A Chance Meeting – Chapter Eight
The waiter showed the four women to a table in a quiet corner of the restaurant. Caroline organised the seating, directing them to sit opposite their partners; seating herself next to Kate. The disappointment on Lou's face was obvious to her wife; Lou loved to play with her under the table, especially if things got boring, but tonight she refrained from making something of it and smiled at Caroline.
"So Helen, what would you recommend, seeing that you two are regulars here?"
"Well, Lucy, old hat it may be, but their coq-au-vin is to die for."
"Please call me Lou, everyone does; the chicken sounds good to me." The waiter arrived to take their drinks orders. Caroline stepped in and ordered Kate's Sauvignon Blanc again plus a Cab Sav for herself and Helen. "Are you OK with that too Lucy?" flashing the drinks menu in her direction.
"Oh I won't have wine Caroline, just mineral water; I'm not a great drinker."
Food ordered and drinks poured, the real conversation could now begin.
Lou was still troubled by the feeling that she had seen or met Helen somewhere before, but was reluctant to start an interrogation. Kate would often tell her to remember that not everyone sitting in front of her was a potential client. However she did step in first. "Tell us about your gallery Helen, Kate tells me you have one in Harrogate."
"Yes I do, but I leave most of the day to day running to my assistant Franco. I do a lot of sourcing and buying for private clients and other galleries. It involves a bit of travelling but I don't mind that really."
"Have you got any trips planned soon?"
"Yes, Kate I'm actually going to the States for two weeks next month and fortunately, Caroline is on half term and is coming with me, aren't you darling?"
Caroline gave a shy smile, "Well, I'm trying to get organised to go."
"You will be organised Caroline, this has been in the pipeline for a while."
Kate was drawn back to an evening at Conway Drive when Caroline was messing about complaining she didn't have time to get divorced. She remembered saying 'you will find time'. A wry smile appeared on her lips as she shook her head in Caroline's direction, this not being organised or not finding time had, in Kate's opinion usually meant that she wasn't absolutely certain it's what she really wanted.
"I've only just the last two years started my travelling again; I stopped when my partner was diagnosed with cancer. I needed to stay home and be with her and our daughter. After she died, I lost my appetite for work and life in general. However since moving up here and having a fresh start" smiling at Caroline, "I'm revving up that side of things again."
"I'm sorry to hear about your partner. Was she in the art world as well?" Lou asked gently knowing that often people refrain from talking about the deceased, as if they never existed.
"No, actually Ruth was a professor of Philosophy and Psychology at the University of London"
There was silence as everyone's attention turned to Lucy whose face had turned ashen and tears were welling up in her eyes. "Not Ruth Cohen?" she could hardly get the words out.
"Yes, did you know her?"
"Ruth was my clinical supervisor for four years; she also worked on my dissertation with me."
Kate reached over the table and grabbed Lou's hand, Ruth got out of her seat and tilted her head at Caroline to let Kate sit next to Lou, who was visibly upset.
Through a shaky voice, "She was an incredible woman, I admired her professionally and personally, she helped me through some particularly rough times."
"Yes she was and I'm glad you have such happy memories of her."
Kate leaned into Lou and slipped her arm through hers. Caroline watched; the tenderness between them was palpable.
"I was overseas when I heard she'd died and I was devastated not to there for her funeral."
"Well she had a mighty send off I can tell you. I didn't realise the full extent of her work and influence."
"Yes she was looking at some innovative therapeutic interventions with the dying and their families, it's one of the reasons I went into the field of work myself." Lou looked up and across the room as if she had drifted into another consciousness. "I've been trying to think where I've seen you before Helen and I recall Ruth asking me once if I would like some waitressing work at a faculty cocktail party she was throwing. I'm sure that would have been it."
Helen laughed, "Most likely; Ruth's cocktail parties were legendary. I hated them most of the time, a room full of stuffed shirts rambling on about the meaning of life! Give me the artists any day; no offence to you Lucy."
