Stand By Me

~Disclaimer: Digimon are not mine…

Edited: 11/30/'10

Chapter 8: Brotherly Bonds

Sometimes being a brother is even better than being a superhero. ~Marc Brown
A brother shares childhood memories and grown-up dreams. ~Author Unknown
Brothers and sisters are as close as hands and feet. ~Vietnamese Proverb

-x-

My eyes never left mum's face.

"A baby? How? When? And for God's sake, how long are you keeping this from us?" She looked at me, clearly petrified by my reaction. My dad brushed her cheek with his hand.

I caught Matt's gaze, which was like 'I don't know either.' and it matched mine perfectly.

"I suspected this for a week now, but I took a pregnancy test yesterday."

"We've been planning to tell you for quite a while now-"

"Then why haven't you?" I heard my raised voice shout. Why am I so angry? I should be happy. But why do I feel so…betrayed?

"We weren't certain how'd you handle it." Tears formed in my eyes. I quickly wiped my face so no one would notice. But they did.

"After all Matt and I've been through? After your divorce? You weren't certain."

You have no idea how that affected me. You have no idea how big the scar is that I hold deep down. You don't know my feelings. Even I don't know them sometimes.

"I-" My mum was on the edge. I never talked to her like this. And she suffered from a mood changes.

"T.K., I think it's enough." Matt jumped in. My head was aching. My heart was burning.

"Relax son, this is good news. Knowing you-"

And then it happened. I snapped.

"Do you know me? Do you? You were never there. So don't you dare tell me that you know me."

My anger finally got through. The anger I've kept all those years in the bottom of my soul. The memories flourished through my blinded mind.

The pain… Angemon sacrificing himself for the greater good.
The betrayal…Matt leaving me in that swan shaped boat.
The fear…Kari was lost, swallowed by another world, which was known as the Dark Ocean.
The envy…Davis blushing when Kari pecked him.
And last, but not the least, the anger…and here I am, shouting at my parents, the people that raised me, the people that loved me.

Two humans who betrayed me earlier than everyone else.

Realizing what I've done, I rushed to the bedroom and closed the door. Once I was inside, I sat, my back leaning on the door, and buried my head in my hand. Sweat came down my spine.

I am a monster. A monster, the greatest of them all. How could I? I thought I have it under control. I had it under control. Anger began to eat my soul, but was soon replaced by regret. Once again, it was locked in the darkest depth in my soul. I remembered the times that my anger took over.

-x-

The Digimon Emperor swung his whip. A familiar feel of pain on my left cheek.

"That's you problem, you don't know when to talk," He captured all those innocent digimon, "and when," He tortured them mercilessly, "to," And after all turned them to slaves, a mere objects that listened to his every command, "fight!" I've felt my fists clench.

"And now is good time to talk." Somebody needs to teach him a lesson.
"On the other hand,"
And why wouldn't that person…, "it is also," …be…, "a good time to," …me?, "fight!"

I launched myself to the Emperor, my fists in front of me. I hit him hard and he collapsed.

-x-

No, that is not me. This is not me. But who am I? Why do I put this faces on?

A gentle one, a strong one, a kind one, a happy one…an angry one. My hands grabbed my head.

"I don't know who I am anymore. Which me is the real Takeru Takaishi? And which ones are fake?"

Bling.

A sound startled me. It came from my laptop. I must have left it on when I left to grab dinner. Orange notification flashed on the lower right edge of the screen.

Contact Not That Girl says: Teeks , U here?'

I gazed to the name. Not That Girl. It had to be her.Well, there was only one way to find out.

Overconfident4U says: Hika, thats U?

Not That Girl says: Yeah. Whats with the nickname?

Overconfident4U says: Ran out of ideas.

Not That Girl says: Not in talkative mood?

Overconfident4U says: Nope.

Not That Girl says: Than you nick isn't true. Nvm, what happened?

Overconfident4U says: I sorta lost my temper. I feel like crap just now. It took her a while to answer, but I waited anxiously to see what she had to say.

Not That Girl says: Tk, UR the best guy I know. It happens to everyone. U just happen not to show that side of Urself. You try to be funny and kind towards every1. It doesn't work that way. Anyway, is Sunday still on?

Overconfident4U says: Hika-

Not That Girl says: Is it or not?

Overconfident4U says: Yes, but-

Not That Girl says: No buts. Can't wait.

Not That Girl is offline.

Great. I glanced to my other messenger contacts and found out that Ken was online.

Overconfident4U says: Hi.

Smart but Taken says: Hey, T.K., ur not at Matts place?

Overconfident4U says: I M, but my laptops here 2, LoL

Smart but Taken says: Right, so…?

Overconfident4U says: Just wanted to say hi, and wish you luck 2morrow.

Smart but Taken says: Had to remind me? Didn't ya?

Bangs on the door. "T.K.? You in there?"

Overconfident4U says: Sorry for that, gotta go!

Overconfident4U is offline.

I turned my laptop off and went to the door.

"Matt, what do you want?" The noise stopped.

"Mum and dad went out, so I was thinking about sleeping here." In my room? Well, it has a bunk bed…

"Okay, but under one condition." I heard him laugh.

"What?"

"Don't mention tonight to me. Please." He sighed.

"Okay."

I opened the door, which were locked, although I didn't remember locking them, and found Matt standing there and staring at me.

"You all right?"

No, I wasn't.

"Yes, I am."

His eyes seemed to pierce through my defenses, right to my soul. However, one blink after, he got a carefree smile on his face.

"Right, I'll go get my stuff then." I sighed and decided to take a shower. Twenty minutes taking, I found Matt dozing off in my room. I let out a small laughter. I was tired myself, so I decided to go straight to bed. But my mind didn't let me sleep.

-x-

Hours later, I heard her opening the door.

