AUTHOR'S NOTES: Thanks to my awesome beta, I finally made a timeline decision and the updates should come a bit faster now! Woot.
As always, I hope you enjoy the chapter.
Chapter 8- Separation Anxiety
Santa Barbara- December 1993
The car pitched forward suddenly causing both occupants to cry out in surprise. When the car lurched a few more feet then came to an abrupt stop, it caused the passenger to slam his head against the dash painfully
"Don't use both feet!" The instructor shouted, desperately trying not to get motion sickness or a concussion from the car's jerky movements.
"I'm trying!" The man whined so much, Shawn almost wished his dad was the one teaching him how to drive. Almost. He hadn't really talked to his dad much, not since his parents' separation.
Separation. He hated that word now. It meant weeks without speaking to his mom and spending every evening with his over-anxious father who had no one else but him to torment now. The trainings had continued as they always did, but Shawn didn't put much work into them. He just went through the motions to keep his dad off his back.
"WATCH THE ROAD!" The instructor's scream brought Shawn's attention back to the present but not soon enough. A few students had to scatter as the car hopped the curb and came to a rest a few feet in on the grass.
"So, uh, did I pass?" Shawn asked innocently.
The instructor fumed. "Get. Out."
"You know if you pass me, I won't have to try again next week." The glare he received was all the answer he needed. "Still a no? Okay then..."
Shawn slipped out of the car and hurried off in the direction of the school, ignoring the finger pointing and whispers of the students he'd almost plowed into. He didn't know why it was so hard to concentrate. Driving was the easy part. The hard part was keeping his mind focused on what he was doing and not letting it wander off.
"Shawn!" Gus shouted from across the lawn and jogged up to his friend. "I passed!" He broke into a victory dance.
Shawn smiled at Gus and slapped him on the back. "Great! That makes one of us."
Gus stopped dancing and frowned. "You didn't pass? I thought the third time was a charm?"
"Not even sort of." Shawn started walking back toward the school again, avoiding the look of contempt from the instructor who was holding his head and getting out of the car.
They walked together in silence until they reached their lockers. Gus could tell his friend was upset and figured it wasn't about failing the driver's test. Shawn never let something like that bother him. Gus decided that it was probably the same thing that had been bugging Shawn for the past couple months. The thing that was distracting Shawn in everything he did.
"Has she called you lately?" Gus asked.
Shawn slammed his locker. He knew exactly who "she" was. "No."
"How long?"
"A couple of weeks." Shawn shrugged trying to make it seem like it wasn't a big deal that his mom never called him.
"Did she say when she'd be back?" Gus wanted to add, "Because it would be nice to have my friend back", but didn't.
Shawn picked up his backpack and straightened. "No, she didn't." He surged ahead down the hall to their next class.
As Shawn walked away, Gus cast a sad glance in his direction. He missed the carefree, goofy Shawn that had been replaced the broody, short-tempered one he had to deal with now. Catching up to him, Gus gave his friend a shoulder bump and a smile to try to cheer him up.
Shawn actually returned the smile. He knew Gus was trying hard to make him feel better. "I'll try that driver's test again next week," Shawn stated, changing the subject. "Fourth time's a charm, right?"
"It's only the third time that's the charm, Shawn." Gus frowned because he knew what was coming next. He always walked right into the verbal trap that Shawn was an expert at setting.
"I've heard it both ways."
Henry was actually home when his son got back from school. He'd wrapped up a big case and Chief Fenich had given him the rest of the day off. He was looking forward to going to the shooting range and spending some quality time with Shawn.
He hadn't been able to nail down his son's mood lately. It seemed like every time they had some time to do anything Shawn would disappear to Gus' house or decide to go for a walk. Henry figured it was just his way of coping and occupying himself since his mother left.
As soon as Shawn came in the door, Henry asked, "Hey kid, you busy?"
Shawn froze and tried to think up some kind of excuse to get out of whatever his father was trying to drag him into now, but couldn't. "I guess not."
"Great! We'll head to the range and get some shots in." Henry smiled.
Shawn sighed dramatically. "Fine, but do you mind if I eat first?" Without waiting for an answer, Shawn raided the fridge. He emerged from the kitchen a minute later with some left over ribs and pineapple. He was just about to bite into some delicious flavor when his dad interrupted him.
"How did your driver's test go?"
Damn it, I was hoping he would forget about that. "Great! They liked me so much that they invited me to come back next week."
Henry shook his head. "You failed again, didn't you?" It had been the third time.
Shawn said nothing but started to dig into his food. If his mouth was full, he would have a reason not to talk.
"Shawn!" Henry said exasperated at the fact that his son was not taking this seriously. "You need to get a license! I refuse to drive you around your entire adult life."
"Sorry." Shawn mumbled with a mouth full of ribs.
