Somehow, she made it home.
She had no idea how she'd managed to do that or why, but at some point she realized she was standing in front of their door.
Apparently, some part of her was still conscious enough to remember she was supposed to be home. It was nearly evening; all citizens should be at home, listening to Better Living Industries' news, ready for the latest orders. She would take along. The dreadful events of the last hours had eliminated all traces of free will inside her.
Her hand reached out for the doorknob. Then the door was open and she stepped into the hall.
Everything was the same as always. There were two pairs of dark boots on the whipped floor, the smell of cleanliness and the muffled sound of a TV running that told her her parents were in the living room.
The girl took off her shoes and went to see them. They probably wanted an explanation for her disappearing for days. When she was halfway down the floor, her mother came out of the living room and saw her.
The girl braced herself for whatever degree of mental breakdown was to come.
It was unnecessary, though for all she said was "Oh, hello. There's some food in the kitchen, if you're hungry." Now whatever welcome she'd expected, this was not it. It must have been, like, two days that she'd been kept in that cell. Two days in which her parents had had no word about her whereabouts. Wasn't there like a rule or something for parents to get upset if their child was missing for more than a few hours?
Somewhat thrown off course, the girl answered: "Uh, yeah, sure" and followed her mother into the kitchen. She watched her put a bowl of chowder in the microwave before adding "Mom. I'm back." "That's nice, honey." her mother replied, clearly not having listened to a word of what her daughter had just said. She stood in front of the table and watched the bowl spin slowly, ignorant of her child's return.
The girl was confused. "Did you not- wonder where I was?" she asked.
Suddenly, she felt like she was going to cry, despite the indifference she was experiencing from the medicine they'd eventually served her in that horrible room.
Her mom turned and looked at her with glazed eyes. "Oh, you were out? I didn't know… well, I hope, you had a good time." And with that, she went back to the living room, back to where the latest BL/ind program was resounding, leaving her daughter alone with all her confusion and desperation. The girl remained motionless, trying to cope with what she'd just heard.
Her own parents hadn't noticed she'd been gone for two. Days.
Still, she couldn't bring herself to feel anything other than numbness; but it wasn't the same as before. More than ever, she was aware that it was a fake feeling.
There were thoughts beginning to form inside her head, but she couldn't put a finger on any of them. They were like waved crashing against levees brought up by those drugs.
She swallowed. After all the time in that cell, after the horror, the loneliness and the darkness, she really could have used a hug.
After a few minutes of trying to get a grip on herself, the microwave beeped to signal the food was ready. She took the bowl and a spoon and headed to her room.
She was already reaching for the handle when she remembered that little blue spider she'd drawn on the wall the other day.
What if someone had discovered it?
Her stomach began to ache from the controversial, suppressed feelings seething underneath the surface. Still, the drugs were strong enough to keep her calm. Though she was upset in her heart, they wouldn't let her react emotionally, and this inner turmoil was getting more and more burdensome.
The girl took a deep breath and entered her room, half-expecting a mess or some BL/ind thugs ready to take her with them.
She looked around.
Everything was exactly the way she'd left it. The books on her shelf were in the same order, the clothes on her chair were as neat as ever and her sheets were even still crumpled where she'd been lying. It sort of calmed her. So her parents hadn't noticed she'd been held hostage, but at least they also hadn't noticed her tiny sign of rebellion.
She put down the bowl on the nightstand and sat on the bed, lifting up the blanket t take a look at her spider.
What she saw made her gasp in disbelief.
The wall in front of her was completely white.
The girl ran her fingers up and down the wall, incredulous, desperately hoping to discover it somewhere, but all she found was untouched, white wall.
She started to sweat, cold sweat that was running down her spine along with the shivers.
Her entire body was shaking. The waves crashed against the levees again and again, getting more powerful by the minute.
At some point, she believed she was going to be sick. Her head felt as if it were about to split in two, filled with all those repressed thoughts of horror.
They knew.
They knew.
She pressed her eyes shut and sank back on her bed, lying between the sheets that had seemed untouched just a second ago. Now she knew that they must have been carefully rearranged.
It was all make-believe.
She heard her heartbeat loud against the rushing of blood in her ears.
They knew. Oh, God.
The girl opened her eyes again – and froze.
Right above her, painted at the ceiling, was the smiley face of Better Living Industries.
Underneath it, there were two words sprayed on the ceiling:
KEEP SMILING.
For one moment, she just lay there, unable to move, staring at it.
Then the levees broke.
The waves flooded over her, pulling her under water, suffocating her.
She fell off the bed, shaking uncontrolledly, and threw up. It was too much. Too much she felt now that the forced numbness had been washed away.
She couldn't cope with the pressure of the truth.
Her entire body cramped. She hyperventilated, unable to steady her breath, until little lights were dancing before her eyes. The buzzing in her ears grew louder; the room blurred and started to spin. For one horrible moment, the world ended.
And then it was over.
The girl lay on the floor, huddled up in fetal position, and panted. Slowly, her heart stopped racing and her body calmed down.
She felt weak, beaten, like after a strong fever, but her head was surprisingly clear.
People from BL/ind had been in her room.
They'd known about her drawing on the wall, so they'd been watching her. They were probably watching her now, too. The fact that they'd been able to intrude her room without anyone noticing showed how powerful they were.
And that smiley on the ceiling clearly was a warning. If she didn't "keep smiling", they would take more serious measures.
The floor under her hands was cool. She moved her finger, bending and stretching them as if to prove to her self that she was still able to control them by herself.
As if she had control over anything.
Now she wasn't even safe in her own home anymore.
Suddenly she noticed her cheeks were wet.
Touching her face, she realized she was crying. Tears. Actual tears.
She hadn't really cried for years. Yes, she had shed some tears because of terror, and because of that fake guilt induced by the hypnosis, but not because of genuine, deep sorrow.
It actually felt good to be able to give in to the emotions.
She sobbed. There was no point in concealing her desperation now, anyway. There were probably BL/ind employees watching her on their screen now. More tears streamed down her face, dropping onto her T-Shirt.
This wasn't a life. It wasn't her life, at least. It was a BL/ind life.
In that moment, she realized this was not how she wanted to live.
This oppression, this narrowness and endless whiteness, she couldn't take it anymore.
She wouldn't.
The girl sat up straight. She wasn't crying anymore, in fact, she was really calm now, almost relaxed. The smiley face was still staring down at her, but its smirk had lost its scariness.
With a quick movement, she wiped the tears away. No more crying from now on.
She had made a decision.
Her parents didn't give a damn about her.
Her room was under surveillance.
Her life belonged to the company.
She had nothing to lose.
The girl got up and reached for her backpack.
-END OF PART I-
So. Here we are at the end of Part I of the story. Thanks to everyone who's read all of these chapters so far! These last two chapter were pretty angsty, know. ^^;
Part II is certainly going to be quite a bit different... be prepared. :)
Hugs!
