May's Awesomely Youthful and Stupendously Unique Expedition
Story Written by Freedom Fighter

As you've noticed, I've dropped the 'rated PG-13 just to be safe' blurb because I think the fic has crossed enough lines to put it firmly in that rating's range. That doesn't mean the remaining chapters will be any more violent or raunchy than I've already planned them to be.

That being said, on with the next chapter!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters portrayed in this fanfic. They all belong to Nintendo and Pokémon USA.


Chapter Seven (03.29.07)

Town Square

Everyone was gathered in the square for the weekly Town Meeting, but all of them were asleep... save for the one currently talking to the crowd, Octillery.

"And that's how I saved the rainforest using a paperclip, a hair scrunchie, and the voice of Bette Midler!"

"BOOOOOOOO!" booed Shiftry, the only other one who stayed awake the entire time. "The writer was right! You suck!"

"I'm going to ignore that remark and call up the next speaker..."

With that, the entire crowd woke up at attention.

"Because even though I'm the highest-ranking Rescue Team Captain in town since Alakazam and his team are down in the Magma Cavern, I'm leaving it to our lowly banker to inform you of an important announcement."

Octillery stepped aside and Persian took her place on stage, to the applause of the audience.

"Ahem... I love Wigglytuff!"

The audience suddenly went silent again, then all their eyes turned towards Wigglytuff and Kangaskhan, where Kangaskhan had just lashed Wigglytuff with a series of jabs of Comet Punch.

"Uh..." Persian corrected. "I meant that I love Kangaskhan!"

Kangaskhan stopped attacking and flashed a smile. But then Wigglytuff retaliated by using Double Slap, whacking her rival silly.

"Wait!" he yelled as he ran off the stage towards them. "There's enough Persian for the both of you!"

"Enough hyjinks from the minor characters!" Gengar exclaimed as he jumped up on stage. "It's time to talk about why we're here today!"

"I've got a frog in my throat and it won't come out!" shouted Golem.

"Drew agreed to drop that floozy May and go out with me!" declared Shiftry.

"Locke got killed off on 'Lost' last night!" stated Medicham.

Ekans whacked Medicham over the head. "Thanks for spoiling! I taped it last night!"

"Meta metapod pod pod, Metapod!" screamed Metapod.

(Caption Translation - In two hours, I'll be able to speak English, yep!)

"Those are all very good reasons... save for yours, Metapod... but NO! We're here because that little tramp May is coming back into town sometime today!"

"May's coming back?" squealed Caterpie. "I gotta get ready!"

Caterpie spurted String Shot all over her body, leaving her covered in the gooey substance.

"Okay, even I was turned on by that," sweatdropped Gengar. "Anyway, we've gotta teach her a lesson for those days and days of chasing after her we all had to do!"

"So what's the plan, o fearless leader?" Ekans asked.

"The plan is to..."

"Welcome me back with open arms!"

The towns-mon turned to their left and saw May standing there, laughing heartily with a sense of accomplishment as she looked at the very ones who had chased her out of town.

"Finally, May's Expedition has come back to... to... to... uh, just what is the town named, by the way?"

"Uh..." Gengar tried to think.

"Never mind, I'll name it myself! Now, as I was saying... finally, May's Expedition has come back... to... White Base!"

"White... Base?" everyone asked as they looked around the square in confusion.

"Come on, darling!" Gengar rolled his eyes in disgust. "You think American anime fans care about 'Mobile Suit Gundam?' You try and force that old farce on them, and they'll say, 'Well, it's no 'Gundam Wing.''"

"Heero..." Blastoise, Octillery, Ekans, and the female Kecleon all sighed in unison. "You can try and kill yourself for us any day!"

"You all have no appreciation for the classics," May shook her head.

"Like 'Monster Rancher,'" Bulbasaur as he walked into the square.

May shot him an ominous glare.

"What?" responded Bulbasaur.

"You're alive?" Medicham gasped with shock.

"But didn't you die last chapter?" inquired Ekans. "Three times?"

