian, looking tired and annoyed.

"Down there," she snapped, jabbing a finger down the several flights of stairs leading to the first floor. "I think I have a right to give them my point of view, seeing as they're chatting away about me and what happened."

"Actually, you don't," Fabian replied coolly. "Not yet, anyway."

"Why not?" Lily demanded indignantly. "They're talking about me!"

"Because I need to talk to you first." Fabian glared at her. Any camaraderie that they had managed to salvage after their fight last night was gone by the morning. "Firstly, why the hell didn't you wake me up? You have no idea how scared I got when I woke up and you weren't in the bloody room!"

"I didn't think it was a big deal," Lily huffed, crossing her arms. "Where would I have gone?"

"Oh, I don't know," Fabian said sarcastically. "Maybe you climbed out the window again, or swung up onto the roof of the house like some jungle woman, or started wandering around London like a lost puppy. Any combination of those."

"Shut it," she said irritably, and pushed his large hand off her shoulder, where it had lingered for a little too long. "It's not a big deal. Now, if you don't mind, I have matters to attend to." She hurried down the marble stairs, where the argument continued. With a frustrated sigh, Fabian followed her.

"They don't know what happened," Fabian called to her quietly. She was a couple steps ahead of him, and paused. "Not any of it."

"What do you mean?"

"I haven't told them anything. Not a word," he replied softly. "They don't know about the Death Eaters. All they know is what I told Gideon when we first came into the house, before I took you to your room, along with whatever else Potter's told them."

Lily stared at him. "So I have to tell them what happened, for the second day in a row?"

"We." Fabian smiled, with a touch of black humor. "We have to tell them what happened."


When Lily made it to the library's first floor, she was greeted by the sight of the Order of the Phoenix, the quarrel still continuing, thought slightly hushed now. Dumbledore was sitting at the head of the mahogany table, with James on his right and Molly and Gideon on his left. Both of them looked extremely angry, and Dumbledore himself had a very somber look on his face. She noticed Sirius was standing in the far corner of the fairly-crowded room, flanked by Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. Lily hadn't known that the other two boys were members of the group as well; both of them were so mild-mannered that joining a vigilante group seemed almost out of character for them. Almost everyone in the room looked exhausted and sleep-deprived.

The conversation stopped when they noticed Lily's arrival, with Fabian on her heels. As the room fell silent, all heads swiveled in her direction; no one spoke.

"Miss Evans," Dumbledore said at last, rising to his feet, "And Mister Prewett. We're so glad you're here."

Lily winced at his tone. He sounded extremely severe. She glanced at Fabian, who was now standing next to her at Parade Rest, like a soldier with his arms behind his back and his legs apart. His golden eyes were fixed in a death stare at James, who was staring back unflinchingly with unequivocal hate. Her gaze flicked around the room once more, and she saw Frank seated at the far end of the table with Alice Prewett at his side. She gasped at the sight of her best friend, and barely stopped herself from calling out to her.

Alice, she thought amazed at the other girl's presence. What is she doing with the Order of the Phoenix?

"Professor Dumbledore," Fabian replied finally, averting his eyes from James and turning to gaze at the white-haired gentleman. "There is a lot I have to tell you."

"Yes, I believe there is," Dumbledore said with a bow of his head. "Sit, please."

Fabian didn't need to be told twice. He grabbed Lily's arm and gently pulled her with him to sit with Gideon. She would have protested this ridiculously bossy treatment if the mood in the room weren't so somber, and she allowed herself to be guided in between the twins, and sat down.

"We've all been here for a couple hours now," Dumbledore addressed the newly-seated pair, especially watching Lily. "And we have had James's perspective on the events, before he left you and Fabian at your house. Now, personal conflicts aside," he stressed these words heavily, his eyes flicking between James and Fabian, "I would like to know what happened after he left, and how this led to the house burning down. Kingsley and Alastor have just returned from the house and verified that there is, in fact, nothing remaining of the Evans home but ashes, and I feel that the Order should know the full story before we plant a cover-up to tell to the Muggles and their police department."

