Previously on 'Our Little Relapses'
One week ago when Spencer found Hanna and Aria. They rushed Aria into surgery to repair the damages she had done to her hip, but then she went septic, an infection in her bloodstream, leaving us where we are today. In the hospital, in ICU, and barely hanging on. When she's awake she's disoriented and nauseous, she can't keep anything down. She sleeps most of the time, partially due to to all of the medication she's on, and partially, that she doesn't feel up to really anything else other then that.
For the first time since she walked into the room, I looked up at her. "I can't leave her, Spencer. I. Can't. She is everything to me. Spencer, you know as well as I do how bad she's doing. If she's going to go, I want to be here when she does." I informed her letting the pain I'm feeling be obvious in my voice. As I spoke tears flowed down my face, and I didn't even bother to suppress a sob.
I went back to staring at Aria, watching her chest slowly rise and fall, listening to her heart monitor beep, and studying her every feature so I can have a permanent mental picture of her. This isn't really the way that I would like to remember my Aria, so sick, so pale, but it's better than nothing. She can't die... I can't raise our son without her, I can't live my life without her... She can't die on me now. She's too young to die...
One of the machines started to go off, and the nurse quickly walked in to see what was going on. "Her IV bag just needs to be refilled." she informed me seeing my panicked state.
"Is she doing any better, any worse? She hasn't been up all day." I asked as she replaced her IV.
She shrugged, "She appears to be doing the same, her doctor should be back in a few hours to check on her." she informed me with a sorry look on her face.
I shook my head, "We've been here all week. All she's done this past week is gotten worse. When is she going to get better?" I begged. I need for Aria to get better. She has to get better, we can't loose her, she means way too much to all of us for us to loose her...
She shrugged, "I really can't answer that, sir. I'm sorry, but I can say that you can keep hope and pray for a miracle. She isn't gone yet." she answered as she headed toward the door walked out of the room.
So that is what I did, I sat and prayed to God that she would make it out of this, that she would be able to be with me while I raise our son, so we can grow old together...
POV Ezra
"Food delivery for an Ezra Fitz." Spencer greeted me as she walked through the door with a Arby's bag in her hand.
Taking my gaze off of Aria, I looked up at Spencer. "Hey thanks, care to sit with me while I eat?" I asked her, needing to having someone here with me for a little bit, and since Spencer is right there with a bag of food in her hand, who better?
Spencer sat down in the other chair on the other side of Aria's bed. "I would love to. Has anything changed in the last hour?" she asked as she took a sandwich out of the bag and passed in over to me.
I shrugged, "Not really, they changed out her IV. She hasn't been up for about, oh what time is it?" I looked down at my watch. "Five hours now. When she was up earlier she was only up long enough to throw up, then she was out again." I informed her as I hungrily took a bite into my sandwich. I didn't realize that I was really hungry until I saw the bag of food in Spencer's hands.
She nodded her head, "I wonder when she'll be up again... When was the last time she was able to speak?" Spencer questioned.
"About two days ago she complained of feeling sick." I replied thinking back to the last time I heard my lovely Aria's voice. It's been all too long... I miss her voice. I need the sound of her voice. My entire body aches for the sound of her voice, and not her depressed or sickly voice, but her voice back when we were about to have the baby and right after he was born. We were all so happy then, but then after about three weeks everything went down hill. I should have know that she was doing this again. I should have seen the signs, I should have done something sooner. Maybe if I had done something she wouldn't be laying here right now fighting for her life.
Spencer sighed, "She's just had a bad past few days. I'm sure she'll be better soon... Alison is coming down from Philly to help out in whatever way she can. She should be here tomorrow afternoon. She's taking the train in the morning." she informed me trying to get everything onto a more positive note.
I nodded my head. More like she wants to be here when and if they pass. You know that everything is bad when close friends and family start coming in. First my brother sent me a text saying he was coming to town for the weekend and and Alison is coming down from Philly. They're coming to say goodbye, but I'm not, by any means ready to say goodbye to the love of my life.
Just as I was about to reply, there was a knock at the door and Officer Wilden walked in in full uniform. "Good afternoon, Mr. Fitz, Mrs. Cavanaugh. I apologize if this is a bad time, but it has come to out attention that Aria is in poor health, so we came to arrange a few minutes of time where her parents can come to say their goodbyes. I'd also like to speak with you about her brother's well being in this." he informed us.
