Chapter 8 – Take No Prisoners!
A/N: Large chapter, but I think it's worth the wait; this is where the rating really kicks in kiddies, so be warned:
HHH – Ah, we have a slight problem; the fic you sent is a Works document and I don't have Works, so I can't open it. Could you save it as a different kind of file (Doc would be ideal – I use Word), and send it to me? I really wanna read it now!
Texas Girl (TG from now on) – Well then, a new recruit; you liked ABR you tell me, well I'm glad, that's one of my fave fics so far, though it gets pipped at the post by Psyche Out (just because I love the song lyrics). Well, stick around and let me know when you start writing yourself and get your account; until then, look forwards to hearing from you again.
DH – Commencing bombardment, shoot to thrill!
She was waiting for him when he returned from work; the meal was eaten in silence, each glaring at the other from behind the condiments of salt and sauce as the tension in the air thickened like a rank mist. Eventually, as time dragged on, Shadow stood up and leant forwards, his ominous silhouette looming over the table and engulfing the still seated echidna as his malice-edged voice knifed towards her,
"So, you think you can mix it up with me. Me, who has survived for over a year and a half with Sonic?"
"Listen up Blackie, and listen good; I've lived in the Legion, and some of the bunkroom games they play in there will make the worst you can throw at me look like a scout's camp", only now did she stand also, reflecting his pitiless gaze back to him and smiling, somehow managing to smile right in the teeth of it, "when I'm through with you, you will be on your hands and knees begging for Sonic to take you back".
"I'd better start raiding the spare cupboard at work", he waited for her confusion to just show on her face before landing his hit, "I'll be sending you back to the legion in a box; what label you want – spare parts or paint before assembly?"
"One of us is going to be in a box before the end of this, but anyway; rules of conflict"; Shadow snorted,
"What, there are rules in war now?"
"Oh yes", her eyes flashed in the light, making him fall back half a pace as she grated the next words, "and the first one, is no nudity". Sounds fair enough, but, now hang on a second; Shadow was all set to nod before realising something,
"Just a second, that affects me how exactly?"
"Not too much, but that's the point; you've seen me undressed once before, never again", Shadow growled low in his throat at the reminder again before she offered something of a compromise, "as for me, I can't shave your fur, fair enough?"
"I'll take that"; the mental image of him walking to work with a bald strip shaved down his front was enough to make the black hedgehog sign up to that clause; but, let's make this really interesting…
"Second rule", Julie looked up, not expecting to have any terms and contracts dictated to her in this and as such, caught cold by his words, "no cheap laughs". What?
"And that means", she rolled her hand forwards in mid-air, face a picture of perplexity, "what precisely?" Shadow chuckled darkly,
"No repeats; if I pull a trick on you, neither of us can repeat it again – each trick's a one-shot".
"Now that's a challenge"; that actually is good – he must know something about what he's doing; Julie consciously raised her respect for this opponent a little before looking at him directly again, "and the loser is the one who attempts to kill the other one first; if you can get me so annoyed I actually try and murder you, you win. Deal?"
"Jules you're making this too easy"; Shadow chuckled as he made to shake the pro-offered paw – a split-second later he snatched his hand back, feeling it throb at the same time as logically cycle through what must have happened. The echidna's mocking giggle got his inner demon growling but he forced it down; he couldn't let her wind him up this early,
"A joy buzzer?" Julie smirked, raising her hand to reveal the attached device,
"Brought it on the way home; the old ones are the best". Shadow disappeared into the hallway, muttering that he needed to get ready for his class as Julie scored the first, minor victory in the campaign.
XXX
Wars rarely start quickly; they're usually a gradual procession – a small border skirmish sucks in more adjacent forces, then politics get involved and make the war official, both of those involved call on their natural allies and friends and it all kicks off from there. This was no exception as both duellists circled, their first attacks little more than long ranged probes to find weakness, isolate potential strong points and take scrutiny away from their own vulnerable points. Julie's lightning fast strike had gained her a split-second advantage but, with the war barely a night old and no supplies laid, she couldn't hope to take advantage; both combatants had a final night of peace before Shadow shattered the ceasefire with a relic of his Station Square days, an air-horn. An air-horn held about a foot away from Julie's left ear.
Even someone as deep-sleeping as she was couldn't deny that sort of a racket; like a blanket-smothered explosion, the echidna rocketed upwards, groggily flailing in every direction save the right one as her panicked mind sought only to stop whatever was causing that ungodly row. Shadow snickered as he jumped back out of range, turning away as Julie thrashed around, now more focussed as her consciousness returned, filtering back into her dormant body after a night's rest. Using his ears, Shadow waited until the frantic ruffling of covers had ceased before greeting,
"Morning sleepy-head". Shadow; her first response was to pull the blanket up higher – in the gloom her eyes had failed to see his midnight fur; he was here who knows long, and what the…oh that is just so cheap! The black hedgehog bit down on an unsporting snigger as he heard the sudden ire in his now awake flat-mate's voice,
"And how long have you been stood there you…"
"Just long enough to get the job done", he quickly replied, silencing all comebacks with a second quick burst of his air-horn, "score one to me, but seriously", he span slowly on the spot, Julie glaring toxically up at him from the bed covers, the fire in her eyes inflamed further still by the hedgehog's next words, "it'll be nice to have some company for breakfast". Temper fraying because of the early start, her answer was short and to the point,
"I'll be having something for breakfast if you're not out of here in the next two seconds"; he merely grinned,
"Ah, sweet victory so soon; told you you'd never hack it with me".
"Shadow"; okay; the pure, undiluted menace in her voice was impressive enough for even him – realising he'd crossed that invisible line between prank and embarrassment, Shadow backed away; retreat with pride and life intact. Without another word, Shadow exited the bedroom; when he was in the kitchen, safely away with two shut doors between them, he silently leapt up and punched the air in celebration; first blood to me – I give her a week tops!
That was good; even as she stumbled around trying to make sense of things at this unholy hour, she couldn't help but give, in between the muttered curses and threats on his life, Shadow the credit he deserved; so now I can't wake him up early – never mind; as she reached for her shorts and threw her head back to allow a huge, uncovered yawn to drain half the room of oxygen, Julie smiled; I've got other tricks up my sleeve Shads – you got in the first hit, but you'll never come out tops in a slug-fest!
XXX
She waited all day for her shot, and when it arose, she didn't hesitate; the second she heard the power shower go off, Shadow making himself ready before he had to nip off to his pet massage class, she raced into the kitchen and, remembering the very basics of plumbing, she gave one particular lever a hard yank upwards. I know there'll be a few seconds before this kicks in; the echidna sat down on a chair, grinning evilly as she ticked them off on her fingers, counting down in her head, the wait just prolonging her inevitable triumph; three, two, one, no, alright then, three…; a sudden scream of shock echoed throughout the apartment, disrupting the tranquil calm – Julie fell about laughing as a remarkably high-pitched voice bellowed from the bathroom,
"Julie, turn the hot water back on!" Reining in her chortles, she slammed the lever under the sink back down to full depression and shouted back,
"Right you are"; a second cry of pain sounded out a few seconds later,
"Too hot! Too hot!" I could play him like a xylophone; tempting as it was, Julie was disciplined enough to know where to draw the line. Well, more or less,
"Some people are never satisfied"; with that, she pulled the lever back up to its original position of roughly half elevated, saving the helpless hedgehog from scalding injuries at the same time as think about what she could get up to next and make herself a sweet victory brew. That one-trick only was a good idea – means he can't get me the same way; now she knew she was safe from both a rude awakening and a showery surprise, she had to be a bit more creative. She sipped her drink with a nonchalant air, listening keenly for the sound of the shower turning off and the bathroom door opening; she looked around to see Shadow hovering in the doorway like a malevolent creature of hell, red eyes virtually glowing as he was still dripping wet, his towel wrapped around his middle and a finger levelled at her,
"Tomorrow", he vowed solemnly, steam all but smoking from his flared nostrils, "you suffer". Julie raised her cup to him; it took a skill not granted to everyone to make that gesture one of mockery rather than appreciation,
"You go dry off, then learn how to massage properly; I'm getting impatient and, well, Sonic is but a phone call away". Unable to speak to that threat, Shadow growled, about faced and stalked off, grinding his teeth and mollified only by the knowledge that his back-up plan was already in place; you're not the only one who can set traps in the shower Julie-Su!