For the second meeting in a row, as the rest of the Order took their seats at the table, Lily stood up and recounted the events. She had no idea how much James had told them. How much, in fact, should she say? The drunk man in Belgravia, the police officer on Westminster Bridge, the kiss she and James shared, the argument they had, the way she swung out the window onto her roof and hid from him, and the way Fabian had fought with James and thrown his wand into a hydrangea bush, all seemed too personal to tell the entire Order of the Phoenix.

I guess it's not that essential to the story, she decided. I'll just glaze over those parts.

She briefly gave her take on the events, of how she had climbed out the window, into the street, and wandered around London.

"I had just wanted to be alone. I was wandering around, and I saw James as I was crossing Westminster Bridge," she elaborated. "He talked to me and I told him I was going back to my house, and I didn't want him to come with me."

"But why didn't he stop you?!" Molly interrupted furiously, lurching out of her chair and to her feet. "Why didn't he do something?!"

"Molly," Dumbledore said cautioningly, but there was no calming her down.

"As a member of the Order, SHE IS PART OF YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!" Molly was addressing James, who was staring at her stonily. "Both of you could have been killed! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!"

"I'm not eight years old, Mrs. Weasley," Lily raised her voice before James could respond to Molly for himself. "Believe it or not, I don't need people looking after me and following me around every day. I'm no one's responsibility but my own, and James couldn't have stopped me if he tried, and trust me, he did."

"Obviously he didn't try hard enough then, did he?" Molly growled, red in the face.

Lily was growing outright angry now. "What was he supposed to do, tie me up and bring me back here?"

"If it would have stopped you from going back there, THEN YES!"

"He was doing the right thing by coming back with me," Lily snapped. "Because I would have gone back without him anyway, and he helped me."

"He helped you?" Molly sneered. "Helped you by accompanying you to your possible death?"

Lily looked at her levelly. With a sudden, eerie calm in her voice, she said, "Yes. He helped me. He helped me come to terms with the fact that the two people who loved me most in my entire life were murdered, and their bodies are gone."

Molly stared, her mouth opening and closing like a goldfish's until she sat back down, shaking her head slightly. There was an awkward silence that followed their shouting match, and not a word was spoken.

"Now that that's cleared up for now…if you could continue your story, please, Lily," Dumbledore said quietly.

Lily shook her head slightly, as if to brush the argument off of her. "As I guess James told you, he came back with me, and there was nothing. Their bodies weren't there, but all the damage was. The Death eaters must have taken them, or done something with them. We just talked on my roof for a while, and then Fabian came and James Disapparated."

The library seemed to become even quieter now. Everyone, even Dumbledore, seemed to lean in a little closer to hear what the mystery of what had happened after James left, and how, exactly, it came to be that the Evans home was reduced to ashes.

Fabian and I stayed on the roof, and then…suddenly…" she crinkled her forehead. "He told me to get back inside the house." Lily looked down at Fabian, who was sitting next to her and smirking distantly, in a way that stated that whatever he was thinking about was quite far from funny. "He saw something, he said someone was coming, and we jumped in through the window. He told me to hide under the bed, and I did. There was a woman Death Eater in the house."

A collective gasp rose from the group, the loudest coming from Molly. Fabian's smirk deepened and cynicism overtook his face as he leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms darkly.

"I knew it," Molly whispered. "I knew something like this would happen."

"Who was it?" demanded Alastor Moody, from the other side of the room. "Did you know who it was?"

"It was—" Lily began, but Fabian interrupted her.

"Bellatrix Lestrange," he laughed without any joy. "Née Black."

There was a crash as a chair was knocked over. Sirius Black was on his feet now, the look on his face stricken with rage. "What?" he barked dangerously. "Bella?"

