To the guest who, the chapter before last, asked when we'd get to the part mentioned in the summary: Mea culpa. I know this story has gotten away from me, as my stories tend to do. But we're getting there.

As always, thanks to voyageasia, who had a lot to do betaing this chapter.

Kurt nods, unsurprised. The only unexpected thing about all of this is that they sent Blaine, of all people.

He frees himself from Blaine's arms.

"Are you going to do it?" he asks.

Blaine flinches, but Kurt doesn't take back the question. A part of him says that Blaine would never kill him, but the rest isn't that sure. The world has gone mad, and most people aren't that different. Who knows what a person will do in any given situation? He'd never have thought his best friend might kill him, but then he'd never have thought he'd become persona non grata and dangerous dissident just by asking a few questions.

"Do you really think I'd kill you?" Blaine asks, sounding hurt.

Kurt shrugs."I don't know. I'm not saying it would be easy for you, but – if they told you to, and you believed in them, and you thought people would benefit from it, then yes, I think you might."

Blaine nods thoughtfully, and Kurt questions the wisdom behind pretty much giving Blaine reasons to kill him.

"Maybe you're right," Blaine says. "I might – if I believed in them." He shakes his head sadly. "I don't, not anymore. I don't think a government that resorts to having someone raped, beaten up or killed just to shut them up is a government that deserves my loyalty. And yes, I know about the beating." he adds just as Kurt wants to ask, "I think I always have. I just didn't want to believe it."

"So you're not going to kill me," Kurt says just to make sure. And as Blaine shakes his head with a half-smile, he asks, "So what do we do now?"

"We'll have to leave."

"Leave? Blaine, we can't just leave. There's nothing out there, there's – who knows what there is? We can't just leave."

Blaine sighs, shaking his head. "Sometimes I think you don't even hear yourself talking. For months, you've been bugging everyone to go out there and explore. Now it's your chance. More than that, you don't have a choice. Or do you imagine us creeping around the city, in hiding until they change your mind or the day those preachers talk about, when the world is finally finished for good?"

Kurt can see that's not really an option, but it's..."It's scary," he admits. "Also, it's really sudden."

"I know." Blaine hugs him, and in spite of everything, Kurt is so happy to have that back.

"Now, we have to hurry. Pack your things, I'm going to round up everyone to say goodbye."

With that, he leaves, and it's only then that Kurt sees the two backpacks lying beside the door. Curious, he looks inside. This must be Blaine's, there's some clothes, a few tools, and the rest is filled with food. The other one must be intended for him – it's mostly full with food, though there's room left for clothes and anything else he might want to bring.

It's too much food to have come from food stamps. He must have stolen it. And Blaine stealing food? Kurt would say it's the end of the world if that hadn't happened already.

And then it hits him: this is his fault. Blaine going against his principles, Blaine having to leave the city, Blaine losing, once again, everything.

Kurt feels like crying, but there's no time, it's too late to change anything now. His remorse doesn't quite go far enough to persuade Blaine to kill him; he doesn't think he'd succeed, anyway.

But later, he swears to himself, later he'll find a way to make it up to Blaine, in any way he can.

For now, he packs.

It doesn't take long. His clothes, his blanket, needles and threat, the salt and oil he got from the extra food stamps he earned. He decides to steal his pillow, and fastens it on top of his backpack with some rope that he's sure they'll have some use for. A lantern.

Then he waits, pacing anxiously in the confined space of his cabin. He fears Administration may realize their mistake and send someone else to finish what Blaine should have done. He fears something might delay Blaine or stop him completely. He fears Blaine might change his mind.

When the door opens, he jumps. and his racing heart hardly slows down when he realizes it's Blaine, with Rachel, Santana and Brittany in tow. He breathes deeply and goes to hug them goodbye.

"We can't stay long," Rachel says with tears in her eyes. "Where we sleep, they'll notice we're gone. Just, please, be careful. I'll miss you."

"Come with us," Kurt says, surprising himself. But he means it. There's no reason they couldn't leave, too, if they wanted to, and he finds he'd like them to be there.

But at the same moment, he knows they won't. He knows Brittany won't leave, she was born in the area and is one of very few people who haven't lost someone in the apocalypse. And Santana has her arm around Brittany's waist and looks at her like she hung the moon. What are you doing, he thinks, Brittany's a whore, we don't fall in love with our clients. She'll just break your heart.

And really, Santana says, "No, we're not leaving. Not yet, at least. We'll do something better, we'll continue what you started. We'll talk to people, make sure they know what's going on. We'll try to find out more, too."

"No, you can't!" Kurt says, frightened. "You know what they've done to me, they'll do it to you too, you can't!"

Brittany smiles at him. "There's more of us, so we're not that easy to target. Also, we're women. We'll be way more subtle."

"I'm sorry we didn't start earlier," Rachel says. "We could have helped you more, but...well, it was mostly me. I was too scared."

"Anyway, you two should get going," Santana says. "I want this house back. But if you can make it somehow, try to come back for us. Every month at full moon, we'll be waiting for you at the little gate on the North side of the wall."

If you survive, is what she doesn't say. But Kurt hears it anyway.

Dazed, he lets himself be hugged one more time, and then Blaine and he shoulder their backpacks and go out into the night.

