Holy sweet Grilled Cheesus, can you believe that it's already Chapter Eight?

We've had so much fun writing this, and I get so caught up in it every single time! I just know I'm going to be sad when it's over…anyway…

SquirrelzAttack here! And, surprisingly, none of you were able to guess Blaine's audition song! Well, I guess it's not surprising. There are thousands of songs. But still. =) I have been DYING to read/write this chapter since we planned it out! I'll tell you why in the AN at the bottom, so as not to give anything away. =)

I hope you enjoy reading this as much as we enjoyed writing it!


Kurt.

It had been a pretty good day, right up until Kurt Hummel entered the choir room for solo auditions.

Kurt had found what he thought was the trick to making things work. Treat every single day like it was normal, focus so hard on school, audition practice and his expansive collection of Vogue that nothing else could penetrate his brain, and not look at Blaine. The latter was always the hardest - especially when that little voice in his head kept piping up ('Just talk to him! Tell him you're sorry and you miss him!'). But overall, Kurt thought he was doing a pretty good job of continuing on with his life.

That was, until he walked through that door and saw Blaine standing out the front of the room, fiddling absently with his guitar.

Kurt cursed himself, even as he adopted a neutral expression and sat down on the nearest available couch. Of course Blaine would be auditioning for the solo - being signed was his dream and nothing would stop him from taking this opportunity. So why hadn't Kurt prepared himself for the eventuality of having to hear his ex boyfriend sing?

As the other Warblers entered the room, a few muffled groans could be heard. Clearly some of the boys had been hoping that Blaine wouldn't audition so they would have a chance of getting the solo slot. After all, everybody knew Blaine's track record with solos. If he auditioned, he got it.

The Council were the last to arrive and Kurt saw Wes shoot Blaine an almost relieved look as he entered the room. Before he could think in to it too much, Wes was banging his gavel and calling everyone to order. "Today's solo audition will be Blaine Anderson. This is the second-last audition as well." Kurt sat up a little straighter at that. I'm going last?

There was scattered applause as everybody's attention was drawn to Blaine. Kurt couldn't quite figure out where to look, so settled for watching Blaine's hands begin to strum lightly on the guitar. Even that was almost too painful, but Kurt forced himself to do it. After all, if Blaine did get the solo - which was just about inevitable - Kurt would have to put on a brave smile on stage and pretend nothing was wrong. So, what better time to start than now?

He had missed Blaine's announcement of his song choice - if he had said it at all - but the chords were sounding vaguely familiar. It was only when Blaine began to sing quietly that Kurt realized, and the breath was completely knocked out of his lungs.

"Seems like just yesterday you were a part of me,

I used to stand so tall, I used to be so strong,

Your arms around me tight, everything felt so right,

Unbreakable, like nothing could go wrong."

Already, other Warblers were glancing in his direction. It was completely obvious to everyone in the room that Blaine was singing about Kurt, and the nosy boys clearly wanted to see Kurt's reaction. Kurt immediately stared down at his hands, which were knotted in the strap of his bag, his knuckles turning white. You're okay, you're fine, he repeated to himself in his head.

"Now I can't breathe, no, I can't sleep,

I'm barely hanging on."

That was the problem with Blaine's performing - he was always so passionate when he sang. Of course Kurt had loved it during the times when Blaine had sung to him, or they had performed duets together, and Kurt could always tell that Blaine's emotions were running through the song.

But this time, it wasn't putting a smile on Kurt's face. And he couldn't bear to look up and see Blaine's expression. His emotions were always displayed on his face for the world to see, and Kurt knew that this would be no exception.

"Here I am, once again, I'm torn into pieces,

Can't deny it, can't pretend, just thought you were the one,"

Oh...

Kurt felt his heart shatter again. It was almost as if Blaine had pulled it out of his chest and stomped on the pieces over and over... except it wasn't Blaine, it was Kurt. Kurt was breaking his own heart. And the heart wrenchingly perfect words coming out of Blaine's mouth were just fueling the fire.

"Broken up, deep inside,

But you won't get to see the tears I cry,

Behind these hazel eyes."