XXX
She relived the look on his face over and over again; somehow it was funnier and sweeter every single time. Even as she did though, Julie had to commend her rival's iron grip on his emotions; she'd harangued him until he'd gratefully left for the shelter of his massage class, but aside from the odd lethal look and clenched fist, he'd taken it in his stride, not letting it really get to him. I'm going to have to break out the heavy artillery to get to him; she smiled as she slipped into the shower that had so recently been an implement of torture for the black hedgehog; oh well, that just makes it that much more fun. She laughed, exultant in her victory as she reached for her body shampoo, squirting a generous measure into her now soaked fur and rubbing vigorously, working up a lather to cleanse the day's grime and…; wait a second. Distracted as she had been by her mental images of potential plots to break Shadow's resolve, she hadn't been able to see to see or notice that the shampoo was failing to work up a lather. In fact, it was doing no such thing, merely sticking to her fur in large globules; oh no, no, no, not even the Legion, not very often; she thought she knew but she refused to believe. With revulsion and praying she was wrong, Julie touched one of these almost see-through globes, watching in revulsion as the mess oozed upwards, a stray strand glued to her finger – it was only when she touched this strand to her lips that she finally realised and accepted it was,
"SYRUP! Shadow", the echidna swore to no-one in particular as she tried to even consider how long it was going to take to scrub herself clean of this mess, "you die!"
Forty minutes; she had counted every single one of them, each one an exercise of how to rub yourself raw; forty forsaken minutes. She growled, pacing up and down, wafting air into her stomach to try and disperse the residual aches that still tingled her nerves even now, plotting a way to get even. She was unable to move; so far he was two-one up, she had to get the score even before the night ended, but how? All he'd do when he got in was get a drink, brush his teeth, splash a little water on his face and then, then he'd just go to…
It hit her solid there and then, her eyes flew to the clock; if she was lucky she had fifteen minutes and, galvanised by the suddenness of her epiphany, that was more than ample time. With a flourish, she was away to begin her dastardly deeds, rushing to and from the lounge to the bedroom, each time burdened with something until, mere moments later, her task was completed and Julie stood back, waiting only for the victim to come back and quite literally jump into the trap she'd laid out for him.
She was in bed when Shadow came in; she wanted to give him as little opportunity to read her as possible when he came in and, though being in bed this early may arouse suspicion, it was better than risking a complete breakdown in seriousness and giving the game away utterly. She waited anxiously, the breath catching in her throat as she heard the key turn in the lock and the front door swing open, then shut again; he's in; she burrowed deeper under the covers, grinning at her own daring – if this came off it would be honours even on the first day. She listened intently; hearing the hedgehog move about; there was a sudden stream of running water, the tap in the bathroom running, interspersed with very muffled, muted scrubbing noises as Shadow brushed his teeth, then movement again; here we go, he never drinks before he goes to sleep; Julie tensed, waiting for the sudden shout of panic as Shadow fell victim to her spur of the moment ploy. In all honesty the echidna wasn't really sure what his reaction would be; he might not say anything if he was as calm as she remembered, but then again it was late at night. What if he barged in, could she claim victory from that? What if…?
Her unresolved ideas and fears were cut short by Shadow's voice; the hedgehog fell right into a trap he'd never even considered. But what she heard, rather than a cause for celebration, made Julie sit up straight in her bed, a sudden cold sweat breaking out on her forehead – of all the reactions she'd expected and planned for, a sudden bellow of agony wasn't one of them.
XXX
His back was on fire, a weal of white-hot agony pulsed right in the small of his back, sending whips of blazing pain square into his mind in tune with the rhythm of his heartbeat. His back was arched almost into a bow, his hands grasping the pummelled flesh of his back as though they could physically squeeze the source of his pain and rip it clean from his body. With a second low moan, even this tiny movement sending spasms up and down the length of his spine, Shadow rolled to the side, flumping off the settee and landing ungraciously on his front, the air compressed from his chest with a low 'oof'. His back was still on fire, but at least it was now exposed to the air, where it could be cooled and,
"Light"; forewarned by the word, Shadow forced his eyes shut and opened them slowly, blinking rapidly as they adjusted to the lights in the lounge being switched on. He twisted to try and look over his shoulder, holding his breath against the aggravation this caused on his still bruised back, but this proved to be unnecessary; with a rapid tattoo of beating feet, Julie rushed over to his prone form and fell to her knees, words spilling from her lips as she tried to prise his hands away from his injured back, inspect the damage for herself and see how the trick had gone so disastrously wrong,
"Shadow, what did you do?"
"I just got in", his answer was thick with pain, drawn out as he had to concentrate on the words amid a haze of dully throbbing misery, "I was tired, so I went to jump into the bag, then I…" Oh for the love of…
"You jumped?" Julie slapped a hand to her forehead both in frustration that he'd been so stupid as to do that and she'd been so forgetful as to discount that possibility, "you moron, there's no cushions on that sofa". She reached over and pulled the sleeping bag away, revealing the bare springs beneath as well as, she noticed with a shake of her head, the quarter inch wooden bar that was in the exact centre of the settee, where the cushion would have been supported; in her mind's eye she followed Shadow's flight path, how he must have landed stretched full out and this bar had smashed into the very small of his back, resulting in the half-paralysed hedgehog now before her. A hedgehog who only now was making sense of what she was telling him,
"Wait"; no cushions – there were when I left; "what do you mean no cushions?"
"I took them off", she had to come clean, settling back on her knees again so he could lance up and see her, "it was meant to be a joke; you'd sit down and fall through, this was not meant to happen".
"No, I guess not", his response was marinaded in sarcasm, "if it weren't for the fact I've broken my back, I'd be splitting my sides with laughter". Julie made to stand up, thinking of a way to rectify this situation and, she admitted privately, hope to get back into Shadow's good books again,
"I've got something that might help with that; stay there"; Shadow gave a disbelieving laugh,
"Nah, I think I'll just go run a marathon; newsflash, I can't move because you crippled me". She pretended not to hear him, running back to the dressing table she currently occupied and rifling through the top draw, finding what she needed and returning quickly.
"Right, this aught to do the trick; don't wriggle"; Shadow caught a glimpse of movement from the corner of his eye and, seeing the clear cream squirting from the tube Julie was holding, queried reasonably,
"What is that stuff?"
"I use it after I've been training, works wonders on stressed muscles. Now", she looked down at the injury again, the salve on her hand sent forwards as her fingers carefully navigated through the jet quills, "let me know if I'm in the right place".
Shadow had braced for the second explosion of pain, caused by the echidna's fingers compressing the already bruised tissue; he hissed as this sensation burned into his flesh again, but it was less than he'd expected and, at the same time, the pain brought something else along for the ride. A searing coolness, all the more noticeable because of the agony he'd recently become inured to, spread over the injury, massaged outwards, enfolding and starting to drive back the tide of soreness. The ebon hedgehog, tired as he was, slowly began to relax, resistance lessening as Julie's hand slowly allowed the cream to penetrate and soothe the recently injured muscle.
"Wait a second", her voice dragged him back to the present; Shadow tuned in as Julie chuckled slightly, "isn't it supposed to be you massaging me? Something got a bit crossed over somewhere along the line".
"Yeah, it's called penitence; you nearly paralyse your flatmate, it's your duty to help patch him up again". Julie chortled again, the realisation Shadow wasn't mad at her helping to calm the panic she'd felt when she'd first heard his cry in the dark.
"Well look on this as a lesson", Shadow glowered up at her sudden smile; she leant down to whisper into his ear, "always look before you leap". Before he could come back with a come back, his flatmate had straightened back up, regarding her work with a critical eye before remarking,
"Right, that should about do it; no, don't move", she saw Shadow place his hands as if about to heave himself back up to his knees and squelched the idea at once, "stay there, if you make a sudden move you might throw something out of sync and that really means trouble. Hang on". With that, she headed towards the bedroom again; Shadow was left alone for a minute to consider what she was up to this time; when she reappeared, however, he had no choice but to laugh a little,
"I wondered where those went"; Julie whistled innocently as she hastily stuffed the cushions back on the sofa where they belonged before placing the sleeping bag back where it had been originally. Shadow heard her unzip the bag and a few doubts resurfaced in his mind as she knelt beside him again,
"Hey, what are you…?" He felt a couple of arms slide under him and Julie's voice in his ear again,
"Don't get any ideas"; with that, the echidna stood up, Shadow supported on his front by her cybernetically strengthened arms; she stepped forwards a touch before depositing him back down on the settee, throwing the top half of the bag over the hedgehog with a wry chuckle,
"I draw the line at tucking you in". Shadow didn't reply as he quickly zipped the bag around him before twisting his head to see the echidna again; Julie saw the stern look on his face and crossed her fingers behind her back,
"You know what this means Julie", she shook her head nervously; Shadow's eyes narrowed, "the fact that because of your failed trick I'm now in quite serious pain and may not be able to move tomorrow? You know what that means? Do you?"
