Ok, this is short, but a lot happens :)
Don't own McFly
The next week passed unbelievably quickly. Before you know it, I was packing a bag to go to Crackstreet. I packed a change of clothes and the case from under my bed. There was no turning back now. I didn't have time to feel nauseous, to feel guilty. I quickly scribbled a note to all my friends and put it in an envelope, along with the letter. I was going to post it to Danny, so they can know the truth. I couldn't bear if they thought I killed a man from my own will.
I sighed, and grabbed the envelope, grabbed the bag, and left my house, locking the door. I firstly made my way to the post office around the corner. My breathing was shaky and I'm sure my body was as well. I knew full well that I wasn't a killer, but some things had to be done.
I kept my eyes on the envelope in my hands as I made my way to the post. I felt like throwing up.
"Dougie!"
I froze in my tracks at the voice. No, not now. I raised my eyes from the envelope and looked at the girl in front of me. I took in her dark hair, which was longer than it was the last time I saw her properly. She was paler, but her eyes shone.
"Shawna." I said, gobbsmacked.
"You look different." she commented. I guess I did.
"So do you." I said. I was in complete and utter shock, I had never expected to see her now of all times. I had to go and kill a guy to save her and her son's life, but she turns up out of the blue.
"You're doing pretty well with the band." she said.
"Yeah, I am."
This was awkward. None of us knew what to say. The last time I saw her she was giving birth, and she declined my offer of letting her stay with me until she got on her feet. Now we randomly bumped into each other on the streets of London.
"How's your son?" I asked, noting he wasn't with her.
"Oh, James is fine. He's grown so much! He can say a few words now!" Shawna's face had lit up. So she called him James; I remembered her telling me she liked the name.
"Where is he?" I asked.
"Oh, he's at a babysitter's! I'm going to get him now. I've just left work." Shawna explained.
"Looks like you've sorted yourself all out." I smiled.
"Yeah, yeah I have." she smiled, then shrugged, "Well, on the way to, anyway."
"I'm glad." I told her sincerely.
We lapsed into another awkward silence.
Whenever I pictured running into Shawna again, I always thought we'd be back to normal, how we always were... but we'd both changed so much, and we no longer knew each other...
Well, that's what I thought before Shawna eventually tackled me into a hug.
"I've missed you so much, Dougie!" she cried into my hoodie. I returned the hug, the envelope still in my hand.
"I've missed you too." I said quietly, ignoring the ever-growing lump in my throat, fighting the tears in my eyes.
She just reminded me of why I was so determined in doing this, and if anything, made me more determined.
I was still completely and utterly in love with her; even after our issues, our fights, our three years apart and the fact she has an year old son. Nothing changed the way I felt about her. Sure, I might have hated her for a while, but that never lasted.
"I-I don't know what I'm d-doing! I-I don't know how to live on my own, h-how to handle the pressure." Shawna sniffed, clinging onto me. My heart broke a little, hearing her sound so hopeless.
"I'm sure you're doing fine, Shawna, you're the most amazing girl I've ever met. You're so strong and scarily independent and let's not forget you're stunningly beautiful. You came to London all alone as a single mother, leaving behind Lee, who doesn't deserve shit, let alone you. You're so brave, and I'm pretty sure James will agree with me when I say, you're a brilliant mum." I told her, the most truth I've spoken for a while.
"You're just saying that." Shawna muttered.
"No, no I'm not." I said softly.
"Y-you really think all that about me?" Shawna looked up at me.
"I always have." I murmured.
Suddenly her arms were flung around my neck and her lips slammed against mine. I was stunned for a minute before I registered what was going on and I kissed her back, wrapping my arms around her waist. God, I had missed this.
The kiss came to a natural end and we both stood there, foreheads pressed against each other, not quite sure what had happened.
"D-Dougie... I-"
It then hit me full force. Her life was in my hands. I was going to kill a man. If I manage to kill John Dale and she lives, she'll see me as a murderer. She'll see me as my father. I backed away from her, shaking my head. I panicked.
"I-I'm sorry, I-I can't." I started to turn around.
"Dougie w-" Shawna walked after me and grabbed my arm, resulting in my sleeve rising and the scars on my wrists coming to view. We both froze.
"D-Dougie... Please d-don't... Not again. I couldn't bare to see you going through all that again... I-I may have been on drugs, b-but I wasn't oblivious... especially when you were admitted to the h-hospital... I-I wouldn't be able to handle you n-nearly k-k-killing yourself again." she went hysterical.
I hugged her tightly, "I won't Shawna. I promise I won't. It was only once and I haven't done it again, I swear."
Slowly, she started to calm down.
"D-Dougie, what's going on? Please tell me." she looked up to my eyes, still crying.
Now it was my turn to cry.
"D-D'you mind if we went to my place to talk about this... people might over-hear?"
I finally felt like I could tell someone. Someone who would understand.
She nodded and I led the way, physically shaking.
