Riley felt dizzy, like the world was spinning out of her control. Just when she thought things might be settling back into normalcy, Smackle had to throw herself into the mix. How long could they dance around the subject before something finally gave? She knew she had to talk to Lucas, and the next time she saw him, she knew she wouldn't let anyone else get in her way.
"Riley, you alright over there?"
"Yeah, I'm great. Thanks, Charlie."
He grinned at her, no doubt he still had some feelings left for her, even though he knew nothing could happen between them. He'd stayed away from her since the move to a new school, but being in the same photography class had pushed them together a little bit. There was only one dark room to use, after all.
"Your portraits look great. You really know how to capture your friends." He said, looking over her proofs.
"You think so? I thought they did most of the work." Riley smiled, looking down at the photos of her friends across her favorite city: Maya in the middle of Times Square, Lucas posing in Central Park, Farkle inspecting a stack of books at the public library.
"Mm, they helped I'm sure, but you don't just stumble upon work like that, you know? You have a real talent. That beautiful camera certainly doesn't hurt, either."
"My uncle Shawn gave it to me." Riley beamed, thinking of him. She almost wished he were here now. Maybe he could give her the advice that her father couldn't.
"Well send him my regards then. Oh, and Riley, no need to be a stranger, alright? I could probably use some photo tips, you know."
Although she probably wouldn't admit it, Riley knew Charlie was a charming guy. He was so sweet to her, never failing to pick up on all the little details, and yet, when she looked into his eyes, she didn't feel butterflies or any urge to be closer to him. When he left the room, she snuck a peek at his prints. Among them, a few snapshots from the view of the rooftop, and a candid of her from New Years, probably the last time she smiled that night.
She looked back over her own prints: Farkle, Maya, Lucas. Charlie was a good guy, but he wasn't a prince.
When the bell rang, Riley practically sprinted to the lunch spot, determined to meet Lucas before Smackle could interrupt her. To her luck, she was the first to arrive, so she paced back and forth waiting for the rest of her friends to meet her.
"I assumed you would be here."
Riley jumped, taken by surprise. "Smackle! You can't just sneak up on me like that."
"I'm sorry, Riley. But you can't talk to Lucas."
"And why on earth not? He just wants to apologize."
"Riley, I may not have been around all of you for very long, but you have to trust me. If you talk with Lucas now, things cannot possibly hold for much longer. That's the pressure we learned about, remember? You got a small taste of that already. This could mean no going back."
"Don't you think you're being a little overdramatic? This isn't going to hurt things, it's going to help them. You should learn to be a little more optimistic." Riley put a hand on Smackle's shoulder. "And see, here comes Lucas. If you don't mind, I'm going to take care of this now. Thank you for thinking of me, though. It means a lot that you're so worried about me." Riley waved to Lucas, who looked relieved to see her. They walked out toward the main door together, leaving Smackle fuming.
Outside, the sun was shining, and getting a taste of the fresh air Riley was beginning to feel more like herself. "You wanted to talk to me?" She asked, sliding onto the railing around the school's garden.
"Yes, finally. About what happened yesterday. I had no right to yell at you like I did. It was thoughtless of me, and I'm so mad at myself for letting that side of me take over. I know you don't like to see me that way. So, I'm sorry, Riley."
"You know, I spent so much time worrying about yesterday, but just being here with you now, actually getting to talk about it, it doesn't seem like such a big deal. I forgive you, Lucas." She felt the breeze pick up the ends of her hair and stretched like a cat in a windowsill.
He let out a sigh of relief. "That's so great, I'm glad to hear it. Then let's get on to it. I can't keep up with this whole "fairness" thing. It's running me into the ground here. When I compliment you or Maya, being expected to respond to the other in the same way is just exhausting. I mean, who does that?"
"Excuse me?" Riley blinked hard. He'd shoved his apology aside like it was nothing, only to criticize her in the next second? What was wrong with him?
"It's just not realistic. I just want to be genuine, and having to divide myself like this isn't the way to do that. I just want to act like myself."
"Oh, well I'm sorry it's so hard for you to be so admired," Riley shot back. "Can't imagine what I would do if I had to choose between two great people. Oh, wait, yeah I do."
"Riley you know you shouldn't be saying that." Lucas took a step back from her.
"And you shouldn't be saying what you are either! If you don't treat Maya and I equally, then what are we supposed to do?"
