Okay, so I totally didn't mean to freak you guys out THAT much!!! Pls don't hate me! I would never kill Blair!
Should probably have done the whole thing in italics, but I hate reading them myself so I decided against it...and that might have been too obvious ;)
Still, I own nothing. The song is the Goo Goo Dolls - "Stay With You". It's just awsome
Aaand. a lil warning for sexual content (I'm way out of my own comfort zone. haha)
It is still in the middle of the night and the room is dark. He tossing and turning is what wakes her up. An elbow in her ribs as he flips around violently, mumbling something she can't quite hear. Stroking his cheek, trying to soothe him, but it doesn't work.
When she realizes that the barely there mumbles is in fact him saying her name, she nudges him carefully. Trying to wake him up and end his distress.
"Chuck?" She whispers, leaning over him, nudging his shoulder again. "Chuck? Wake up; it is okay."
"Blair?" He is still sleeping, his voice a higher pitch now. A frown on his forehead, grabbing a hold of her arm. He seems even more troubled now so she shoves him again, harder.
"Chuck!" Louder this time.
It is only good reflexes on her side that keep their heads from crashing together as he wakes up - sitting up abruptly. Gasping for breath. Still holding on to her arm for dear life.
She nuzzles closer behind him putting her other arm around him, her chin leaning against his heaving shoulder. She can feel his heart beating furiously in his chest.
"You were dreaming, it is okay" She whispers soothingly in his ear. Her arm stroking up and down his chest trying to calm him down. "I am right here."
And then it is her heart that misses a beat when he suddenly leaps to his feet, struggling to keep his balance as he is tangled in the sheets. Kicking frantically to free himself before succeeding and regaining his balance. Pulling himself away from her, stumbling in the direction of the armchair in the corner - sitting down. His elbows resting on his knees as he sits there holding his head in his hands. Still trying to catch his breath.
*¨*¨*¨*¨*¨*
It takes him a few seconds to realize it was all a dream. To come back to this world, feeling her arms around him as he sits there gasping for breath. Hearing her whisper softly in his ear; 'I am right here' the nightmare comes rushing back to him, and in that second he is terrified once again.
Because he knows that even though the horrible tevents he just suffered through were all a dream – they are still the truth.
He will fuck this up; he is his father's son. He will destroy any fraction of a good thing in his life, in her, even thought she has so much of it. He doesn't deserve her - he doesn't even come close to deserving her.
And most importantly - she is not safe around him. Everyone he loves - or could have loved – all end up dead. And with a hint of the excruciating feeling from his dream still echoing in his chest, he knows that she is the only good thing left in his life and he needs her safe. Even if it means far away from him, his heart cringing at the thought of it.
"Why?" The question is out there before he manages to stop himself from asking it.
"What? What do you mean 'why'?" She says and he can hear the confusion in her voice.
"Why are you here, Blair?"
There is no answer from her and so he looks up. She is sitting on the bed, wearing the pyjama shirt that goes with the bottoms he is wearing himself, looking straight at him with a puzzled look on her face.
*¨*¨*¨*¨*¨*
She is sitting there, wondering what he has been through in his dreams causing him to lash out at her like this. What happened there that has him once again trying to push her away?
Normal everyday Blair would be furious right now, throwing his question back in his face. Asking him what the hell is wrong with him. But not today, not this time. This time she doesn't quite know what to say. So instead she just sits there and waits for him to get it all off his chest. Sensing that there is still more to come.
*¨*¨*¨*¨*¨*
Getting no response he starts moving impatiently around in the room. Waiting for her answer, steaming of annoyance, as she just sits there silently. Watching him as he paces back and forth.
"Would you say something?!" he finally snaps.
And when she finally opens her mouth, the words are not what he was expecting as she asks him;
"Do you want me here, Chuck?"
"That has nothing to do with it! Would you just answer the question?" He growls, shooting her a cold look.
And when he glances over to her, she is looking at him with a patient expression on her face, making him feel even more annoyed. Needing her to say something in response.
"You shouldn't be here, can't you see? Nothing good can come from this" He blurts "I am poison! Everyone dies, Blair, everyone! Because of me…"
He can feel tears burning in the corners of his eyes as he slumps back into the armchair. He is just so tired. Tired down to the bone. And he doesn't have the strength to fight her. Doesn't have the strength to tell her horrible things, scream and shout. Doesn't have the strength to do whatever it takes to make her leave.
So instead he offers her his truth – plain and simple. Hoping and praying that she will know what is best for her and leave him. Not allow him to drag her with him as he falls.
