Living in the Spring Time


Kate wakes to a small, warm foot pressed against the side of her face. Jake is the wrong way round in the bed, his upper body buried beneath the covers and his feet on the pillow. Reece has both arms wrapped around one of his brother's legs, his mouth open at Jake's bare calf.

When she was pregnant, her belly huge and swollen, she would sometimes feel the press of multiple limbs from the inside and imagine the tangled knot of her two sons. They still sleep like that a lot of the time, folded around each other to feel the echo of the other's heartbeat.

Her eyes take a moment to adjust to the grey of the early morning. The sun is struggling up over the mountains as if it's afraid of the damage the storm has left behind and can't bring itself to look. The light is wan and it makes the room seem insubstantial, like an imprint left behind on a pad of paper.

On the other side of the bed, Rick is still fast asleep. He's on his back, and their daughter is tucked in against him with his arm over her middle. The four of them are totally out. Every so often there's a snuffling noise from one of them, but she couldn't begin to guess who.

When Kate moves her legs experimentally beneath the sheets the dog lifts his head to peer at her. It's not exactly comfortable to be squashed into a not-enormous bed with four other people and a four-legged companion. Kate moves slowly, careful not to jostle anybody, and she slides out of bed. The hardwood is cold and she curls her toes, hurries to steal a thick pair of Castle's socks from the drawer.

Cosmo follows her out into the living room and she puts some fresh water in his bowl for him. He bows his head to take a long drink and she scratches behind his ears. When he's done she lets him outside to go to the bathroom.

She was the one that needed convincing. Their lives are hectic, and she wasn't sure they could handle a dog as well. Even having Royal for just a night, all those years ago, made her think it would be unfair to bring an animal into their chaos. Especially a rescue. Cosmo is a wise and patient soul, good company on these early mornings her body still sometimes propels her into. He teaches her children about responsibility and kindness, and she wouldn't trade him for anything.

The coffee machine is louder than she remembers it being and she goes back to close the bedroom door. They've moved in her absence, arranging themselves in their unconsciousness to take up the newly vacant space. Her husband is never more endearing to her than fast asleep with their three children cuddled against him, and she lingers a moment in the doorway to take it in.

When her coffee is finished Kate collects a blanket and heads out onto the porch to drink it. The moment she opens the door the petrichor smell of the freshly washed earth rises up to meet her. She settles on the lounger with the blanket over her and one hand around the mug, and she closes her eyes.

Something about the woods after a storm soothes her. There are a few broken limbs, but the trees rally and straighten their backs. Rivers run through the forest floor like capillaries. Everything glistens with new life after the long-awaited rainfall, and leaves adorn the branches. The jewelled fingers remind her of Martha and she smiles to herself. Castle's mother is in her eighties now, but she's as vibrant as ever. The kids adore their grandmother, and although Kate aches for them to have known her own mother, she's so grateful they have Martha.

It's not at all quiet out here this morning. Still, certainly, but the creatures of the forest call out to one another as if rallying the troops or taking a head count. The birds are unashamed in their cries as they swoop from branch to branch, collecting materials to rebuild damaged nests. Kate walks down to the dock and leans against the railing. The water beneath her is murky with silt, churned up and still seething. It will take a day or two to settle and return to a slice of cut glass.

After a while paying her respects to the lake, she returns to sit on the deck again. Her family emerges one by one to join her. Lily appears first, still mute at this time of the morning. She climbs onto the bench and wriggles her way into Kate's arms. Kate tucks the blanket in snug around her daughter and just holds her, content to let Lily come awake at her own pace.

The boys are next, bringing with them noise and chaos as they always do. They clamber all over Kate and Lily, showering them both with kisses and cuddles. Once they're satisfied they sit in the lounger for a minute or so, and then they decide it's too cold without a blanket and they disappear back inside. Castle comes outside not long afterwards and leans over the back of the bench, kisses Lily's forehead and then Kate's mouth.

"Morning. When were you up?"

"After six," she tells him. It seems to appease him and he comes around to sit next to her, lifting Lily's bare feet into his lap and wrapping his huge hands around them. "You sleep alright?"

"Oh yeah, good." His hair is sticking up all over his head and he catches her looking, tries to smooth it down again. It's at a stage that only a shower is really going to be able to fix and he gives up, chuckling. He's cute, all rumpled like this, and Kate kisses his warm scratchy cheek.

Lily is chattier now that she's been awake for a while. She lifts her head from Kate's shoulder to say good morning to her dad, and she draws Kate in to the conversation as well. Their daughter dreamed about the storm, dreamed she was a pirate, and her face transforms with delight in the adventure as she tells them about it.

