I had woken up before the rest of the girls in my dorm so I got dressed quickly and went to find Snape. I needed to ask him about my mother.
"Yes?" Drawled Snape as I knocked on his door.
I stepped inside.
"Potter?" He said surprised, "What do you want?"
"Sir I overheard some of the conversation after I left the office yesterday."
He paled, "Potter," he sounded angry, "what part of go back to your common room do you not understand."
"I'm sorry sir but-,"
"Potter," he growled, "I gave you explicit instructions and you ignored me."
"I know sir, I'm sorry sir."
"Get out my office!"
"Sir please."
"Out Potter!" He almost shouted coming towards me.
I turned and fled the room, tears were running down my face. I had let down the one teacher who trusted me, the one teacher who had seen more than my father in me and I had betrayed his trust.
I didn't go to breakfast, I wasn't hungry and I doubted Snape would care now. I wandered up to the library. I grabbed a book and sat in one of the window seats. I had about half an hour till my first lesson of the day.
I groaned. I had potions first. Normally I didn't mind potions because Snape was usually reasonably nice to me and I had quite a skill in it. I stayed in the library for a little longer until I heard noise out on the corridor and I set off for the dungeons.
"There you are!" Cried Alicia, "You weren't in the dorm or at breakfast."
"Oh yeah sorry." I said.
"What's up Venus?"
"Nothing I'm fine."
"Venus?"
"I'm fine!" I almost shouted.
She stepped back, "Fine, okay be like that."
I sighed and turned away.
Snape came out and ushered us all in. His eyes lingered on me, disgust in his eyes.
"What's happened, he usually loves you?" Hissed Alicia.
I didn't say anything.
"You told him what you heard about your mother." She guessed.
I nodded. She turned to say something else but Snape chose that moment to start the lesson. We were brewing a pretty basic potion but I wasn't really paying attention. My potion was nowhere near as good as it usually was.
"Potter," Snape said sharply, "This potion is absolutely disgraceful, start again."
He vanished my potion, I stared at him in shock. My potion hadn't been great but it was certainly not as bad as other people's in the class.
I started again but I still couldn't get it right, my mind just wasn't in the potion.
"Again Potter, I thought you'd have learned. Detention and five points from Slytherin."
Now other people were starting to look my way. I usually gained Slytherin points for potions, I never lost them and Snape would never take points from his own house.
There was only five minutes left of the lesson so I didn't bother trying to start a new potion. I just sat there for the last few minutes before gavering my things up to head to history of magic.
"7 o'clock my office tonight." Drawled Snape as I passed him.
I had to bite my tongue to stop myself retorting to him about how I wasn't supposed to be in his office anymore.
I spent history of magic reading and then headed to the library over lunch. I didn't care about giving myself energy for magic, I couldn't do it anyway.
I had herbology after lunch and we weren't using magic, we were just repotting some of the medical herbs. It was a double period so afterwards it was dinner time. Again I didn't go to the meal, I wasn't hungry still and I would rather not have to interact with anyone. I went to the library and dug out a book, reading until just before seven. Then I went down the dungeons for my detention with Snape.
I knocked on the door.
"Enter!"
I walked in and shut the door behind me.
"Potter I usually compare your potions to your mother's but today they were terrible, I think she would have been disappointed in you."
I looked down, shifting uncomfortably. My mother was the only one of my parents who I really wanted to do good by.
"You've skipped all your meals today too, you realise the importance of eating don't you?"
"Yes sir." I muttered.
"Potter you need to care of yourself."
"Or what?" I spat, "Or I'll drain myself, that's good isn't it, good for everyone else anyway. I wouldn't be able to hurt anyone, there'd be no more fear about what Voldermort's daughter might do. Maybe everything would just be better if I wasn't here."
"No Potter-,"
"And I'm not even a Potter," I ranted, "I'm supposed to live up to this name, I'm supposed to be a great witch and do good things because I'm a Potter but I'm not I'm Voldermort's not James' and I'm hardly Lily's either, she didn't want me, she wasn't even aware to conceive me so you talk about her being disappointed but really she's been disappointed since the day I was born, she never wanted another child." I finished panting.
"She did actually." Said Snape mildly.
"Always wanted two children, a girl and a boy."
"But Sir how do you know?"
"You heard enough last night to know I knew your mother quite well and that is true. I was one of her best friends. I was the one who told her what she was. She told me one summer when we were younger that she wanted two children."
"Yes but I'm guessing she wanted two good children, not the daughter of Voldermort."
"You are mistaken when you think you can't be good." Said Snape slowly. "It is true you can't change your heritage but you can choose how to act about it. You don't have to be dangerous, you can help the right side."
"But Sir, when everyone knows they'll hate me, they won't believe me."
"No," he agreed, "they won't but that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it.
He sighed and pulled up his left sleeve revealing the same mark that was on mine.
I gasped, "Sir, I never knew."
"And how would you," He said dryly, "I don't advertise the fact. My point being that I am in fact a spy so I do my part for Dumbledore and I help the right side. You can do the same Potter so stop wallowing in self misery and actually do something useful."
"Why have you told me this?" I asked quietly.
"Potter you are capable of a lot more than you think. Just because you were born to the Dark Lord it doesn't mean you are necessarily bad. You can be very useful to the right side. Now like I said stop wallowing in your misery.
"Yes sir, sorry sir." I said.
"And nobody will hear of this." He said darkly.
"No of course not sir." I said hastily.
He looked at me thoughtfully, "Your mother was a brilliant woman and a brilliant witch. If you put in the work you could be too."
"Really sir, thank you sir."
"I want to see you at every meal time and I want your potions back up to scratch." He said changing back into the strict potions Professor.
I couldn't help but smirk. "Yes sir."
He looked at the clock.
"You are still here for detention." He reminded me.
"Oh yes sir."
"Scrub those cauldrons." He gestured to a pile of dirty cauldrons.
About half an hour later he let me go back to the dorm. I slid past my dorm mates and into the dorm. I laid down thoughtfully. Lily had wanted two children and Snape thought I could be as good as her. Would she be proud of me if I became a spy? I truthfully didn't know but I knew my father would hate it and that was enough to make the idea seem worthwhile.
I wanted to make my mother proud though, it was true that she had never planned to have me but she wanted two children. I decided I would work harder in potions and in all my lessons so that despite everything else she could be proud of me and there was Snape too. Although I'd never admit it to anyone I wanted to make him proud, he had helped me so far this year and whether that was because of my mother or not it didn't change everything he'd done for me. I would make them all proud, I decided and I would make the others see that I was more than Voldermort's child.
Sorry know this is a short chapter but I didn't want it to merge it.