"That's what I said, wasn't it, Black?" Fabian said drily.

"But she's…" Sirius began, his voice shaking with anger. Remus, looking somber, repositioned the chair and grabbed his arm, attempting to pull him back into his seat. Sirius resisted and shook his hand off of him. "That can't be right, Prewett. You're making it up."

"This is obviously a very emotional topic," Dumbledore called over the sputtering gasps from Sirius. "But I would appreciate it if we could all allow Miss Evans to finish her story without distraction, please. Sit, Mr. Black. Sit." Sirius looked furious but acquiesced.

"I'll take over from here," Fabian said firmly, standing up and lightly pushing Lily back down. She stared up at him indignantly, and ignored the hand that was on her shoulder for the umpteenth time that morning: the hand that tried so hard to tell her what to do. She remained standing beside him. "Because at this point, Lily was hiding under her bed and didn't get to see much."

"Only because you insisted," Lily said hotly. "Don't talk down to me."

He rolled his eyes at her, and she thought her blood was going to boil. Giving up the war, she sat down in between Gideon and Fabian. Gideon, as per his usual self, had not uttered a word the entire time.

"I couldn't physically see her, because of the mask and all," Fabian went on, as if Lily had never offered up a retort. "But I know it was her. I called her 'Black,' but she corrected me and told me her name's Lestrange now. She asked me where Lily was, and she said she wanted to find her because…'some people just need to die, and that girl is one of them.'"

Lily grimaced and Gideon looked over at her out of the corner of his eye. "You're fine," Gideon murmured the first words she heard him speak since she and Fabian had stumbled back into the house, so quietly that only she could hear him. "You're alive, and we're gonna get her."

Fabian, not noticing his brother's words to Lily, proceeded with the rest of the story. "Anyway, she shot some Unforgivables at me and missed, and proceeded to light the house on fire. Lily," he looked down at the redhead with some type of pride, "in the most brilliant maneuver I've seen in my life, rolled out from under the bed and Stunned her before she even knew what hit her."

Though moments ago Lily had been fighting the desire to smack Fabian for his arrogance and slight chauvinism, she couldn't help but blush at his compliment.

"She tried to put the fire out, but it was so bad that we had to jump out the window," Fabian was nearing the end of the story now. "And we ran to the trees behind her house." His tone became more analytical suddenly: more calculating and cold, and serious. "There must have been an Anti-Disapparition Jinx on the entire premises, and a strong one, too, to cover all of that area. It was powerful enough that it seemed like it would have taken two witches or wizards to do it, but knowing Lestrange's strength, it wouldn't surprise me too much if she did it on her own. As we ran to the forest, there were two more Death Eaters flying in on brooms, which I actually thought was odd." He wrinkled his forehead. "I don't understand why Bellatrix would come to the house by herself, even if she had backup on the way."

"Perhaps she thought Lily was there alone," Arthur Weasley offered, his wife twitching in fury and fright as she fought to contain herself.

"But did she even know that Lily was there? Was she waiting somewhere in the area and saw her arrive?" Fabian pushed his chair back and began pacing back and forth. "She had to have thought Lily was there alone, or she wouldn't have gone herself against both of us."

"Sit down, Fabian," Dumbledore spoke again, his tone serious. Fabian followed the order immediately. "This changes everything."

Fabian and Gideon nodded simultaneously, and Lily saw James hang his head. She knew what he was thinking: For the second time, he had left her, and she faced the Death Eaters without him. She wanted nothing more, at that moment, to run over and talk to him. More than she even wanted to go and talk to Alice, who had been staring at her the entire time, her glowing baby blues full of tears.

"I didn't know that bitch was a Death Eater," Sirius snarled from his end of the table. "I swear to Merlin, I'm going to fucking kill her."

"The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, Black," Fabian said drily. "Isn't your whole clan like that?"

Lily, from her seat at the other end of the table, could see Sirius gritting his teeth. She kicked Fabian underneath the table.

