People have been asking, so…
Okay, go to the spoilertv website and click on Bones. Then scroll down… down… and you'll find the spoiler clips of Double Trouble. This website is fantastic for info, the news is almost instantly updated (needless to say, I check it really often ;)
Reviews are the drug that keeps me through exam periods. Yes, I'm updating a fanfic during an exam period.
Sue me.
Or like Michael Scott would say, don't sue me, that's completely the opposite of what I was trying to say. Gotta love that show.
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CHAPTER 8
"Mrs Stoker, you are doing him a favour by not telling us. You know this, don't you?"
"I'm sorry. I've already said that nothing in this world will make me say it. I'm sorry, Agent Booth."
I looked from behind the tinted glass, wishing Booth's mind was as easy to pull apart and then reassemble as 206 bones. After driving away by himself this morning, he'd called and asked if I wanted to be there during the interrogation of Margaret Stoker. I agreed, because I wanted to understand the woman.
And maybe because I wanted to prove to Booth how little his infuriating attitude this morning had affected me. I'd get to the lab after this was over.
Sweets was standing beside me, occasionally talking into the mic to give advice. Some of it was useful, other things Booth ignored.
"Why is it so important anyway? Shouldn't you be looking for him or something?"
"Mrs Stoker..."
"Be careful, Agent Booth. I have a feeling I know what you're about to say, and she could close up unless you do it right." Sweets didn't know Booth as well as he thought he did. Booth would get it right. He'd already known how delicate the situation was before Sweets had said anything.
Not for the first time, I asked myself why Booth let the doctor help us, when most of the time Booth didn't need his help.
"Mrs Stoker, we have to be able to predict what he'll do or how he'll act. And it's very dangerous, not knowing how he works. You ex husband is unknown to us. We need to know."
"Nice building up to it, but ease into the idea..."
"Sweets, I think Booth knows." I whispered. As I spoke, Booth's gaze flicked to the black screen I stood behind, then back down. For a moment I could have sworn he'd glanced at me.
But he couldn't see me.
"Mrs Stoker, we need to know the stakes."
Margaret simply looked at the table in front of her, not daring to meet Booth's eyes. I understood how she felt; afraid of being seen, dissected, of being discovered.
Of being caught.
"Booth, she's hiding something big. She's afraid of you... I don't think she'll tell you. Can I try? I think I understand." I whispered into the mic.
"We need to know what we're risking. You've already come to us... how will telling us this change anything? We can't help you properly unless you tell us how. What are we fighting against?"
Obviously he was either ignoring my comment or saving the information for later.
"Agent Booth..." she still hadn't looked at him. She knew this was the way to keep the secret.
I realised it was useless at the same time Booth did. This time he deliberately looked at me and Sweets, conceding defeat. We'd lost this one.
"... you'll just have to go in blind. I'm sorry."
*
"You didn't address the actual question, Agent Booth."
"Yeah, Sweets, because it would have been useless and she'd have clamed up, like you said. More than she already did, I mean. She won't tell us, but that's an answer in itself. I'm almost sure I know what Kevin Stoker has threatened her with."
"Yes, I agree."
The two annoying men walked a step in front of me, but I was having none of this. I grabbed Booth's arm and pulled him back.
"What? What has he threatened her with?"
"A person, Bones. He's going to hurt someone to get to her."
"Oh. So what was that 'actual question'?"
"The question is: Who is it? Who is the person Margaret Stoker would die for?"
The person she would die for.
Someone she loved, of course.
And then it hit me like a 1000 Newton force mass.
There were very few people I would die for. Die… actually die for them. And Booth made my list. Of course, but this I'd known before. Why had I realised only now that the list was made up of people I loved?
I applied the equivalences without thinking, because I was just so used to it. If X equals A and Y equals A… then X equals Y.
My mind was too tired, maybe, or I already felt that it was too late now to try and block this new leap before it had gripped my mind.
Had it been over two days, that feelings had evolved? Or had it always been like this, except I couldn't see or understand what it was?