"Err…"; she had a pretty shrewd idea but, before she could voice it, her words were stolen from her as Shadow smiled, the danger in his eyes replaced by a rekindled mischief,
"It means I'm going to get you so badly tomorrow you'll still be blushing this time next week". Oh, and you think that'll work on me do you?; Julie leant down,
"In your dreams Shadow; you'll be a raving psychopath by the time I'm done with you".
"You already are a raving psychopath".
"And proud of it; now get some sleep and if you can't walk tomorrow", she paused at the doorway, "crawl". Julie sprinted back to her own bed without giving Shadow a chance to talk back, chuckling as she felt the thrill of getting the last word in.
XXX
What is it about today?; she'd been making progress in getting about Echidnopolis, the nasty looks that used to be commonplace were now getting rarer and rarer, but there was something about today that just got her back up. Julie was certain she was being watched, that many eyes were following her progress to work a lot more closely than she would have liked. Well, there was nothing for it but to push on; the former Dark Legionnaire put her trust in guts and gristle, holding her head up high and marching onwards; if their lives were so empty they had to gawp at her than that was their loss. But; her stride faltered a little as the subconscious troubles resurfaced and attempted to drag her down; it's not been this bad for a while? Why's everyone staring no-oww! All those thoughts were blown out of her mind and she jumped a vertical foot in the air as someone from the crowd took it upon themselves to seize hold of her right buttock and give a very firm squeeze.
Julie span even before she hit the ground, blood rising in her face and flooding to her muscles as her well-honed instincts, dormant since her leaving the Dark Legion but never extinct, reacted to the unsuspected attack. Her guard flew up even as her eyes caught a glimpse of her erstwhile enemy; a younger echidna was scooting into the crowd, shouting back to her over his shoulder,
"I'm sorry, I couldn't resist"; flattery will get you nowhere; she made to pursue but, as the general press milled around, obscuring her view, her spirited charge faltered and she reluctantly let him go, snorting contemptuously and tugging the bottom of her trouser seat back into place; what's the point? Probably some punk out for bragging rights – thought he'd try it on with a Dark Legionnaire, stupid kid. Shaking her head at the youth of today, Julie span back the way she needed to go and pulled her coat tighter around her shoulders, silencing the eyes of anyone around her with a flaying glace and heading for work once more, resolutely ignoring the silent, gloating eyes following her.
She stalked past the front desk of the EST HQ, holding up her hand as she realised the desk sergeant was about to say something and really not in the mood for any sort of civilised conversation,
"Can it Yesa", she didn't even slow down at his gesticulation, "it can wait; I'm not having a good day".
"But…" The rest of his words were mercifully lost as she pushed open the door towards the typing pool, cutting him off in mid-sentence. That was a touch rude; even if nothing showed on her face, she knew that had been uncouth in the extreme and she owed Yesa an apology when she'd cooled off; but for now; she looked forwards with a smile, looking forwards to sitting down t her desk in a relatively stable office, where everyone knew her name and she could forget the unusually hard journey here. Holding in a sigh of relief, she let herself into the typing pool and, out of instinct, raised a hand in greeting to the echidna to her immediate left,
"Hey Jules", the slightly smaller echidna greeted, a seemingly permanent grin on her handsomely cheeky face as she seemed to be lit by an inner glow, "not long now".
"Nah, what is it – three days, two", the former Dark Legionnaire smiled; though she'd been a mere two days late to get an invite, the whole typing pool had been looking forwards to Nesi's hen night ever since her now-fiancé had popped the question, and now finally it was a mere two nights away on Friday, "enjoy it; it's your last chance at freedom, grab it with both hands".
"Right little ray of sunshine you are", the other typist joked back before settling back, a little star-struck, "I'm going to have the best time of my life as a married woman; this is just, er, a bit of a blow-out before that".
"One last night of depravity hey"; Julie nodded as one of the other typists, Kadu, joined the debate, not even looking at his keyboard as he carried on typing, "if you need someone to make sure all you lovely ladies go home satisfied, you know all you gotta do is give me a…"
"…Miss" someone finished for him; Julie sniggered as the brash young echidna was once more put in his place by one of the elder typist girls and moved towards her seat; at the sound of a repressed giggle, however, her temper, already much reduced by the palaver of getting here, broke a little – like a snake, she rounded on Huka, the bookish, nervous-looking echidna who sat at the front of the room next to Nesi and growled,
"Something funny; please", she spread her arms wide, not really listening to what was now going on behind her, "share it with us all".
"No need", Kadu called back, Julie looked over her shoulder to see him pointing at her, on the verge of breaking down into laughter as, she noticed with some concern and a creeping feeling at the base of her spine, were most of the other typists, "you're making a pretty big fashion statement all on your own".
Fashion statement?; Julie whipped a hand down to the back of her coat, suddenly seized by the irrational fear that she'd somehow forgotten to put any trousers on in the morning; that would certainly account for the weird looks but; something crinkled under her touch and her spine promptly froze, eyes falling shut in embarrassment; oh no, you swine. With a jerk, she pulled the paper that had been stuck, she noticed, to her coat by a single strand of sticky tape, hanging to it swayed just above the area it was designated for – steeling herself, she forced her eyes to drag themselves down a few centimetres and read the few words, written in large text, that had been the reason she'd drawn so much attention to herself over the journey here:
Double Wide Load.
Proceed with Caution if Reversing.
XXX
You could have heard a pin drop in the typist bay as Julie lowered the paper, face now well and truly on fire as she thought back to when the hedgehog must have pinned that one on her. It was on her coat and hung down, it would have taken a second's effort on his part and a second's lapse of concentration on hers to get to where she was now. Without another word, Julie finally managed to regain contact with her legs, striding towards her desk with single-minded determination, flopping into her seat and hitting the on switch of her computer with unwarranted venom as she could just picture Shadow virtually laughing at her, the grin on his smug little face as he stuck the note to her coat, imagining the reaction it would get. I am going to kill him; she scrunched up the paper into a ball, imagining it was Shadow's skull being crushed like a grape before checking herself; no, I'm not, I can't let him win, not after this – I just need a way to strike back, that's all Tonight's all sorted, that's out the way, but after this; she shook her head even as the computer helpfully regulated the paperwork she needed to file and fill out today; this needs something special. She racked her brains, thinking about what she could do to get even with her housemate after this little prank – it was at that second her eyes fell on the back of Nesi's dreadlocks and a sudden idea germinated in her head; it would take a lot of pruning but, just this once, Julie felt that Kadu had said something right.
The second the time for the first break came around, Julie was first out her seat; having taken a lot of time to refine and reconcile her idea, she now had to simply get some compliance.
"Hey Nesi, you too Kadu", the other echidnas turned around at the shout, "got a sec?"
"Sure". Well that's half the battle; Julie felt her hope rise a touch as both her co-workers headed her way, Kadu taking the lead slightly,
"What's up Jules, apart from your temper of course". The former Legionnaire shot him a sickly sweet smile before pointing at him,
"Right, Kadu, you live in my apartment block, right?"
"Yeah, about three floors up from you; listen you want a ride into work all you gotta do is ask".
"I know and I'm grateful but I prefer to walk and don't like hover-machines, but anyway, listen up both of you", she took a second to get her thoughts in order before diving in headlong, "I'm in a bit of a situation; the guy I live with, my housemate", she made that point very clear before Kadu got any ideas, "well he's the one who put that sticker on my back – we're in the middle of a prank war, and I need to get even. So, here's the idea", she beckoned them in closer and whispered solidly for a minute; by the end of it, Nesi was wide-eyed at the audacity of the scheme and Kadu was virtually falling apart at the seams with laughter.
"You, you got it Jules", he wiped his streaming eyes as he saw it so gloriously in his mind, "oh that is just so twisted – sure thing, I'll hand you my key if you drop in Friday Nesi, you got that day off haven't you?"