"Let's get some breakfast," Kate suggests once the story is finished.

They head inside and Castle calls for the boys. There's no response and he has to go and find them in the bedroom. He comes back carrying them both, an arm tight around each of their stomachs, and he puts them in their chairs for breakfast.

"Hey guys, Mommy has something exciting planned for today," he says once everyone has something to eat.

Three dark heads swivel to look at her and Kate laughs around her mouthful of cereal, hurries to swallow it. "Grandpa has some friends who own a farm nearby, so I thought we could go and see the animals. There's lots of babies this time of year. Sound good?"

"There will be sheeps?" Jake gets to his knees on his chair in earnestness, practically climbing onto the table. Kate promises him that they'll get to see the lambs and he grins so wide, hurrying to finish his breakfast so that they can go sooner.

It takes a while to get everyone dressed and ready to go, as it does almost every morning. Castle showers first because he needs to wash his hair and shave. Kate is faster, shaking some of the fancy dry shampoo that Alexis bought for her through the roots of her hair and winding it into a braid.

She has to get the kids ready single-handed, which takes some manoeuvring. They all decide that they want to wear their rain boots, so Kate puts hers on as well and clicks her heels together in the shiny red rubber boots. Castle gets everyone in the car, Cosmo as well because it seems entirely unfair to leave him here on his own.

"You drive," he tells Kate when she approaches. "No way I remember the route. And I want to DJ."

He makes as if to go around the front of the car and get in the passenger side, but Kate curls her fingers at his wrist to stop him. She slides her hand all the way up his arm and curves it around the nape of his neck, stepping in close until their thighs touch.

Castle is the one to break first. He kisses her, his fingers underneath both her raincoat and her sweater in search of bare skin. It makes her shiver, makes her needy, and she bites his bottom lip in retaliation.

"Good morning," she says when they break apart. His face is all goofy and love-slack and she kisses his cheek, pats his butt to get him moving.

In the SUV the kids are restless with excitement, so Rick chooses upbeat music that they can sing to and rock out from the confines of their car seats. The drive is only a half hour or so and they behave, mostly. Reece yells just to hear himself make noise, but Castle twists in his seat to give their son a warning look and he quiets down.

Anticipation blooms in the pit of Kate's stomach as they park the car and get the kids unloaded, head for the main barn in search of Jay and Abby. It's been such a long time since she's seen them and it's making her anxious.

Castle picks up on it. He's got Jake in his arms because their son is shy in crowds, takes a little while to warm up to a new situation. He shifts their son to his hip and slides his free hand into Kate's, squeezing her fingers.

They find Jay first, in the office of the barn. When he sees the five of them in the doorway he drops the ball of twine in his hands and opens his arms to them, brings Kate into a hug.

"Oh, Katie doll. Look at you. All grown up."

"I've been grown up for a while now," she laughs, and she kisses Jay's white-whiskered cheek. He smells earthy, like hayseed, just as he did when Kate was a timid girl haunting her mother's side.

"Stay right here," Jay instructs. He pokes his head out of the door and bellows for his wife. From the other end of the barn she calls back that she'll be a minute and he turns back for just a second to wink at the kids. "No, now. It's important."

Abby appears with an apron tied around her waist, exactly as Kate always pictures her. She's wiping her hands off on it, her eyes on their careful work instead of on her husband. "What is it? I was trying to get some visitors set up with their activity sheets."

"Hon," Jay says, and Abby finally lifts her head.

When she sees Kate and her family, her eyes immediately fill. Her mouth opens and a soft sound of wonder escapes. She hauls Kate into a hug, squeezing tight and cradling the back of her head in her palm.

"Katie," she breathes. "You're back. It's so good to see you, sugar."

Abby hugs Castle next, somehow managing to coddle him even though he towers at least a foot over her. He's laughing into it, his arms free to hug Abby back now that he's set Jake down. "Hey. Sorry we left it so long. We've been busy."

"I see that," Abby says. She sinks into a crouch to put herself on the same level as the kids, and she introduces herself to each of them individually. They each give their name and pride unfurls in Kate's chest at their good manners.

"You two made some gorgeous babies, Katherine."

"We're pretty proud of them," she laughs, letting her palm rest at the back of Jake's head. The kids are relaxing by increments and beginning to break away from the forest of their parents' legs. "I've got a little man here who's very excited to see some lambs."

Jay claps his hands together and bends down until he's eye to eye with Jake. "We've got two that were just born this morning. Would you like to meet them, young man?"

"Yes please," Jake whispers. He reaches for Kate's hand and she takes it, tucks his little fingers safe against her palm.