Kurt had known it was coming, but at the last line of the chorus he couldn't help himself anymore. He lifted his head and stared straight into Blaine's eyes, which were looking right back at him, deliberately, for the first time in weeks. There was only a second of contact, but Kurt felt as if every single piece of hurt that Blaine had experienced at his hand was right there on display. He just didn't know what to do, what he could say. There was nothing that would make this okay.

And then Blaine looked away, staring over Kurt's head as he continued to strum at his guitar. Kurt released the breath that he had been holding without realizing, shakily. He knew people were watching him, but he couldn't do anything right now but stare at Blaine.

"I told you everything, opened up and let you in,

You made me feel alright for once in my life,"

The first tear slipped down Kurt's cheek and he saw the flash of pain in Blaine's still-averted eyes that he recognized all too well from talking about their pasts. He remembered holding Blaine as he spoke quietly about the bullying at his old school, sharing themselves with each other. He remembered Blaine telling him that having someone in his life like Kurt was what he had needed.

You saved me, Blaine had whispered to him quietly. And it was the same for Kurt. They had saved each other from their pasts, their memories, their feelings of never being enough, their fears of always being alone.

And now they were destroying each other.

"Now all that's left of me is what I pretend to be,

So together, but so broken up inside,"

Kurt saw Blaine swallow roughly and knew he was battling his own emotions. But Blaine was a performer, and Kurt knew he would fight until the end, no matter how much he was struggling.

"'Cause I can't breathe, no, I can't sleep,

I'm barely hanging on,"

In the small moment before the chorus, Kurt heard a sniff from the couch next to him. Somehow he managed to pull his eyes away from Blaine to see Cameron trying to discreetly wipe his eyes. Now that Kurt was aware of it, he noticed a few other Warblers looking teary; even Jeff was curled into Nick's side, his head lowered as Nick wrapped an arm around him. Glancing up towards the council table, Kurt saw Wes biting his lip and David staring determinedly at his notes in front of him, his eyes extra bright.

Of course it was painful. Watching any Warbler bare their soul in that way would sting. But everybody loved Blaine, and seeing him struggling to keep it together because one of their own had hurt him... Kurt wasn't sure if he could possibly feel worse. He pressed his lips together to hold back a sob threatening to escape, his gaze returning to Blaine magnetically.

"Here I am, once again, I'm torn into pieces,

Can't deny it, can't pretend, just thought you were the one,

Broken up, deep inside,

But you won't get to see the tears I cry,

Behind these hazel eyes."

Kurt knew what was coming next, but seeing Blaine transform, watching the anger take over his face, it was almost too much. He wanted to run, to get out of the room... but knew he had to stay. This is my punishment.

"Swallow me then spit me out,

For hating you, I blame myself,"

Blaine almost growled the words out, his eyes glaring daggers straight at Kurt. He had never seen those breathtaking eyes so full of rage. But even now, Kurt couldn't be afraid. Blaine had never scared him, and not even this anger, so justified, could do so. Because he knew exactly where it came from.

Seeing you, it kills me now,

No, I don't cry on the outside anymore!"

As Blaine held the last word, high, powerful, righteous, and a little sad at the same time, Kurt saw the anger fade from his face to be replaced with a heartbreaking defeat, so sudden that Kurt gasped out loud. They locked gazes again, and Kurt felt an immeasurable feeling of distress and pain, so potent that it was almost as if Blaine's gaze was channeling his emotions. The look in his eyes was so exposed and raw...

"Anymore.."

And as Blaine whispered the word, Kurt saw his face break, droplets of water spilling from his eyes. His own tears were blinding his vision as he stared down at his hands, simply unable to look at the boy standing in front of him anymore. Blaine's voice was only just holding together as he sang the final chorus. He paused to take a quick but deep breath, his fingers strumming the strings even harder, his voice gaining in volume. It was completely unfair that he still sounded perfect, Kurt thought.

"Here I am, once again, I'm torn into pieces

Can't deny it, can't pretend, just thought you were the one

Broken up, deep inside

But you won't get to see the tears I cry,

Behind these hazel eyes."

