Chapter Eight

PERRY

I wasn't half-way to the elevator when I heard thuds from Doofenshmirtz's apartment. I could hear voices, or rather, Doof's, echoing or doing impressions of himself, and without a second thought, I kicked in the door.

I had hoped this day would never come again, but there it was, right in front of me. There were two Heinz Doofenshmirtzes, a black-clad one lying on the floor, clearly panicked, and the Doof I was familiar with, pressing his back up against the nearest wall. I also spotted a familiar green portal to the Second Dimension. This was a complete disaster.

Something about Alter Doof seemed...off. Why would he tie himself up and throw himself through a portal? Was he really and truly off the wall insane?

The answer to these questions turned out to be 'he didn't' and 'no', respectively, and I understood why when my Doof said, "Hey, I just figured out how I know you. I saw you in my dream." He rubbed his forehead and added, "I'll be right back. I have to go get an aspirin."

He walked into the kitchen, and Vanessa eyed the Second Dimension version of her father. "So, you're my dad from another dimension?" she asked.

"I'm sorry, what?" Second Dimension Doofenshmirtz asked.

"I take it I don't exist in your dimension, which means you never met Charlene."

"Who's Charlene?"

"I'll take that as confirmation of my theory." I looked up at Vanessa and gave her a reassuring smile. She smiled back and then examined Second Dimension Doof, as if scrutinizing him. "Can I ask you a quick question?"

"Oh, sure, go ahead."

"What makes you better at being evil than my dad?"

"I lost a toy train."

"That's it?"

"Yes."

"The only bad thing to happen to you is that you lost a toy train?"

"Yes."

"So what happened to your eye?"

"Oh, that? Well, I really don't remember, but I carry it around in a pouch."

"Ew."

I pointed to the portal and raised an eyebrow. "Oh, that," Second Dimension Doof said. "Well, I'm not in a position to turn it off right now. Talk to that Indian kid, Baljeet or whatever his name is."

I leaned forward, peering into the portal. On the other side, I spotted the Second Dimension counterparts of Baljeet, Isabella, the Fireside Girls, and Buford. I glanced pointedly at Second Dimension Doofenshmirtz, and Second Dimension Isabella said, "We didn't send him. He jumped in on his own." I raised an eyebrow.

"He showed up tied up. It was kinda funny, really. Shoulda seen him," Second Dimension Buford replied.

That left one unanswered question: Who, or what, tied Second Dimension Doof up? I looked down at the man in question, who looked back up at me and shrugged. "It's the rogues, prototypes, you know. Somehow, they found their way out of storage. I thought I had them sent to the scrap yard, but apparently that wasn't the case." I held up a hand to stop him from monologuing, and I looked back at the Doofenshmirtz and Vanessa from this dimension.

Second Dimension Baljeet said, "Our readings have picked up another portal between our dimensions." He immediately captured my attention, and I knew exactly where the portal was and who opened it. "Closing this portal now could be dangerous. We have to close them both at the same time to avoid any large fluctuations in energy." This was already much, much worse than it had been ten minutes ago.

My watch beeped, and I turned away from the group to take the call. "Agent P., sorry to interrupt, but we need you to report to headquarters immediately," Monogram said. I nodded curtly, hung up, and looked back at the Doofenshmirtzes.

"We'll be fine, Agent P.," Vanessa said. "You can go." I smiled and nodded before exiting the apartment for the second time that day.

PNF

I slipped into my lair without incident, in spite of the kids gathered in the backyard. "Agent P," Monogram said from the screen, "we have a situation." I pointed to the way to the backyard. "Yes, exactly. There are two portals to the Second Dimension open. There's no telling what could come out of them." I held up a picture of Platyborg and Second Dimension Doofenshmirtz. "I stand corrected. There's no telling what else could come out of the portals, so they need to be closed." I jumped. He couldn't possibly be meaning 'at all costs'. My kids were out there, and he had no idea what I did that went over his head, all the risks I took for them. If he found out, my options were resignation or relocation. Actually, I'd be forced to resign, because I wasn't relocating.

"Sir, this is a very delicate situation," Carl said from offscreen. "Are you sure Agent P., is up to it?"

"He's our best agent. Of course he can handle it."

I was proud of Monogram's faith in me, but I desperately hoped I was up to snuff.