They follow Jay and Abby towards one of the smaller barns. Rick is holding Cosmo's leash and he falls a little behind because the dog is overwhelmed with the unfamiliar smells and he keeps stopping to poke his nose into things. Lily hands back with her dad, but the boys stick close to Kate.

"They're not in with the lambs that the public can see just yet. We usually like to give them a few days to get settled before we move them to the big barn," Jay explains.

The twins are rapt, their faces awestruck as Jay talks to them. At the far end of the barn there are a few pens, and two of them have a sheep and her lamb inside. Kate lifts Jake so he can see over the top of the fence, and Jay picks up Reece as well. She's a little surprised that her son goes so easily into this stranger's arms, and it sends a flare of concern through her. She'll bring it up with Rick later, if only so she can hear his reassurances.

One of the lambs is suckling at his mother's swollen teat, his greedy mouth opening and closing again and again. In the other pen, the second newborn seems to be finding his feet and he totters around in the hay. Every so often, his mother noses him forwards. Jake makes these little gasping sounds every time one of the lambs moves. His body is vibrating with excitement in Kate's arms and she holds him tight, chats to him a little bit about the lambs.

When Castle finally joins them he lifts Lily so she can see. Abby takes Cosmo's leash and she crouches to fuss over the dog, baby-talking to him and stroking his head.

"Daddy, them are so tiny," Jake tells his father, leaning out of Kate's arms so that he can see Rick.

Castle shifts so that Lily is half sitting on the fence and he doesn't have to take her full weight. His arm is still tight around her and she fists a hand in his shirt for balance. It frees Castle up a little bit, and he twists to see Jake.

"I remember when you and Reece were so tiny I could hold you in one hand."

Kate steps closer so that she can rest her cheek to her husband's shoulder. It's wonderful to watch their family growing up, but she misses the tiny warm bodies curled against her chest. It's a fierce thing that rears to life in her, and for half a second she wonders if they could have another.

No. They're done. Their family is perfect exactly like this, and her body wouldn't survive another pregnancy. If they even managed to get that far. And soon enough there'll be Alexis' baby to fuss over and hold close.

After a little while longer with the lambs, Abby leaves them to go back to welcoming visitors to the farm. She promises to come and find them later, and she kisses Kate's cheek before she goes. Jay takes them to the little petting zoo that he's set up for visitors to the farm to meet some of the livestock up close.

It's busy, kids of all ages clamouring to get a turn with the animals. Kate keeps a sharp eye out to make sure her kids aren't the ones doing the shoving, that they're keeping their pointy elbows to themselves. They're waiting patiently for a turn, Lily with a hand on each of her brothers' shoulders so that the three of them don't get separated.

While they keep watch, she and Castle chat to Jay about what the past decade has held for him and for the farm. They share their own stories too, or at least the easy to digest versions. Rick is very good at keeping it light, skirting neatly around the bloodshed to focus on the adventure and the victory.

When their children finally get to the front of the pen their delighted giggles ring out. Castle has the camera with him and he snaps pictures of them stroking the animals, capturing the joy on their faces. Reece takes a shine to one of the ducks and holds his hand out. The merry little bird butts his head against Reece's palm and he bubbles with laughter, turning over his shoulder to make sure Kate and Rick are watching.

Lily is wearing a skirt today, one of her favourite ones that falls to her knees in a thick grey wool. One of the goats pokes his head through a gap in the fence and takes the bottom of the skirt in his mouth. He chews slowly and Lily screams, calling for her mother to rescue her. Kate manages to squeeze her way in at Lily's side and once Jay has coaxed the skirt out of the goat's mouth, she accepts her daughter's distraught body into her arms.

"It's okay, baby girl," she does her best to soothe her daughter. Kate inspects the damage, finds the skirt a little tattered looking but no real harm done. "Tell you what, when we get back to the city we'll ask Gram to look at it for you, okay? She's great at making costumes isn't she."

It takes Lily a minute or two to calm down, the shock of the encounter rattling through her still. Kate is crouched with Lily between her knees, her face hidden against Kate's neck. Rick hovers next to them, his fingers brushing against the back of Lily's head.

The boys are mute and wide-eyed, clinging to their father's legs. At least one of them cries almost every day for one reason or another, but they very rarely see tears from their big sister. Castle herds them out of the way so some of the other visitors can take a turn with the animals.

Their sweet, wonderful boys wrap Lily in a hug and squeeze her until she giggles and lifts her arms to hug them back. She seems okay now and Kate straightens from her crouch, feels a little flare of protest come to life in her knees.