"Guess I've got nine lives," answered Bulbasaur.

"Then you won't mind if I borrow one?" asked Absol as he walked in.

"Everyone," May introduced, "meet the newest member of Team Chic... Absol!"

"You're looking at the Pokémon of the Hour! As part of May's Rescue Team, you can bet that our success rate will jump to 120 percent!"

"Yeah!" Gengar clapped. "Another idiot who sucks at math! You'll fit right in with May's misfits!"

"If you've got something to say about my team," May said, stomping over and sticking her face in front of Gengar, "then say it to my face!"

"Don't GO there, girlfriend!" Gengar growled back.

But before the staring contest could turn into a brawl, Pelipper, who had apparently been skipping the town meeting up to this point, flew in with a slew of mail.

"Special Delivery!" she squawked as she starting dropping an extra edition of the town's Pokémon News newspaper at everyone's feet. "Pokémon News Extra, fresh off the printing press!"

Everyone reached up to catch the papers as they fell to them... without falling apart on the way down, surprisingly.

"Throw it here!" May exclaimed, waving both wings in the air.

Pelipper did throw something at May, but it wasn't a newspaper. It was another bill.

"What the..." May questioned as she opened it and Bulbasaur and Absol gathered around her. "I owe you even MORE?"

"There's several 250 Poké penalties for not paying on time," noted Bulbasaur. Oh, and 5,000 Poké for deactivation service."

"I have to pay to NOT have mail delivered to me? How logical is that?"

"Whoa..." remarked Ash, looking at the total. "I've never seen so many numbers in one... number."

As Pelipper flew back to the Post Office, Caterpie and Metapod ran over to offer Team Chic a glance at the newspaper.

"I knew you didn't do it, May!" Caterpie stated gleefully.

May read the top headline aloud.

"May Not the Pokémon of Legend After All. Jury Still Out on if She's This Decade's 'Danger-Prone Daphne.'"

"Hey, this paper says May's not the one!" shouted Gulpin. "And if the paper says that, then it must be true! Because newspaper journalists are compelled to always print nothing but the truth!"

"YEAH!" yelled the crowd.

After reading the headline, Gengar crumpled the newspaper up at anger and threw it to the ground. He walked towards May, and Ekans and Medicham followed suit. The crowd parted to let them come through, and once again May and Gengar were face-to-face.

"You may have won this round, but this game adaptation is far from over! Mark my words, May... you will pay for upstaging Team Meanies!"

Gengar shot glares at Bulbasaur and Absol, then headed out of town and towards Team Meanies' HQ. Ekans and Medicham left as well, making crude faces and sticking their tongues out as they left the square.

"Good riddance to bad rubbish!" Bulbasaur said with a smile.

"There's another headline!" cut in Absol. "Team Alakazam Still Missing. All-Star Team to be Sent to Locate Them!"

"If the paper says that, it must be true!" repeated Gulpin.

"YEAH!"

"But... whom shall we send?" asked Persian.

"I'll take the case!" shouted Octillery enthusiastic.

"YEAH!" cheered the crowd. "MAYBE SHE'LL DIE ON THE WAY AND WON'T COME BACK!"

"Then I'm taking Blastoise and Golem with me!" Octillery said in anger, grabbing the two Rescue Team Captains with her tentacles. "At least if I don't come back, I'm not not coming back with these two!"

"But we wanted to stay for next week's Annual Natural Gas Explosion!" they pouted. "Some poor Pokémon always dies in a comedic way in those!"

"They should've given this role to Officer Jenny," Octillery grumbled as she dragged Blastoise and Golem away.

"And that ends this week's town meeting," declared Persian. "The donut and sandwich reception is being held at Whiscash Pond."

"What?" the Kecleon shouted. "No rice balls?"

"DONUTS AND SANDWICHES! Was before, is now, WILL ALWAYS BE!"


That night...

"So... you've been waiting for me tonight?"

"Darn straight! Three hours, in fact!"

