Hello fellow people that love comedy! I have another chapter right here. Since there is another story I want to work on as well, I want to get in a great deal of chapters for this story in before the month ends. So I guess that means a new chapter every night! How cool is that? Also, to explain about the notes, only one of them was written by Batman. More will be explained in this chapter. Also, Superman will be referred to as Fake-Batman throughout this chapter in case you get confused. Thanks again for the reviews as always. Happy Readings!
Disclaimer: All Rights To Young Justice Belong to DC Comics and Cartoon Network
Chapter Seven: Recordings of Our Two Dads
This had to be another joke. There was no way that Bruce was flirting with him. This was probably another part of his revenge scheme by simply mind-fucking the Kryptonian senseless. Superman-no, wait!-Fake-Batman looked over the letter in his hand, only finding another little message on the back saying:
Don't bother bringing up what I said on this letter at all when you see me. I know what I said and don't need a reminder from a corn-fed hick like you.
He sighed at his friend's antics, flinching as his suit squeaked with each movement he made. Fake-Batman prayed to God that no one would see him like this...but God also seemed intent on punishing the Kryptonian for his stupidity as well. No sooner had he walked out of his room did the poor idiot realize that he was surrounded by superheroes, who then proceeded to point and laugh at his face. Remembering the note, Fake-Batman turned around and showed everyone his butt, receiving cheers from the ladies and more laughs from the guys. Fake-Batman's face went red in shame, trying his best to cover all of that with a "Bruce Wayne" smile, like Dick showed him a few years back. Now all he had to do was not kill anyone and he'd be in the clear.
Each time a superhero passed him, Fake-Batman was forced to show them his backside, most of them laughed until they cried, but there were others like Black Canary who slapped him for being a "immature creep." Flash kept on coming back to take more pictures with the promise of posting all of them onto Facebook. The Speedster didn't expect Fake-Batman to snatch the camera out of his grasp, however. Unfortunately, Green Arrow also took a lot of pictures and appeared to have heard about what happened with Flash and proceeded to upload all of his photos online immediately. When Captain Marvel saw him however, he stopped in his tracks and stood there with his mouth wide open in shock...it took several smelling salts and a chocolate bar to revive the Captain to his normal state. By the time Fake-Batman made it into the real Batman's quarters, he wanted to rip the man's head off. The Dark Knight's grin was too much for Fake-Batman now. He nearly screamed out,
"What the hell is your problem, Bruce?! Making me dress up like this!"
Bruce merely grinned at the spectacle before him. He went up to Fake-Batman and knocked him on the head a few times,
"You remember the instructions. Acting civil was apart of the instructions. That means no swearing whatsoever, Batman."
"Bullshit!" Fake-Batman declared, "George Clooney swore a lot of times in the movies that he's been in."
"Not while he was dressed like that," Batman pointed out, "The time he wore that outfit was a low-point for his career. That stupid Schumacher clearly didn't know what he was doing when he made that film on Earth-97. Now stop making things worse for yourself before I decide to punish you further."
""How did you even get in my room in the first place?" Fake-Batman demanded. He knew Batman was still in Gotham by the time he reached Mount Justice, so it was very confusing for him. Even the excuse that he was Batman wouldn't be enough to explain the strange circumstances around the theft.
"Easy," Batman replied, "I had Alfred come up when no one was looking and take your wardrobe in a large bag. He also left you that note I gave you. It all took place in the morning, when the night-shift was around. I let them know that he was coming and to not tell you, and they complied. Apparently Green Arrow, Aquaman and Martian Manhunter seemed to be on my side in terms of Conner's needs."
Two notes, actually. Fake-Batman thought. Not that you would admit it of course.
"What are you going to do to me as punishment?" Fake-Batman smirked, "Spank me? Teach me a lesson in further humility? Sounds a bit kinky even for you, to be honest."
"I'm seriously considering that right now!" Batman retorted, "Like I said in the letter, you've been acting naughty."
"I'm acting like a person would when they find out they are expected to be a parent!" Fake-Batman glared, "This is probably a common reaction for most people. Why are you making me look like the bad guy?"
"You are acting naughty!" Batman repeated, "I just got off the phone with Dick just now, demanding that I speak to you about your behavior just thirty minutes ago. I told you to apologize to Conner, not see him once and run off like a sissy girl!"
"At least I fulfilled part of the agreement," Fake-Batman growled, "But you never said anything about stealing my clothes as punishment and making me wear this!" He indicated the rubber suit he was wearing to emphasize the point he was making.