"Yeah, most of us have, we organised it with Remington, but Jules", the younger Mobian shook her head, not believing she was actually being asked to take part in something so diabolical, "that's, that's just", she caught Julie's wink and, seduced by the dark side, had no choice but to grin wickedly, "just so going to happen. Is he cute?"
Later that evening, when Shadow came in to see Julie smiling at him and calmly letting him know that yes, his trick had worked a treat and the whole typing pool had got a good giggle out of it, the black hedgehog couldn't help but wonder why she had taken it so well – she had to have something big planned, but if she did he couldn't see what. Well, that didn't work; Shadow thought to himself as he prepared his meal before shrugging; but tomorrow is another day and, of course; his grin spread a touch as he remembered the next shot he had lined up at his nemesis in this prank war; Julie doesn't know that I know about tomorrow's little deadline. So Shadow ladled his meal into a bowl and proceeded to wolf it down, getting ready for a quiet night in.
XXX
Well, the quiet night lasted almost until he went to bed.
From her room, Julie grinned as she heard a strangled sound like someone letting a large balloon free underwater, followed by yelping yells from the bathroom and grinned to herself; ah Shadow, you replace the shampoo with syrup, I replace the mouthwash with that Tabasco sauce Tails was good enough to bring me. Julie actually liked the hot sauce as it spiced up a lot of a salad dishes she ate but, judging from the way Shadow was currently rolling in the hallway trying desperately to quench the burning sensation in his throat, the black hedgehog didn't have her refined tastes. She shook with silent laughter at the sight visible through a crack in the bedroom door; Shadow, having discovered that water was no use at putting out the inferno, was now running around, mouth wide open; she saw this and seized the chance,
"Put your hand over your mouth – it's disgusting having to see your tonsils"; sweet, sweet revenge; the echidna gloried in the triumph as she caught Shadow out with his own declaration of war. However, in doing so, she also broadcasted her position to the black hedgehog; in a trice he was in front of her, trying to speak without closing his mouth as he search desperately for a cure,
"Ake it hop, it urngs, it urngs". Julie let her jaw fall open to mimic his own speech pattern,
"Et Ik-Kim".
"Haw?"
"Et Ik-Kim, cal Ik-Kim". Shadow was sucking in breaths as fast as was possible to try and dispel the illusion there was a bushfire raging in oral cavity and, now he knew Julie had a cure, he was desperate to get hold of it,
"Ik-Kim?" He thought hard, well, as hard as was possible when a thermal lance was trying to melt its way into your mind; he inserted the syllables together, trying to make sense of them before it came to him, "ah, Ik-Kim, gug". He ran full pelt into the kitchen, leaving Julie slumped against the doorframe of the bedroom, laughing herself weak as she heard the thump of the freezer compartment of the fridge being shut and a lid being popped open.
It was all she could do to drag herself onto the bed, laughing as she ticked another success off in her mental log book; Shadow hadn't even suspected that one coming. She shivered on the bed in fits of laughter until, with a resounding crash, the door was thrown open and Shadow stood framed in the doorway, looking furious. This is it, in with a shout; Julie knew he was wound up now, she had a chance to get him to snap if she moved quick,
"You owe me five crests now Shads". He leant forwards, not believing a word she said,
"Excuse me?"
"For the Ik-Kim", she filled him in, watching the veins in his temples throb even under his dark fur, "that was mine and I doubt there's so much as a smidgen left after you've been at it". He took a menacing step forwards, the another, arms outstretched; Julie merely grinned and lifted up her chin, goading him into the attack but, at the very last second, he perceived his folly and snatched his hands away,
"No, I refuse to be beaten Julie", he looked her dead in the eye, chilling her slightly with the malevolence in his face, "this isn't over yet and after all", he turned to leave, his last words a whisper over his shoulder, "tomorrow is another day".
The statement was true but, as Shadow hastily stifled his recently changed alarm and rose in virtual silence, he allowed himself a slight smile as he realised that, if he did the work tonight, he could reap the benefits tomorrow.
XXX
Strange; though she stifled a yawn, Julie didn't really register being that tired as one of her hands cut off the alarm; thought I'd be worse off than this. Thought ninety-nine times out of a hundred she'd never let anything as crude as an alarm dictate what time she rose in the morning, this was the one in a hundred exception. The studio had only one vacancy for the next fortnight and it was right at opening time; much as she loathed the early hours, she had no choice but to accept as her hair, though it looked alright now, really wouldn't last another two weeks without a general tidy up. So she'd noted down the time and date and now had to move out to make sure she'd get there on the dot; the hair stylists in Echidnopolis were notorious for cancelling unless you got there bang on time. She slipped her clothes on and reached for her watch; it was only then that, rather than hitting it to silence the alarm, she looked at the time the clock was displaying; for a horrifying second, Julie refused to believe that, according to her timepiece, she had only fifteen minutes to get to the other side of town. Dread washing out of every pore, she licked her dry lips and, leaning on the bed, touched one of the buttons atop the clock; when the alarm time flashed into view, the redness of the LED display suddenly matched the mood of the echidna,
"SHADOW!"
I'm guessing that's not a happy…; there was an almighty crash as Julie suddenly appeared in the lounge door, glaring at her housemate as he lay in his sleeping bag. Her face was white with delayed shock and rage, her voice no more than a strangled, hoarse whisper,
"You, do you know what you've done".
"Oh yes", his tone was politely conversational, even pleasant, "I woke up very early, crept into the bedroom and changed the alarm time on your clock, thus making sure you'd miss the appointment I know you have set for", his eyes flicked to the clock, "twelve minutes from now. I overheard your call", Shadow cut off her next question, "so I knew you needed an early start today and, well, I made sure you never got it".
"And", she flexed her fists, lips barely moving as she stalked forwards, "you think that's funny?"
"Oh no, but what is funny is when you figure out that, just because you can't make it doesn't mean, ah, there we go; oh for a camera"; Shadow chuckled evilly as Julie finally saw the real meaning behind the hedgehog's seemingly spiteful actions. She was completely at his mercy now; he could demand virtually anything because there was no way she could get to the studio on time; he was the only one who could make that happen. Stopping dead, Julie had to quickly reconsider her options,
"But, okay", she forced herself to calm down; losing her rag at the negotiating table would be a very bad thing indeed, "right, I need you to get me there, what do you want for doing it?" To her consternation and surprise, Shadow looked faintly disproving at her words,
"Julie I'm shocked; I don't want anything from you, I'll do it for free", he let her just start to breathe a sigh of relief before letting his twisted smile roam free on his lips, "as long as you ask me properly".
Right, here we go then; the former Dark Legionnaire folded her arms and trying really hard to sound polite at the same time as convey a very real tang of displeasure into her tone, she spoke through gritted teeth,
"Shadow, run me to the studio, please", when he was silent, she softened her tone a little further, "come on, I really need this". When he laughed, she knew she was really in trouble this time,
"Jules, that's not even close", the hedgehog rolled over, beckoning her to come closer, "for a start, get over here". With a muffled curse, the echidna complied, standing in front of the prone hedgehog, feeling understandably nervous even as she tried to not let it show,
"Right, here I am, anything else…no way, not in this lifetime, forget it"; she left Shadow in no doubt as to where the line was as he pointed a finger suggestively at the floor – Julie folded her arms and shook her head, saying the first excuse that came into her head, "the floor's filthy". Shadow raised an indignant eyebrow,
"I cleaned it specially last night I'll have you know, but, your funeral, or at least your fashion senses'", he raised his watch to his eye level, counting down slowly, "nine minutes and counting; eight fifty-five, eight fifty, eight forty-five, eight forty", there was a thump to the side on him and he turned to see, with a great deal of concealed amusement, Julie at eye level with him on her knees, the skin under her fur a brilliant magenta colour, "ah good, knew you'd see it my way eventually". You can laugh Shadow; Julie forced herself to think of happy things as the black hedgehog's mirth was a whip of acid to her ego; but we'll see who's laughing at the end of this.