"Look at them. Two angels, sleeping." My mum whispered. She tucked Matt and then me in.

Her warm touch made me feel ever guiltier. But, instead of apologizing, I felt drowsy and went to sleep.

-x-

"Takeru. Wake up bro." Matt tried to wake me.

"C'mon, you're gonna miss the breakfast." I felt my stomach growling.

"Okay, I'll be there in a minute." It took me more than a minute to fully wake up and dress. Matt was already washing dishes when I arrived.

"Oh, the sleeping beauty is finally up." He joked. I smiled at that one.

Matt took the break up with Sora pretty hard, so he often hid behind jokes. The others were okay with that, they thought everything was okay, but I knew better. He was falling apart. His heart was torn between the girl that he loved and his best friend.

An epic battle between loyalty and love.

"Yamato, how are you?" His gaze turned to me. I saw rain of sadness in his cerulean eyes. He couldn't hide that grudge that was tearing from me. If he can't trust me, than who else is left?

"Yes, and no. I don't know lil' bro. I don't know what matters anymore." I dropped my fork and went there to hug him.

"I have to go." He muttered.

What?

"Where?" He lifted his head, but didn't look at me.

"Tai asked me to assist him in choosing a gift…" His words were lost in the train of his thoughts. But he didn't have to finish the sentence.

"For Sora, isn't it?" He took out the keys and opened the door.

"Yes." His words were reflecting sadness in his soul. His goodbye was lost in the slam of the door.

"Matt…"

I've failed him, too. I didn't manage to ease his pain. But I will. The moment he returns from that heartbreaking mission with Tai. I had a feeling that I need to make him feel better, but I did not know what should I do.

Everything seemed so pointless to him anymore. Even his songs sounded depressed and full of sorrow. Yes, the leader of Teenage Wolves, my big brother, needed help.

The rest of Saturday went by so quickly. My parents didn't come back. I was worried about them.

How much did I actually hurt them?

-x-

Matt came back around eleven, with that same blank expression on his face. He lingered quietly through the apartment.

"Yamato." I called him. He didn't seem to hear me. He was trapped by his despair. I stood in front of him and stretched my hands in front of him.

"You're not getting through 'till you tell me what's bothering you." He raised his head and I saw two wet lines going down his face.

"I don't know, T.K., I really don't know. I should be happy, he is my best friend. She loves him, not me. But why does one part of me want to tear him apart? To make her love me?"

I stared at him. My arms embraced him. He put his head on my shoulder and started sobbing. Matt never had this kind of emotion outburst before.

He was always comfortable with his loneliness, silent, but present. He was the one who despised arguing, who made Tai think through back then. I used my strength and sat on the couch, with him beside me.

"T.K. what's wrong with me?" I didn't know what to answer.

"I watched the sky, searched for an answer, because I don't want to be a liar. I don't want to lie to myself that I don't care. I don't want lie to Tai that I'm okay. I don't want to lie to Sora that I don't feel anything for her. I-I want to be myself. But I can't. I mustn't. But now, these feelings are ruining me. Ruining the things I fought for. Ruining my friendship." He said it. It must've been hard, to say someone what is that that scares you.

"I sometimes cry alone, but most of the time I keep it to myself. I'm falling, Teeks, I'm falling down. And I don't want to pull anyone with me. They just don't deserve it." His fists clenched and he wiped his tears.

"What should I do?" He asked me, with hope in his eyes. Well, sorry bro, but there is only one thing you can do.

"Matt, I know it's been hard to tell those things-"

"It was, but I feel lighter now. Like a huge rock feel from my soul."

"But you must do something. Alternatively, this will destroy you, piece by piece. Listen to me," I said when he turned his head and stared at the door, "you must tell Tai how you feel."

He turned to me.

"Are you crazy? He will, he will…he will stop being my friend. I can't let our friendship brake like that."

"But, you must tell him. And I think your friendship is strong enough to handle it. Look at me," I shook him, making his gaze turn to me, "You are letting your friendship fade when you hold your feelings like this. Please Yamato. Taichi deserves to know."

He winced and shivered. I knew he imagined Tai's reaction at all that. "You don't understand. I can't." He snapped at me.

He raised and said. "I think I'll go write a song. I need something to make me busy." I sighed.

My brother. My guardian angel. But even angels sometimes fall. And he sure has fallen, fallen in love.

Love, what a strange thing. It makes us do something we never would dare to do before. Matt's love, the love of friendship, the love that he and Tai shared, made him suffer.

Yes, their friendship was strong enough to handle that kind of strike. If he doesn't tell Tai, it may end bad. Really bad.

I sighed. Good thing I wasn't in a situation like that. I think I couldn't do it. But Matt will. I know he will. He has the power to do it.

I went to my room and stared at the ceiling for some time. I remembered how I wanted to paint it in black when I was little.

My mom didn't allow me to, of course. We argued because I was persistent to paint yellow stars on it, and they weren't exactly visible on white ceiling. I laughed at the memory.

The sound of guitar came through the wall. Matt was practicing again probably. Like a lullaby, the song led me into the dream world.

-x-

Author's note: Not my favorite chapter, but I enjoyed writing it.

I've always liked how T.K. has a split personality, even more when I read The Rise of Phoenix by Twilight Archangel (which I highly recommend!), so I put a little bit of his inner fight in this chapter. Also, I like the idea of sharing secrets and feelings with your siblings, and T.K. and Matt are the perfect ones to be example. About Matt, well…I like him as a character very much, but I really don't like second season's end. I always though, even as a five year old, that Tai and Sora should be together. So, I'm a big Taiora fan! Sorato just isn't…right. And again sorry for the mess, I don't write any of this stuff down on paper, it all comes directly from my brain. It is a little bit messy. Sorry! Xoxo

~MB