Please let me know what you think. I've always felt (there's poem that said this) that until it's been read, a story is just ink on a page – so I'd like to hear from you.


CHAPTER 8: I DON'T THINK THERE'S A HALLMARK CARD FOR THIS OCCASION

YAMI'S POV

Usually I would have rested, finding Yugi's school routine no more appealing than did Kaiba – or Jonouchi for that matter. The difference was (unlike Jonouchi) Kaiba and I could escape its monotony.

Today however, I was too keyed up to relax, much less sleep, and the afternoon seemed endless. Beyond enquiring as to my well-being, and checking in at regular intervals, Yugi left me to my thoughts.

I thought I had calmed myself down by the time we walked home. It wasn't until Yugi turned on his computer, and I heard his strangled cry as he checked his email, that I realized I had been holding a breath in my phantom lungs. The message was simple:

"Your name is Atemu."

There was no signature line. None was needed. The email was from Kaiba Corporation.

"Atemu. I am Atemu," I said in wonder. I still had no memories. But Kaiba had given me back my name.

"This is great, Atemu," Yugi said. It was the first time someone had spoken my name in 3,000 years. I could feel the dust being blown off of its characters as he spoke.

"Yes. It is indeed wonderful."

"How does it feel?"

"Indescribable. I am still myself… and yet, now I am named. It feels too miraculous to be true."

"I guess I'll just have to keep saying your name, Atemu, until you get used to hearing it."

"If you call me 'Atemu' a thousand times, that will still be just a day in the face of the millennia it has been silent."

"If you want to see Kaiba privately to thank him, you're probably better off waiting until night," Yugi said.

"Thank you, aibou. I would appreciate the chance to see him." I said.

"Don't worry, I won't wait up for you."

"Aibou?" I asked, startled.

"You heard me. You have the night to yourself. Don't waste it," Yugi replied with a smirk that matched the best one Kaiba or I could offer.

It was not just gratitude towards Kaiba that sped my steps towards his mansion as soon as Yugi had retired for the night. I had shattered Kaiba's heart to save his soul – then tried to guide its rebuilding. That had created an obligation between us that had forestalled any other possibilities. For Yugi's permission could not erase Kaiba's sense of his own indebtedness, nor the constraints that imposed upon us. But magically, with a few keystrokes, Kaiba had leveled the playing field.

I felt truly reborn… and free to do what I had wanted to ever since Kaiba had stood atop Pegasus's Duel Tower and dared me to cut his throat with his cards.

"Why?" I asked Kaiba, when I had arrived at the mansion.

Kaiba shrugged. "Every man should know his own name," he said.

It was only then that I remembered – for all it had come to define him – 'Kaiba' had not been the name he was born with.

"Whatever debts you think are between us – they have been repaid," I stated.

"What else is between us but debts and obligations, rivalries and anger?" Kaiba asked, but without heat, as if hoping that once again, I would supply an answer.

"Whatever we choose," I said as I reached up to kiss him. He bent his head enough to let me, our lips making brief contact before he straightened up, once again out of reach.

Kaiba looked at me, like he could not believe what I was offering.

"Sorry I can't," he said far too flippantly. "I'm too busy fucking myself."

Kaiba had been the architect of Death-T. Yet, for the first time, I heard a note of shame in his voice.

"I know," I assured him.

I was not surprised sex was as much a part of their link as fighting. Both kept their feelings hidden, even from themselves… yet they would have felt (and resisted) the same pull to connect… to bond… as Yugi and I.

And they were both physical men.

"You know? You mean you… and Yugi?" he asked incredulously.

My lips twitched. "Possibly not as often as you and Seto, but yes. I am a part of Yugi. How could we not belong to each other in every way?" I saw his unconscious nod. "But this is different… the challenge of learning someone whose mind I do not dwell in."

KAIBA'S POV

Yami's lips were a breath away from mine. Seto had tricked me, or I had tricked myself, into intimacy. Yami, in his very transparency, was more dangerous.