Jay told them that there are newly hatched chicks at the other end of the barn that they can hold if they want to, and Reece clamours to go and see them. The incubator that's housing the babies is tucked away, so it's quieter in this part of the barn. It means they can take their time.

Castle is the first to hold one of the babies. He cups his palms firmly around the fluffy little body and stoops to let the kids see. Lily strokes the chick's soft head with the tip of her finger. Kate has Cosmo now and the dog strains to sniff the chick. She doesn't think he would attack it, but she doesn't want the poor thing to be startled by Cosmo's long nose, so she keeps his leash short.

The kids get their own chicks to hold next. The teenager in charge instructs them to hold nice and firmly so the chicks feel secure, and the kids follow his instructions so exactly that Kate can't help her laughter.

"Mommy!" Reece turns back to see her. He's grinning so wide, and Castle snaps a picture of their son with the chick. "I'm holding a baby chicken."

"I see you, peanut. Good job holding him."

Rick takes a few more pictures, with Lily and Jake as well, and then they give the chicks back to the farmhand to take care of. There's a hand washing station at the door of the barn and Castle helps the kids to reach the basin, lifting them one at a time and making sure their hands are properly clean.

"Where to next, Mrs Castle?" he asks once they're done.

The farm has changed so much since she used to visit as a child and Kate chews on her lip while she considers it. "There's that hay bale maze. Remember, we raced?"

"I remember." He pulls a face and the kids laugh without even really knowing what they're laughing at. "Mommy beat me. She's just too fast for your old dad."

It takes them a little while to find the maze. They walk past the store that Jay and Abby stock with the produce from the farm, and Castle nudges her with his elbow. She assures him that they won't forget, that he can fill a whole basket with organic produce if he wants to. When they eventually find the maze, the kids hop around their knees and cling to one another's hands.

A different kid is in charge here, a cute little pixie of a girl who reminds Kate so sharply of Lily it's like a fist to the solar plexus. Her eyes fly to her husband, find him already wide-eyed and nodding at her. The girl ties a balloon around each of the kid's wrists. The hay bales are higher than Kate's waist, which puts them maybe an inch taller than Lily.

"Helps us not to lose them in there," the girl explains once she's tied the last balloon.

The kids disappear inside the maze, their three balloons bumping together a couple of feet above the hay bales. Kate and Rick head for the exit to wait, finding a picnic bench and claiming it as theirs. It's warming up now. They have a portable water bowl for Cosmo and Kate finds it in the backpack Rick's carrying, pours some bottled water into it for the dog.

"He's so spoilt," Castle laughs. He took off the backpack so Kate could see inside of it and it frees him up. He leans against the table behind them and wraps an arm around her shoulders. "I had a really good time when we visited here before, but this. . .it's so much better with the kids."

She agrees, and she turns her face towards his to steal a kiss. There are a few other people nearby, waiting for their own children to emerge, so Kate keeps it light and soft. When she separates from him she keeps her eyes closed a moment longer and she lets a smile unfurl at her mouth.

"I love you, Rick."

"Love you, too." He presses one last, fast kiss to her mouth and then he straightens again to keep an eye on the exit. The balloons are different colours for each group and their kids got red, so they can track their progress through the maze pretty accurately.

A few times they go down a blind alley and have to double back, but they make steady progress. Castle is so enthusiastic, leaning forward on the bench to watch the balloons make their methodical way towards the exit. When the kids finally emerge he cheers and gets to his feet, rushes to gather the three of them in a hug.

Kate holds back for just a second, wanting to give Castle a moment with them before she joins in. The four of them come to find her at the bench and the kids tell her all about the maze. Apparently there were laminated photographs stuck to the walls inside as part of an activity sheet they didn't pick up, and Reece is grumbling about it.

Rick scoops him up and sits down next to Kate on the bench, both arms tight around their son so he can't escape. He kisses the warmth of Reece's neck and he squirms, pleading with Rick to stop between his giggling breaths.

"We'll come back another time and get you guys the activity sheet so you can do it properly," Kate promises them. "Sorry guys. Mommy got distracted."

"It's okay Mom." Lily rests a hand at Kate's knee. "You were excited to see your friends."

Now that there's a lull, the kids start complaining of hunger. There's a cafe and they herd everyone towards it. There are a few tables outside and they secure one, tying Cosmo's leash to the leg. He sniffs around for a moment and then he curls up in the shade and closes his eyes.

Kate stays at the table with Reece while Castle takes the other two inside to choose something to eat, and then they switch. They have boxes for kids that come with a sandwich and a juice box and some fruit, so Kate orders one of those for Reece and a toasted sandwich for herself.