Gardevoir sighed. "I guess I should be happy that you're not mad that I kept you waiting, but I've come to tell you tonight of my true role in this game!"

"You mean... haunting my dreams isn't your true role?"

"Nope. Actually, my true role is to be the Agent of Spirits! By entering others' dreams, I can guide them towards their true calling in life!"

"Like me winning a Grand Festival before you or Harley?"

"Don't be ridiculous. I'll win one way before you."

"So, if that isn't my true calling... according to you... then what is it?"

Gardevoir opened his mouth, but then the ground began to shake, ending the dream before May could get her answer.


The next morning...

May stomped out of Team Chic Headquarters, angry that her dream sequence had been interrupted by another random act of nature.

"Drew and I were so close that time to... to... I don't know what, but we were SO close!"

"Someone's not in a good mood," suspected Bulbasaur as he walked up. "But you will be in a moment!"

"What makes you think THAT?"

Bulbasaur smirked. "I have a feeling a certain someone won't be accompanying us on our mission today!"

"Absol's not coming? And what do you mean by mission? Pelipper won't deliver mail to us because I refuse to pay for service... remember?"

"Why worry about mail when Pokémon who need help just walk up to us and ask for it?"

Enter Wynaut and Wobbuffet, who waddled up to May and Bulbasaur.

"Please help us!" begged Wynaut.

"See?" Bulbasaur pointed out.

"There's these three Mankey... they're wrecking everything in the Uproar Forest... there's quite an uproar over it."

"No worries, Mollie!" May reassured her. "We'll put a stop to those raging Mankey!"

"Mollie?" questioned Bulbasaur.

"Yes. She's the girl that what's-her-name ended up taking under her wing instead of Brock. Now... what was her name again?"

"Wasn't it Yuma?"

"Naaaahhh. That COULDN'T be it!"

"Wobbuffet!" Wobbuffet chirped.

"And that must be another one of your friends who, like, that Metapod, can only speak Pokémon!" deduced Bulbasaur.

"Actually, that's Team Rocket's Wobbuffet. He's an actual Pokémon! See? The casting director DOES knows what he's doing!"

"Wobba wobba!"

"Whatever you say, May..."


Uproar Forest 9F

"Ninth floor already?" May noted. "Wow... this is WAY too easy!"

"No wonder the Mankey are wreaking havoc with ease," Bulbasaur said as he looked at the trashed surroundings. "All of the Pokémon here are weaklings!"

All of a sudden, May spotted something on the path just ahead. It wasn't a Pokémon... it was a Chestnut.

"Is this food? It doesn't look edible..."

"I say we keep it! It's gotta be worth something!"

"If you say so..."


Uproar Forest 10F

Coming into a clearing, May and Bulbasaur spotted three Mankey dancing on top of a pile of fruits, vegetables, and Togepi plush dolls, hollering like savages as they celebrated their giant haul.

"Excuse me!" interrupted May. "Can we talk to you for a second? Please?"

The Mankey stopped what they were doing and turned their attention towards May. May was taken aback for a second at the trio glaring at her, but she gathered herself and continued on.

"We've gotten complaints about how you're bothering the other residents of the forest. So, on their behalf, I'd like to ask if you could please stop? We'd all really appreciate it!"

The Mankey glanced up to the sky, as if they were thinking about it, then they huddled up to discuss May's proposal. May and Bulbasaur waited patiently for about a minute before the Mankey broke their conference and prepared to render their decision.

"So..." initiated May, "do we have a deal?"

One of the Mankey held up a sign that read 'You rock! You rule!'

"Is he complimenting or insulting us?" Bulbasaur sweatdropped.

Suddenly, the three Mankey leaped from the pile and jumped towards May. Instinctively, May hopped to her left to avoid the attacking trio. Bulbasaur, on the other hand, didn't, and was instantly smothered by the group.

"Hey... ow!" he yelled through the melee of punches and kicks. "Didn't I get enough punishment last chapter?"

Bulbasaur broke free from the fight and started running back towards town. The three Mankey, in a fit of rage, chased after him. May sighed in relief... sort of...