"I don't know, act like normal people? You pretend like the world is so clear cut sometimes, Riley, but we both know that's not actually true. Things get messy and complicated and sometimes things just can't work out the way you want them to, alright?"
"Things like you and me?" Riley's face went dark, and she turned away from Lucas. She couldn't believe what she was saying, but she could already feel the tears building. She couldn't keep this up for much longer.
"I didn't say that. That's not what I meant at all. Come on, Riley. Don't do this right now. This was supposed to help us, not hurt us."
"I think you've said enough right now. I'm done talking." Riley got up and turned her back to him.
"Riley, please don't run away from me again. Come back. Let's talk this through." There was no anger in Lucas' voice. He hadn't been angry, just so tired. He was unable to handle the weight of all the hopes Riley and Maya had placed in him.
"I just can't do this right now, okay? Just let me go right now. Please, just let me go." Finally, the tears were falling. Riley turned back to Lucas, arms limp at her sides while she cried. At the sight of her, Lucas felt his heart drop.
"I didn't mean for this to happen," he whispered, feeling himself choke up. He watched her as she wiped at her face, and put on a smile before heading back inside, never meeting his eyes. He'd never felt less like a hero.
When he got back to the gang's lunch spot, Smackle sent him a glare. She knew. Of course she knew. Genius girl knew everything, even before he did. She'd probably already predicted the end of the world. Maybe this was even it. He broke eye contact with her, unable to stomach the thought of so much destruction in one day.
"What took you, huckleberry? You missed out on some gold old Texan eating," Maya said, showing off her cornbread before taking another bite.
"It's nothing." Lucas said, trying his best to act normal. He sat down next to Zay, who eyed him carefully.
"Didn't really seem like nothing when Riley came by," Farkle said, pushing his lunch tray away from him.
"I thought we agreed we weren't going to bring that up right now," Maya said, the grin erasing from her face in seconds.
"Well if we're being honest here, Maya, you probably should be with Riley right now. I'm sure she could use someone by her side right now."
"Look Minkus, we talked. We're fine. Who made you head of Riley Committee all of a sudden. I know her, I decided she probably needed some time alone. But if you think she needs someone, then why aren't you with her? By all means, don't let me stop you." Maya snapped back.
"Could we all just take a step back here, please?" Zay said, slamming his hands down on the table. "The more we bicker, the worse things get for all of us, so you two can simmer down." He watched as Maya and Farkle slowly moved back to their seats. "Good. Now listen. We all act like we know exactly what's going on here, but the truth of the matter is we're all running around senseless. I'm looking at you here, Isadora. Even if you think you know what's best, that doesn't mean you can always get in the way of things. Sometimes holding something off is only going to make matters worse."
Smackle peered up at him, and sighed. "You may have a point."
"I'll take it," Zay shrugged. "And you, Farkle. Don't go sassing Miss Hart over here just because you're worried. You know she cares about Riley. Don't mistake that for a minute. And Maya's right. Riley probably could use a moment alone, that's why she's not here with us now. But if you want to be there for her, no one's stopping you. Maya, you don't need to get defensive. We're all doing our best here."
"I'm sorry, Maya," Farkle said.
"Yeah, me too," She replied, eyes on her tray.
"That's what I like to hear. Now Lucas," he said, turning to his best friend. Before he even began, Lucas seemed to shrink into himself. The jock turned into a weakling. "Man, you've got to pull yourself together. You're coming unhinged, and it's coming out at all of us as sideways anger. If you're gonna talk, talk. Now isn't the time for accusations."
"You're right, Zay. But your advice is too late. I hurt Riley, and as soon as I tried to apologize I hurt her again. I think what's best for me right now is just to keep a distance. And I don't just mean from Riley, but maybe…maybe from all of you."
"What?" Farkle looked up at him as he stood.
"I've got to take some time to think this all through. I'm not disappearing, just…just getting some breathing room, okay?"
"You mean you're running away from your problems again?" Maya turned to him, the disappointment clear on her face. "We've been to Texas and back, where are you going to go this time? How far away do you need to be, exactly? And for how long? Why do you need to keep pushing away a part of you that makes you who you are, huh? You're not going anywhere, Lucas. You're staying right here with all of us, and you're going to see this through. No one gets to walk away this time."
And just like that, the table went silent.