"What?" Fabian whispered to her.

"Could you be a little less callous?" Lily muttered out of the side of her mouth.

"Hey, we may work together, but that doesn't mean I have to like him," Fabian snorted quietly. "He's a little twat."

"Shut the hell up, Prewett," James snapped from where he sat. He had not heard Lily and Fabian's exchange, and was instead seething over the slight to his best friend. "Stop being such a prick."

"Oh, very original," Fabian shot back, as chattering began to commence between various members of the group. "Let me tell you, Potter, you must think you're the cleverest little boy in the world."

Mad-Eye Moody slammed his wooden leg into the ground before (another) argument could brew. "I want you young lads to know," he gazed imperiously back and forth between Fabian and James, his electric-blue eye swiveling wildly in its socket. "That both of you are being court-martialed."

A stunned silence put an end to the talking. James looked bewildered, and Fabian looked stricken.

"Court-martialed?" James demanded. "We're being court-martialed?"

"What is this, the bloody Royal Navy?" Fabian added.

"It's the Order of the Phoenix, actually, since you seem to have forgotten," Lily muttered to him, earning herself a sharp elbow to the ribs.

"Yes, you're being court-martialed," Mad-Eye repeated coolly. "We have rules, as the Order of the Phoenix, and you both are about to get the punishment given to those who break them."

"Who the hell are we going to be judged by?" Fabian snapped. "We meet in my damn house, and you're going to punish me? What for?!"

"You," Mad-Eye looked livid. "Had orders. BOTH OF YOU" –he roared so loudly that both boys jumped—"had orders, that NEITHER OF YOU SAW FIT TO FOLLOW!" Seeing that they were sufficiently cowed by him, he continued at a more normal volume. "The eldest members of the Order are going to form a tribunal, and we are going to hear your case. From there, we will decide what to do, and how to punish you."

"This is full of shit, Mad-Eye," Fabian looked angry. "I did what I had to do."

"You should punish me too, then, if we're talking about breaking rules," Lily interjected loudly. "I'm the reason all of this happened in the first place! They were trying to help me! It was my fault!"

Moody gave her an undecipherable look. "The only reason you aren't in trouble, young lady, is because you are new and do not yet know the rules we have. For now, you have a warning, and if you do something like this again, you will be in just as much trouble as Potter and Prewett. But the fact remains: everyone in the Order was told not to let you go back to your house. Not to GO WITH YOU, but to NOT LET YOU GO IN THE FIRST PLACE!"

"You both will meet us here tonight at five o'clock," Dumbledore said smoothly, cutting off Mad-Eye's tirade. "Elphias Doge," –a thin, greying man who smiled wanly at them—"Caradoc Dearborn," –a middle-aged man with receding, mouse-brown hair—"Minerva McGonagall," –Fabian and James groaned at the idea of being tried by their Transfiguration professor—"Mad-Eye, and myself will hear your cases, and we will decide what will be done."

"I can't fucking believe this," Fabian muttered to Lily. "I don't get what the hell I'm in trouble for. I saved your life and for that I'm being put on trial?"

"I don't think it's fair that they aren't trying me," Lily frowned angrily. "It's my fault that this happened and they're holding both of you responsible for my actions!"

"What, do you want to be in trouble?" Fabian looked incredulous.

"If you and James are, then I should be too!"

"But Mad-Eye is right," Gideon spoke softly, interrupting Lily mildly. "And so is Molly. You shouldn't have run off, but it's understandable because of how you felt. I ran like that, too, when I found out about my parents. Your thoughts and your feelings get the better of you, and it's hard to control, which we all can understand, especially me." He winced, and looked at Fabian. Lily's eyes flicked in between the twins, and in their gazes she saw a silent communion. Gideon's face was a mix of emotions—sadness, understanding, bitterness—and Fabian's was outright unreadable. "But there were people who could have stopped you, and one of those people is James. He saw you and knew where you were going, and even though you insisted on going, he could have done something. Yes, even if it meant tying you up and taking your wand," he continued quickly, when he saw Lily was going to complain. "Forcing you back here is nothing compared to what happened, with Bellatrix Lestrange and the Death Eaters showing up." He glared at his twin, and added, "And you're just as bad as Potter. You were a reckless fool for going after them. An absolutely reckless fool."