This time the image illustrating my emotions was asphyxiating. I had just fallen into water and sank, deeper and deeper, unable to kick free or swim upward. My cries for Booth (not help, but Booth) became shining bubbles, merrily soaring away from me. My hair was a floating halo around my head, every inch of me shivering with the cold of realisation…
It was logical, of course. Explainable. We spent most of our time together. He was an attractive (the word fell far, far short of reality), strong, protective alpha male, he seemed an ideal candidate. I'd voiced this opinion before, once, when I was wondering why on earth someone would say "No" to him. God, had it begun then? Or maybe even before? Or had it progressed steadily after?
Sweets and Booth kept walking, arguing about something I didn't understand, oblivious to the fact that I was choking, drowning in knowledge.
I was not in control anymore. Not of me, not of anything. I was swept away by the wave that was Booth and the complications living with us every day and surrounding our every move. I was not in control. I was part of something. Something that had gotten completely out of hand.
Something more powerful than rationality.
Could I fight this? I was strong, I'd fought before… but never an enemy like this one. I'd never had this force inside of me, this strange certainty that what I felt would never go away.
The sadness of it not being reciprocated was a pinprick of pain my cold body barely felt. I'd already known, after all.
For the second time I vowed that this didn't change anything. Nothing. I would still keep away from Booth, still avoid contact and we'd still be friends and partners. We still held. I would not crumble.
Only one thing was different now.
I wasn't sure about being able to smother love and make it disappear. I wasn't sure about anything anymore, except that it was there and didn't want to go away. Perhaps I would have to live with this knowledge while I talked to him. While I saw him…
While he existed in my world…?
"Bones?"
While he spoke…?
"Bones, are you okay?"
And breathed, and lived…?
"I'm fine."
He didn't believe me, but he knew we could talk later. He turned back to Sweets, who was looking from one to the other and seemed to be torn between worry and laughter.
I tried to calmly let the new information settle on my shoulders. It was heavier than I had expected. But it was part of me now. I'd have to learn to live with this new set of variables, just like I'd done before. I had a 'disturbingly steep learning curve', or so I'd been told. I would try.
"… still something nagging me." Booth was talking. My sharp senses captured every fluctuation in his timbre. My body remembered how, when we'd been touching, the rumble of his voice seemed to reverberate inside of me too.
My mind tried very hard not to.
"Yes. I want to know why Margaret Stoker still keeps her last name. She's divorced. Shouldn't she be Margaret Harris now?" Sweets asked.
"I've noticed that. I'm saving it for later."
"Later when, Agent Booth? I don't get her; strong and confident yet holds on to her stealing murderer husband's name? She actually introduces herself like that! It's just... so weird."
"Like I said, saving it for later. Now, me and Bones are going to go see the squint squad and get updates on the more detailed exam of the possible fourth victim's remains."
"Great, I'll see you tonight. Please remember this time, guys."
"Sure."
"We're sorry, Dr Sweets."
It was with a touch of discomfort that I noted I'd just lied.
I wasn't sorry at all.
*
"Bones, you look a bit pale."
"I'll be better." This was true, at least. Lying to him was not an option, he just knew.
We were in the elevator, going down to our respective cars. I felt surprisingly focused, as he stood beside me.
"Okay. I trust you."
He kept staring for a moment, then added in a hesitant tone:
"Do… would you mind if I hug you…?"
I looked at him in surprise. He'd never actually asked permission. Either he simply put his arms around me, or he told me to let him, never asked (not a habit I appreciated but then again, I could be slightly "bossy" as he put it).
"It would be helpful."
He didn't hesitate another second. Almost as if he'd been waiting to do this for a while, he quickly took a step toward me and roughtly put his arms around me, crushing me to his chest. Our hugs had never been like this before, usually he was gentle and calm and he let me come to him.
Now felt like he'd sensed I was drowning, and he held on to me for dear life.
"I hate to see you sad, Bones." He grumbled.
"I'm not sad." I spoke against the curve of his neck, and felt him shiver a little.
Oh.
This was true. I wasn't… I wasn't sad? Was it surprise, then, being chased away from my body by his warmth? Was is fear? A combination of both?
"Then… what? I can't stand it, not knowing what you're feeling. Usually I can tell, but now…"
"Booth, I'm okay."
And this was true too. Well, being sad or afraid or whatever it was in his arms never lasted.
He gripped tighter, breathing in. I felt a bit intoxicated by his smell and his presence.
So when motion of the elevator stopped and he didn't let go, neither could I.
And then the doors opened with a clink.
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Well, review PLEASE.
I didn't mean to sound rude.
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