"None taken; I don't even like cocktail parties actually, never mind the stuffed shirts."
Caroline sighed audibly; "Count me in on that one. If you really want stuffed shirts, come to one of my School Board parties." Kate and Helen both rolled their eyes having been on the end of an assault when Caroline came home from one of the said functions.
The food arrived and it proved to be a good distraction; the conversation lightened as they discussed the relative merits of the dishes they had chosen.
The evening passed pleasantly, Helen and Lou both gently and almost imperceptibly checking out their partners' previous lover. There was a fair bit of banter and mocking of their various traits and idiosyncrasies. They were all interested in each other's children and inevitably the questions around how they all coped with their mother's relationships. This in turn moved on to parents, and Celia came in for her fair share of 'You're kidding' or 'No way'. Helen was quite relieved to realise that poor Kate had in fact suffered unmercifully in the beginning, paving the way for her, despite it still being uphill.
The taxi arrived to take them back to the hotel; while waiting there had been some serious vying about who was going to pay the bill. Both Caroline and Kate had made a beeline for the till and in the end, at the suggestion of the harassed waiter, had agreed to split it down the middle.
As they waited, Helen turned to Lou, "Thanks for the lovely things you said about Ruth, I really am glad you have fond memories of her, I know she didn't suffer fools gladly and she shredded many an undergraduate she felt was not putting in a hundred percent, especially if she had aspirations for them."
"She gave me a metaphorical kick up the bum a few times; when I deserved it of course. She was on to some really good stuff just before she died. I've often wondered what happened to all her research."
"Well a lot of it is still in my attic I'm ashamed to say. I just haven't had the fortitude to get rid of it. You'd be more than welcome to come and rummage through it if you felt there was significant stuff there."
"Are you serious?"
"Yes of course, if it will be of use, I'm sure Ruth would want that."
During the ride back to the hotel, Lou suggested to Kate that they go to the bar for a nightcap. "Why don't you and Caroline have some time together before we part company; I'm sure both of you will need to decide if you will keep in touch and how. I'll channel Helen off; there are a couple of things I'd like to discuss with her."
Kate squeezed her hand.
It was agreed that they would indeed have another hour together as the evening was going well and the company was easy and enjoyable. However, Caroline had wisely suggested that if indeed they wanted time together, the bar would not be a good place as the likes of Brenda would be around. This is not what Lou had in mind.
"Actually Caroline, I'd like to borrow Helen for half an hour if you don't mind." Helen winked at Caroline who eventually got the point. "Yes of course."
At Helen's suggestion, she and Lou would stay in the bar and Caroline and Kate would go off to one of the small lounges where they could have a quiet moment together. She stopped short at her first thought that they could go up to their room. 'That's too much of a stretch.'
Lou and Helen
"Helen, I really did want to talk to you. I know Kate intends to tell Caroline tonight, I'm pregnant again. We had one embryo left and thought we might as well give it a shot. We're thrilled of course, we both enjoy motherhood."
"Lou, that's wonderful, I'm very pleased for you both. Ruth and I were only able to have Abigail. She tried a few times but was unsuccessful and it took a few goes for me; fortunately we managed to have her."
"Yes and we're fortunate that the same friend of Kate's was happy to help us out and so all our children have the same father. However, I know that Kate's pregnancy was devastating for Caroline, in more ways than one. That's why Kate wants to tell her this time."
"Yes, Caroline has shared with me how it all came about and what both of them went through. I can't say I understand how they let it get to the stage they did, but I wasn't there so I can't judge."i
"One of the reasons I shared this with you, is that when you told me tonight that you still have some of Ruth's research, it dawned on me that I could perhaps start to look through it all while I'm on maternity leave."
"Absolutely, and I can't tell you how good it feels to have a reason to pull it all out and let Ruth's work live and breathe again. Thank you."
"Now we just have to gauge how the two of them will feel if I start turning up on your doorstep!"