Having heard enough 'sorrys' for a lifetime, Henry growled, "You are always sorry, Shawn. I need you to stop being sorry and to change something."
Shawn swallowed and glared at his father. "So I guess everything is my fault now right?" Henry opened his mouth to reply but Shawn cut him off. "It's my fault I failed the driver's test, just like it's my fault you and mom split up."
A horrible silence filled the room.
Henry couldn't believe what he'd just heard. After all the talks both he and Maddie had with their son, how could Shawn end up thinking that it was his fault that his mother had left? He walked across the room and sat down next to his son, who was now just staring at his plate. "Shawn, it's not your fault your mother left."
"Well, then, whose fault is it? Hers?" Realization dawned. Shawn looked at his dad with pain-filled eyes. "Did she want to leave us?"
Henry couldn't say it. He couldn't say, "Yes Shawn, your mother thought her career would do better if she left the country, left us." Henry knew it would shatter the relationship between Shawn and his mother if his son knew she had chosen her career over him. He knew she loved Shawn, but she had made her decision and now he had to deal with the consequences. "No Shawn, it wasn't her fault either."
Mistaking the sadness on his father's face for guilt, Shawn's eyes narrowed. "So it was your fault?"
"Will you stop trying to place blame! The point is that your mother and I decided to spend some time apart." Henry tried to clarify.
Not in the mood to eat anymore, Shawn got up and threw away the remnants of his failed meal. He remembered what his mother had told him the night she told him that she was leaving.
"Goose—I need to tell you something." Shawn sat next to his mother and listened. Her expression was serious. "Your father and I have decided to take a break for a while."
"A break? Like a vacation?" Shawn gasped and bounced in the chair. "Are we going on a vacation? Tell me we are. OH! Sea World! I've always wanted to go there. I have some unfinished business with a dolphin."
"No, Goose, I mean a break from our marriage."
Shawn stared at her open mouthed. "I thought you guys were going to therapy?"
"We were Shawn but things weren't working out and I got a job offer out of the country. I'm sorry honey."
Shawn shook away the memory and grabbed his jacket. "I gotta get out of here Dad. I'll see you in a couple hours."
"No, wait, Shawn—" Henry stood and tried to stop him, but his son was already out the door. Flopping back down on the couch, he grabbed the remote. He flipped though the channels on the TV, trying to distract himself from the disappointment he felt at having his plans with his son ruined. He hadn't felt this lonely since before he and Maddie had gotten married. When she would go out of town for her job, she was always just a phone call away.
That thought gave him an idea. She still was just a phone call away. Maybe if he talked to her, he could convince her that she still loved him and she would come back. He grabbed the phone and a piece of paper with her number on it out of his pocket. Maddie had given it to him in case anything happened to Shawn and he had to call her.
After four rings, a tired Maddie answered. "Hello?"
Henry winced, forgetting that it was probably really early where she was, "Hey Madds, it's Henry."
Shawn pulled his collar up against the chilly December wind and grumbled at his situation. He hadn't wanted to have a fight today. Unfortunately, things had been getting pretty heated between him and his father lately. Probably because their go-between was missing. His mom had always been there to smooth things over when he and his dad were mad at each other. With her gone, there was no buffer between his defiance and his dad's temper.
Shawn walked towards the boardwalk, hands in his pockets. It was a pretty place with a bunch of businesses, vendors and other stuff to look at. He needed some type of distraction and his appetite was coming back.
Glancing up at the stores as he passed, Shawn's eyes ghosted over a hole in the wall office building with two separate offices, one of which couldn't have been more than ten feet by ten feet. He'd seen it every time he came down here, and it always seemed to be up for rent. Who the hell would ever rent that dump anyway? Shawn shrugged as he continued on his way. Bet it has a great view though. And it did, it faced the pier that jutted out from the boardwalk, exactly where Shawn was headed. After he bought some ice cream first.
As he was paying for his frozen treat, a man pulled up on a classic motorcycle. He got off the bike to buy his own ice cream. Shawn could tell he was not just a casual rider. The packs on the back of his bike indicated that he was traveling. The leather outfit he wore was expensive, but well worn so Shawn figured he was very experienced.
"Aw man, that is nice." Shawn exclaimed pointing at the bike.
The man seemed flattered and smiled. "She's a beaut, isn't she? But like all bikes, you gotta treat her well or she will buck you right off."
Shawn raised an eyebrow. "You make it sound like a horse."
"You ever ride a motorcycle, kid?" The man crossed his arms.
Nodding, Shawn explained, "My uncle took me on a ride once."
"Nah, I mean have you ever driven one?"
Shawn shook his head. "No."
After paying for his cone, the man continued talking. "Well it takes a lot of coordination and work to be a good rider. Balancing the bike while hitting the clutch and stepping on the brake at the right time when you turn so you don't go head over heels."