The meeting, at this point, seemed to be over, though no one made a move to leave. Instead, talking arose among the group, and people got up to talk to one another. Clearly, the past night's events were a game-changer. Lily stood up from her spot in between the twins, and looked over at James.

He was standing, too. He was not looking at her, but she could see the frustration on his face. His tension was almost tangible, though he was standing several meters away from her. She took in his expression; he ran a hand through his hair aggravatedly, as he had last night on her rooftop, and his glasses were sitting slightly too-low on his nose. A twinge of fire shot up and down her spine as she remembered, for a split second, their kiss on that roof. The memory brought back a wave of emotions. What had she been thinking? Hell, what had he been thinking?

Lily longed to shake the thought from her head, and was saved by a pair of thin, feminine arms wrapping around her waist from behind.

"Oh Lily," came the high-pitched voice of Alice Prewett from behind her. She could feel Alice's face burying into her shoulder, and she sensed Frank's hulking presence as well. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry."

Lily turned around and hugged her best friend. "I know," she murmured in reply. "But there's nothing to be done, I suppose."

"I heard about what happened from Frank just last night," Alice said, lifting her head from Lily's shoulder. "I begged him to let me come see you, and now this happened" –she wringed her hands agitatedly—"Oh, things are getting worse and worse every day and you almost got killed twice!" Alice looked like she was on the verge of tears. "Merlin, I have no idea what I'd do if without you, Lily. I honestly don't."

"But I'm here, Alice," Lily said, hugging her best friend even more tightly. Alice was taking this much harder than Lily herself had. "There's nothing to worry about, and I'm okay."

"Nothing to worry about?" Frank snorted drily from behind the pair. Lily glanced up at him and saw him, looking expressionless with his arms folded over his chest. "There's a damn lot to worry about, actually."

Lily gave him a filthy look and mouthed, "Shut up" at him. His sarcasm would do nothing to calm down Alice, and he should have known that.

"Come on," Lily released Alice from the embrace at last and wrapped an arm around her shoulders instead, glaring one last time at Frank, though she knew she would forgive his tactlessness in moments. "Let's go to the kitchen and get some tea. Merlin knows you need some for your nerves."


"God DAMN IT!" Sirius swore. He was standing in the corner of the library, with Remus, James, and Peter. The three of them looked somber, while Sirius shook with nearly-uncontrollable rage. "That crazy bitch. I can't be related to someone as bloody evil as her. I can't be. She's crazy. She's insane."

"Sirius, calm down," Remus said as placatingly as he could, though his eyes were disturbed. "I know she's your cousin, but—"

"I can't be related to her," Sirius repeated, his voice quivering, his jaw set with anger. "She isn't my cousin. I swear to Merlin, she isn't. I already got thrown out of the family, and I never wanted to hear from any of them ever again. I thought I wouldn't, either, but now this happened. THIS!" He took a deep breath. "I always knew she was this dark, hateful person, and she always just ate up that Muggle-hating drivel that our—her" –he corrected himself quickly— "family forced down her throat since her bloody birth, but I never thought she'd join Voldemort."

James just stood there silently, his arms folded across his chest as he stared down at the marble floor. He saw, out of the corner of his eye, Peter glancing at him furtively, as if he wanted to say something to him but could not conjure up the proper words. James himself wanted to say something to his friends, say something to console Sirius, but he wanted to forget everything that had happened to him. Too much had happened to him in the past couple days, and he needed nothing more than to clear his thoughts.