"I thought it was an appropriate punishment considering how your behavior was completely stupid and offensive in the first place," the Dark Knight explained, "Wasn't expecting you to need a wardrobe change this quickly though. What happened?"
"Apparently Zatarra wasn't joking when he said almost anything was possible if you said it backwards," Fake-Batman growled, "His daughter told me to do something horrible and I did it! When Diana saw me in my forced behavior, she looked like she wanted to slap me."
"What did you do that made Diana want to, as you said, slap you?" Batman asked curiously, his grin getting wider as he felt that the answer was on the tip of his tongue.
Fake-Batman blushed, "...Let's just say...it's something that...most teenage boys do...to themselves when they're alone..."
Batman's eyes widened before he lost it completely and collapsed on the floor laughing, slapping the floor beneath him very hard. That explained the satisfied smirk on his son's face when he explained Fake-Batman (no, wait! Superman) calling Conner an it again!
"What did she say to you exactly?" Batman sounded curious once he recovered from his laugh attack, "Give me the details!"
"I think she told me to go fuck myself," Fake-Batman admitted. He quickly checked his hands to see if they were acting up at all, which they weren't. He then sighed in relief how his body was still in complete control.
Batman smirked again, but didn't laugh this time thankfully.
"What do you really think about me, Bruce? Be honest," the Dark Knight was caught off guard by Fake-Batman's next comment, but he hid it well enough. Was this Kansas idiot serious or was he trying to mess with his head "Robin" style?
Bruce looked very carefully at his friend for a few moments before replying, "To be honest, I think of you as my best friend. Probably more than that, actually. But-"
"-if I say this to anyone, you will deny it completely," Fake-Batman finished the thought for him, much to the Dark Knight's ire. He added, "I guess the feeling's mutual for me too. So why do you act like a jerk to me most of the time."
Bruce froze when he heard this question. This was going to be a long conversation...
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
The Team listened to the conversation very eagerly in the comforts of the Cave. Thanks to Robin's friend, "Agent A," they had a bugged microphone in Batman's quarters, allowing them to hear every word that the World's Finest were exchanging and even record the words for future use. The first few minutes were awkward for Robin when Superman called Batman by his real name. He merely nodded to Wally, who then explained to everyone else who he was while the Boy Wonder slumped back into his chair with shame. If Batman ever found out about this...
I believe that we have enough recorded to move forward with Phase 1, Aqualad decided through the mind link. They all decided that it was too dangerous to converse normally now with the cameras in the Cave. Robin erased the most recent footage of the others agreeing to help and merely replaced it with an old video of them sparring.
This is going to be so much fun! Miss Martian beamed I never did a prank like this before! So what happens now?
What we do now, M'gan... Kid Flash began Is leave everything to the wizard.
Does that mean Zatarra's in on this too? What happened to keeping allies to a minimum now? Superboy questioned.
He was referring to me, Conner. Robin explained to his "cousin."
Wait a sec! You're a wizard?! Superboy's eyes widened with confusion.
Nah. Robin laughed, That's just another term for an expert. Since I'm the tech geek around here, I'm in charge of messing around with the words now. You guys can make suggestions for what sentences should be re-worded, while I plant a few breadcrumb trails to throw Bats off the scent. Let's see here; we'll use Red Arrow, Guy Gardner, Hal Jordan, Plastic Man, and also a few of Dad's business rivals to be on the safe side.
Great! Artemis grinned. She felt like she was going to burst with laughter right now and nothing outside of the rubber suit has happened yet!
We'll need to stay a few steps ahead of Batman though. Zatanna warned.
All right! Kid Flash cheered. Go Operation: We Love Our Two Dads!
Hold on a sec. Does that mean you're all Kryptonian?! Superboy was getting confused. NOTHING MAKES SENSE ANYMORE!
Here I thought that I wouldn't have a long chapter again and then I start writing. Just in case you are all wondering, Earth-97 is my reference to the year that "Batman and Robin" was released, much to the embarrassment of movie goers and Bob Kane. How did I do on this chapter? Did I do a good job by your standards? Is there anything you guys would like to suggest? Maybe where and when the edited audio recording will be revealed to the public? Any idea is a good idea, so don't worry about what you suggest as long as it does not involve actual shipping. This isn't going to be the type of story where Batman and Superman reveal themselves to be a couple in the end. Next update will come by tonight considering how it is past midnight right now and it is the 9th of December, 2014 and I've just finished writing this chapter after many distractions. Happy Readings!
