The Light at the End of the Escape Route
A/N: Hi everybody! Welcome to part three of the continuing Escape Route saga. That's right, this is a part three. If you want to read it alone, go for it, but no complaining if you don't understand what's going on. Nimeria (my co-author) and I recommend that you read parts one and two first. And as I just stated, Nimeria is my co-author. Yep, this is just as much hers as mine. We write this together via MSN messenger, hence the format and the irregularity of posting stories. (The irregularity of posting chapters is entirely my fault. College seems to make you lazier than the rest of the population. Heehee!) Please feel free to let us know what you think! - Bann and Nimeria
Disclaimer: Neither Nimeria nor I own anything that is mentioned, discussed, referred to in passing, or blatantly stated. We don't own any of the characters, and we don't own the settings. We do, however, own ourselves (and the third original character owns herself as well). If we did own them, we wouldn't be wasting our time writing fanfiction and going to school. Mostly because there would be this whole new galaxy to go play in, and all these really awesome people to meet. But just because we don't own them now doesn't necessarily mean that sometime in the near future that we won't! Stay tuned for more information on that front! And now, on to the chapter…
Chapter 8
Mary:
I'm not sure whether to take that flashy exit as a "Yes" or "I'm
going to leave now so I don't have to inform you that the answer to
your question is no."
Jessie: Could be either...could be
both.
Rodney: How could it possibly be both?
Shep: We're
traveling around the space/time continuum named François in a
puddle jumper powered by a jewel, Rodney. I think it can be both.
(The women giggle)
Taylor: I think we're going to be stuck in
this game of historical leap frog for a very long time.
Jessie:
Why must you always be so pessimistic?
Taylor: Because I hate
irony.
Shep: That doesn't make sense Taylor.
Mary: She hates
irony. Therefore irony hates her. Therefore, the world is constantly
ironic to her and nothing every goes the way she wants it to go.
Therefore, everything goes wrong. Therefore as long as she's
pessimistic and thinks things will go wrong, they go right.
Rodney:
Okay. So...reverse psychology on irony?
Jessie: Exactly.
Mary:
The irony of the situation is that just when she thinks she's gotten
the hang of the irony of things always going right, they start going
wrong again
Shep: That's depressing.
Taylor: (Smirking) I
know. My explanation would have been that Jess sucks all the optimism
out of existence and into herself so there's none left for me. This,
before you ask, is ironic because she's always so morbid and
I'm...not. Usually not at least.
Mary: I like my explanation
better. It's winding and confusing and twists more than something
that twists a lot.
Jessie: We know.
Mary: Any who. We've got
the vials, (She hands the remaining one to Taylor) and we've got us.
Shall we?
(They walk up to the door.)
Sheppard: (Trying the
handle) It's locked.
Jessie: Of course it's locked. Like we'd
sleep with the door open to let all the axe-wielding maniacs inside.
Sheppard:
So, we gonna phase through the door?
Mary: Oh please. It's my
house. (She walks forward and fiddles with the door, which then
opens.)
McKay: How'd you do that?
Mary: Like I wouldn't know
how to break into my own house.
(Sheppard moves forward to walk
in and is stopped by Taylor.)
Taylor: Hold on. It's best to let
your eyes adjust since we can't really turn on a light.
Sheppard:
I thought you said you were all asleep.
Jessie: We are, but Sarah
would wake up if you turned on a light.
Sheppard: Ah. Who is
Sarah?
Jessie: (Pointing) She's the one in the armchair.
Taylor:
(Tilting her head) I'm sprawling again.
Mary: You always sprawl
Taylor.
McKay: Shouldn't we be, oh I don't know, whispering so we
don't wake the "little you"s up?
Mary: Nope. Not really.
Talking, laughing, poking, being pelted by cheese puffs, and
screeching death cries of various movie characters; we can all sleep
through it. Oh, Taylor, remind me to put the cookie dough away when
they can see and we go in.
Taylor: Right. Wouldn't want breakfast
to go bad.
Sheppard: (Incredulous) As soon as "they"
can see?
Jessie: Yeah. We can see fine, actually. (Points) I'm
part cat.
Taylor: (Snickering) Dangling things beware; Jessie has
arrived to bat at you.