All right, now the fun really starts; Shadow had no intentions of really pressing his point, but Julie didn't know that and, well, what she knew wouldn't hurt her – it was now a case of what she'd let him get away with; not that it isn't funny finding out;
"Right, hands together", there were a few grumbles at this demand but, with exceeding ill-grace, she eventually complied, "and repeat after me; Shadow the Hedgehog…"
"Shadow the Hedgehog…"
"…I beseech and implore thee…"
"…I despise and abhor thee…"; hang on a sec; her words were barely distinguishable as a low, monotone growl, but he was almost certain she'd fudged that one a bit; his eyebrows drew together and he sighed,
"Very well, we'll start again…"
"No, no", with one eye on the clock, every second was starting to look precious to Julie, "Shadow the Hedgehog, I beseech and implore thee…"
"…In all thy glory, splendour and magnanimity…"
"…In all thy glory, splendour and magnanimity…"
"…to aid me in this, my hour of need, even if such aid is undeserved…"
"Not a chance spine-ball", Julie threw herself to her feet, pointing at him with a stabbing finger, "it's your fault I'm in this mess, you better get up and get me out of it or so help me I'll pluck out every single one of your quills and ram them right…" Shadow cut her off with a raised hand and voice,
"Right, right, point made", with a carefree laugh, he threw back the blanket covers, revealing himself to be ready to go, "let's go; we've got seven minutes, that's enough to make the trip twice; I ran it last night" he said reassuringly. To his shock, however, she dashed off, calling over her shoulder,
"Two minutes, need to get ready".
"Be quick"; exactly one and a half minutes later, the echidna returned, having run a brush through her dreadlocks and looking marginally more presentable as she grabbed his hand,
"Right, let's go; get me there on time and…" Shadow stopped for a second, looking at her as she cursed, her mouth had run away with her but she couldn't take what she'd said,
"And…"
"And there'll be no pranks tonight", she looked at him square, serious now, all jokes aside, "that's how important this is Shadow; I've been waiting for weeks".
"Right, let's move"; the second their front door had been locked, Shadow took off, flames spurting out from the soles of his jet skates as he made all haste to the studio where Julie was booked in, grinding down the rails of the apartment block to conserve seconds as he pushed himself to the limit to get there before time. And; Shadow flicked a glance down, seeing how Julie was now tightly coiled into his chest, eyes shut tight as she was relatively new to this type of travel; that means no trick tonight – she's being cool enough to let me off the hook, only right I do the same. Besides; the hedgehog smiled wickedly as he swerved a hard right; not like I can't remind her of the 'glory, splendour and magnanimity' of her flatmate!
Two hours later, as she sat down again at her desk and gratefully replied that yes, her hair had been recently and immaculately touched up, Julie smiled and reminded herself that, whatever happened tonight, whatever horrors Shadow could cook up for her, tomorrow night, as Nesi passed her a sly wink and Kadu a thumbs-up, he was going to well and truly get what was coming to him.
XXX
To her ineffable amazement, the night passed without incident; Shadow jetted off to his massage class with a quick farewell and, though she was careful to double-check everything she was about to use and inspected every possible detail with a fine tooth-comb, he'd left no evil surprises in store for her. Having assured herself of this, she found herself strangely disappointed; despite herself, the contest she was engaging in was actually quite fun, despite the mortifying and occasionally painful situations it generated, and a large part of that was due to Shadow himself. Julie chuckled as she cycled through the traps he'd set so far and all of them were up to a high standard of trickery; even with her normally sharp sense of danger, she was having to keep pace with the black hedgehog more than she'd bargained for – the mere fact that the contest was over half a week old and he still hadn't given up was proof enough of that. It'll be a shame to see it end; the thought caught her a little cold, but in the end, she shrugged at the truth – this had been the most fun she'd had since quitting the Legion; in fact, when she was scrapping with Shadow like this, her time there seemed more, distant, kind of like a half-recalled nightmare. Still, all good things must come to an end; as she heard Shadow come in and hastily extinguished the light in her room, making him think she'd already turned in; and unless I'm much mistaken, that end will come tomorrow night!
XXX
"You're looking more cheerful today"; Julie chuckled at Yesa's comment, the former Legionnaire taking time out to lean on the desk and laugh a little,
"Believe me, I couldn't be happier; it's Nesi's hen night tonight isn't it?" Yesa's beetle black eyebrows came together as he tried to reconcile this statement with previous information,
"Hang on, I thought you weren't going". Julie didn't answer, merely tapping the side of her nose and smirking before heading for the typing pool; as she'd expected it was a lot more deserted than normal; most of the ladies had booked a day's leave in advance to get ready for the big bash tonight. Before she headed for her desk, Julie took a detour to tap Kadu on the shoulder; as he looked around, she spoke,
"Has she got it?" When he didn't answer immediately, she pressed further, "did she come in for it?"
"Yeah, I handed it over; they know what's going on and…" Julie's hiss of triumph shut off the other echidna's explanations; all that mattered was that her plan was coming neatly to fruition; it wasn't until he knocked on one of the metallic regions of her forearms that she looked down again,
"What?" Kadu looked up with a doleful smile,
"Got some bad news", Julie raised her eyebrows; she doubted any news could be bad after this, "most of the girls are off, so we're having to do their share of the work as well".
"Yeah, I know; we're working overtime, time and a half pay; we all knew that", Julie tried to see the problem Kadu was on about but failed, giving up with a shrug, "what's new?" He stood and beckoned, she leant forwards, letting him whisper into her ear; when he'd finished, she stumbled back, horrified,
"You have got to be kidding; very funny Kadu, but come on, joke's over", he shook his head but she resolutely carried on, "okay, that's far enough, this isn't really going on, I know it's not, I mean come on, we can't, I mean they can't expect…"
"They can", Huka said as he stood up, bundles of papers in his arms and tottering towards the stairwell, "and they are; all we can do is pray it's a temporary glitch but, going on my luck, I wouldn't put money on it". Julie staggered away, slumping into her chair and looking at her computer as it powered up; when the task list was presented, she quickly worked out how many trips that was and, having a figure, closed her eyes; no need for a work out tonight girl.
XXX
Shadow rubbed his hands together eagerly; everything was ready now, all that was missing from the equation was Julie-Su, and that was only because she was working late this evening. He had eaten quickly and was ready to just watch and video the programme that had interested them both, something about indigenous peoples of the world below, one of the first echidnean documentaries to be filmed on outside Angel Island, a completely new experience in Echidnopolis history. But before that, I get to have a bit of fun; it was a simple trick, but then again the simpler the better; it meant less of a chance of something going horribly wrong. His ears pricked up when he heard it; the front door clicked and was slowly pushed open; acting like he was fetching a coffee refill, the ebon hedgehog headed for the kitchen, flicking a mere glance towards the front door. The glance alone was enough to make him pause, then spin to make sure he wasn't seeing things – the second look blew all thoughts of fun and games right out of his head. What happened to her?
Julie stood swaying on the doorstep; originally he thought it was some kind of a trick, but the sight of her face, the listlessness in the tired eyes was enough to quash that suggestion. Everything else forgotten, Shadow quickly moved forwards, speaking as he came,
"What happened to you Jules?"
"Oh", her eyes lifted, the lids seemingly battling to stay open as she cracked an exhausted smile, "I'm okay, you should see the other guy".
"I'd rather not", Shadow gave a wry smile as he eased one of her arms over his own shoulder, taking small steps with the main aim of reaching the lounge, "come on; sit down before you fall down".
"Sounds like a good idea"; the exhausted echidna allowed herself to be led into the main room of the apartment, upon which she collapsed into the settee with a grateful moan, stretching out her abused legs as much as she was able to; good job lads, you got me home in one piece, now you can just shut down and die. Shadow had vanished but, then again, there wasn't really much she needed right now besides a long, long period of relaxation and…
"Coffee"; a mug of hot black liquid appeared under her nose as if by magic; the hot, sultry steam spiralling lazily upwards alerted her nostrils, perking her up a touch, letting her arms gather enough energy to take the cup from the offering hedgehog, "made it strong, you look like you need it". Letting the cup float down gently in her hands, eventually reaching her lap, the hedgehog's flatmate sank back, sprawling out into the thick, encompassing material as if it could somehow leech the exhaustion from her weary bones,
"You don't know how right you are; of all the days for half the office to have a day's leave". Shadow sat down in the other chair and made himself comfortable, steepling his fingers beneath his chin and asking,
"What happened – you said you'd be late but", he indicated her generally knackered posture with a hand and a small smile, "I wasn't quite expecting this".
"Nor was I", she didn't even open her eyes as she spoke, merely letting herself drift in the illusion that she was completely at rest as her lips were the only non-essential part of her moving, "I was expecting to get a bit more work but two things went wrong; first off it was a busy day anyway, then second of all", Shadow was relieved to see a smile, ironic maybe but a smile nevertheless, creep across her face, "the elevator decided it was going to throw an absolute wobbly; they still hadn't fixed the damn thing when I left, so we were all delivering the papers we printed on foot". Shadow winced,
"Been using the stairs a lot then"; sarcasm drive, engaged; Julie let her eyes peek open a crack and turned her head so she could just see the hedgehog in the very corner of her eye,
"No I went shinning up the drain pipe; of course I used the bloody stairs; I used the damned things so much I was doing knee lifts the whole way home; did the video tape my programme?"