Sirius sat down on a nearby chair, resting his elbows on his knees and burying his face in his hands. "I hate everything," he mumbled. "I've got to apologize to Evans."

"What do you have to apologize to her for?" James spoke finally. Sirius glanced up to look at him. "You're not the one who snogged her and then left her on a roof with the most irresponsible wanker in England, just to fight off murderous Death Eaters about twenty minutes later."

"You snogged her?!" Peter ogled at James, at last finding words to say.

"You what?" Remus echoed, raising his eyebrows slightly. "Last I checked, she hated you."

"Things are different now," James said shortly, collapsing onto a chair next to Sirius. "I'm just as confused as you are, Moony, except the difference between you and me is that I'm being court-martialed and you're not." He ignored the look that Remus was giving him, and instead shifted his focus back to Sirius. "Look, Padfoot. You have nothing to be sorry for. There's nothing you could have done."

"I could tell you the same thing," Sirius replied, his voice muffled by his hands. It sounded as if he were about to cry. "But I know you still blame yourself for this, so I guess we're in the same boat."

James saw Remus and Peter exchange a look. This was their first Order of the Phoenix meeting for weeks, and they had missed the drama of the last few meetings. He realized that it was likely a lot of information for them to handle, but a part of him was frustrated. He didn't want to have to explain everything to them. Not now.

"Sirius, none of this is your fault," James said as calmly as he could. "And hell, at least you haven't done anything to run the risk of getting kicked out of the Order of the Phoenix."

"Yeah, well," Sirius lifted his head. "I still have this guilt hanging over me, Prongs. This fucking guilt." He surveyed the room, still crowded with Order members, talking amongst themselves about the happenings of the past few days and the dark turns that had been taken. "Do you know where Evans went?"

"I saw her talking to Alice Prewett a few couple minutes ago," Peter piped up. It was clear from his expression that he was relieved to enter the conversation. "They just left together."

"Do you want to go find her?" Remus asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Yes," James answered for Sirius, already starting to move through the crowd of people towards the door. "I've got to talk to her. I've got to tell her I'm sorry for everything."

"James, you've got nothing to be sorry for," Remus grabbed James's arm before he could get too far away. "Seriously, give her some time. She's probably just as upset as you are."

"I want to go talk to her, too," Sirius jumped to his feet, going to stand next to his bespectacled best friend. "Come on, Prongs."

"I'm trying to be reasonable here," Remus said, taking a deep breath. "Both of you keep blaming yourselves when it's not your fault this happened. You don't need to apologize to her and she's probably just as, if not more, worked up as both of you, and I think all of you need to take some time to calm down before you do anything."

"All we want to do is talk to her, Moony," Sirius glared. "Come on, James. Let's go find her."

The pair were about to make their way towards the door (with Remus and Peter in tow) when James heard a familiar voice from behind him. A familiar voice that sent a chill of anger down his spine.

"Potter."

Fabian was standing a few feet away from him. His gaze was fixed on James, staring at him.

"What do you want, Prewett?" James asked tiredly. Fabian was the last person in all of Great Britain that he wanted to see at that moment, and he would have given all of the money in the Potter's bank account at Gringotts to get away from him.

"We need to talk," Fabian said, folding his arms. "Alone."

"What the hell do you need to talk to him about that you can't say in front of us?" Sirius barked.

"Things that aren't your business, Black," Fabian replied smoothly. "We need to talk, James."

James was slightly taken aback by the sudden switch from his surname to his first name. "Why are you so personal all of a sudden?" he demanded defensively.

"Because this is serious business," Fabian's eyes blazed. "A moment, please, if you don't mind."

James began to move in Fabian's direction, away from his friends, when Sirius grabbed him and hissed, "Where do you think you're going? You shouldn't give that jerk the time of day, Prongs, let alone a 'moment!'"

"I'll be fine, Padfoot," James said, extricating his arm from Sirius's grasp. "If I'm not back in ten minutes, you can send out a search party in case he's killed me or something."