Rodney: She actually does that?
Mary:
(Quietly picks up a ribbon off the floor beside the door and walks up
behind Jessie) She does.
Jessie: I do not!
Mary: (She dangles
the ribbon in front of Jessie's face. Jessie immediately starts
batting at it.) What was that again?
Taylor: Be nice to my twin,
Mary.
Shep: Uh, Taylor you were the one who brought it up.
Taylor: That's different. As twins we taunt and tease each other
constantly.
Mary: But I'm the Overlord.
Taylor: Twin-link
trumps overlord.
Rodney: Jessie, can you stop doing that?
Jessie: No. I. Can't! (Continues batting at it)
Rodney:
Surely it isn't so fun that you-
Jessie: Taylor. Help. Please.
Make. It. Go. Away!
Taylor: (Walking over and taking the ribbon
from Mary's hand, shoving it in her pocket) Got it.
Jessie:
Thank you.
Taylor: Welcome.
Mary: Sorry. (Giggles) It's just
so amusing.
Jessie: Not to me!
Mary: (Recovering from the
giggling and ignoring the glares she's getting from both little ones)
So, gentlemen, are we ready to go in now?
Sheppard: Lead the way.
(Mary and Taylor walk in, Jessie behind them. Jessie turns)
Jessie: Just be careful not to step on anyone, ok?
Rodney:
Why can't you be normal and sleep in beds?
(Now inside the room,
Sheppard and Rodney look down at the mess around them)
Maggie:
(Groggily) Cooooold!!! (She looks up toward the door and the people
standing in it. Sheppard and Rodney have frozen in place. Jessie and
Taylor are carefully making their way across the room.) Maaaaaaary.
Close the doooooooor.
Mary: Yes, Maggie. Sorry. (She closes the door)
Maggie: (Still groggily) Who are they?
Mary: They're no one. You're just dreaming, Maggie.
Maggie: Oookay. Sleep now. (She rolls over and goes back to sleep.)
Rodney: This is bad. She saw us.
Mary: I wouldn't worry about it too much. She won't even believe it was anything more than a dream in the morning.
Sheppard:
Really? She just believes that?
Taylor: Would you believe that
doubles of three of your best friends as well as two strange men
crept into the house at four in the morning if there was no proof
otherwise?
Sheppard: Well, no.
Jessie:
Exactly.
Sheppard: (Looking around the room) Wow. I
count...twelve bodies.
Mary: (Leaning over one) No, wait, this
is Melissa. Where am I?
Taylor: You're over here remember?
Mary:
Ah yes. Right.
Jessie: I found me. Oooooh, and my manga.
Taylor:
Come on Jess, you've read all of those already. Multiple times.
Jessie: I know. They're still manga though.
Mary: So, bottoms
up yes?
(The girls pour the radioactive, semi-concrete,
fluorescent sludge down their own throats.)
Jessie: Done.
Taylor: Done too.
Mary: Cool. Now we wait.
Taylor: Cookie
dough.
Mary: Ooh right. Thanks for the reminder. (She picks it up
and walks over a few people and pillows and bags and food trays,
grabbing dirty dishes as well) While I'm in the kitchen, can I get
anyone anything?
Taylor: Mary!
Jessie: (Laughing at her
twin's reaction) I'm good.
Mary: (Looking at Taylor) What's
wrong? I understand, sort of, your irritation with my helpfulness at
your own house, but this is my house. I have the right to be helpful
and whatnot.
Taylor: This is the past, Mary, the past! You can't
cater to us in your house if we're in the past!
Rodney: But it's
her house?
Mary: (Smiling) Taylor, your logic makes sense only
to you. Now, would either of you two gentlemen like something since
Jessie is fine and Taylor is now pouting inwardly?
Shep: (Giving
Taylor a bemused look) No thanks.
Rodney: Normally, I'd say yes
but...(Looking around the room) who is that over there closest to the
TV?
Mary: (Squints) Ah. Wearing lots of black and surrounded by
miniature fluffy pastries. That's Muffin.
Rodney: Does she
realize that her foot's about to fall into that bowl of chips?
Shep:
Well, considering that she's asleep, Rodney, somehow I don't think
so.
Mary: It's normal. Feet in chip bowls, arms in pizza boxes.