"Well, at least we got them out of the Uproar Forest..."


Team Chic Headquarters

May returned to the team base about half an hour later, where Wynaut and Wobbuffet were consoling an exhausted, but still breathing, Bulbasaur.

"So..." May chuckled nervously, "they didn't beat you to a pulp..."

"Nice looking out, partner!" Bulbasaur remarked sarcastically.

"Still, you got the Mankey to leave," Wynaut told them. "And that's what counts!"

"Wobbuffet!" Wobbuffet agreed.

"Here's a reward for all your hard work!"

Wobbuffet reached into a backpack, which May had just noticed he had been wearing the whole time, and pulled out... a Chestnut!

"THAT'S OUR REWARD?" Bulbasaur yelled. "I GOT BEAT TO WITHIN AN INCH OF MY LIFE, AND ALL WE GET IS A STUPID CHESTNUT?"

"But..." May said as she pulled out the one she got from Uproar Forest, "mine doesn't look like yours. It's like it's... missing something."

"This is a Peeled Chestnut!" explained Wynaut. "It's called so because the spiky shell has been peeled off. Simple, no?"

"I don't get how that's better than a regular old Chestnut."

"Wobba!" Wobbuffet interrupted, pointing at the path leading in from out of town.

May and the others followed Wobbuffet's eyes to where he was pointing. They then gasped when they saw the three Mankey running towards them.

"They followed us here?" screamed May and Bulbasaur.

The three Mankey skidded to a stop in front of the group. But they didn't seem to be angry at all. In fact, they were... happy.

"Is it just me, or do their smiles look creepy?" asked Bulbasaur.

May, Wynaut, and Wobbuffet nodded in agreement. Another one of the Mankey produced a sign out of thin air and held it up. This one read 'Now, join me on stage!'

"Uh..." May looked at Bulbasaur and then back at the Mankey again. "Okay..."

May took a step forward, and then got subsequently pounded on the head by that same Mankey. May quickly jumped back in line.

"Ow! What was that for? I did what you said!"

The Mankey then pointed at Wynaut. Or, more specifically, the Peeled Chestnut she was holding in her arms.

"I think they want the Peeled Chestnut."

As Wynaut stepped forward to give it to them, the third Mankey held up a sign of his own. It read 'I've been standing on the sidelines long enough!' He then stepped forward, and snatched the chestnut right from Wynaut's hands. Wynaut quickly stepped back as the three Mankey gathered around the Peeled Chestnut.

"What do you think they're doing?" wondered Bulbasaur.

"Probably figuring out how to split it three ways, I wager," guessed May.

The first Mankey, supposedly the leader, made May a prophet as he used Karate Chop to indeed split the Peeled Chestnut into three equal pieces. Once it was done, the Mankey quickly ate their shares up.

"I guess they were just looking for something to eat," May told the others. "They should be fine now. But something still bothers me. Who's voicing them?"

Satisfied with the 'gift' they received, each of the Mankey produced handheld markerboards. They each scribbled something on their boards, then held them up for May to read aloud, from left to right.

"Jimmy... Marina... Vincent. Ah, I see... that must be the names of the characters from the anime who are voicing the Mankey!"

The three nodded in unison.

"Who are they?" Bulbasaur asked.

"I haven't a clue," May said, shrugging her shoulders.

The Mankey cleaned their boards and scribbled more for May to read.

"Legend of... Thunder... Pokémon Chronicles."

"What's that?"

May shrugged her shoulders again. "I think it was that side series that ran adjacent to the main show."

"They're writing again!" pointed out Wynaut.

This time, they wrote...

"Enough of this... Time to... let us talk. Hmmm... I guess they're talking to the producer."

May, Bulbasaur, Wynaut, and the three Mankey turned to... Wobbuffet?

"Wo... wobba?"

Wobbuffet clapped his hands once, and after a quick flash of light...

"Wobbuffet!" he shouted out, signifying it was done.