Sirius shook his head at his best friend's sarcasm, but James was already gone, walking away with Fabian, before he could say another word.

Remus stared after James and Fabian as they strode off through the crowded room towards the door. "Is it bad that I think there really is a chance that Prewett will try to kill him?" he asked to no one in particular, looking rather perturbed.

"Don't worry, Moony," Sirius sighed, collapsing back down onto his chair, "I don't doubt it, either."


James had never really walked through the Prewett house before; of course, he knew his way from the front door to the bottom floor of the library, but he had never seen the rest of the home. Though James himself had come from an extremely wealthy family, he was still rather impressed by the grandeur of the mansion that Fabian lived in. It rivaled the Potter's manor in almost every regard, though the interior was slightly more unkempt than his own home. James partially attributed this to the fact that both Mr. and Mrs. Prewett were dead, and the thought caused a pang of sympathy in his heart.

They had been walking through the halls of the home for a few, painfully silent minutes when James finally asked, "Where are we going?"

"My room," Fabian said simply. "So no one can interrupt us."

"Why are you doing this?" James's brow furrowed. "And why the hell is it so confidential?"

"We need to talk about Lily," Fabian lowered his voice. The hallway turned sharply to the left and Fabian opened the single door at the end of the hall, entering the room. "Come on."

James tentatively stepped over the threshold, and Fabian shut the door and locked it behind him with a soft click. The royal blue room was illuminated with the bright morning sunshine, and Fabian gestured toward an armchair. "Have a seat, make yourself at home."

James sat down. "Why are you being so nice to me, Prewett?" he asked bluntly. "If I'm not mistaken, a few hours ago you were trying to kill me."

"I'm not being nice to you," Fabian corrected him, smirking. "I'm just not being mean to you. There's a difference." He sat down on his bed, swinging his legs back and forth like a little boy. "Now really, we need to talk about Lily."

"What about her?" James asked defensively.

"We can't fight over her," Fabian said, suddenly becoming serious again. "I know you like her—"

"Damn right, I like her," James cut him off. "And I don't like whatever it is you're doing to her."

"I'm not doing anything to her, Potter." Annoyance was rising in Fabian's voice. "I'm trying to keep the relationship between her and me professional."

"Relationship?" James snorted derisively. "And you didn't strike me as being too professional last night."

Fabian took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, clearly struggling to keep his composure. "I got worked up, okay? What I'm trying to say, Potter, is that while we both may have feelings for her, I don't want them to get in the way of Order of the Phoenix business."

"You have feelings for her?!" James looked incredulous. "You've known her for, what, three days?"

"It doesn't matter how long I've known her for, and that's not the point."

"Then what is the point, Prewett?" James demanded. "After everything you've said and done in the past twenty four hours, you expect me to suddenly be civil with you and accept whatever it is you're trying to tell me to do?"

"I don't expect you to do anything." Fabian was beginning to lose his patience. "But as long as Lily lives in my house, she's my responsibility."

"Stop treating her like a baby," James said irritably. "She's seventeen, for the love of Merlin, and trust me, she hates it when people talk down to her, the way you do all the time. You're not her father, and half the time you talk to her like she isn't capable of helping or protecting herself."

"You don't seem to think she's too capable of protecting herself either, especially when you went back to her house with her under the guise of saving her," countered Fabian. "And Dumbledore told Gideon and me to watch her and keep her safe. I think that's reason enough to, in your words, 'treat her like a baby.'"

"But do you think she really actually wants that?"

"Probably not," Fabian shrugged rather nonchalantly. "But it doesn't exactly matter whether she wants it or not, in this case."

"You're impossible," James got up to leave. "I've had enough of you."

"No." Fabian jumped to his feet and blocked the door before James could even take a single step towards the exit. "We're not done yet."

"Are you serious?" James threw up his hands and returned to his chair. "Look Prewett, I don't want to talk to you. I've got shit I have to deal with and you're holding me up. All we've done is argue and I have no damn clue what you're trying to get at here."