Such is the result of sleeping on the floor with food right next to
you so that you don't actually have to get up to go get it.
(Mary
leaves the room and returns with drinks and hands them out.)
Mary:
Here you go.
Taylor: (Taking one) Mary...you really don't have to
run and get us pop.
Mary: I didn't.
Taylor: What?
Mary: I
got you soda.
Taylor: ...Pop.
Mary: Soda.
Taylor:
(Turning to Jessie) Jess, pop or soda?
Jessie: Taters!
Taylor:
Pop or soda? Taters is not a viable answer.
Mary: Oh never mind.
Sheppard: Uh, thanks for the drinks.
(Taylor walks over to
the loveseat that her younger self is reclining on, picks up her
feet, sits, and replaces her feet on her lap. Mary laughs.)
McKay:
What's so funny?
Mary: Taylor is reclining on Taylor! I love it!
Oh, yeah, have a seat if you like. Jessie? Pass the chippy chip chips
please.
Jessie: (Looking around her) The cheese puffs or the
Doritos?
Mary: Puffs please.
(Jessie picks up the tub of
cheese puffs and throws it at Mary. She catches it, stares at it, and
laughs some more before sitting down on a body-less piece of floor.)
McKay: (Exasperated) Now what?
Mary: The puffs will protect
me!
Shep: Umm... What?
Taylor: Mary! Stop mocking me. (All
three women are laughing)
Shep: I repeat, what?
Taylor: It's
a Moviefest thing.
Rodney: What does it mean?
Jessie: I'm a
little lost myself.
Taylor: It's a Moviefest thing.
Jessie:
But I don't get it.
Mary: You weren't at that one Jess.
Jess:
Oh.
Shep: I'm lost.
Taylor: GAH!! It's a Moviefest thing. You
wouldn't understand it if I explained it because there isn't anything
to understand.
Shep: Oh.
Taylor: (Realizing she'd just yelled
at him she sends him an apologetic look) Sorry.
Shep: S'alright.
Have we been here long enough to be assured of no ill side effects?
Mary: I believe so.
Rodney: So we can go then?
Jessie:
Yep.
(Taylor carefully removes herself from under the legs of
herself as the others get up. Mary returns the puffs to their
original location and Jessie replaces the manga she'd picked up back
on the pile. Taylor walks over to Sheppard who pulls her against his
side, knowing she was still irked at herself for yelling at him like
that. Rodney makes his way out of the house and into the backyard as
quickly as possible. The others follow bemused, Mary somehow managing
to relock the door behind her.)
---
(Back
in the jumper)
Sheppard: So, ladies, did Misty...uh...or
you...tell yourselves how to get us home?
Mary: Yep.
Jessie:
Ooh, can I? I wanna do it!
Taylor: But we've had our turns, Jess.
And the guys would probably like it.
Jessie: (Whines) But
Taaaaayyyyyy...
Taylor: (Whines back) Jessieeeeeeee...
Mary:
Tell you what Jessie. I'll let you poke it when we get back once it's
been disconnected from the thingy with the flanges and the whatnots.
Fair?
Jessie: (Semi-sulkily) ...Fair.
McKay: So...there is
poking involved? Of the jewel? How does that work?
Taylor: We
don't know.
Mary: Poke it and see.
Sheppard: And that
will...?
Taylor: Take us back.
Sheppard: How do you know?
Mary: Because.
McKay: So...I poke it?
Jessie: Yep. Give
in to the will to poke.
McKay: Poke how?
(Jessie reaches over
and pokes McKay in the arm)
McKay: Ow! Hey, I bruise easily!
Taylor: She was just demonstrating. Just poke so we can go.
Mary: (Looking out of the HUD) Yeah. Before we wake up and decide
to make brownies and muffins.
Taylor: Did we bake back now?
Mary: There were boxes on the counter.
McKay: Stupid baking
habits of sleep deprived - (He reaches out his hand to poke the
jewel.)
Jessie: NO WAIT!!!!!
(Everyone jumps.)
McKay:
What???
Jessie: (Smiling) Nothing.
Taylor: Jess!
Jessie:
Payback for not letting me do it.
McKay: (Under his breath) Get
me out of here. (Pokes the jewel)
---