Back outside, Castle is on one side of the picnic bench and Jake and Lily are on the other. Kate makes to sit next to them and they shove on her butt, shaking their heads.

"No Mom," Lily tells her. "You sit beside Daddy and Reece sit here. Kids' side and Mom and Dad side."

She does as she's told and Castle chuckles into her ear, wraps his hot hand around her thigh beneath the table. The food comes out pretty quickly and they tuck in. Lily steals pieces of Kate's salad from her plate, but she's not about to tell her daughter to not eat lettuce.

Jake demands a bite of Castle's sandwich and then decides that he likes that one better. He pitches such a fit about it that Rick gives in and trades, winding up with a plain cheese sandwich from the kid's box. The sandwich is cut small for little hands and it's comical in Rick's giant ones, makes him look like a hulking cartoon of a man.

After everyone's finished eating and they've bussed their table they head for the store. The kids are getting cranky now, nap time fast approaching. Kate elects to wait outside with them and Cosmo, but Reece yells that he wants to go with Daddy.

Castle takes their son's hand and disappears inside the little store with him. The other two sit on the grass outside and fuss over the dog. Abby walks by a little way away and Kate calls out to catch her attention.

"Hey guys," she greets the kids when she reaches them. "Did you enjoy the farm?"

Their responses are mumbled and Kate huffs a breath, shaking her head. "Sorry. They're wiped out after so much fun. We're gonna head back to the cabin and get them down for their naps. Rick's just picking up some stuff."

Abby pokes her head inside the store and calls to the girl manning the register. "Alice, see Mr Castle there? Don't let him pay. It's on us."

Castle's immediate, indignant protests erupt from inside and Abby laughs, covering her hands with her ears and straightening up again. Kate is laughing too and she props one foot flat against the wall, her knee bent. "No one in this whole town is gonna let us pay for anything, are they."

"Katie-girl," Abby tsks. "There's not a soul around these parts that your dad hasn't helped in one way or another. We owe it to Jim to take care of his Katie and her little ones. And Johanna too. She was always the first to lend a hand."

"Yeah," Kate says. It comes out a little more wistfully than she really meant it to. She misses her mother, but memories like this are the ones worth dwelling on. As a little girl, she was so proud to be a Beckett, proud to be Jim and Johanna's daughter, and she hopes her own kids feel that way about her and Rick.

Castle emerges with one hand holding Reece's and the other carrying a bulging grocery bag. He's still grumbling, and he gets his mouth against Kate's ear. "I'm going to make a very sizeable and very anonymous donation."

"Sure babe," she laughs at him.

They're instructed to stay right where they are and Abby disappears for a minute, comes back with Jay in tow so that he can say goodbye as well. Tiredness is making the kids shy and they crowd around Castle's legs, hiding their faces against his thighs.

Kate hugs Jay and then Abby, burying her face against the older woman's neck for a moment. Something about Abby makes her feel like a little girl, seeking maternal comfort in a way she never really does from Martha. Castle gets his own hug from the two of them and they say their goodbyes, promise to be back soon.

"I've stopped believing those promises from you two," Abby laughs, but there's an acerbic edge to it. Forgetting your roots doesn't go over well around here, and Kate feels twin pink blooms of shame high up in her cheeks.

She sends Castle on ahead, feeling bad that he has to juggle three kids, the dog and the groceries, but she needs to do this. Abby's hands betray her age, the skin papery and fine when Kate takes them in hers.

"I know we haven't given you a reason to believe us so far, but our lives are a lot more stable now. Those kids are. . .they're our whole world. And I really want them to have the same wonderful memories of growing up here as I do. So I guess I won't promise to see you soon, but I will promise to try."

"We just missed you, doll," Jay says, and he squeezes Kate's shoulder. His voice is gruff but his face is kind, if weathered by so many years of caring for the farm. Abby squeezes Kate's hands and assures her that it doesn't matter how long, it's just wonderful to see them.

It's making her teary, which is just ridiculous, so she says goodbye again and goes to join her family. Castle has gotten everyone except himself loaded into the car, and he intercepts her on her way to the driver's side.

"Okay?"

"Yeah," she assures him. His arms come around her anyway and she lets herself get tucked beneath his chin, slides her own around his waist. "I wasn't expecting them to have aged so much."

Rick pulls back enough to see her face and he tugs on the end of her braid to make her smile. "How about we do our spring breaks here and our summers at the Hamptons? A new family tradition."

"I thought you wanted them to be well-travelled?"

"We'll go abroad in winter breaks," he says immediately.

It makes her laugh, and her husband bows his head to touch his happy mouth to hers.