"Okay, I'll be direct then," Fabian said, looking serious as he sat back down on his bed. "We both have feelings for her. I'm not obligated to like you, and you're not obligated to like me, either. As a matter of fact, I think you're an asshole who doesn't know how to give up on a girl that hates you." He continued before James could issue a retort to his jibe. "But regardless of my opinion of you, we have to get along and we can't let her come between us. You see what happened this time? If we hadn't fought the way we did, this crap with the Death Eaters and Lestrange wouldn't have happened. You, Lily, and I would have left, her house wouldn't have burned to the ground, and me and her wouldn't have almost died. On top of that," he added emphatically, "You and I wouldn't be standing trial tonight."

James closed his eyes slowly and leaned his head back against the wall behind him. Fabian did have a point, and he recognized that. "I'll get along with you for the sake of the Order, Prewett. But you'll be spending much more time with her than I will, and if I get wind that you've done anything bad to her, the Order be damned, and I will fucking kill you."

"And vice versa," Fabian said with a slight nod of his head. "I see we have an agreement."

"I just can't believe you like her," James huffed. "You've only known her for a few days."

"And you've known her for seven years, and she's hated you for the duration of all of them," Fabian replied coldly. "I'm older than you, as well as more mature, and I can offer her much more than you can. She has a lot to forgive you for."

"Prewett. You are one. Bloody. Year. Older than me," James stressed. "Please stop playing that card."

"But you don't deny that I'm more mature than you," Fabian looked entertained. "Which is, of course, true. Now if we could end this ridiculous drivel, that would be lovely."

"You started it," James muttered with an eyeroll. "I thought you said we were going to try to get along."

"Let me revise that proposition," Fabian said slowly. "We won't fight in front of her. But Potter, if you do something I don't like, trust me, you'll hear from me as soon as I can get you alone."

"If only she could see what an arrogant, two-faced asshole you are," James snapped, rising to his feet and heading towards the door. "She would despise you."

Fabian smiled joylessly. "I think, James, those are the exact words she's used to describe you."

James paused. The fire-haired boy was, in fact, correct, and he knew it. Perhaps, he thought, he and Fabian had more in common than he ever wanted to admit. "I've changed."

"That's what you want to think," Fabian said, not moving from his perch on his bed as James unlocked the door. "But everyone wants to think they've improved. Everyone wants to believe that they're really some great person inside. You in particular, Potter, think you're some type of Godsend to save the damsel in distress from her sorrow, when you're really just a desperate teenager with the hero syndrome."

"Whatever, Prewett. Whatever," James opened the door and glanced back at Fabian. "We have a truce, but only for the sake of the Order of the Phoenix, and only in front of Lily. I still hate you."

"Boohoo, and I still hate you, Potter," Fabian said sarcastically. "Go run off and chat with the only girl that doesn't think you're God's gift to women."

James ignored him and stepped out into the hallway. He was about to close the door behind him when he thought of something.

"By the way, Fabian," James turned around and faced the inside of the room, staring at Fabian, who was still sitting on the edge of his bed. "I kissed her, and trust me, she kissed me back. I wouldn't be too confident in saying she still hates me." He turned on his heel and strode away, unable to see the sudden, dark look of anger that crossed Fabian Prewett's face. "See you at the court-martial tonight."


A/N: Well, I'm certainly way overdue for an update. I swear I'm still around, and I haven't abandoned FF! I've been so busy with school…as usual. Ugh. Trust me, it's not fun. I'm almost done with senior year of high school already! It's scary to think that the last time I updated, it was still summer vacation! Yikes. I'll try to update sooner, because the next chapter should be eventful. Please review! I'm so sorry it took me so long, but trust me, I'm not going anywhere. Don't forget to check out my story Tender Fire while you wait for an update, lovelies! :3

The Silent Rain