*¨*¨*¨*¨*¨*
She walks up to him as he sits in the armchair, pressing his thumb and index finger against the inside corners of his eyes. The sound of her feet muffled against the carpet. She can tell that he is both confused and completely exhausted.
"I can't hurt you too" his voice is strained, barely there. "I just…can't. My father…everything. It is my fault. I will destroy this, us, I will hurt you. That is who I am."
And her heart is once again aching for him and she racks her brains for the right things to say and a way to say them that will make him understand just how wrong he is. But there is no lavish way, no pretty words. Just the truth
"It is not you fault" She says. He frowns at the sound of her words, inching his body away from her as she is standing there in front of him. But she won't give up, not this time, not ever. So she continues, not giving him the chance to protest;
"It is not your fault, Chuck! You are not that person you believe you are. I know you." She says persistently. Putting as much force into her words as possible.
"It was an accident, accidents happen! And I know that it is horrible, and unfair - and that it hurts so badly it makes you feel like you are dying on the inside." She can tell that she is close to ranting but she can't stop the words from pouring out. He needs to hear this, she knows that, and she will tell him over and over again if necessary.
"But it isn't your fault. None of it, and I know you don't believe me when I tell you that it isn't, but I am right!"
He shoots her a look telling her that – as she said - he doesn't. But she can also see a hint of doubt and hesitation in his eyes. See him wanting to believe what she is saying but finding it impossible.
"I know you don't believe me now but you will. Things will change and you will believe me. Someday", she says taking his face between her hands, everything she needs to tell him not yet said.
"Someday. And I will wait for you until that day, and if you run from me I will chase after you and run with you. Because…"
She stops, looking into his eyes, reduced to dark pools of sadness and resignation. Hoping that he won't cut her off this time. That he will allow her to say those words – her truth. Because in all honesty she is tired too, and she doesn't want to chase after him, she wants him to stay right where he is, right here with her.
She wants him to stay where he belongs.
"…Because I love you…and there is nothing you can do to me that will hurt me more than leaving me. Telling me you don't want me anymore." She continues, studying his features hesitantly, waiting for her words to sink in.
"So I am gonna ask you again." She fixates his eyes with hers. Her heart beating violently in her chest. A rush of fear shooting down her spine as she speaks again;
"Do you want me here, Chuck? Do you want me?
*¨*¨*¨*¨*¨*
Just like the last time he knows what she is about to say, he can tell from the look in her eyes. But this time he doesn't panic and shout at her to make her stop. This time there is something inside of him causing him to stay still, holding his breath as she tells him those three words that no one has ever said to him before. The ones that he still doesn't fully believe that he deserves.
But as she says those very words he can feel his heart crushing against the walls of his chest and he knows that he can't run from her. And that even if he did she would still be what his world revolved around.
He can't speak. Doesn't know how to put these feelings into words. Too scared to choose the wrong ones and mess it all up.
So instead he reaches out for her, his fingers grasping her wrists, pulling her towards him. A little shocked at first when she doesn't curl up in his lap but puts one knee on each side of his legs, straddling him. Her arms sliding around his neck before she leans in. Her soft lips brushing against his,
He sits there as if paralyzed at first while she moves her attention to his neck. Her lips brushing against his skin sending electric shocks down his spine. Suddenly regaining mobility as her teeth scrapes over the sensitive skin causing him to groan. A fire starting to light up inside of him as she kisses his lips again, pressing her curves against his body.
*¨*¨*¨*¨*¨*
She can feel him tense up – hesitantly – but then smiles against his neck when she hears the groan escaping his mouth. Kissing him again she can feel him starting to return the kiss. Cautiously at first but then deepening it, his hands brushing up her sides underneath the navy silk of the shirt. And the smile on her lips is replaced with a gasp as he cups her breasts, his thumbs stroking, sending shivers through her body.
Pushing herself further against him, grinding her hips and feeling him tremble. The fire inside of them both intensifying she breaks off the kiss and looks at him, his eyes filled with the same desire she knows must be present in her own as she leans in whispering in his ear;
"Bed, now"
She can feel him smiling against her mouth as he covers it with his once again. And without letting go of her he gets on his feet. Her legs around his waist as he stumbles over to the bed and lay her down onto the sheets with him on top of her. It has been so long since she has felt his hands roaming freely over her body, him pressing against her thigh.
She is relishing in the sensation of his lips on her burning skin as she finds herself thinking that it is different from before somehow – that it is as if every tough and every kiss is laced with something more. That is what she is thinking, until his fingers are replaced by his tongue pushing any cohesive thought out of her head.
*¨*¨*¨*¨*¨*
I'll stay with you
The walls will fall before we do
Take my hand now
We'll run forever
I can feel the storm inside you
I'll stay with you