"Openness is the most dangerous illusion of all," I told him.

"What if it's no illusion?"

"Even worse."

"Does that frighten you?" Yami asked.

I smiled. "You know better. Danger never frightens me. It excites me." Yami was wearing his confident look again, so I added, "It took you long enough."

"What?" Yami asked incredulously.

"I didn't think you were coming here each night because all you wanted was talk. You could have picked Yugi or one of his idiot friends for that."

Yami stepped back, shaking his head and crossing his arms. "No. This price is too high. I will go no further if you persist in pretending that my only interest in you is physical. I want you, Kaiba."

"Why do you have to preface everything with some sort of self-righteous speech?" I asked. "My interest in you isn't purely conversational either. I happen to prefer action – and lots of it – to words, any day, Atemu."

He smiled as I used his name, distracted for once. I leaned into him, backed him into the wall, and settled down for some serious tongue work. We were still in the hallway. I decided that privacy wasn't a bad option. I kicked the door open to my office. It was kind of fun stumbling inside groping each other, but after all the years we'd spent dueling each other, I wasn't in a mood for any more foreplay.

Yami wasn't some casual trick. We both knew that. I would never have bothered telling him his name if that's all he was. And he wasn't some half-assed version of myself that I could write off as a really cool wet dream. Yami was real, and he was going to ask for things I had never given anyone before – some measure of intimacy and trust. I was going to do it, but the last thing I wanted to do was talk about it first.

Yami, being Yami, however, wasn't quite done.

"Kaiba…"

For once there was a note of hesitation to his voice, which clued me in to what he was about to ask for. I let him stumble through his speech anyway. "Yugi is my host. I am using his body to channel my own… Even with me, Yugi has never been the one to… and he has never… I can not permit his body…"

I decided that if I wanted to get my rocks off before Yami turned into a pumpkin again, it was probably in my interest to help him out. And if I was going to make concessions, I was going to get some of my own back, first.

"Don't even bother asking," I said. I smirked at his downcast face; watched him swallow in disappointment.

"You could try begging," I added.

Yami looked at me, stunned. "Does that mean the answer is…"

I shrugged. "Hell, yes. The last thing I want is you distracted with worry about how this will affect Yugi's body, when I'd rather you were concentrating on more important matters. I learned something from fucking myself and getting done in return… either way works just fine. Besides…" I threw back my head and laughed. "The illusion of surrendering control… it's the ultimate taboo, and I love smashing it. You know all that bullshit people say about forbidden fruit? Well… they're right."

"Kaiba…" he said.

"Suddenly incapable of speech are we? Well, all I can say is you better have one talented mouth to make me feel like this is a fair exchange."

The smirk was back. "Is that a challenge?" Yami asked.

"Isn't it always?"

ATEMU'S POV

Kaiba dropped his pants and stood there, leaning slightly back, eyes glittering. Before he went on his back, did he expect me to drop to my knees and suck him off while he stood there watching?

This was Kaiba.

Of course he did.

I complied.

If he thought I would be embarrassed, Kaiba was being even more dense than usual. Years of staring at his body through every duel, of shielding stray fantasies from Yugi and finally even from myself, because it became a torment to think of them, had left no room for shyness.

There was only one detail that needed changing.

"As sexy as your trench coat is, I'd rather see your body," I said.

Kaiba shrugged himself out of his trench coat and shirt. They fell in waves around me.

The now bared muscles of his chest, his abdomen, jumped under my fingers as they brushed their way down his torso. If I had ever felt anything like this, it had been 3,000 years ago, and the memory had not lingered. I had been with Yugi, but this was different; this was a matter of bodies as well as souls. From the slightly startled look on Kaiba's face as my hands reached his groin, as I took him in my mouth, I would wager he felt the same.

It was not hard to comply with Kaiba's demand. It was a pleasure to hear his harsh breathing, to feel him strain against me, to drive him towards relief. To feel another… a different body, for the first time in 3,000 years… To be with Kaiba... to touch him, to taste him… it was like getting 3,000 years of sensations, of desires, satisfied in one rush of gluttony.