"Yeah, I think so; feeling up to a work out?"; Julie managed to raise her fingers in the sign of the cross,
"Get thou behind me Satan, at least for tonight; the rate I'm going getting to bed would be an achievement – I'll do it tomorrow depending on how I'm feeling".
"Good idea; tell you what", she regarded him once more as he clapped his hands once, "just because you're virtually incapable of doing anything right now, I'll sort out the meal and clearing up tonight, and you've got a promise that I won't mess with anything". Julie chuckled as she raised her cup in a toast, the liquid within mimicking the trembling motion of her fingers as she proclaimed,
"My hero", and took a sip; Shadow, having turned away as the mug was raised in his honour, span back as the echidna gagged, wiped her lips on the sleeve of her glove and then looked up to ask,
"Wait, what is this?"
"Coffee"; Shadow was certain of that; he definitely remembered Julie liked her drinks hot, strong and without milk; what was different? The echidna regarded the opaque liquid within her cup suspiciously,
"Tastes sort of sweet; did you add sugar by mistake?"
"No", Shadow's tone of resigned failure made her look up as he seemed to slump stood up, "I added the wrong type of coffee; that's strawberry coffee, the kind I like. Sorry about that – I can get you another cup?"
"Forget it", the echidna took a second swig, the taste not so unexpected this time around as she swallowed, "it's not too bad, prefer regular though".
"Ah well, trial and error and all that", convinced it was nothing serious, Shadow asked over his shoulder as he left for the kitchen, "what you want to eat?"
"I'll take a soup of some kind, something I don't have to chew; hold it", she made to get up and follow the hedgehog into the kitchen, "wait right there, you always over-dice the vegahhhhaha!"
What felt like a small nuclear bomb detonated in her lower left calf, the fallout of cramp spearing a hundred different places in her muscles as her sudden movement had been too much for the stressed tissue to take. Julie fell to the floor and rolled onto her back, clutching, just as Shadow had, the source of pain, rocking slightly on the floor and swearing profusely under her breath as the pain came in fits and starts,
"Ahahaoowww, bugger, bugger, ow, ow, cramp, bloody cramp; oh, jeez that hurts!" There was a thump to the side and slightly behind of her; she felt something large land and then, for some reason, Shadow's voice,
"Julie, listen, relax"; it's okay, you've done this a hundred times – just pretend she's Andy and it'll be fine; knowing what he had to do, Shadow quickly and skilfully moved the echidna's agonised limb into the right position, resting it gently on his nearest shoulder at the same time as offer assurance, "listen, relax and push".
"Push?", she would have laughed if it didn't hurt so much, "I've got cramp, not labour pains".
"No", Shadow wrestled down the laughter than quip evoked and tried to speak slowly and clearly to her, "push your leg against my shoulder, gently", he added at the last minute, "I don't want to have to replaster the far wall just because you're a bit cranky and push too hard. Now, just relax and let me handle this". With that, feeling the pressure mount up but stable due to his stance, the ebon hedgehog pressed his hands into a triangle shape at the echidna's ankle, the thumbs underneath, pressing up into the calf muscle. Slowly, making sure he was permitting the right amount of pressure to transmit through his thumb tips, Shadow let his hand slide downwards.
Julie felt the hedgehog's hands move, but distantly, abstractly, as though the haze of cramp-induced pain was blocking out all other feeling.
"Jules, feel my hands; think about them, feel what I'm doing – forget everything else, just the hands". With that instruction she forced herself to concentrate, focus on the twin grooves of pressure being furrowed into her calf and, her leg jerked as something else spiked into her brain and she gabbled quickly,
"Don't touch the knees; I'm ticklish"; oops; that had been a slip of the tongue – the last thing she needed was to give Shadow any ammo, but rather than mercilessly press his advantage as she'd been afraid he would, the pressure fell away, remounting only at the top of her thigh, missing the vulnerable joint completely. The track continued until mid-way down her thigh, then it disappeared completely; left without anything to occupy her mind, the cramp threatened to resurface and she steeled herself for it, but no, there it was again, at the bottom of her calf near her foot, sliding down, banishing the pain as it went. She let out a soft sigh as, gradually, she was able to distance herself from the pain, lulled away by the hedgehog's hands and what they were doing to strike back at her soreness. Wait a minute – do I really want him touching me like this?; some prudish part of her personality tried to speak into the blissful quiet and she paid it some heed until another pass of the massage answered the question; absolutely yes.
"And, you were saying", she spoke as she lay flat on her back, watching the ceiling above her head but feeling only the coolness now percolating through her leg like rain through parched desert, "you weren't very good at this?"
"Well, practise makes perfect"; she chuckled at the answer, looking up to see the hedgehog at work; it was only then she realised something amiss,
"Hey, that leg's fine, it was the other one that was cramping".
"Preventive maintenance", the hedgehog replied smoothly, adding after a couple of seconds, "something they should have been using on that lift by the looks of things".
"Tell me about it; if they haven't got it fixed by next week I quit". Shadow sniggered at the mock threat, continuing his work as he felt the worn muscles gradually easing out, the tension draining away as his carefully applied pressure helped them relax.
"Honey keeps saying that about her printer; three paper feed jams she had today, and that was before lunch; heck, even Snappy got a look in, said she'd think about ordering a new one. Flip". Without consciously realising she was obeying, Julie rolled onto her front, answering even as she shivered in pleasure, feeling the hedgehog move up and the heels of his palms press into her back,
"If her department's anything like mine, she might get it sometime next year; ah, little lower", Shadow complied, pressing down gently on the muscles either side of the echidna's spine; she's been hunched over a desk a lot, poor posture's done this. Filing that titbit away, Shadow concentrated on the task of undoing the damage that poor posture might have caused. It was slightly more difficult than the leg as there were the important nerves of the spine to consider as part of the technique; when there was a soft pop under the heel of his hand and the echidna groaned, Shadow's heart nearly stopped beating,
"Jules I'm sorry, I didn't…"
"Believe me you didn't", she went out into a full stretch; even through the back of her shirt Shadow saw the musculature rippling as she did so, then relaxed, "been needing that all day; throw me a cushion, I'm going to sleep here for a bit".
"You sure you can't hobble to the bedroom?"
"Positive", her muffled reply came as she spoke through her arms, a contented sigh interspersing the next words, "I have never felt this relaxed; the next step of relaxation from this is either a coma or death". As he stooped to stuff a pillow under her chin, Shadow gently pulled her dreadlocks back, metallic one as well, so they lay over her back like a loose blanket with the explanation of,
"Stop them getting covered in loose fluff; you just had them done remember?" He received the response of a low, muffled grunt that could have meant anything; he doubted she was awake when he left the lounge for something to eat.
It was dark, naturally dark, when she awoke from her massage-induced slumber; yawning, she checked her watch and realised with a thrill of excitement that it was pretty much go time; right, let's get the troops mobilised. She stood up and, suddenly heeding the sound of snoring coming from somewhere in the darkness behind her, tip-toed out of the lounge, heading for the bedroom – she had to get dressed to look the part. It was only when he got there that she realised something strange; after a second of glorifying in this restored mobility, she smiled; hey, guess that massage stuff really does work; with a dastardly flourish, she threw open the bedroom door and quickly disappeared inside; but he still deserves this!
XXX
Something slapped the side of his face, muggily dragging him back to the land of the conscious; it landed again, he barely felt it due to his groggy state, but he wished it would stop all the same,
"Shadow", a third tap on his cheek, helping his bleary eyes focus, on the strange silhouette that was whispering at him urgently, "Shadow, wake up now!"
"Huh, whas'up? Julie?"
"Who else", she leant closer as he rubbed his eyes; he made to reach for his watch only to find his hand slapped, "no time for that; listen, I swear I just heard the front door slam".
"Wha? That's not right…"
"Of course not; Shadow I think we've been burgled".
The panic in Julie's voice mobilised him more than anything else; with a lurch and a struggle, Shadow pulled himself out of the sleeping bag and onto his feet, yawning but ready as Julie continued,
"It wasn't long ago, come on, you might be able to catch them"; a vague notion of that being the right thing to do tugged Shadow's conscience and he headed for the door, sticking close to the wall, Julie just behind him as he whispered back,
"I can't hear anything".
