Unvanquished
In the beginning. . .was the void,
. . .and darkness,
. . . . . .and the face of the deep.
She was formless
over the deep, as a wind without direction,
swept clean above the waters.
And then
there was light. And
it was good.
In the center of the light was the word. The word
that curled out a hand and touched her, brought
her being to breath, brought her breath to life. And it was good.
It was him. It was love.
She jerked into consciousness-
and nothing moved.
No way to move. Nothing moved. Her heart pounded furiously and her breath escaped on a whine, slowly, without her control, and then she sucked air down into her lungs in a great and powerful gulp, her mouth gaping like a fish-
and she opened her eyes.
"Oh God, oh thank God. Kate. Kate, love-"
She heaved in another breath, felt her arm flail towards him, curl at his neck, her eyes wild and unable to focus and then the light burned it away and she was huddled into his arms and he was chanting her name over and over, his whole being raw and grated and reaching out for her.
"Castle."
"Oh God, it's so good to hear your voice," he moaned. "Kate."
Her legs were numb, her torso burned like ice as feeling came back, but Castle was stroking her face with his hands, over and over, tears spilling down his cheeks and landing at her throat, collecting there. She lifted a hand but couldn't make it stay.
"Cold," she ground out, her throat still raw. "Cold."
He'd stretched her out on the floor when she'd woken up, and now he curled at her side, up on his elbows to keep from laying on her, and his mouth worked kisses into her hairline, mapping the contour of her face.
"You can breathe," he whispered. "Breathe for me."
She sucked in a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. "Cold."
"I know," he murmured and huddled closer, sharing the heat of his body with her. She couldn't keep her eyes open.
"Tired."
"Don't sleep, Kate. Don't sleep. Alexis said you can't fall back asleep. Not until the numbness wears off."
"Tired."
"No, Kate. No. Just - stay awake. Stay here with me. Stay with me, Kate."
She could rest at least. She could rest and never. . .
"No. Kate. Talk to me. Something. Kate."
"Cold."
"Okay, okay, I know. The warming blanket is under you because the floor is cold, and I'm staying right here, Kate. I won't leave you. I'm right here."
"Tired."
"Kate."
The urgency in his voice made her eyes flicker open and she stared at him, tried to remember.
"Kate. Please. Say something else. Say, say something else. Anything else. Please, baby, say something-"
"Castle."
"No, no," she panicked, couldn't do anything to stop them, couldn't even make her arms work right. "Castle!"
"It's okay; it's okay. Castle went to get the car."
"No. No-" She sucked in a breath, her head swimming, vision going black, and then a warm hand came over hers, squeezed.
"Kate." Soft, insistent.
Kate opened her eyes. Alexis.
"It's just for a few minutes, Kate. I promise. Dad went to get the car and make sure the coast was clear. You - you'll have to go out in the body bag."
"Castle," she moaned, but nothing worked right, nothing made sense, and all she knew was the darkness of the bag as they zipped it agonizingly up.
"Kate, we can't sedate you, honey. You need to calm down. I know it's hard; I know you don't have control of everything, but we need you to calm down."
Lanie? Lanie.
"Castle," she whispered.
"Dad's getting the hearse, Kate. You're going to be fine. I'll keep my hand over yours through the bag, okay? You'll be able to feel me the whole way."
No.
"Do you think it's brain damage?"
"I don't know, Castle. You didn't exactly give me time to research any of this."
"But she hasn't - it's been like three words, and her eyes won't focus on me. She doesn't seem to know."
"She's been dead for the last four hours. Give it time. That's all I know to say."
"But she-"
"Dad."
"Okay. I know. Okay."
"Let's load her in the back."
"Kate?" He watched her eyelids flicker open, roving. "Kate, you're safe. You're okay. I got you."
"Castle," she moaned, and something clicked as their eyes met.
He jerked the body bag off of her legs and pulled her out, against his chest, cradling her so tightly. "Oh, baby, oh, Kate. Oh Kate. I got you."
She stirred against him, her shoulders moving, her arm, and then her fingers were at his neck. "Castle," she breathed, and it sounded like the first deep breath she'd gotten in -
in months.
She was awake again. Propped up on him, against the headboard, darkness reigning outside. But in this little temporary home, she was awake and it was brilliant as the sun inside. He could keep her safe, protect her; he could. He could.
"You okay? Kate. Are you okay?"
"Whole body hurts."
He stroked the hair back from her face. "How're the legs?"
She wriggled her toes in response and he grinned at her; the tight feeling in his chest easing, slowly.
"Fingers?"
He felt the skimming touch up his inside thigh and yelped, jerking as she grinned.
Oh, Kate.
"Your head?" His fingers caressed the side of her face, stroked into her hair to graze her scalp, over and over. He checked the IV line running into the crook of her elbow, nutrient rich. He wished it worked faster.
She shook her head slowly, lips pressed together. "Hurts. Hurts to breathe, move."
"That's the toxin. I'm sorry. It's - it was all I could find, all I could get my hands on, and then Alexis discovered what I was doing and she feels so responsible, and guilty, and I thought you were really gone-"
"Too much," she breathed out, blinking her eyes at him. "In the pills. But I'm - just let me lie here and breathe."
He leaned in and kissed her forehead, skated his mouth over her eyelid. "I love you so much."
"I know," she murmured. "Proved it."
"Proved-?"
"Broke me out." And then her eyes flickered up to stare at him in horror. "You - you and Alexis broke me out of prison." She cleared her throat. "Castle. Where are we?"
"A place I bought. Don't worry. You're hidden. The doctor at Beth Israel signed your death certificate. Lanie took you to the morgue, I drove the hearse to the funeral home, and then we took a different car here-"
He saw her shiver and curled her closer against his side.
"I'll have to go back and sign some papers at the mortuary to claim your ashes. But Alexis and I drove out here. To be alone with our grief is the party line."
"Alexis," she sighed, turning guilty eyes to him.
"She was the one who - a lot of this was her doing, Kate. She loves you too, you know."
Her eyes were drooping, even though she struggled, so he stopped talking, brushed his thumb over her lids. "You can sleep now, Kate. I'll make sure you keep breathing."
"You can't stay up," she murmured, and already her voice was fading.
"You're on a heart monitor," he said softly, kissing the delicate lines at her eyes. "It will sound an alarm. You'll be fine. I'll be fine."
"I'm dead?"
"To everyone else." He kissed the groove of that tendon in her forehead. "Except your Dad; he knows of course."
She sighed and curled slowly against him; he lowered her down to the bed until he could drag her over him, one of her legs tangled with his, her mouth open against his shoulder.
"Castle. Too much. You've done too much."
He breathed her in and her body rose and fell with his chest.
"Just wait. There's more."