They ate their ice cream together as the man explained a few things about working a motorcycle. Shawn was amazed at the amount of information. He never knew it took so much to ride a motorcycle. He figured he could just hop on, start it up, and drive off. As complicated as it seemed, Shawn knew he was hooked.
"You know, kid, I could give you a ride if you wanted." The man offered.
As tempting as it was, Shawn was still the son of a cop and, according to the DET, good enough to be one himself, so he knew better than to take that offer. Not wanting to offend the guy, Shawn smiled and said "No thanks, I'm waiting for my mom to pick me up. She's probably already waiting for me next to the pier. Thanks for the info though."
The man nodded and hopped on his bike. "Remember what I told you. If you get a bike, take good care of it and she'll take good care of you." He revved the engine and sped down the wooded boardwalk.
"That guy is the coolest guy in the universe," Shawn exclaimed before looking at his watch. It was almost eight p. m. His dad had probably already sent out a search party so he figured he should be getting home.
He was glad tomorrow was Saturday—he had a lot to do, like homework and finding where they held motorcycle license training. Shawn was positive his dad wouldn't approve, but what the old man didn't know wouldn't hurt him. Plus, it would get him out of having to spend a few more afternoons with his dad, and that was more than worth it to Shawn.
"This is a bad idea Shawn." Gus glanced around, worried someone would recognize them, and the jig would be up.
Shawn shook his head. "Gus, we're going into a motorcycle shop, not a secret military base. Though that would be something to do next weekend..."
"Quit it Shawn! I'm keeping an eye out for your dad. You asked me to be your wingman and that's what wingmen do. If your dad ever found out what you were doing he'd kill you."
"Okay fine, wingman." Shawn strode into the local Harley Davidson store. They had motorcycle training classes on the weekends, which was absolutely perfect. His dad was working weekends more often, so he had plenty of time to skip off for a couple hours.
Once they were in the store it was less than ten minutes before Shawn had an appointment for the written and the road test. The subject of money came up but stopped abruptly when Shawn pulled out the required amount-one hundred dollars. He'd planned ahead for this over the last week. After finally getting in touch with his mom, he'd asked to have his Christmas money early. She'd hedged a bit, expressing concern and a desire to talk to his dad. He told her he wanted the money for some extra driver's training but his dad said it was too expensive. The ploy worked like a charm. Three days and a hundred and fifty dollars later, Shawn knew he had more than enough for his plan to work.
Because of Gus' research, Shawn knew he wouldn't be able to get an actual motorcycle license until he'd had his learners' permit for six months, but he would still get credit for taking the test. All he had to do would be to re-take the written exam right before he got his actual license. With his memory, he'd ace it in nothing flat.
Now he had to figure out how he was going to get that learner's permit.
As fate would have it, Shawn ended up with the same driving instructor as the last time. From the man's tense posture and distraught expression, Shawn could tell he wasn't exactly looking forward to enduring another round with him.
"Hola!" Shawn greeted, "You ready to do some driver instructing today?"
The instructor hung his head. "Let's just get this over and done with, Mr. Spencer."
Shawn waved him off, "Aw, you're no fun," then he climbed into the driver's seat.
Now that he had a goal, he could focus his full attention on passing the test. He finished with an almost perfect score. As soon as the instructor told him that he passed, he was out of the car and running to where Gus was waiting. "I PASSED DUDE!"
"What!" Gus fist-bumped Shawn and watched as he did his own victory dance.
"Man, we have got to celebrate! After we stop at the station and tell my dad I passed, we're going out for something to eat." He still had fifty dollars left from his mom and it was burning a hole in his pocket. "How about that new Italian place downtown, Mario's?"
Gus could almost taste it already. "You know that's right. I hear they have good breadsticks."
Shawn skipped into the station, waving at Chief Fenich as he passed. He got to his dad's desk and bounced impatiently, waiting for him to finish his paperwork. "Dad, I have something to tell you—"
"Shawn, I'm busy, can't it wait?" Henry sighed and went back to his paperwork.
Frowning, Shawn tried again. "But Dad, it's important!"
Slamming his pencil down, Henry looked at his son. "Everything is important to you Shawn! I will get to you later, okay? Right now, I have to finish this report. Whatever you have to tell me can wait." Henry grabbed his papers and walked to one of the Captains.
Shawn gritted his teeth. With all the grief his dad had given him about not passing, he didn't even care to know when he did pass. Typical. Seething, Shawn stormed out of the station.
Five minutes later, still looking at forms and reports, Henry walked back to his desk. "Okay Shawn, now what—" He looked up, but his son was nowhere in sight. "Huh, must not have been that important." Henry shrugged and went back to his paperwork.
END NOTES: I'm trying to get the real rift between Henry and Shawn started. I always figured it was the little things that just piled up until the big blow out when Shawn left.