Kaiba waited until his breathing had returned to normal. Then he pulled up his pants, buckled the inevitable KC belt, and said, "Bedroom. Now."

He swept from the room, not looking to see if I followed, leaving his trench coat and shirt on the floor. I wondered what his staff (or Mokuba) would think, then shrugged and followed him out the door, closing it behind me.

I had never really thought about what Kaiba's bedroom would look like. At first glance, it was large, comfortable, and unrevealing; almost (but not quite) impersonal enough to be a guest room. Then I realized that sparse as the room was, it was also subtly eccentric. The walls were silver, shinning faintly in the lights from the hidden track lights in the ceiling. The ceiling itself was white. It gave the impression of being in an ice cave. Miniature holographic dragons seemed to be sleeping on his desk. Kaiba's bedroom was exotically jarring after the cheerful clutter of Yugi's.

Now that we were in his bedroom, I hesitated by the closed door. The break had given both of us a minute to cool down. I wondered if it had given Kaiba a chance to reconsider. That was fine, I tried to tell myself, although my still labored breathing gave lie to my thoughts. But I knew Kaiba this well: the only way he would become my lover was if the decision was his… and was made in cold blood.

Kaiba noticed my hesitation. "Don't tell me you expect me to back out now that I've gotten what I wanted? You should know by now, I always stand by my word – and you certainly lived up to your end of the bargain."

"That's not good enough, Kaiba," I said. "Not in this. I want nothing offered in payment. The only coin that can be given for desire, is an answering need."

"A very talented mouth, Atemu," Kaiba said, coming closer and running his thumb along my lower lip. "Do you think it would be possible for you to use it again for something besides speeches?"

I had needed for Kaiba to know that this was no casual fling. Kaiba, just as clearly, had no intention of discussing or acknowledging anything so close to an emotion. Perhaps Kaiba was right. In the face of what he had given me, in the face of what he was now offering – words were not needed. I gave up on talking, and yanked his head down so our lips could meet again.

That's when Kaiba lifted me up.

"I'd prefer not to get a crick in my neck," he said blandly, as I wrapped my legs around his hips.

"That wouldn't be a problem if we were lying down," I said.

The bed was, like Kaiba, resilient rather than soft. He was lying beneath me on it. I ran my tongue down his neck and heard him moan. I hoped instinct would carry me through the rest of the night.

Never had I cursed my lack of memories more.

I had absolutely no recollection of ever having done anything like this at all, except with Yugi, whose body and its reactions matched my own. And given the practiced way Kaiba had dropped his pants and leaned back, I doubted that he was similarly ignorant.

I hated ceding Kaiba any advantage, even such a transitory one as experience.

I was grateful, once again, that Yugi shared my preferences. Otherwise, I might have had to submit to the humiliation of having Kaiba guide my every move, and I was sure he would not have been as patient a teacher as Yugi. Luckily, I had Yugi's daydreams of Seto to fall back on, as well as my own. I had tried not to intrude on Yugi – after all, what could be more private than a man's fantasies? Now I was glad for all the times my restraint had broken.

I reached Kaiba's ear, slipped my tongue into its well, moved slightly to suck on the lobe. As Kaiba arched his neck back, moaning, I realized (with a sense of relief) that his reactions were the surest guide I could wish for.

Even in my fantasies, Kaiba never remained passive for long. Soon I was the one mimicking his moves, until we were matching each other lick for lick, touch for touch, and shiver for shiver. I broke the rhythm of this strange dance, only as I learned all the ways his response differed from mine: his nipples were more sensitive; his neck, less so. Kaiba was as quick a learner (for in the end isn't each new body a new experience?) and was as quick to exploit my weaknesses… until we were rolling across that large bed. Until it was hard to tell if we were making love or wrestling.