…...

They go to the North side, of course; wherever they may end up, this is the best, the only, way to start. Kurt hasn't been on the wall lately, he hasn't dared, but as far as he knows, the water hasn't gone away, and neither has the ground stopped spitting lava on the other side. He doesn't know if there are still landslides, but he isn't willing to see for himself. If they want to have even the slightest chance of survival, they have to go North.

Shortly before the gate, Blaine stops him with a hand on his shoulder. "You don't happen to know how to drive a car, do you?"

Kurt shakes his head. Before he came here, he had seen a car exactly once, and he hadn't even dared touch it.

"I don't either. Besides, I don't think there's any fuel. So, walking it is."

Kurt stares at him. "You would have stolen a car?"

Blaine shrugs. "I've stolen food, I've kept my gun and stolen ammunition, I've stolen this."

He takes a small, shiny item out of his pocket, and it takes a moment for Kurt to see it's a key. It must be the key to the gate in the wall.

"So yes. I'd have stolen a car. It hardly seems to matter anymore."

He sounds...lost, somehow, and there are so many things Kurt wants to say. But it does. It matters. Don't lose who you are because of me. I couldn't bear it.

He doesn't say it, though. He has the distinct feeling they should get the hell out of here, they've stalled long enough. So he just gives Blaine a quick hug, and then they walk to the gate, slowly so as not to arise the suspicion of any streetsweeper nearby, and in the shadow of the wall, Blaine quickly unlocks the little gate.

…...

And then they're outside. It's dark, much darker than in the city, and they grab each other's hand so as not to lose each other, and walk. Just away, as far as they can, the direction is not important now, Kurt knows they have miles to go before they either drown or – he doesn't even know, was it earth or lava on the other side? Everything seemed so laid out from the top of the wall, but now he's actually here, on the outside, it's so different. He hasn't even spent that long in the city, not quite a year, he thinks, and yet it has become literally his whole world. Now, everything seems unreal, and he clutches Blaine's hand, his only anchor, the only thing that keeps everything in perspective.

They don't talk much as they stumble through the dark. They don't dare light a lantern to illuminate their way, they're not far away enough. Fortunately, the moon is bright.

Once, Kurt asks, "Do you think they'll follow us?" He has to almost shout to be heard through the howling of the wind, but then, at the end of the sentence, the wind stops and his voice is so loud in the almost total silence that suddenly surrounds them that they both flinch. After that, they don't speak for a long time, and Blaine only remembers to answer much later, when he can whisper because the wind still hasn't picked up again.

"I don't know."

Much later, when the sun is already high over the horizon, they find a kind of depression between a couple of hills and settle down for a bit. It seems reckless, Kurt thinks, to interrupt their flight in broad daylight, but they've been walking for several hours now. Kurt has forgotten how his feet feel when they don't hurt, and Blaine has begun stumbling on every other step.

There's wind again, but it's not very strong, and here they are protected enough to be comfortable. They even dare to light a small fire, and the weak, but hot tea they treat themselves with tastes comforting. They eat and rest their weary feet, and then they lie down to sleep. But just as Kurt closes his eyes, Blaine starts talking.

"I actually don't think they'll come after us. I – I hope that us being gone is enough for them."

"Me being gone, you mean," Kurt says, turning to his belly and leaning on his elbows to look at Blaine. "I've been thinking, Blaine, there's no reason you have to go, too. I mean, I get that I'm kind of late realizing this, but maybe if you went back now, it wouldn't be too late."

"I'm not going back, Kurt," Blaine says, and as Kurt squints into the sunlight to see his face, he can see tears glistening there. Instinctively, he scoots closer.

"This is going to sound awful, but...I've felt really good since the apocalypse. For the first time in my life, I felt like I had a purpose, like I was really able to help people. I've always wanted that. And...I loved the way Administration worked. How they tried to relieve people, better their situation however they could. I thought they were...good. They made sure there was a kind of order in all the chaos surrounding us, and I loved that."

Blaine's crying now, and Kurt sits up and puts his arms around him, drawing him closer until he can rest his head against Kurt's chest.

"I began having doubts after our expedition, but I shut them down. I needed this so badly, Kurt, and for a long time, I was able to tell myself that there would be reasons for all that. I went to great lengths to fool myself. I even stayed away from you."

Kurt holds Blaine when he can't speak anymore because sobs heave his body, soothingly stroking his back. He feels incredibly guilty, and tears rise in his own eyes as he thinks that it's him who has done this to Blaine. He's the one who has taken away a place Blaine loved, where he felt good and useful and at home.

"Then you called for help, and I was nearby but they wouldn't let me go to you, and I didn't understand until I was there. When I realized what they had done...I went there, as high up as they let me, and I screamed at them until they kicked me out."

He laughs bitterly. "That's why I think they won't follow us. Ordering me to kill you was a test of my loyalties. I failed, but now they're rid of both of us. I think that's enough for them."

He cries for a long time. Kurt only lets go of him once to throw more wood on the fire, and then he holds him until his deepening breaths reveal that he has cried himself to sleep.

Kurt doesn't cry, but he lies awake for a long time, holding Blaine in his arms and wondering what he can do to make up for everything he has taken from him.