Anger raged through every limb, hair, and cell of my body. They do not deserve to ever see Aria again after the way they treated her, and what about Mike's well being? He is seventeen years old, old enough that he doesn't really need someone to raise him anymore, so what does that have to do with Aria's health? And saying goodbye? I don't think so. No one is saying goodbye, we can't give up on her yet. "I don't think so. I do not want either of them anywhere near my wife. I could really care less if they're her parents. After how they treated her, and after their fight which temporarily blinded their son and broke his hand, they do not deserve to see either of them. And no one is saying goodbye, we can't give up on her that easily. Then with Mike, he is doing just fine. He's been staying with Emily, Spencer and Toby and they've been taking care of the babies. If you don't believe me then Spencer is sitting right here, she can tell you just as well as I can that Mike is just fine and he is where he needs to be." I fumed having a very hard time not raising my voice. I do not want Aria waking up to the presence of Officer Wilden, he is probably one of the least people she would want to see.
Wilden looked back and forth between Spencer and I for a moment, "How does Mike seem to be holding up Spencer?" he asked.
Spencer looked him in the eye, "Well as any good brother would be, he is concerned about his sister, but he is doing just fine. He loves the babies and I think he enjoys getting a little bit of man time with Toby. Just last night Toby took Mike out to go get some pizza and play some basketball." she truthfully stated.
Wilden looked back to me. "So Mike wasn't getting the necessary man time that he needed with you?" he interrogated.
It took all that I have to not punch him right in the face. "Mike and I would do things together everyday, but since I am needed here with my wife, Toby is filling in my shoes while I'm unable to do so. I still talk on the phone and text Mike periodically throughout the day to check up on him, keep him updated on Aria, and let him talk if he needs to." I informed him without a second thought about the subject.
Officer Wilden nodded his head, "Alright, but we'll be keeping an eye out to make sure that Mike is okay and getting the proper attention that he needs. And as for her parents coming to say goodbye, I guess we will respect your wishes, but if she dies without her parents getting to say goodbye to her, or even apologize to her if they want to, then that is on you're shoulders, not mine. Have a good day." he said, in walked out seeing as she had nothing. I'm sure that he came in to cause trouble of some sort, but he got out with no luck.
Spencer looked at me with a concerned face, "I can't believe he just did that. Are you okay Ezra?" she asked once he was out the door and the door closed again.
I nodded my head, "I guess so. I hate the fact that he even came. I know that he just came in looking to stir up trouble." I informed her, then continued to eat my sandwich.
She nodded her head, "I still wonder how he ever got onto the police force." she agreed with me, knowing what a horrible person he is.
I finished eating my food in silence. "So what's the last you heard on Hanna?" I asked once I'd thrown the wrapper in the trash and sat back down.
She sighed, "Last I heard she isn't doing any better, but she isn't doing any worse either. That was a few hours ago though, but I'm sure someone or other would have informed me if something had changed." she informed me she she glanced down at her watch to check the time.
"Well at least she hasn't gotten any worse..." I replied, happy that Hanna hasn't gotten worse, but with Hanna and Aria, when one of them gets better, so does the other. That also works the other way around, when one of them started getting bad, they both did, just this time Aria got it a little worse.
Spencer gave me a sorry look, "It's going to be okay. Now I've got to go pick up everyone's medicine from the pharmacy. Both Mike and the babies are doing much better, thank goodness." she informed me as she stood up, picking her over-sized bag up with her.
I watched her walked in the direction of the door, "Okay. Give Atticus a hug for me and tell him his mommy and daddy love him and miss him." I requested. I miss my son, so much, but I just can't leave Aria to go see him. There is the possibility that this is going to be our last time to be together, so I'm going to take it. I'm not going to risk the chance of her passing while I'm gone.
She nodded her head and smiled, "I will. I'll send you a picture when I see him." she promised as she walked out the door, closing it behind her.
I went back to memorizing Aria's face. I tried to ignore the dark circles under her eyes and picture her skin with color and full of life, but that just made me feel worse because that isn't reality. Reality is her skin is almost translucent it's so pale, the circles under her eyes makes it seem like she was punched and has two black eyes. It's obvious that she has lost a lot of weight, you can see her cheek bones poking out, you can count every single one of her ribs. She is a sad sight.
I'd almost fallen asleep when an increase in Aria's heart rate brought my back to my senses. My eyes shot open to see Aria's tired, bloodshot eyes open and looking at me. "Hey there sleepyhead. How're you feeling?" I asked seeing that she was at least somewhat awake.
She opened the palm of her hand for me to take it. I did as she wanted. "Ezra." she whispered with a raspy voice. It was obvious that it was taking every bit of the little strength she had left for her to say anything.
My heart rate accelerated finally getting to hear the sound of Aria's voice again. It's not my Aria though, it's a sick and tired version of her voice. "Yes, Aria? What do you need? What can I do for you?" I asked happy that she is finally awake.
She attempted to smile, "Atticus?" she asked as her eye balls looked to my phone on the table beside her.