"Nonsense; Caroline will be fine and if she's not, well Lou, it's my home and my choice. One thing I am not with Caroline and that is benign. She's learned that the hard way. I suspect Kate was rather too indulgent with her at times."
"I would agree there, so I'll leave it in your capable hands to tell her."
As they sipped the last of their drinks, Lou felt excited at the prospect of delving into Ruth's life and work; if she could become half the professional she was, then she'd be satisfied. However she also knew that her contact with Helen would automatically involve Kate and Caroline.
Caroline and Kate
"Kate, I have a feeling Lou has engineered this time apart."
"Yes, she wanted to make sure we got some closure, is the word she used if I remember rightly, before we all go home tomorrow."
"Right well I'm assuming that means we decide whether or not we want to keep in touch?"
"Yes. But before we talk about that, I have some news I'd like to share with you Caroline, and it's nice to be able to tell you myself."
"I'm all ears."
"Lou is pregnant, we are having another baby."
"Wow, that's, well it's wonderful. Gosh, is this a surprise for you both."
Kate laughed and shook her head. "Caroline, honestly, think about what you've just said!"
"God, how stupid am I? of course it isn't a surprise."
"Well in a way it is. We had three embryos, the first one didn't take, Jack is the second and this one was our last and a fifty-fifty chance. We're so happy. You know I told you many times how I really wanted to be a mother, but I could never have predicted how much I love it; we both do.
"Is that why Lou wasn't drinking at dinner?"
"Yes, and at home I don't drink either to keep her company."
"How far along is she?"
"Thirteen weeks, we had our first scan last week. It's all good. She's forty one and so there's always some risk. I was terrified towards the end of my pregnancy with Flora, thinking all manner of things could be wrong."
"I'd love to know how it all goes Kate."
"We need to talk about that Caroline. I would like to think that there was some reason we had this chance to meet up again. No matter what happened between us and how it all ended, for me, our time together was life altering in so many ways."
"Yes, I agree on that score. I really thought I'd met the person I would spend the rest of my life with. But all I can say is that you, we, happened at the wrong time. I wasn't able to accept all that you wanted to give me, share with me, including a child." She reached out for Kate's hand and lifted it to her lips. "You gave me the strength and courage to at least own the fact that I needed to move to a new reality about myself and I know you tried so hard to stand by me in it all."
"But I wasn't patient, Caroline. A lot of the time, I was consumed by the possibility of us having a child and I ignored your struggle at my peril. I'm so sorry for that."
"So where does this leave us Kate?"
"I've thought about it a lot and I don't want to make the same mistake again. I'm confident that Lou is more than comfortable if we were to stay in touch. Our relationship is solid and now with a new baby on the way, we are more in love than ever. So I think what I would like is that we just be open to the possibilities and see where it takes us both. No expectations and no pressure. You can even release Beverley from her bondage."
"Okay, I can go along with that. I suspect that I may have a little more to process than you when I get back, but Helen is infinitely patient with me and will no doubt help me through. Seeing Flora was tough Kate. Even tonight when Helen referred to Abby as 'our daughter' as in her and Ruth's, it hurt. What it might have been like for Flora to be 'our daughter'. So there's a chance I might need time to appease some of those sorts of demons."
"I understand Caroline. Take all the time you need and should you decide that you don't in fact want to keep in touch, I'll accept that graciously too. But you must know that I still love you, very much, I doubt that will ever change."
"I know and in some ways that makes it easier and other ways harder. I just need to sort my feelings out. I can't do any more chaos Kate. My life is just now becoming happy and comfortable and sometimes exciting, but I'm not all there yet. I know you've seen that even in the last twenty four hours."
"Yes, I have and it just makes me want to reach out and make it better. Lou and I were talking last night and I was trying to find words to describe how I feel; I think tenderness comes closest."
"You made the right decision Kate, hard as it was for both of us. I can see how happy you are and I'm so glad I never got my way and you gave up the idea of a child."
Caroline stood up and did what she'd wanted to do since they met. She pulled Kate into her arms and held her.