"Me neither; look, here's the key"; she passed something cold and light into Shadow's ungloved paw; without further ado he slipped it into the font door and opened it, ducking his head out and then quickly back again,
"I can't see anything"; unseen in the darkness, Julie crossed her fingers,
"Check outside, maybe he dropped something".
"What if he's out there, with a gun?"
"Run away; you're faster than him remember?"
"Good point, stay here"; like I'd be anywhere else?; Julie fingered her phone button, waiting for the perfect moment as the black hedgehog tottered outside, taking a look around, scrutinising the floor before straightening up,
"I can't see anything; we better check what's…" The rest of Shadow's sentence was lost in a dull slam; as she locked him out, Julie simultaneously did two other things; she let out a wild, victorious laugh and hit the send button on her phone. The message was short, sweet and to the point; he's all yours.
And three floors up, a rowdy party-goer received that message and, after laughing about it for a few seconds, set about rounding up a posse to collect the evening's entertainment.
XXX
"Julie!" Shadow hissed through the door, not wanting to knock too loud at this time of night; the key wasn't entering the lock so she must have put her own front door key in to stop him getting back in, "it's bloody freezing out here; the joke's over, let me in!" He hugged his arms across his chest, still cold as he rubbed his own fur to generate some extra heat, his temper growing shorter by the second as he realised how underhanded the echidna had been to get this shot in; she wants to play dirty then; the black hedgehog swore silently under his breath; I'll show her what dirty means when I get…who's that? Shadow turned to see where the sudden noise was coming from; maybe these people could get him back somewhere warm, at least for the evening. He made to approach as his ears picked out the approximate direction, then he swiftly averted his eyes as he realised who was making the racket.
A gaggle of female echidnas, all in various states of insobriety, were rolling, tumbling and stumbling his way; some were wearing little angel wings on their backs, with little halos and wands to round off the picture, some were clad with devil horns and tridents and some were clad in very little at all. He melted into the background, hoping this party would pass him by; he could smell the alcohol coming off them and it brought back bad, embarrassing memories. He kept his eyes down as they began to draw level,
"Dereeis!" There was a noise like a sudden stampede and, almost before he could look up, Shadow found himself the centre of attention; the echidnas clustered around him, the fumes alone nearly making him light-headed as he tried to look somewhere that might be considered modest in the sea of semi-naked fur and flesh all around him.
"Er, excuse me", he said politely into the crowd, "I'm just locked out and…"
"Hey", one of the girls stepped forwards a little, swaying as she tried to look Shadow in the eye, "you live wif Juli-Zu, right?"
"Yeah, she's…"; the leader pointed at him with an exultant yell,
"Dasdavun girls, gerrim!" Shadow didn't even have time to struggle before he was pinned in by the weight of numbers, forced along by the pack of inebriated females all around him; struggle as he might, the moving cage half-hustled, half-dragged him along,
"Wait", panic began to set in; frantically he span the lead girl around and asked desperately, "what's going on; where are you taking me, and how do you know Julie-Su?"
"Julie", she seemed to considered for a minute before the proverbial light-bulb pinged on overhead, "oh yeah, she couldncum, so she senda entertaineamnet, entertainament, thascha goodun!" She dissolved into giggles, leaving Shadow even more confused and, if anything, even more nervous as he demanded,
"She couldn't come to what; entertainment for…?"
"Forme hen", she abruptly shut off her laughter, glassy eyes reflecting his look of shock back to himself, "dis is da big'un, my lasch, great fling; you'sh gotta help it go wifabig, bigbang"; oh my god, what are they doing to me?; "well, lesh go, we'sch late; common ladiesch, and enntertannant; she wasch right, you'sch toocoot". She pinched his cheek and then broke off into giggles again as Shadow tried to break free, only to be stopped by several strong, alcohol fuel hands barring his path to freedom, dragging him upstairs to whatever awaited him and he guessed, as he saw a door flung open and was propelled into a room containing more girls like his escort, it was going to be unpleasant.
XXX
Once or twice, she considered heading up to the party and rescuing Shadow from whatever her workmates were doing to him, but those moments quickly passed; for the most part, Julie sniggered at the kitchen table, not really worried about the late hour as she was planning a lie in for Saturday anyway. Well; she thought as she made a light snack, suddenly hungry as she realised she hadn't eaten any dinner, grinning wickedly as she wielded the knife with great dexterity; it's either going to be the best night of his life or an absolute purgatory – either'll do for me. She waited still, reading, eating or simply sitting as the fancy took her, but it was rather early in the morning when she heard a key click into the lock and slowly, shakily turn. Eager to see what had become of her flatmate, she poked her head around the kitchen door and took a good, long look; it took the willpower of a saint not to break down into laughter.
Shadow was stood there, rigid as a waxwork, his normally well-sheened quills ruffled beyond all hope of redemption and his fur tousled and tangled, some patches of it, she noticed with a snigger, more than others. The hedgehog stank of drink and spirits but she was relatively sure he hadn't been the one doing the drinking; from the looks of things, and the undergarment that was somehow wrapped tight in his clenched left fist, he'd had other things on his mind, his mind at the least. She shook her head, slapping herself on the back for such a diabolical plan of genius, drinking it all in for future posterity; she saw every lipstick kiss mark on his body, every patch of damp fur and, when she looked into his face, she saw the ultimate picture of utter, uncomprehending terror and shock. She leant against the door frame, shaking with hysteria as her flatmate took one long, laboured stride into the hall; the giggles battered at her renewed as she saw he was trying to move without chafing his legs together; obviously something uncomfortable had happened down there in the night. It was only when he drew level with her, staring ahead and unseeing, that she made her presence known,
"So", he began to turn his head, seemingly without realising he was doing it as she continued, "have a good night out with the girls?" For a second she feared she'd get no response but then, with monumental slowness and precision, he raised the hand closest to her, the thong still wrapped tightly around it, with one finger extended, and spoke in a ghostly, haunted whisper,
"Wrong", he took another pace forwards, trying to navigate the turn into the lounge, "so, so wrong". Julie somehow clamped it down; she waited until the hedgehog's black hide was lost from sight, then she pelted down the hall, slammed the bedroom door, pounced onto the bed, stuffed a pillow over her head and howled aloud with laughter.
XXX
"You're no fun when you've got a snot on"; aside from a slight rustle of the paper he was reading that obscured his face from vision, Shadow gave no sign he was listening to her as she finished her warm down and headed for the kitchen, wiping her face with the bottom of her top as she made to get a drink and, more importantly, the treat as well. Julie gave a last, lingering look to the chair where Shadow was sat before giving up with a shrug of her shoulders.
Since he'd stepped out the shower first thing in the morning, after he woke up, he'd been like this all day; he'd gone out to buy a paper and he'd not said a word all day, obviously a little more cheesed off by her most outrageous plot yet than she'd anticipated he'd be. Oh well, forget him; she knew that, like most men, give him a day or two and he'd come round – by the end of the day she'd bet he was bragging about his 'multiple conquests' that night to Sonic and his other buddies; this is all about me…; she paused for a second, savouring the moment, before pulling open the fridge door and letting her eyes feast on the morsel before them; …and you.
The treat she had managed to snag for herself, a reward for sticking to her plan of exercise all week, was sat on a shelf all on its own, dominating every other dreary little item in the fridge by its sheer extravagance; she could virtually see the calories oozing out of the almost molten custard filling, held immobile in the crusted icing on top, just waiting to be freed by her hungry teeth. Unable to stand the wait any longer, she quickly scooped the goliath of the cake world out onto the plate she had ready for it, the fork she held in her hand seemingly a useless weapon against the sheer girth of this behemoth. And now; she smelt that sweet, sweet odour of mouth-watering perfection rise up to greet her; we dine. Without another word or thought, she headed back to the front room, even Shadow's gloomy presence there, billowing in his corner like a storm cloud on the horizon, wasn't enough to get her down now, not when the treat beckoned her like this.
She held the plate low as she walked, looking up as she entered the room, her eyes drawn towards the documentary that had been taped after her exercise programme. She was so interested in this, however, the she failed to realise that one of her feet had been left behind until it was far, far too late; with a delayed scream of shock, Julie executed a perfect belly-flop. As she landed there was an ominous squelching noise and she felt her cheeks burn; what a time to let one of them…oh wait, oh please no...; the coldness now on her naked belly made her think again and in that second she wished she had embarrassed herself. Rising up on her elbows, she looked down the length of her body, to see a sight to make any woman sob.