There was a moment of absolute silence, then the hurried sound of a guitar being set down, footsteps moving quickly out of the room, and something that sounded an awful lot like a horribly strangled sob.

After a moment, the Warblers broke into muttered conversations that Kurt only half-heard. "... someone go after him?" "... did well, but..." "...was he...?"

"Kurt?"

Kurt swallowed roughly and nodded in recognition, refusing to look up. There was a sigh, then Nick sat down next to him. "Come on, talk to me. You alright?"

"Fine," Kurt muttered thickly, trying to stop crying. It wasn't working.

Nick sighed again, and then there was an arm around him, tugging him in. Kurt fought for a moment before giving up, collapsing against Nick's shoulder. "It hurts, Nick," he whispered brokenly.

"I know, I know," Nick murmured soothingly. "But you'll be okay. You're both hurting right now, but you'll get through this."

And for once, Kurt realized, it wasn't someone telling him that things would be okay once he and Blaine got back together. It was someone saying that he could be okay without Blaine. And oddly enough, that was what Kurt needed to hear, despite not being able to believe it yet. He had lost so much of his independence throughout all of this that it was nice to know that someone still believed in him as an individual.

Kurt was vaguely aware of the other Warblers leaving the room until just Nick and Jeff remained with him. Jeff slid onto his other side, taking his hand. "Kurt, I know you've been asked this a lot, but all of us just saw Blaine lose it in the middle of an audition - and you know that's rare - singing a song that was clearly about you. You're sitting here crying, as a result of that. Why don't you just talk to him?"

Kurt sniffed and looked up, wiping his eyes hastily as he turned to face Jeff. "Because you saw what happened there. If I tried to talk to him, I'd just end up like this. And he doesn't want to talk to me anyway -"

"Kurt." Nick's voice was exasperated. "Yes, he does."

Kurt shook his head stubbornly. "He avoids me at all costs, he acts like I don't exist. Explain how that constitutes wanting to talk to me."

"Maybe he's in the same boat as you. Maybe he wants to talk but doesn't think he can either."

Kurt opened his mouth to retort, then paused. What Nick had said was most likely true after all... but Kurt didn't want to deal with it right now. All he wanted was to go back to his room and cry. "I - I know you're right," he admitted quietly, wincing as his voice broke, "but we've got enough to deal with right now. The performance is in five days, I have a solo to audition for and... I just -"

This time, Jeff was the one to sigh. "We understand." Nick looked at him sharply but Jeff just shook his head. Kurt felt a pang of jealousy at how easily they communicated without words. That used to be me and Blaine. "Just... just don't keep things bottled up anymore. We're all here for you."

Kurt gave a non-committal shrug, pulling his hand out of Jeff's and standing. "See you guys later," he muttered, walking quickly out of the room.

Just as he was about to head down to his room, Kurt paused as he heard Jeff's voice. "Nick, they're killing themselves."

"I know, but we can't do anything else, baby. This is their battle. I just hope they both do the right thing before it's too late... and as selfish as it is, at least we've learned never to do anything like that."

After a moment of silence - which Kurt didn't want to think into - a shuffling sound was heard and Kurt knew the two boys were standing. Quickly making his way down the hall, he escaped into his room which, was thankfully empty. Kurt immediately resumed his usual position - curled up in a ball on his bed, headphones in, trying not to cry.

Will this ever get any easier? he wondered as Because of You began to play, echoing his thoughts perfectly. But he already knew the answer - not for a long long time.


Blaine.

Blaine sat up, wiping at his eyes. His incessant sobs had faded into dry gasps, and he figured it was high time to get a grip on himself. Sighing, he dropped his head into his hands, wondering if maybe he'd feel better if he talked about it. Not with Kurt, he'd end up a blubbering mess again. But maybe with someone else.

Standing, he walked out into the hall, vaguely wondering where he could find David. Normally on advice he would've turned to Wes, but David was the more level-headed of the two, and Blaine thought that David's calm manner was more of what he needed right now.

Rounding a corner, Blaine looked up, only to stop short. How could they!