The Mankey on the left and the right tried to talk. When no sound came out of their mouths, they both went back to their boards. In seconds, both of theirs read 'What gives?'

"I can talk?" chirped the Mankey in the middle. "I can TALK!"

"Uh..." uttered May, Bulbasaur, and Wynaut.

"FINALLY! That's no way to treat a future Pokémon Idol, now is it? I just don't know what I'd do if people couldn't hear the beautiful voice that goes with my beautiful figure!"

"That's beautiful?" Bulbasaur muttered out loud. "Sounds like nails on a chalkboard."

"DON'T MAKE ME USE MY ENCHANTIX ON YOU!" she yelled at him.

"She's only voiced two shows, and she'll be remembered more for the non-Pokémon one," sweatdropped May.

"But if her voice is so grating," wondered Wynaut, "then why did Wobbuffet only let her actually speak? Hmmm..."

May and Wynaut turned towards Wobbuffet, who responded by sweating profusely and turning blue in the face. A darker shade of blue. Bulbasaur peered over at the other two Mankey, who had something new to say... to Wobbuffet.

"You... pig..." Bulbasaur read aloud.

"I should've known," May shook her head.

The 'talking' Mankey glanced back at her companions and winked at them.

"I promise I'll make it up to you two later. With interest."

The other two Mankey smiled goofily, then wrote one last thing on their boards. They both wrote 'Marry me, Marina!'

"I hate to break up the love triangle," May interrupted, "but if you guys are done, I'd like to get on with my life as a preteen Pokémon!"

"Not so fast!" the 'talking' one wagged her finger. "We have to repay your kindness. Boys... get to it!"

May, Bulbasaur, Wynaut, and Wobbuffet stepped aside as the other two Mankey went to work examining the exterior of Team Chic's base.

"What are they..."

"We're giving your base a makeover! Because plain is SO two centuries ago! Trust me, darling, you'll thank me for it!"

"How long will it take?" Bulbasaur asked as the two male Mankey began to take the exterior apart.

"A week, maybe two tops."

"Then... wouldn't it be a bit faster if you helped?"

"You're joking, right? You want ME to go up there and risk breaking a nail? Do you think I'm THAT shallow?"

"YES!" yelled May's foursome.

"Look, just go off and do those rescue thingies you do. I promise that you'll love what we're gonna do to the place! Now go, GO!"


Two hours later, Silent Chasm 1F

"So, you said you pulled this off the Bulletin Board?"

"Yeah, May! It's legit! So stop worrying!"

"I worry because we haven't done that many missions yet that weren't required to be completed in order to get through the storyline!"

"This'll be easy, I swear! It's a simple escort mission."

Cue ominous music... bum bum BUMMMMMMMMMMM!

"I still don't quite understand why we have a music composer in a fanfic, but whatever. So... who are we escorting?"

May and Bulbasaur turned the corner and spotted their client waiting for them. He resembled a Nidorino, but he was covered in... paper mache?

"VIVA PINATA!" May and Bulbasaur yelled.

Pulling out plastic bats from their packs, the two ran over and went to go demolish it.

"Oh G..." Nidorino managed to utter before being cut off.

The chasm then went dark as sounds of destruction and somewhat premeditated murder filled the air. After about ten seconds of that, the whacking stopped... and May and Bulbasaur could be heard talking again.

"Uh oh..." realized Bulbasaur. "I think we're in trouble now."

"Why?" May asked. "Because we just whacked off a major character of the anime?"

"No... because we told too many 4Kids jokes. Now they're threatening to sue us."

May laughed hysterically. "Stop kidding around! They wouldn't do that!"

Dead frozen silence.

"Ooh boy..."

To be continued...

Character Guide, Part Seven: Some more fun, some more new cast members! Welcome to the party (in order of appearance)...

Mollie (Gardenia Coordinator, "What I Did for Love") as Wynaut
Wobbuffet (of Team Rocket) as Wobbuffet
Jimmy, Marina, and Vincent ("The Legend of Thunder") as the Mankey trio

? as Nidorino