I was going to wait to publish this but it was sitting there finished and I just couldn't - her you go xx
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I sat cross legged on Spencer's bed, blow drying my hair. I got the news a few days ago that my building was being torn down to be rebuilt from scratch, and of course that was fine, I would continue staying with Spencer - he wouldn't let me stay anywhere else. It felt so natural to come home to Spencer's, well, not home, but it felt like home. Penelope had phoned earlier, before I'd had a shower. I had told her exactly what had happened. She had said, "Well, there is the silver lining"
"Which is?"
"Now Reid knows, now he understands – you can ask him out without having to explain it"
"It's not that simple!"
"But it is"
"No, it's not – I have no idea how he feels, I have no idea if he... would be... okay with this!"
"Honey, he loves you – and from what you've said nothing's changed. He still wants to look after you and take care of you."
I groaned, "I don't know Pen, I really don't know."
"Well I do, and if you even considering waiting another three years for something to happen I will ask him out for you!"
"Don't you dare!"
"I will, believe me I will."
"Oh I don't doubt it – that's what scares me"
"Ask him!"
"Penny!"
"Ask him! I've got to go but I will be phoning you tomorrow"
I sighed but laughed anyway, "Fine, night Penny"
"Night Jess"
I turned off the hair dryer, unplugging it and wrapping up the cord. I was brushing my hair when Spencer appeared at the door. He smiled sincerely and came to sit beside me, "You've been quiet since we got home" he said carefully.
I put my brush aside, "Sorry, I know"
"It's alright. Are you okay?"
"I guess" I took a breath, staring at the duvet in front of me, "I just wasn't expecting... it to come out like that... I thought I'd be able to prepare myself and explain everything when I was ready"
"I know it wasn't how you'd planned it, but now we know – you don't have to keep it to yourself any more." He shifted close to me, delicately wrapping his arm around my waist.
"Garcia knew" I said quietly. He looked at me and I could see that he was confused, and hurt, knowing that I confided in someone before him. "I didn't... She wouldn't give in, she just kept asking what had happened and... I had a bit of a breakdown and I told her. I couldn't tell you because... b-because..."
"Jess?"
I turned to face him and he moved to copy, I took his hands, biting my lip. "Just hear me out" I said quietly, "please".
"Jess, what...?"
"Please?" I whispered. He nodded, rubbing his thumbs over the back of my hands. I took deep breaths, staring at our hands for a while before I started slowly. "You- you're always so good with kids, and you can see how happy you get when there are kids around and... it's obvious you want kids. And I have... been... wanting to- for us to... get... together but... I can't have kids and... I thought that maybe... because I couldn't... you would- you wouldn't want to... be with me..."
"You thought I wouldn't want to be with you because of that?" He said softly, staring at me with his big brown eyes.
I knew how stupid my logic sounded now I'd said it out loud, but I knew how much those thoughts had held me back, I knew how they'd stood in my way. "I'm sorry, it's just..." I shook my head.
"Jessica I love you"
Everything stopped, every movement, every sound but my heart beating in my ears – everything held its breath as I took in those words. "I- I love- I love you too" He wrapped me in his arms, pulling me to sit sideways in his lap as he wrapped his arms around me. I couldn't believe it, after all this time. I leant in against his chest, tucking my head beneath his chin.
"I should have said something." He said as I leant back, "When you came back, I was going to ask you out – but... every time I tried to, every time I got close to you, you seemed to back away. I thought I'd done something wrong, I thought you'd met someone or... I don't know. I was too afraid to ask you, I should have just done it."
"The first year we met" I said softly, "I was going to ask you, but... I don't know, I was too shy; I'd had bad break ups before and... and I didn't want that for us."
"That's never going to happen to us, never, I promise" he gently cupped my neck, running his thumb along my jaw. My eyes flickered shut as he slowly leant in, our noses brushed past each other and I felt his gentle breath of my skin. I felt his moment of hesitation before his lips softly met mine, soft and gentle and warm. I pressed back, my fingers in Spencer's hair as he trailed his hands down to my waist. It was almost unreal.
We broke apart for breath, gazing at each other as we sucked in air. "So" I said, grinning widely, "are we...?"
"Should I ask properly?" he replied with a laugh.
I nodded, a smile playing on my lips, "Go on then"
"Jessica Young, will you be my girlfriend?"
"Yes, yes yes yes!" He captured my lips and held me close, and soon after we fell asleep in each others arms.