Then Kaiba groped in his nightstand for lubricant. And it hit me… this was really happening. Kaiba was really here… with me… beneath me. I was truly in Kaiba's bed… feeling my own body as it now moved inside of his… feeling his body as it responded. Each of us distinct, and yet gloriously fused… our separateness making our merger that much sweeter. Kaiba's moans, low and guttural, sounded in my ears, joining with my own screams, wondering and finally ecstatic… until our voices were as individual and as mingled as our bodies.

Afterwards, I held him tightly, fiercely, as if I would hold on to each second as it passed. I marveled at the feel of the leanness in his body, a leanness that was more than physical – and so different from the leanness of mine. I held him until I felt his muscles relax – and realized that Kaiba had fallen asleep.

I sat up a little to look at him. I had never seen him so relaxed, never realized his lips were so soft as I watched them purse in and out with each breath.

But I wasn't surprised to see those blue eyes suddenly open… to see Seto sit up in Kaiba's place. He would not have intruded, any more than Yugi, but he would not have remained totally ignorant, either.

"I suppose it was inevitable," Seto said.

I nodded.

"You actually care?" he asked, puzzled. "This isn't a princely whim?"

"I care," I confirmed.

"Even when I realized you didn't remember your name, I didn't want to admit what that meant," he said sadly. "It is true, though. You no longer remember what it means to be a god. And yet, how can a god forget who he is? How can a god turn mortal?"

"I don't know. I only know that tonight I have been given a second gift beyond the reach of gods."

Seto hesitated, then asked, "Are you staying the night?"

I smiled. In his own way Seto was as protective of Kaiba, as I of Yugi.

I nodded. "I talked to Yugi. I won't be able to stay until dawn every night, but I didn't want Kaiba to wake up alone."

Seto nodded and yawned, as if he too, could go to sleep now.

KAIBA'S POV

I awoke slowly… feeling warm… feeling real, solid arms holding me. Sleep or surprise slowed my reaction. I assumed he'd be gone. As if to prove to myself he was real, I traced his lips with my finger.

His eyes opened. I was relieved they were still crimson.

"You didn't have to stay," I said harshly.

He stared at me with the patience I had seen him show in our duels. My words hung between us; not quite a lie, but not quite the truth, either. I was glad he was here. I leaned over and kissed the lips I had just touched, felt his tongue melt under mine.

"This is where I wanted to be," he said.

I could feel him under me; could feel his arousal. As I touched him, I could feel his body becoming boneless and tense at the same time. Although Yami had never lied to me, I would not have believed his words the way I believed his body.

And he had answered the questions I hadn't asked. He must have been serious about our obligations being even. Even better, last night hadn't been another game, yet another way to prove that he was the one on top. He was here because he wanted me as badly as I wanted him. And he had stayed the night, even though I'd been asleep, had stayed to see me wake up.

It had been generous of Yugi, but it was almost dawn, and both Yami and I had other demands on our time. I got out of bed.

"I knew it would be all too short a time before you remembered your many responsibilities," Yami commented.

"I have to go to work, and you have to return – and we both know the score," I answered.

"May I come back later tonight after Yugi is asleep?"

"Why?" I asked.

"Because I want to," Yami said, simply.

I looked at him sharply, gauging his sincerity. I nodded.

'I'll be waiting,' I thought.

"I'll be awake," I answered.


Thanks to Clarity and Bnomiko for editing this chapter.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: It's funny, but when I tried to think of the moment when Yami might have truly realized his attraction for Kaiba, that scene at Duelist's Kingdom, where Kaiba is standing on top of Pegasus's Tower is what came to mind – probably because although Yami almost kills him, it's one of the emotionally charged scenes between them, and in an odd way shows Kaiba at his slightly crazed, passionate, reckless best. I realize this was a pretty abrupt transition, but I couldn't really see the Yami and Kaiba in this particular story wasting time by moving slowly, especially since so much of the story is about the lack of time.

SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION (AND SPOILER WARNING): (Do I get points for honesty?) Anyway, I have started a new story, The Newly Revised Book of the Dead. It starts the moment the manga ends (so it's a spoiler for the end of the series) and sends Kaiba on a quest.