I nodded my head, "Atticus is doing great. Spencer just sent me a picture of him about half an hour ago." I informed her, while with my free hand fumbled with my phone to bring up our son's picture for her to see. I showed her his picture which made her eyes water.
"I'm sorry." she apologized, putting her free hand over the bandages on her hip. Her way of telling me what she is sorry for without having to using the energy to tell me.
I shook my head, "I know. I know. I forgive you. I should have been there for you more, and for that I am very sorry, but let's just put that behind us and focus on you getting better." I replied with a few tears filling my eyes.
"Tell Atticus his mommy loves him, and that what I did had nothing to do with him." she requested letting sorrow fill every feature in her face.
I could feel my stomach tie up into a knot. She's saying goodbye. "Why don't you tell him yourself when you get better?" I suggested choosing to keep the state of denial. I'm not going to accept the fact of her possible untimely death.
She gave me a desperate look, "Ezra. I love you, and our baby. I know that you're going to do a great job raising him. He always loves spending time you." she said ignoring my suggestion of telling him herself when she got better.
Tears fell quickly down my face. "Aria, I can't raise him on my own. Who would take care of him? I have to work, and he needs his mother. He loves you, so much. He misses you, we can all tell that he does. You can't give up, Aria. I need you, our son needs you. We all need you Aria." I begged seeing that she was serious about giving up.
Tears filled Aria's eyes. "I'm not sure how much longer I can hold on, Ezra. Please remember that I love you more then anything in the world. There isn't anything that you could have done to help me, so please don't blame yourself. I've just had some major problems in my life... I love you." she said and closed her eyes.
"No, Aria, don't go back to sleep... Please Aria. You can't give up." I begged, but I was too late, so I listened to her heart monitor beep and let our conversation soak into my head so I would remember every blink of an eye, every breath, and every word forever.
After a little while I pulled out my phone and dialed Caleb's number. "Hey man, how Ar doing?" he answered.
More tears ran down my cheeks and onto my t-shirt. "She's given up. She woke up just long enough to say goodbye. She's just hanging on by a thread now." I informed him with a shaky voice. It's taking all that I have to not have a serious breakdown right here right now.
"What? No. Are you sure she's giving up? Maybe her waking up and taking with you was her getting better." he suggested trying to make it to where Aria's going to make it.
"No Caleb. She really said goodbye. I can't live without her, I don't know what I'll do if she really goes." I said with desperation.
"Don't think like that just yet. I'll be there in five minutes." he told me and the line when dead.
Sure enough, five minutes later Caleb walked through the door. "Hey." He greeted me, then looked Aria up and down. "She looks even worse then Hanna does..." he said with stress in his voice.
I nodded my head, "I know that she's doing really bad, but I know that she could make it, she just can't loose hope. I can't raise Atticus on my own. I can't live with out her. Why is she giving up on me? She told me she loved me, but if she really loved me she wouldn't leave me." I sobbed letting my head collapse into my hands.
Caleb took a deep breath, "Ezra, I don't think she's giving up on you, I think she's giving up on herself. She's been so sick and she's been in so much pain that I don't blame her. I agree with you though, if she would just keep hope I think that she would be able to make it through this, but she might not want to. Even if she did make it through this her recovery time would take years of more sickness, more pain, more stress... We can't let her die, we can't let either of them die. This isn't how it was supposed to go..." he said as he started to cry himself.
"We were supposed to grow old together, we were supposed to have more kids, travel, write a book together. We had so many plans for things that we were going to do together, now if she gives up we won't be able to do any of those things." I said through my sobs.
Caleb knelt down next to Aria, "Ar, you've got to hang on. For all of us, your son needs you, your husband needs you, Mike needs you, Hanna needs you, Tiffany needs you, I need you, Toby, Spencer, Emily and Alison need you. We all need you Aria. Don't give up, please don't give up." he begged her, then after a minutes looked back up at me, "I need to go and see my wife. Keep me updated." he told me.
I nodded my head, "Thanks. I will." I replied, "I'll talk to you later, but if Hanna does wake up in the near future, do you think we could see if she could come in here for a minute? I think hearing Hanna's voice might help her." I requested knowing how close the two of them are and the effect that they have on each other.
He nodded his head, "I'll see what I can do." he agreed and walked back out the door and back to his bride.
Once he'd left I sent everyone else a text message with an update on Aria. Half of the words were misspelled because of my shaky hands, but even the English teacher in me didn't seem to make me care, so I pressed send.
A/N I almost cried as I wrote this chapter, this was such a hard chapter for me to write.
What do you think is going to happen to Aria? Please review and tell me you theories!
Love you guys! OXOX ~ TotalCowGirl