Right smack in the center of the hall was Nick and Jeff, obviously in the middle of a heavy, intense make out session. Jeff had Nick pressed against the wall, and one of his hands was resting at his boyfriend's hip, the other fisted in his hair. Jeff's blazer was lying on the floor next to them in a rumpled heap, obviously long forgotten about. The edge of Blaine's vision turned red, and an unexplainable rage coursed through his system, rejuvenating his previously fatigued body. He was already feeling emotionally unstable and drained, and seeing Nick and Jeff just about threw him over the edge.

Normally Blaine would've let them be. He would pretend like he'd seen nothing and walk away. But, as one of them (Nick, he thought) let out a heated groan, he felt his anger all rush out in one tumultuous surge.

"HEY!" he called, glaring as he moved forward, feeling his mouth curve downward into a sneer.

They broke apart at once, and Blaine tried (and failed) not to notice Jeff hurriedly straightening his loosened tie. Nick was rubbing the back of his neck in discomfort, biting his already bruised bottom lip. The two looked thoroughly made out with, and for some reason it was seriously ticking Blaine off.

"What do you two think you're doing?" He demanded angrily, glaring furiously at the pair of them.

"I think it's pretty obvious what we were doing, Blaine." Jeff said coolly, smirking. Behind him, Nick flushed dark red, looking pleased and embarrassed at the same time. "We'll just be going now, if you don't mind." He reached out and took his boyfriend's hand, smiling over at the shorter boy.

"I do mind, actually." Blaine bit out through gritted teeth. "I mind a lot."

"You shouldn't." Jeff's eyes narrowed. "It's really none of your business."

"On the contrary, I think it is."

"You're wrong." Jeff was doing a good job of keeping his voice light. "So back off."

"Don't tell me to 'back off.' You can't keep doing this, Jeff." Blaine took an aggressive step forward, cursing the fact that Jeff was several inches taller than he was.

"And what am I doing exactly?" Now Jeff merely looked bored, crossing his arms and staring the shorter boy down. "Please enlighten me. I'm curious."

"Maybe you should clue Nick in about Kurt." Blaine managed to grind out. "I'm sure he'd like to know."

Jeff raised an eyebrow, giving him a look. He sighed, running a hand through his already tousled hair. "Look, Blaine, if this is about the audition with Kurt, I can fully assure you that it meant absolutely nothing."

"It didn't look like nothing."

Now Jeff looked simply exasperated. "You're a performer. You should know acting when you see it. I know you're mad, but listen to what I'm trying to tell you: I have no feelings for Kurt."

"Then why would you agree to sing a freaking love song with him?" Blaine's voice rose, echoing slightly in the high ceilings. "Why didn't you sing with Nick, your boyfriend?"

At this, the blonde boy paused. He was silent for a few moments as indecision flickered in his eyes, as if he was struggling with a raging internal battle. Nick stepped forward, placing a hand on his shoulder, his blue eyes glaring straight at Blaine. The look left Blaine feeling a tiny bit guilty, but he pushed the feeling away.

"Just tell him." Nick said quietly, taking his hand once more.

Looking reassured, Jeff looked Blaine straight in the eyes and said, "I didn't audition with Nick because Kurt asked me to audition with him instead. And…" he hesitated once more.

"And what, Jeff?" Blaine asked, incensed. "You could've said no."

Jeff closed his eyes, sighing. "I know. I could've. Should've, probably, based on how well that little train wreck went over. I only agreed because – "

"Because you have commitment issues?" Blaine suggested, his voice tinged with bitterness.

"Will you let me finish already?" The two glared at each other for a tense moment before Jeff said, "I don't appreciate your accusations against me, Blaine. I would never cheat on Nick."

"That's not the way it looks from here." Blaine said, lifting his chin defiantly.

"That's because you are ridiculously blind!" Jeff shot back, rolling his eyes. "You're being incredibly stupid for a supposed smart guy."

"I'm not stupid!"

"Yes you are! You haven't accepted the problem, and now you're taking it out on me! Face it Blaine: I'm not the issue here. Kurt is."

"Shut up!"

"The audition didn't mean anything! You know that, even if you're not admitting it!"