Her treat, the beautiful beast of the cake world, was squashed beyond redemption.
She was squashed beyond redemption.
Julie collapsed again, not caring that she was crushing the gelatinous mass further into the carpet; it didn't matter now, nothing did for the minute. All that work; she buried her head into her arms, the sense of loss almost too great for her to bear as desolating loss swept over her; all those burnt calories, wasted. She heard the paper rustle and looked dejectedly to the side, hoping to see a sign of joint commiseration, a symbol of solidarity against the cruel, unfair world that had robbed her of a priceless treasure. What she actually saw, however, was none of these; she saw a wire, descending from the chair to across the entrance to the lounge and, more importantly, she saw the hand that was holding that wire.
YOU…!
XXX
By some miracle, she didn't kill him; instead, with both hands planted on an armrest each and at a range of less than five feet, Julie let rip with both barrels and no holds barred. She screamed, threatened, called down dire threats on his children and their children, cursed his ancestors, his birth and his bodily hygiene. She even made up a few swearwords of her own in that mad spell of verbal apocalypse; the back page of his paper, his only shield against this barrage, was spattered repeatedly with bullets of spittle until in the end, when every last shred of rage seemed to be exercised, she slammed down a hand, ripping the publication clean in half as she demanded,
"Well, what have you got to say, what can you possibly say", she took a breath, her first for five or so minutes, before carrying on, "to this; come on, I'm dying to hear it?" She remained motionless as Shadow looked up at her, almost calmly, then looked past her; she threw a glance over her shoulder before turning her virtually vermillion face back to him, seeing him hold up one hand and say, with a solemn expression fighting desperately to suppress a grin,
"How?"
Obviously, not all her rage had been exercised; with a scream like a chorus of banshees, Julie-Su dropped down, shot both hands under the chair and reared up, sending it, hedgehog and all, into a crazy back-flip before storming away, sending death glares to perfectly innocent pieces of furniture, crockery and especially the remain of what had once been a wonderful creation of a master baker. As he picked himself up and righted the chair, Shadow couldn't help but grin as he heard a door slam loud enough to shake dust from the ceiling; well, that went as well as could be expected.
XXX
Okay, so maybe I woke him up in the dead of night, sent him out on a wild goose chase and fed him alive to the drunk, man-hungry echidna girls; she sat up straight, the pillow she'd been pounding pretending it was her house mate fell to the bed in a broken lump as she cursed him once more; but that's no reason to crush my treat like that. She needed to get even; her brain thrummed with the need, her soul screamed for it, every fibre of her being called for her to get even with Shadow, avenge her lost body-weight. She couldn't think how though, not yet, her mind was too clouded with red fury but it would come, oh she knew it would come; it would only take the merest, tiniest detail, but in her almost crazed state, she'd be onto it like a limpet and never let go.
"Oh, hi guys", her ears pricked, head snapping up as she heard the muffled voice of the reviled one, the cake breaker, "yeah, everything's going fine, I…" but she listened no more, she didn't need to. Rage transformed into something else, something possibly even more destructive as she obeyed her first instinct, called on all of her acting talent to let this go so well. And if it does, oh if it does; she smiled nastily as she threw on the first shirt she could find and unbuttoned it to complete the illusion; he's never going to live this down.
He had a split-second to wonder why Sonic and Amy tailed off together in mid-sentence but before he could ask, a low, sing-song, seductive voice floated through the air towards him,
"Shaaaaadooooooww"; oh dear; he knew, even without looking, what she was doing this time – now all he had to do was stop her before she could spread her lies too far.
"Guys, listen, it's not what it looks like"; she cut him off,
"What do you mean Shads?" The voice was soft, so unlike Julie's voice that he had to look around; he promptly went red and was enraptured, if only for a second, but it was a second for which she punished him mercilessly, "this is exactly what it looks like".
Julie was walking softly towards both Shadow and the vid-screen, and from her dress, or lack thereof, consisting as it did of a pair of briefs and a shirt unbuttoned to the solar plexus, it appeared to be fairly obvious where she wanted to go, and as she put a loving arm around Shadow's shoulders, it appeared to be obvious who she wanted to go there with. Shadow finally managed to look back at the screen, give it his best shot to curb the damage even as Sonic was looking away and Amy had a very strained, polite smile on her face,
"Listen, we're in the middle of a prank war…"
"Oh Shadow", Julie leant in and pecked him on the cheek softly; the black hedgehog cursed as he realised she really was putting her heart and soul into this performance, a fact cemented when he felt a tender hand teasing the tip of his tail, "I stopped playing ages ago; this game is for keeps now". He tried to block it out, press on, but that hand was alluring, and, even though he was loathe to admit it, having Julie this close was, well, certainly different,
"…and the first one to try and kill the other one wins; hard rules, but", he shivered as her spare hand suddenly ran up and down his spine, sending electric tingles all across his back, "but good ones; this is just a plot, she wants to embarrass me enough to…"
He never got any further than that; seeing the flicker of believing that appeared on Amy's face, Julie realised this was it, crunch time; something powerful and erotic reared up inside her, harnessing her rage at Shadow for his despoiling her reward for the week, and without thinking she acted upon it. Her hand around his shoulder span him suddenly and before he could react, she fell to her knees, hugging his legs tightly; in the next second, one set of fingers was lightly stroking and teasing the back of his calves and thigh, the other was harshly tugging out the hairs that grew there. As she expected and hoped, looking up with a wicked smile, caught between the ambivalent sensations of pain and pleasure, Shadow couldn't control his voice and actions.
"Julie, what ahahare you do-ooohhhh-ing?" The black hedgehog was at a loss to explain her completely irrational behaviour; it was only at the strangled gargle to his left, when he twisted his head to see Sonic with his back completely to the camera, shoulders heaving and Amy with her eyes virtually popping out of her head, when he put himself in their shoes, that he finally realised exactly what Julie was doing. Or, to be more accurate, what it looked like she was doing; he went scarlet and, silently incanting every plague known to man and Mobian on the echidna at his feet, he tried to make a bad situation the tiniest bit better,
"She's j,just tryiiihhhiiiiing to embahhaahhharrass mehe!"
"She's succeeding", Amy managed to stutter, Sonic leaning on the nearest wall by this stage, sniggers clearly audible before the pink hedgehog carried on, "she's, ah, still coming down here?" Unknown to Shadow, who couldn't answer as Julie had found a really sensitive spot just above his left calf and was teasing it mercilessly, Amy received her answer as a hand rose up from behind the black hedgehog, giving a thumbs up, "right, well then, we'll just, ummm, just, let you get on. Bye". The vid-screen went black at the same time Julie finally let her victim go and fell onto her rump, laughing like a dervish as Shadow tried to disbelieve the last few seconds had ever happened.
"I can't", his voice started out faint, but rapidly grew in pitch and volume, "you just, in front of", he gesticulated wildly as his rage choked off his supply of words and anyway, they'd be lost on the giggling echidna before him; furiously gesticulating towards the now dead screen he made his demand, "Why!"
"Your, face", Julie collapsed backwards, hugging herself as she virtually screamed with hysteria, "your fahahahahahace. Hahaha, ahhahaheeeuuuuugghgghhhh!" Shadow stepped forwards, taking care to put his full bodyweight on her nude stomach; somehow, he declined to trigger his jet skates as he stalked, slowly and ominously, out of the front room, leaving the victorious and hysterical Julie-Su to her own nefarious devices.
XXX
He sat down in the bathroom, seized hold of a handful of his head quills and gave a damn hard pull; tears glistened in the corner of his eyes but he didn't let up – he needed something drown out the almost insatiable demand to go back into the lounge and throttle his housemate. It was a tempting thought, but no, he couldn't, he would not let her win, not after that underhandedness. Shadow's breath came quick and fast, the pain finally making headway, giving him back his rational mind and letting him think again. No Jules; she must have thought she'd won with that, but Shadow shook his head; not this time, the show ain't over 'til…
Due to her still-unresolved mirth, Julie never heard the laughter, dark and dangerous, that rumbled out of the bathroom; had she doe so, she may well have broken out in a cold sweat and not let her guard down as she did the next day.
A/N: If you didn't get that last trick Julie played, you're too young to be reading a T fic!