"I don't know anything!" Blaine realized a second too late how childish those words sounded.

"Obviously you don't know anything, otherwise you wouldn't be standing here arguing with me! If you had two ounces of common sense, you'd be trying to patch things up with Kurt right now!"

Oh, man. Jeff was seriously starting to push his buttons. And he was not okay with that.

"This isn't about Kurt – "

"Yes, it is. You're a jealous wreck, and you're channeling your petty anger directly at me!"

"Shut UP!"

Before he could fully process what he was doing, Blaine had shoved the taller boy with all of his strength, sending him stumbling. A second later, Blaine felt a pair of hands collide with his chest, and he staggered back, winded. When he regained his balance, he saw Nick standing in between him and Jeff, his expression dangerous.

"Paws off, Anderson." Nick said coldly, folding his arms in a defensive bearing. "He's mine."

Blaine's mouth dropped open. He'd never seen Nick wrathful before. It was…slightly intimidating.

Jeff took Nick's arm. "It's okay, babe. Maybe he'll listen now."

The blonde gave Blaine a look. Blaine remained determinedly silent.

"No comment from the peanut gallery?" Jeff asked almost mockingly. "Good. Let me cut straight to the chase: The duet was Kurt's idea."

"Wait…" Blaine's brow furrowed as he tried to process this information. It didn't quite click. "What? Why?"

Jeff sighed. "He only asked because he wanted to make you jealous. As you can probably tell, it worked. I only agreed because I was hoping the jealousy would jumpstart you into making things up with Kurt. That failed too. All the audition did was make things marginally worse."

"Yeah, it did." Blaine dully agreed, deflating somewhat.

Jeff stood a little straighter, squaring his shoulders. "Well, all I can say is that I did my best to help you knuckleheads see the light. If it didn't work, fine. At least I gave it my best shot. You two have to work it out on your own time."

He bent over to scoop up his blazer and slid it on, turning back to Blaine with an almost disappointed look on his face. "Just keep in mind the fact that he wants to make up. The only thing stopping you is your damn pride. Maybe it's time to drop the act and get yourselves together."

Turning back to Nick, Jeff said, "My dorm? Wes is out."

"Of course." Nick smiled, and they set off down the hall together, talking with serious faces and hushed voices.

A lump formed in Blaine's throat as he watched the two boys disappear around a corner. He sighed, running a hand through his unruly hair. Jeff was right. Blaine knew he was right. He wasn't mad at Jeff, and he had let himself be tricked into a pit of jealousy. Even as he though that, he felt another rush of jealousy, but it was jealousy for the easy relationship that Nick and Jeff had. Seeing them in the hall had reminded Blaine of what he had lost. It was another painful reminder of his mistakes.

His hands trembling, his breath slightly uneven, Blaine unsteadily made his way towards the library. He hoped that Wes and David were easy to find, because now he really needed someone to talk to.


Okay, so I have to be completely honest with you. I am a Kelly Clarkson nerd. I am a Kelly Clarkson geek. I am a Kelly Clarkson FANGIRL. Her voice is powerful and amazing and she has a song to fit pretty much every mood. Make ups, breakups, revenge, guilt, happy…Basically everything. I've seen her in concert, and she's even better live.

But! I suggested the song Because of You to Sarah, and then something went wrong in the translation from American to Australian and she wrote it with Behind These Hazel Eyes. She was feeling the pressure on this one because I was raring to write the audition myself, and BTHE (and BOY) is a song that I've belted out at the top of my lungs more times than I can take the time to count. But, as usual, she pulled it off flawlessly and I loved it. =) Plus, I got to write Nick and Jeff being freaky, wanky boys so I was cool with it. ;)

(Sarah: I honestly cannot tell you where BTHE came from. I guess because Darren has those gorgeous eyes... anyway, I'm just glad I didn't get a 'no, go change the song' from Angela! And I'm not as much of a fangirl, but I've certainly got my appreciation for Kelly Clarkson too (: )

Anyway, I am extremely pleased with the way this chapter turned out, and I look forward to writing more! =D

~SquirrelzAttack